The healthiest relationships move at the right pace. Read through these 20 signs to know if your relationship is moving a little too fast for comfort.
There are no fast and hard rules for how quickly a relationship should move. It depends upon a number of factors: how old the respective participants are, their previous experiences, their present situations, their family backgrounds, their general outlook on life, etc.
There are, however, in every relationship, obvious signs that things are moving a little too quickly. You know the kind of thing: you’re out with friends, if you haven’t yet ditched them, and at some point during your retelling of all the wonderful stories about you and your other half, the eyebrows slowly start to raise. “You’ve done what, when?!” comes next, and you suddenly start to wonder if your friends actually fulfill that role at all.
What you should be wondering is if they actually have a point, and you’ll going way too fast in love—but, of course, you’re way too loved up for that, aren’t you? If this is you, it is definitely time to take a step back, and start analyzing the following signs to see if things are, indeed, moving too fast.
Signs you need to take it slow in love and slam on the brakes
Think you might be going too fast? Use these signs to determine whether your relationship is in need of a chill pill.
#1 On the pedestal. Are you putting your partner up on a pedestal, when you barely know anything about them? This is definitely a sign of moving too fast. Maybe you need to get to know a little more about them before you decide they should be seated at the right hand of God!
#3 Constant contact. Go over your text messages, emails, and phone logs for any given day. If the numbers are hitting three digits, if your phone provider is hunting you down with a bill as long as your arm, and you’ve only just met the other person, it’s a surefire sign you need to slow things down.
#5 Knowing everything. In direct opposition to #4, knowing everything can be just as strong a sign. If you’re aware of their bowel movements to the minute and you only just met them last week, you both need to hold back a little.
#6 Toothbrush time. Ahhhh, the classic sign of a relationship moving too fast: toothbrushes and paste, razors, soaps, even clothes, all begin making their ways into each other’s closets and cabinets. A discussion might need to be had about how speedily things are progressing.
#7 Once and former friends. Ditching your friends at this early stage? Or maybe your other half is? Never a good sign of a healthy relationship, period, and especially not months or weeks into it.
#8 The full Kama Sutra. Sex is something that should be given over to a new partner slowly and steadily, building up trust and loving respect along the way. If you’ve gotten to the last page of the Kama Sutra, and you haven’t yet gone for coffee together, you’re in serious danger of turning your wanted relationship into a FWB situation.
#9 Social media stars. You met on Wednesday, and by Friday, every form of social media is filled with stories and anecdotes of your respective romantic antics. Believe me, your friends aren’t really cooing at how lovely it all is—they’re more wondering what the hell is possessing you to give so much of your public life away to someone you barely know. [Read: The totally-in-love couple’s guide to social media etiquette]
#10 Marriage talk. Talking about marriage already? That’s a BIG no-no in the early stages. Maybe you should start limiting contact until you’ve gotten to know each other a bit better.
#11 Meet the kids. Meeting kids is just as scary as meeting the parents for some, if not more so. This might be a sudden and startling jerk back into reality if you’re the one doing the meeting. If the scenario is reversed, then you really need to have a word with yourself—for your kid’s sake, if nothing else.
#13 Once and former responsibilities. Ditching friends is one thing, but ditching real world responsibilities is another altogether. If one of you has stopped paying the bills, or ditched other financial ties without discussion, then slowing down is a very—if not the only—sensible option.
#14 Guarded behavior. Still hanging on to that perfect first date facade? Unwilling to reveal your true self? Both are definite signs that the relationship has gotten ahead of where it should be.
#15 The ‘L’ word. “Love” gets used way too easily, and way too early in the relationship nowadays. Save it for when you truly feel it; otherwise, people may end up getting hurt. More importantly, if feeling it after only a couple of weeks, you may need to reassess whether it’s the genuine thing, or basic infatuation. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon just sucks!]
#16 Happy holidays. Are you planning holidays together, or does one of you get annoyed when the other goes on vacation without you? Five years into a relationship, such feelings are fine, but after only a couple of Saturdays…have words with yourself!
#17 Introductions. If you’ve only just met, but the BF or GF introduction is already being used, you might want to insist on a little time out. This is a relationship that’s moving faster than a politician through a public inquiry.
#18 Planning for rug rats. Come on…seriously! You’ve only just gotten to the stage where you can remember each other’s names, and you’re already talking about having children? You dudes need to slow the hell down!
#19 Pet names. You know things are moving too fast when the pet names are starting to make an appearance. A two-week “snookums” or “honeybun” really is a sign that you need to take the steam out of proceedings.
#20 A date a day. If you’ve known each other somewhere in the region of a mosquito’s lifetime, but you can still look back on half-a-dozen dates or so, then the signs are in agreement: you, my friend, are the Speedy Gonzalez of amour. Time to slow down.
Moving too fast is rarely a positive way to start a relationship. If several of the signs above are regularly popping up, you may want to reassess the pace of things. Although it may be hard, don‘t be too afraid to put on the brakes and take a step back; the right person will be willing to stick around.
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David Cullen is frequently described as erudite, insightful and witty – but only by himself and only after several large glasses of Rioja....