Relationships are tricky things. Sometimes, they make you feel like the happiest person in the world. And at other times, they spiral you back onto the ground and make you wonder if you even want to be in one. Do you feel like you’re getting bored with your relationship?
Relationships are not just about going with the flow. They require effort, energy, and sometimes hard work. But that is what makes an amazing relationship worth it. So, if you’re seeing these signs of a boring relationship, it’s time to get to work.
The thing is, once you get comfy, sitting around binging Netflix and eating pizza, things can get boring. Now that may sound like a perfect date to you, but when there is zero effort being put into the relationship on both sides, it can get monotonous fast.
Almost always, boredom sets into a relationship because you didn’t do anything to prevent it. [Read: Boring boyfriend? 22 signs and ways to make love exciting again]
You may have been in love for a long time. For a few, it may take months, and for many others, it may take a few years. But at some point in your love life, you may wonder if you’re really actually happy being in the relationship.
So why does that happen?
You didn’t plan on falling out of love, but it just happened. Perhaps you wake up one morning and you’re just not interested in staying in love anymore. You could push the thought aside and continue on in your relationship, or you could jump into an affair with someone sexy and fun. You could do any of those, and more.
But before you actually go blaming love and its mysterious ways that led to the downfall of your present relationship, you need to ask yourself a few questions.
Why are you really bored? What do you want to do about it? And most importantly, what are the reasons why you got bored of your relationship?
Once you understand why you’re getting bored with your relationship, you can prevent it from ever happening again.
And unless you truly understand the reasons behind the boredom, you’ll never really be able to enjoy a happy relationship without a bit of drama and boredom now and then. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signals a really bad future]
No! You can make changes to your relationship and fix whatever you’re becoming bored about. But, you need to make sure that you communicate with your partner and get to the bottom of what the issue really is.
The truth is, everyone gets bored in a relationship occasionally. It’s actually very normal. It’s all too easy to get far too comfortable and one or both of you starts making less effort than before.
If that carries on and nothing is done about it, that’s when the issue can become terminal.
But, if you sit up and take notice, it doesn’t have to be the end. If anything, it might turn out to be a catalyst for change that could make your relationship super-fun!
So don’t panic or feel worried if you’re starting to feel a little stuck in a rut with your relationship. Consider it a wake-up call. [Read: 34 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early on]
Before getting into the details, a boring relationship does not necessarily mean a bad relationship. With a little care, love, and passion it can be fun again.
But, what are the signs that your relationship is starting to become a little yawn-some?
Routines are great for jobs, pets, and children, but having a routine with your partner does not yell romance, passion, or fun.
Planning a date night every Friday is good, but if you go to the same place over and over and order the same food, things get dull. [Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]
If your fights always lead back to the same topic, like you never do anything fun anymore, we’re sorry to break it to you, but your relationship is boring.
If you fight over what movie to watch and who has to clean the bathroom this week, you are probably snoring your way through this courtship. [Read: Why you keep having the same fights and how to break the unhealthy cycle]
The spark in a relationship doesn’t last forever. Even before smartphones and the internet, that was the case. This technology comes with even more distractions.
Here’s one of the clearest signs of a boring relationship for you. If you are laying in bed and both haven’t spoken a word or looked up from your screen, something is not quite right there.
If you are tagging each other in memes while sitting next to each other rather than actually talking, you may need to get your priorities straight!
Start by admitting that you’re seeing the signs of a boring relationship in your own “perfect” romance. [Read: Relationship rut – Why It’s so common, how to recognize it and fix it]
When you first start dating, you have butterflies, you’re giddy, and you share how excited you are. Although it can be nice to have the comfort of a long-term relationship, once you are used to that person, you stop sharing because you think they already know.
If you haven’t said “I love you,” had a meaningful discussion, or talked about your feelings lately, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. It could mean you are in a rut.
You expect your partner to know you so well at this point that taking the time to share things just doesn’t seem necessary. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to keep the sexy spark alive]
Sex or some sort of physical connection is one of the most vital parts of a healthy relationship. This is what set your spark off in the first place and it is what helps passion continue.
So if all you do in bed is sleep and swipe through your phone, you are officially in a boring relationship.
This is a clear sign that your relationship has become far too comfortable and a little boring. You might have dreams of going places with your partner and you might even talk about them together, but do you actually do them?
If not, ask yourselves why. You’ve become stuck in a rut and you’re far too comfortable to move. But, ruts are boring!
If you’re regularly looking at the relationships your friends have and wishing that yours could be more like theirs, that’s a pretty strong sign that your love life has become boring.
It’s human nature to compare to a degree, but you should never look at someone else’s relationship and feel bad about your own. We’re all different and our unions are equally as unique.
If you’re always wondering why your relationship leaves you feeling bored and lacking in excitement, it’s time to shake things up. [Read: Self-concept – How we create and develop it to control our happiness]
Now we know the signs of a boring relationship, we need to explore why they actually happen. The reasons for your boredom could be one of these, or all of them.
If you can learn to eliminate these flaws or distractions from your life, you’d surely be able to overcome the boredom and enjoy a perfect relationship.
Use these reasons to find out why you’re bored in love. When you pinpoint the source, it’s time to decide your next move.
Your relationship is a boring routine. It’s completely predictable, and you know exactly what you’re going to do with each other every day of the week.
When love starts to get monotonous, some of us can’t help but feel stifled like we’re stuck in a locked room. We cited routine as a sign of a boring relationship, but it’s also the cause of it too. You need to mix things up a little! [Read: Feeling stuck in life? How to change directions and live your dream]
Do you remember the last time both of you did something exciting together? When we’re in a relationship for a long time, we start to take surprises and excitement for granted.
If you’re getting bored because the relationship doesn’t excite you anymore, do something about it. Plan a vacation, go out for dinner once a week on a random day, just do something!
When two lovers fall in love, it’s always best to take your time. Falling in love too quickly can build a romance on shaky grounds, especially if the reason both of you are together is because of one or two aspects, like great sex or a rebound relationship.
Always take your time while dating someone before you fall in love or move in together. [Read: 18 foundations of a strong relationship that separate the good and the bad]
Everywhere you look around, you see better dating potential. You like your partner a lot, but somewhere deep inside, you feel like you’ve got the short end of the stick and deserve someone better.
If you feel this way, you really have no choice but to let go because you’ll never be happy with this person you’re dating unless you feel like an equal.
Break up, go out and have fun. You may meet someone you deserve, someone who’s way better than your current partner. But keep your fingers crossed though. [Read: How to break up with someone you love and not hurt them]
You may be having an emotional affair with a good friend or even a colleague at work, and not even know it!
Do you find it easier to talk about your work or your personal problems with someone else but not with your partner? Unless you open up to your partner and communicate with them, you’d always feel disconnected and bored.
In this case, you’re putting more effort into the affair than your actual relationship. [Read: 24 subtle emotional affair signs more people don’t even notice]
Yes, it’s true. Sex can get rather monotonous after a few years. But that doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around and bring the sizzle back to bed.
If you find it more fun to think of excuses to avoid sex than actually have it, you’re more than just bored with your love life. [Read: 30 super sexy ways to spice up your sex life]
Special memories are everything in a relationship, just like they are in life. When you look back at your life, you remember it by the happy memories you have. The more memories you can think of, the better and more worthwhile your life will feel.
Love works the same way. If you stop creating excitement and fond memories all the time, you’ll have nothing that’ll make your love feel special and wonderful.
Do you ever get tired of trying to explain something to your partner because it takes too long to go into all the details? This is exactly how couples lose communication in a relationship.
They’re too bored to talk about the little things because they feel like it’s unimportant. But in reality, it’s the little things that actually count. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and 14 cozy conversations in bed]
Planning your whole life together is the perfect way to prepare yourselves and the relationship for the future.
But every now and then, both of you need a few moments of reckless madness to keep the relationship exciting. After all, a little detour from the straight path now and then always makes things a lot more exciting.
This is a scary place to be, and you can never get over it unless you learn to deal with it. It may just be a passing phase, but unless you learn to cope with it, the thought will pop back into your head time and again.
What would you do when you were single? Do the same things with your partner, of course, minus the flirting with the opposite sex part. You can do that when your partner isn’t around if it makes you feel better. [Confession: I want to be single again!]
If you have no shared passions or long-term goals together, both of you will have nothing to look forward to and will definitely end up getting bored of each other.
Build castles in the air together, and learn to dream about a better life together. It’ll make both of you feel more passionate about working towards a common goal, and bring both of you closer too.
Together time is good, but too much together time can be claustrophobic.
Spend time with your own friends or by yourselves now and then. When you meet up again at the end of the day, both of you will be excited to talk about your own lives for a change. [Read: 15 ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever]
This happens all the time, so you don’t need to feel sick to your stomach assuming you’re a two-timing liar and a cheat.
But even when you ignore this new person or avoid any thoughts of cheating, the thoughts of this new exciting person who’s full of life and mystery may psychologically arm-twist you into believing that you’re in a boring relationship.
You may not want an affair, but all of a sudden your relationship could seem lifeless. [Read: What should you do when you like someone else?]
Do you find some details about your partner’s behavior annoying, be it their clumsiness or their laziness? Learn to communicate. Even the smallest issues grow out of proportion with time.
It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. Unless you confront it, it rolls all the way to the end, getting bigger with every roll. Besides, we’re pretty sure you’re not perfect either!
You have no special times outside of your relationship. If you give up on your own life just to spend more time with your partner, there will always come a time when you feel like you need your own life back because you don’t know who you are anymore.
Avoid that stage, and learn to give yourself and your partner a lot of me-time. Do the things you’ve always enjoyed and have a life of your own outside of your relationship too. [Read: Sense of self – 26 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]
If you or your partner are going through something stressful, perhaps in your family life, at work, with money, or health, it can easily impact the relationship. You stop making an effort to a degree and you may become so absorbed in what is going on, that you stop communicating.
Things happen in life sometimes but your partner is the person to help you through these things. Share your feelings and work out a way through together. Even if all you can do is support one another, it’s a huge help. [Read: Stress ruining your relationship? The biggest signs and quick fixes]
If your partner cheated on you in the past, or you cheated on them, and you decided to give it another go, your relationship will not return to normal straightway – if at all.
In some cases, you may mentally check-out of the relationship without realizing it and that can lead you towards boredom and feeling stuck in a rut.
If you’ve chosen to continue in the relationship, you have to leave the past behind and work on a better future.
Now, this particular reason for a boring relationship is a pretty terminal one, unfortunately. If you’re sticking around out of comfort but you know that your partner isn’t willing to give you what you need in the relationship, boredom is the least of your worries.
That doesn’t mean you should expect everything your own way, but you may have something in your mind that you need and you’re not going to get.
For instance, if you want children in the future and your partner doesn’t, that’s not going to change. Your relationship will suffer if you stick around and your life will too. In that case, you have to leave to find what you want. [Read: What to look for in a relationship – 23 traits of a happy romance]
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you get into a new relationship is to give up your friends for your new partner. Some people do this without realizing it.
Over time, they start to see their friends less and less and before they know it, they’ve drifted too far apart. Everyone needs an outside support system and people to spend time with. You can’t rely on your partner for every single thing.
If you’ve lost your support system, it could be that you start to feel disillusioned in life and that affects your relationship. You’ll feel bored and a little lost. It’s time to reconnect with old friends or start making new ones. [Read: How to reconnect with old friends and rebuild lost friendships]
Long-term relationships do become a little samey over time, but that shouldn’t be allowed to continue for long. You need to sit up, take notice, and take action.
But, if you’re both pretty lazy and you’re happy to carry on drifting in this way, at some point you’re going to look back and wish you did something about it. Give yourselves a kick out of that comfort zone – it’s possible to get too comfy, you know!
The answer is simple. What do you want to do? What’s the first solution your mind gives you? Do you want to fix it or do you want to move on?
Work hard towards a better relationship and fix it. Or talk to your partner and take a temporary break from each other.
You don’t have too many options here. If you’re bored with your relationship, it’s better to confront it now or both of you may end up hating each other and move towards a messy breakup in the future. [Read: 23 happy and naughty ways to keep a relationship fun, fresh and exciting]
A boring relationship is not all out of hope just yet. There is plenty you can do to make things fun again. Break out of your routine. Turn your boring relationship into an exciting one by using these tips.
To stop your relationship from continuing down its boring path, the first and best thing you can do is talk about it. If you and your partner aren’t on the same page, it will not work out.
Mention that you feel like your relationship has fallen into a rut and you want to shake things up. Throw out some ideas like going away for the weekend, rock climbing, or just exploring a nearby town. [Read: 30 signs you’re stuck in a boring one-sided relationship]
Some people might head to the airport and get on the first flight leaving. But if that is too much for you, we get it. So instead, make small gestures.
Surprise your partner at work and take them for lunch. Set up a fun backyard date for when they get home. Or plan a secret date and have them do the same. But, make sure that your partner is making the same level of effort – this isn’t going to work if it’s just you attempting to inject the fun back into your relationship.
Even though you’re aware that your relationship needs a perk up, once date night comes around, what is stopping you from plopping down on the sofa and watching TV?
Invite others into your plans to give yourself more accountability. If you have a double date planned, you are less likely to cancel or fall into your rut. Ask another couple you know to go bowling, mini-golfing, or to an escape room. This keeps things exciting, and hanging out with other couples can keep things fresh. [Read: Double dating ideas and why it’s fun to go on one]
Now, there is nothing wrong with being a planner, but sometimes it’s good to just break out of the routine and do something different. So, why not try new things together?
If you always do dinner and a movie, instead sign up for cooking lessons or tennis lessons. Go scuba diving or learn how to dance or speak another language. Learning new things together is fun, brings you back to school days, and shows you how good you are together.
Okay, get your head out of the gutter. We mean couple’s yoga, kickboxing, or even an adventure camp full of zip-lines and trust exercises. These will get you back in the swing of things physically and help you remember what your relationship might be lacking.
You can even paint a room, plant a garden, or wash the car together. These may seem like silly household chores, but they are great ways to have fun while accomplishing something together. When your blood is pumping and you’re being active, your mood increases and that definitely helps things along. [Read: 20 fun things for couples to do and get out of the boring routine]
Never underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship. It’s something that bonds you together and creates that intimacy relationships need.
If your sex life needs some attention, make it a point to spice up your bedroom time. Try sexting, role play, dirty talk, new positions, or buy some lingerie and surprise your partner.
Even heading away for a weekend and getting down and dirty in a hotel might be all you need to reignite the spark that’s been lacking! [Read: How to make sex way more exciting and fun when it’s boring and lame]
Sometimes none of these will work. That doesn’t mean your relationship is beyond repair, just that you may need a helping hand in repairing it.
Couples therapy can give you a closer look at what got you into a boring relationship in the first place so you can find the perfect way to have fun again.
Switching up your routine and reigniting the flame can work, but finding a professional who can get to know you and your partner on a deeper level will help you tremendously. [Read: Relationship counseling – The signs you need it to save your love]
If you’ve tried all of the above and nothing feels any different, or the changes don’t last, you need to sit down and seriously think about the future of your relationship. While it’s normal for things to settle down past the first honeymoon phase, that doesn’t mean you should put up with a boring, lacking-in-spark relationship.
You both need to make an effort to make a relationship work, but that shouldn’t be an exhausting workload either.
If it’s simply not working and you’re tired of feeling uninspired, perhaps it’s time to wave goodbye and find fulfillment in yourself for a while. That could mean a relationship break or a full stop. It’s up to you.
[Read: 69 signs your relationship is over or on the verge of ending for good]
Use these reasons why you’re bored with your relationship to understand your relationship boredom better. And once you know the cause, make up your mind on what you want to do next.
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