Ah, the kiss. It’s something every new, budding relationship enjoys. The much-awaited, yet highly unexpected moment of excitement, expectation, and exhilaration. The split-second connection when your two worlds collide between your lips. Your partner parts her lips a little, the heat turns up a few notches more, and you sense this as your cue to tease her with your tongue—and at that moment, she steps away, a grossed out look on her face. Because you don’t know how to tongue kiss.
You see, while kisses with the lips can be sweet and intimate, nothing says hot like using tongue. In other words, French kissing. However, the tongue kiss can be tricky and one wrong move sends shivers up your partner’s spine. Yes, it’s that easy to get tongue-kissing wrong.
How to tongue kiss without being gross
So if you’re one of those guys afraid to stick out their tongue in the middle of a heated lip-to-lip action because you feel uncertain with what to do with that part of your body, then read on. These top 15 ways show you how to kiss with your tongue and not be gross.
Okay, let’s go over the basics first. You need fresh breath, you have to have soft and supple lips, and you have to be in the mood. No one wants to kiss and taste the blackened sea bass from your dinner plate. Regardless of what the weather is outside, you also must keep the chaps away by giving your puckers a thin coat of lip balm. And of course, be in the moment—to genuinely be into it—when you lock lips with your date. [Read: 15 must-know secrets to make your first kiss perfect and memorable]
Now that we’ve covered the basics, let’s get onto how to tongue kiss.
#1 Tilt your head to the side. Nothing says amateur, first-timer, or plain awful than someone who kisses with their head stiffly straight and upright while they pout their lips for the kiss.
By doing this, not only will you potentially bump your partner’s head and nose, but it’s just not comfortable, much less romantic. So in the moment, observe where your partner leans and tilt your head to the opposite for the perfect position. [Read: How to French kiss: the dos and don’ts of French kissing]
#2 Keep your eyes closed. Not only is kissing with your eyes open look insincere, it feels plain weird. You better enjoy the kiss with your eyes closed, allowing your other senses take over. Also, it heightens the romance. So, just before your lips come in contact, close your eyes, trust your other senses, and live in the moment.
#3 Wait for the right time. Test the waters if your partner just wants a short and sweet smack on the lips or something more intense, like the French kiss. A good tongue kiss starts slow, with tongueless kissing at first. This is almost mandatory when it’s the first time you kiss your date.
To test the waters, dart your tongue in, open your mouth more widely and ever so lightly sweep your lips on your partner’s lower lip. If your partner reciprocates or opens her mouth more widely as well, then that’s your cue. [Read: 12 foolproof kissing tips for a perfectly sexy smooch]
#4 Keep your lips loose and relaxed. Remember, your lips must be slightly open and relaxed even while you’re puckered up. A stiff pucker is just awkward, unless you’re kissing your grandma. If you want your kiss to go to the next level, just pucker a little and open your mouth slightly.
#5 All about pressure. At first, use feather-light and subtle pressure so your lips are grazing over your partner’s. This builds more anticipation. Once you start to use some tongue, keep this in mind too. Don’t make your tongue go around and dart all over her oral cavity like fish out of water.
#6 Take it slow. Even if you succeeded inserting your tongue into her mouth for some passionate kissing, you still have to take things slow. Besides, you’re not going anywhere—except maybe into her pants. Therefore, take your sweet time, be romantic about it, and just be in the moment. [Read: 15 kissing techniques for the heartbeat-skipping kiss]
#7 Some tongue is just perfect. So how much tongue is just right? Be careful about how much tongue you use in kissing your date. A little too much, no matter how subtle, can be enough to turn her off. The best way to know just how much and how far you to go is to use your date’s body language as a gauge.
#8 Tease. Tease your partner, amp up the passion and stir a sense of anticipation and excitement to your tongue kissing session. Tease between kisses or better yet, make your tongue do it. Slightly touch your tongue to hers or gently suck at her tongue as well. Just make sure to keep it slow and gentle to keep from being sloppy. [Read: How to kiss a girl by arousing her subtly on a date]
#9 Get a breather. Remember to breathe, especially if you kiss for a long time. While your partner takes your breath away, holding your breath just for the kiss and then afterwards, getting blue in the face and gasping for air is utterly unromantic. The best kissers even use the art of breathing to share breaths with your partner, making for a more intimate and even primal moment.
#10 Explore. So you dove headfirst into tongue kissing and your partner is all for it. Now take time to explore with your tongue. Slide your tongue into your partner’s mouth and gently, sensually, move it around inside her. Even subtly play and tease your partner’s tongue by moving yours on top or below hers. Her reciprocation and mirroring what you’re doing is a great sign she likes it as much as you do.
#11 Don’t go too deep. It’s important to still maintain a slow and sensual pace even if you’re in the throes of passionate tongue kissing. Even if there’s a sense of urgency, go with the flow by increasing your pace a little. Be sure not to jam your tongue down her throat. Stay shallow and light, and be perceptive of just how far your partner wants to go. [Read: 15 tips for a sizzling, satisfying make out session]
#12 Mix it up. French kissing takes some time, so don’t be boring. Mix it up a little with some light darting, a little exploring, some sexy caressing, and a little teasing with your tongue. The best guide here is to be sensitive of her body language and rhythm. Vary your speed, depth *again, not too deep* pressure, and even use a little nibbling on her lip with your teeth to keep things interesting. [Read: The perfect first kiss – 22 little tips to make it oh-so-amazing]
#13 Give and take. There will be times when you take the lead and have her reciprocate by mirroring your moves. Still, be open that there might be times when your partner sets the tempo. Your kiss can be a good indication of how your relationship would go, so with this, learn to give and take.
#14 Listening is key. Body language is not the only thing to think about here. You also must keep your ears open to her murmurs, moans, and sighs to know just how much she enjoys what you’re doing with your tongue—or not.
#15 Get your body into it. So you have your lips and tongue doing the job right—that doesn’t mean your hands stay limp at your sides. Using your hands, caressing and touching your partner enhances the whole experience. Just be sure to keep things polite especially on the first kiss and always stay alert to her cues to know just how far your hands should go.
The best places to caress are the cheeks, neck, sides, arms, shoulder, or to play it safe, just wrap your arms around her in a romantic embrace. [Read: How to make out with a girl and make her love it]
The important thing when how to tongue kiss is to not base your own moves from the movie kisses you see. Real-life kisses are far from this. Rely on your own technique, which basically stems from what you are actually comfortable in and the style you and your partner find pleasure.
[Read: How to accidentally kiss a friend and get away with it]
With these techniques in mind, evolve your own techniques on how to tongue kiss right. Therefore, you may need to keep practicing tongue kissing a few more times before you are not tongue-tied about French kissing anymore.
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