There are no fast and hard rules for how quickly a relationship should move. If that were the case, there would be a relationship rule book we could all pull out when questions arise! If you want to know if your relationship is moving too fast, you first need to consider how it feels to you.
Do you feel comfortable? Or, do you feel like you’ve lost control and you’re speeding along a road, dodging hurdles?
The pace of a relationship depends upon a number of factors. It can be about the age of the couple, their previous experiences, their family background, their outlook on life, the list goes on. You can also have one partner who deems a relationship to be too slow, while the other partner thinks it’s just right. The only way through this type of conundrum is to go with the flow! [Read: The early stages of dating and how to navigate the dos and don’ts]
We’ve just mentioned that a relationship going too fast isn’t an ideal situation, but why exactly? And, is it any good when a relationship is going too slow either?
Not only do you need to get to know one another, but you need to learn about each other’s values and habits. You can’t do that when you’re speeding through relationship milestones at breakneck speed. It’s only when you’ve been through a few arguments and challenges with a person that you know you’re suited. [Read: 20 things happy couples don’t do in a perfect relationship]
If you rush, you miss those events and you don’t really know if you’re meant for one another at all.
Also, why do you feel the need to rush? Enjoy the early stages of a relationship because when the passion ebbs away (and it will), you might be longing for those passionate embraces of the honeymoon phase!
If you’re rushing, ask yourself why. Are you trying to prove something? Is it that you’re comparing your relationship with someone else’s? Remember there is no speedometer when it comes to relationships. [Read: 5 Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
In some ways, yes. If you’re both totally fine with a slow moving relationship, then it’s all good. However, the likelihood is that one partner wants to speed things up and the other doesn’t understand why. That’s when resentment and confusion can set in.
Those are two things which can easily damage and perhaps even break a relationship. [Read: How to take a relationship slow but not so slow that it ends]
If one partner is digging their heels in and doesn’t want to move things along, it could be because they don’t really want a commitment deep down. If the other partner does, that’s a huge problem.
So, while the speed your relationship moves at isn’t a huge issue in terms of exact milestones, going too fast or too slow could indicate a deeper problem. However, what ‘too slow’ or ‘too fast’ is for you, is a totally personal deal and can’t be measured.
Who said love was easy? [Read: Relationship rules – 30 must-know tips to live your best love life]
Think you might be going too fast? Use these signs to determine whether your relationship is in need of a chill pill.
Are you putting your partner up on a pedestal, when you barely know anything about them? This is definitely a sign of moving too fast. Maybe you need to get to know a little more about them before you decide they should be placed high on that pedestal.
It’s a scary moment in any relationship, but if you or they are meeting the parents only weeks into the relationship, then something is certainly amiss. Time to pull back on the reins and steer off course for a while. [Read: 7 phases you have to cross before you’re both ready to meet the parents ]
Go over your text messages, emails, and phone logs for any given day. If the numbers are hitting three digits, if your phone provider is hunting you down with a bill as long as your arm, and you’ve only just met the other person, it’s a surefire sign you need to slow things down.
If you’re considering giving them the world, but you don’t even know which newspaper they read or which toothpaste they use, it’s time to settle into a more sedate routine and learn a little about them first. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
But also knowing everything can be just as strong a sign. If you’re aware of their bowel movements to the minute and you only just met them last week, you both need to hold back a little.
Ahhhh, the classic sign of a relationship moving too fast: toothbrushes and paste, razors, soaps, even clothes, all begin making their ways into each other’s closets and cabinets. A discussion might need to be had about how speedily things are progressing. [Read: 15 Things to know before moving in with your boyfriend]
Ditching your friends at this early stage? Or maybe your other half is? Never a good sign of a healthy relationship, period, and especially not months or weeks into it.
Sex is something that should be given over to a new partner slowly and steadily, building up trust and loving respect along the way.
If you’ve gotten to the last page of the Kama Sutra, and you haven’t yet gone for coffee together, you’re in serious danger of turning your relationship into a FWB situation. [Read: Friends with benefits – 16 annoyances of long-term FWBs]
You met on Wednesday, and by Friday, every form of social media is filled with stories and anecdotes of your respective romantic antics.
Believe us, your friends aren’t really cooing at how lovely it all is—they’re wondering what the hell is possessing you to give so much of your public life away to someone you barely know. [Read: The totally-in-love couple’s guide to social media etiquette]
Talking about marriage already? That’s a BIG no-no in the early stages. Maybe you should start limiting contact until you’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.
Meeting kids is just as scary as meeting the parents for some, if not more so. This might be a sudden and startling jerk back into reality if you’re the one doing the meeting. If the scenario is reversed, then you really need to have a word with yourself.
Simply be sure that this is a long-term thing before you start introducing someone into your child’s life, who may or may not stick around. [Read: 11 ways to know if both of you are ready to have a baby]
Ditching friends is one thing, but ditching real world responsibilities is another altogether. If one of you has stopped paying the bills, or ditched other financial ties without discussion, then slowing down is a very—if not the only—sensible option.
Still hanging on to that perfect first date facade? Unwilling to reveal your true self? Both are definite signs that the relationship has moved ahead of where it should be.
“Love” gets used way too easily, and way too early in the relationship nowadays. Save it for when you truly feel it; otherwise, people may end up getting hurt.
More importantly, if feeling it after only a couple of weeks, you may need to reassess whether it’s the genuine thing, or basic infatuation. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon just sucks!]
Are you planning vacations together, or does one of you get annoyed when the other goes on vacation without you? Five years into a relationship, such feelings are fine, but after only a couple of Saturdays…have words with yourself!
Going on vacation with someone can totally break a new relationship; you never really know someone until you’ve been away together!
If you’ve only just met, but the BF or GF introduction is already being used, you might want to insist on a little time out. This is a relationship that’s moving faster than a politician through a public inquiry. [Read: Are we in a relationship? How to know for sure if you’re a couple]
Come on…seriously! You’ve only just reached the stage where you can remember each other’s names, and you’re already talking about having children? You dudes need to slow the hell down!
You know things are moving too fast when the pet names are starting to make an appearance. A two-week “snookums” or “honeybun” really is a sign that you need to take the steam out of proceedings.
It could also be that you know them so little that their actual name slips your mind sometimes. It happens! [Read: Cute pet names for couples and how to pick nicknames for each other]
If you’ve known each other somewhere in the region of a mosquito’s lifetime, but you can still look back on half-a-dozen dates or so, then the signs are in agreement: you, my friend, are the Speedy Gonzalez of amour. Time to slow down. [Read: How many dates before a relationship becomes official?]
How do you go about preventing yourself from moving too fast in a new relationship? Here are a few ways to slow down the process.
This may sound kind of silly—of course you’ll go on dates with someone new! But we mean real dates. Go out to a restaurant, go out in public, walk the streets, just do anything but sit in your apartment and “watch movies,” because we all know where that leads.
When you actually go out on dates with people in public, you are forced to talk to each other and get to know one another’s quirks. You have the opportunity to talk about your passions and interests instead of ignoring what’s on Netflix and finding interest in each other’s mouths.
Go on dates, and go on a lot of them. Avoid spending too much time alone that can lead to things that are too advanced for your liking. [Read: Top 50 amazing first date ideas to wow your date!]
Seeing your new beau too frequently will lead to both of you feeling like you have to engage in things prematurely.
There’s nothing that will speed up a relationship more than too much time spent together too soon. Slowly progress into seeing each other more and more. Start with one date a week, then work up to seeing each other more frequently from there.
Not only should you make boundaries for yourself, but you should also make the other person aware of them in the best way you can.
When things seem to be getting too close for comfort, subtly let them know that you’re not there yet. It will help the both of you slow things down without any confusion. [Read: 10 tips for setting boundaries with difficult people]
Far too many people rush into a relationship purely to see how much the other person likes them. They basically test the limits, because they’re unsure of whether or not it will turn into a relationship.
Just be open about it. A simple conversation about how you are feeling will clear the air and put you both at ease. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
It’s one thing to talk to each other about how you’re feeling, but it’s another to talk to yourself—and yes, we are giving you permission to talk to yourself without feeling crazy.
How do you really feel about them? Do you really find them to be compatible with you, or do you just think they’re really hot and want to strip them down for a good time?
If you realize that you really care about them and can see a future together, then what’s the rush? Let things happen naturally and slowly. Rushing into things before thinking about them can lead to regret and, ultimately, heartache.
If you want to be with this person long-term, you’ve got all the time you need for everything else. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]
Nothing will slow the progression of a relationship faster than being apart. Not only will you halt any forward motion, but you will also have time to reflect on how you feel about the other person.
Always being around someone you’re attracted to can cloud your mind and judgement, making it easier to slip into a relationship—or their bed sheets. With time apart, you can also get a feel for how they behave when you’re not around, something that is very important when heading into a new relationship. [Read: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or wander?]
If you or your partner ever feels out of control is the simple answer. You should both be totally happy and in sync with the pace at which your relationship is moving. If it’s not moving, but gently ambling along, that’s fine too!
You shouldn’t compare your relationship with anyone else’s either. Provided you’re both happy and enjoying your time, what’s the problem?
Couples who jump into huge commitments too soon, i.e. after only a few months, tend to be the ones who have the most problems. Not always, but a lot of the time. It’s impossible to know each other well enough to face these huge life issues together.
You need time to build that bond of trust and understand the small quirks that you both have. That is something only time can reveal. [Read: Instant relationship – How to slow down and prepare for happiness]
Relationships don’t have rules. Perhaps that is why we see so many different takes on the theme. Nobody can tell you that what you’re doing is right or not. You can only decide for yourself and as a couple.
If you’re both fine with it, does it really matter what anyone else thinks? If you’re married after six months and both blissfully happy, so what? Good luck to you, we say.
[Read: The 9 stages of relationships all couples go through]
If a relationship is moving too fast, it’s rarely a positive thing. If several of the signs above are regularly popping up, you may want to reassess the pace of things. Although it may be hard, don’t be too afraid to put on the brakes and take a step back.
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