There are no fast and hard rules for how quickly a relationship should move. If that were the case, there would be a relationship rule book we could all pull out when questions arise! If you want to know if your relationship is moving too fast, you first need to consider how it feels to you. Do you feel comfortable? Or, do you feel like you’ve lost control and you’re speeding along a road, dodging hurdles?
The pace of a relationship depends upon a number of factors. It can be about the age of the couple, their previous experiences, their family background, their outlook on life, the list goes on. You can also have one partner who deems a relationship to be too slow, while the other partner thinks it’s just right. The only way through this type of conundrum is to go with the flow!
However, a relationship that’s going too fast isn’t a good thing either. You need to get to know each other and experience every stage of the union carefully. For that reason, it’s a good idea to be aware of the signs that your relationship is going faster than Speedy Gonzalez hitting his personal best. [Read: Instant relationship: How to slow down and prepare for happiness]
We’ve just mentioned that a relationship going too fast isn’t an ideal situation, but why exactly? And, is it any good when a relationship is going too slow either?
Not only do you need to get to know one another, but you need to learn about each other’s values and habits. You can’t do that when you’re speeding through relationship milestones at breakneck speed. It’s only when you’ve been through a few arguments and challenges with a person that you know you’re suited. If you rush, you miss those events and you don’t really know if you’re meant for one another at all.
Also, why do you feel the need to rush? Enjoy the early stages of a relationship because when the passion ebbs away (and it will), you might be longing for those passionate embraces of the honeymoon phase! If you’re rushing, ask yourself why. Are you trying to prove something? Is it that you’re comparing your relationship with someone else’s? [Read: 5 Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
Remember there is no speedometer when it comes to relationships. Just because your friend met someone, got engaged and married within the space of 18 months doesn’t mean you have to. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your relationship because you haven’t really spoken much about the future after a few months either. Find your ideal pace and go with it.
In some ways, yes. If you’re both totally fine with a slow moving relationship, then it’s all good. However, the likelihood is that one partner wants to speed things up and the other doesn’t understand why. That’s when resentment and confusion can set in. Those are two things which can easily damage and perhaps even break a relationship. [Read: How to take a relationship slow but not so slow that it ends]
If one partner is digging their heels in and doesn’t want to move things along, it could be because they don’t really want a commitment deep down. If the other partner does, that’s a huge problem.
So, while the speed your relationship moves at isn’t a huge issue in terms of exact milestones, going too fast or too slow could indicate a deeper problem. However, what ‘too slow’ or ‘too fast’ is for you, is a totally personal deal and can’t be measured.
Who said love was easy?
Think you might be going too fast? Use these signs to determine whether your relationship is in need of a chill pill. [Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship? A guide to perfect timings]
Are you putting your partner up on a pedestal, when you barely know anything about them? This is definitely a sign of moving too fast. Maybe you need to get to know a little more about them before you decide they should be seated at the right hand of God!
It’s a scary moment in any relationship, but if you or they are meeting the parents only weeks into the relationship, then something is assuredly amiss. Time to pull back on the reins and steer off course for a while. [Read: 7 phases you have to cross before you’re both ready to meet the parents ]
Go over your text messages, emails, and phone logs for any given day. If the numbers are hitting three digits, if your phone provider is hunting you down with a bill as long as your arm, and you’ve only just met the other person, it’s a surefire sign you need to slow things down.
If you’re considering giving them the world, but you don’t even know which newspaper they read or which toothpaste they use, it’s time to settle into a more sedate routine and learn a little about them first. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
In direct opposition to point 4, knowing everything can be just as strong a sign. If you’re aware of their bowel movements to the minute and you only just met them last week, you both need to hold back a little.
Ahhhh, the classic sign of a relationship moving too fast: toothbrushes and paste, razors, soaps, even clothes, all begin making their ways into each other’s closets and cabinets. A discussion might need to be had about how speedily things are progressing. [Read: 15 Things to know before moving in with your boyfriend]
Ditching your friends at this early stage? Or maybe your other half is? Never a good sign of a healthy relationship, period, and especially not months or weeks into it.
Sex is something that should be given over to a new partner slowly and steadily, building up trust and loving respect along the way. If you’ve gotten to the last page of the Kama Sutra, and you haven’t yet gone for coffee together, you’re in serious danger of turning your relationship into a FWB situation.
You met on Wednesday, and by Friday, every form of social media is filled with stories and anecdotes of your respective romantic antics. Believe me, your friends aren’t really cooing at how lovely it all is—they’re more wondering what the hell is possessing you to give so much of your public life away to someone you barely know. [Read: The totally-in-love couple’s guide to social media etiquette]
Talking about marriage already? That’s a BIG no-no in the early stages. Maybe you should start limiting contact until you’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.
Meeting kids is just as scary as meeting the parents for some, if not more so. This might be a sudden and startling jerk back into reality if you’re the one doing the meeting. If the scenario is reversed, then you really need to have a word with yourself. Simply be sure that this is a long-term thing before you start introducing someone into your child’s life, who may or may not stick around.
Every relationship has this discussion at some point or other, but if you both still don’t know each other’s middle names, then now is not the time! [Read: Is your partner trying to move in without telling you?]
Ditching friends is one thing, but ditching real world responsibilities is another altogether. If one of you has stopped paying the bills, or ditched other financial ties without discussion, then slowing down is a very—if not the only—sensible option.
Still hanging on to that perfect first date facade? Unwilling to reveal your true self? Both are definite signs that the relationship has gotten ahead of where it should be.
“Love” gets used way too easily, and way too early in the relationship nowadays. Save it for when you truly feel it; otherwise, people may end up getting hurt. More importantly, if feeling it after only a couple of weeks, you may need to reassess whether it’s the genuine thing, or basic infatuation. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon just sucks!]
Are you planning vacations together, or does one of you get annoyed when the other goes on vacation without you? Five years into a relationship, such feelings are fine, but after only a couple of Saturdays…have words with yourself! Going on vacation with someone can totally break a new relationship; you never really know someone until you’ve been away together!
If you’ve only just met, but the BF or GF introduction is already being used, you might want to insist on a little time out. This is a relationship that’s moving faster than a politician through a public inquiry. [Read: Are we in a relationship? How to know for sure if you’re a couple]
Come on…seriously! You’ve only just gotten to the stage where you can remember each other’s names, and you’re already talking about having children? You dudes need to slow the hell down!
You know things are moving too fast when the pet names are starting to make an appearance. A two-week “snookums” or “honeybun” really is a sign that you need to take the steam out of proceedings. It could also be that you know them so little that their actual name slips your mind sometimes. It happens!
If you’ve known each other somewhere in the region of a mosquito’s lifetime, but you can still look back on half-a-dozen dates or so, then the signs are in agreement: you, my friend, are the Speedy Gonzalez of amour. Time to slow down. [Read: How many dates before a relationship becomes official?]
[Read: The 9 stages of relationships all couples go through]
If a relationship is moving too fast, it’s rarely a positive thing. If several of the signs above are regularly popping up, you may want to reassess the pace of things. Although it may be hard, don’t be too afraid to put on the brakes and take a step back; the right person will be willing to stick around.
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