There’s nothing wrong with a little plain sex. Vanilla ice cream is delicious, but if you never add other flavors and toppings to it, it gets boring fast. Sex is the same. It should always be good, but you need some variety to keep things interesting.
Too many people are afraid of a little kink. There’s no reason for this. Sex is not dirty, it’s beautiful! Your partner enjoying tying you up once in a while is not the first step towards installing a bondage dungeon in the basement, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Sex isn’t a sin, and it isn’t dirty, at least not in a bad way.
How to ditch the routine and be sexually adventurous
Lighten up, throw caution to the wind, and try these tips. Your sex life could use a healthy dose of smut.
#1 Oil up. You’ll need an air mattress or something similarly easy to clean up. Oiling yourselves up and letting your bodies slip over each other might be the sexiest thing two people can do together. Baby oil, grapeseed oil or coconut oil will all do the trick. Just be careful, as any oil or oil-based lubricant cannot be used safely with latex condoms.
#2 Grab a handful. We often think of having our hair pulled as a painful thing, and while lots of people enjoy a side of pain with their sexual pleasure, most people do not. But go ahead and grab a handful of your own hair and give it a pull, it doesn’t really hurt unless you yank on it really hard. Hair pulling during sex can be a huge turn on for both men and women. [Read: 15 ways to have the hottest bout of rough sex]
#3 Oral what? There are almost limitless things your tongue can do in the bedroom, but too many people miss the most obvious one of all. Not only is it okay to talk during sex, it’s important to. Tell your partner what you want and what feels good. Communication is the best way to improve sex. And words can be hot. Talking dirty will turn most people on, so tell them what you want to do to them, what you love about them, and how amazing they are. [Read: 23 sexiest dirty talk tips]
#4 Mirror mirror. Watching yourselves having sex is a beautifully dirty act. While guys will probably like it more than women, everyone likes catching a glimpse of something they wouldn’t normally see without the mirror.
#5 Tied up. Tying someone up submits them to your every whim. Being tied up puts you at your partner’s mercy. In a trusting relationship, it can be totally hot. Before you go out and buy ropes and handcuffs, try this with a scarf or necktie. You don’t need to tie inescapable knots either, just loosely bind their wrists. If you really like it, then you can step up from beginner level.
#6 Good vibrations. Bringing a sex toy into bed is something all couples should do. A lot of guys aren’t comfortable with it, so ladies, start with a small vibrating toy like a pocket rocket. Start giving him a blowjob and lightly place it on the underside of his balls. He’ll warm up to the idea very quickly, and then you can explore all the other amazing things toys can bring to sex.
#7 Dutch courage. Everyone knows too much alcohol can ruin sex, especially for men. But having a few drinks and getting a nice buzz can really improve things. Your sensations are heightened, and your inhibitions are lowered. Something you want to do, but normally don’t feel comfortable trying will come much easier a few drinks in.
#8 Spectator sport. If you’re feeling extra freaky, invite someone to watch. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with threesomes, and they do carry some risk of ruining a relationship. Just having someone watch, however, is totally hot. It can be a man, a woman, or another couple. Just go with what you’re both comfortable with. [Read: 20 things you need to know before getting into a threesome]
#9 Aim to please. One of the best things you can do to spice up your sex life is give great head. Too many people neglect oral sex, either skipping it altogether or treating it as a quick foreplay formality. Men and women both should know how to get in there and really work it. And don’t skimp on the time. Five, ten, even 15 minutes is not too long.
#10 Write it down. It can be hard to talk about what you want sexually, even with a trusted partner. A great way to overcome this is to write down what you want. You don’t need to be Shakespeare, but write it like a story to make it really hot. Don’t say “I want you to suck my clit” write in present tense and say “You suck hard on my clit and I moan and pull your hair.” Send what you write to your partner during the day at work, and you’re guaranteed a night of smut. [Read: 14 tips to get your partner to open up about sex]
#11 Mutual play. Masturbating together isn’t just totally hot, it can be very educational as well. Seeing what your partner does to get their self off can show you exactly what you should be doing. Talk dirty while you do it, or kiss each other’s lips and bodies.
#12 Where you eat. There’s something so wonderfully dirty about sex on the kitchen table. Unless a guy is way taller or shorter than average height, it should be a great position with the woman sitting at the edge of the table, legs wrapped around the man’s waist. You’ll definitely have something hot to think about at breakfast the next day.
#13 Dress up. To most people, dressing up means girls in hot nurse or French maid outfits. Sure, that’s hot for guys, but there can be so much more. Think about what turns your partner on about you out of the bedroom. Maybe a guy loves his partner in her career-woman business suit. Or a woman loves her man in his leather motorcycle jacket. If your partner thinks you look hot in something, wear it into the bedroom.
#14 Domination and submission. During most kinky sex, one partner usually dominates, while the other submits. Some people are only turned on by one role or the other, but most people can switch it up. In most porn flicks, the man dominates, so most people are familiar with spanking, cum facials and faces being pushed down into pillows.
But women can dominate as well. Face sitting, which is exactly what it sounds like, is extremely pleasurable for women giving them a lot of control. Men will need to get over their egos, but once they do, they can enjoy it too. Other methods are pulling his hair, tying him up, dirty talk, and role playing where the woman is an authority figure. [Read: 10 ways you can open up about your kinky side]
#15 Open mind. The final, and most important way to turn up the temperature on your sex life, is to have an open mind. You should be willing to try things, even if they are outside of your comfort zone. Of course, you can have things that are off limits, but never shame your partner for what turns them on. If you shoot them down in a humiliating way when they want to try something kinky, you’re guaranteeing your sex life stays stuck on level vanilla for good.
[Read: 3 sexy and easy ways to get what you want in bed]
It can feel uncomfortable at first, trying new things. Once you get started though, and see how amazing your sex life can get when you color outside the lines, you’ll wonder what took you so long in the first place.
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