How to Start Sexting Your Lover When You’ve Never Done It Before

Dirty talk and sexting, they’re both awkward subjects. Yet, when you learn how to start sexting, you and your partner will probably never stop!

how to start sexting

If you want to breathe new life into your sex life, or you want to keep the honeymoon period going, sexting could be a great idea. Of course, being new to sexting is a little scary. You aren’t sure how to do it or the rules you have to follow in order to stay safe. Sometimes you’re even nervous of sending a bad picture or sounding dumb when you’re just trying to be sexy. If you want to learn how to start sexting your lover, you first have become comfortable with the idea of it.

Let’s be honest, it’s not a very comfortable thing. You’re putting yourself out there in ways that you never normally would just to please someone else. But sometimes the risk is worth it if the reward is pretty great. [Read: 14 Sexy tips to effortlessly sext like a real pro]

Sexting is a great way to spice up your sex life and bring you closer

Relationships can get pretty stale after a while. When you’re with someone for a long time, you just kind of settle into a routine that can actually be bad for your relationship. You stop appreciating each other in new ways and ultimately, it stunts the progression of your relationship.

In order to keep things fresh, new, and exciting, just start sexting. When you open up in this way and show your partner you still want to have fun, it can spark something new in the both of you. This helps increase your intimacy and bond you further. [Read: 16 mind-blowing ways to spice up your relationship]

Who knows, it could lead to even more kinky fun that you’ve never been brave enough to try together! Once these lines of communication open up, it’s like opening the floodgates to sexy fun!

How to start sexting

We’ll be the first to tell you that this will be a learning process. If you’ve never sexted someone before, you’ll need to know how to do it in a way that’s subtle and sexy. Here’s how to start sexting when you’re a newbie to sending those naughty texts. [Read: 30 Hot, sexting examples to start a naughty text marathon]

1. Just relax

It’s not that big of a deal. Yes, sexting can be a little dangerous if you’re not careful but if you’re doing everything right, it’s pretty simple. This is someone you love and care about. They respect you and treat you well.

It really shouldn’t be something that causes you a ton of anxiety. Think about who it is and remember that you’ve already been intimate with them. Sexting should be comfortable and simple. [Read: 14 really quick stress busters to recharge your mind]

2. Think about what your partner likes most

A great way to make sure your partner will like your sexting is to focus on something they’d like. You know what they like in bed, right? Use that knowledge to tailor your texts to what they like.

Are they a fan of dirty talk? Great! That’s the easiest way to start sexting and get them riled up. Just sext them the phrase you know they like best and watch them get super excited over the phone.

3. Ease into it with some flirting first

If you’re shy about actually sexting in general, it’s much easier to start with some heavy flirting. Send a few wink faces and be a little flirty in general. Then simply make your next text a little naughtier than the rest. It’ll be just enough to get their mind thinking in the right direction while also keeping it simple. [Read: Sexy, naughty texting games to ease into sexting]

4. Send a teasing photo

If you want to know how to start sexting, you’ll also want to know how to send a great naughty photo. Sometimes just sending a sexy snapchat will be enough to get your partner to start the sexting. This takes the pressure off you completely and you can just go with the flow. Of course, when learning how to start sexting, it doesn’t aways mean you have to send photos. You can stick with sexy messages if you prefer.

5. Tell them how much you wish they were there

Knowing what to say to start a sexting conversation is probably the hardest part. Where do you even begin with you’re a sexting newbie? A perfect thing to do is to tell your significant other how much you wish they were with you.

It doesn’t seem very naughty at first but you can easily segue into telling them exactly why you wish they were there. This is made even easier if you do it very slowly. Just tell them how you wish they were lying next to you, then how you wish their hands were on you. It’s a very simple thing to say that can be adapted in a lot of different ways. [Read: 20 naughty text messages to start a sexting conversation]

6. Talk about their fantasies

We’re sure by now you know a few things your partner fantasizes about specifically. Why not play up those fantasies? If you already know they like them, it takes a ton of the insecurity out of them. Are they into nurses? Put on a cute little outfit and send a teasing picture of just the skirt bottom. It’ll be enough to spark their interest and make you look like a sexting pro.

7. Talk about your fantasies

What about the things you fantasize about? Does your partner know about them? If so, just tell them how much you want them to be the ones to make those fantasies come true.

Knowing that, out of anyone, you chose them to satiate your deepest desires, they’ll be more than turned on.

8. Have some confidence in yourself!

Firstly, no matter what you say, it’ll sound hella hot if you have confidence. Secondly, being confident is the sexiest thing you could ever do. Nobody will doubt you or think badly of you if you own what you say. So practice some confident talk and hold your head up high. [Read: How to build self-confidence in 16 ways]

9. Only sext when you know they’re free to respond

If they’re super busy and can’t respond, you really shouldn’t text them. They won’t be able to fully appreciate it and you’ll get discouraged when you don’t get a reply.

Save your sexting for times when you know they have plenty of time to get back to you. You can do this when they’re away for work and just relaxing in their hotel room or even when they’re at a friend’s house watching a sports game. Choose your sexting time wisely before going for it.

10. Learning how to start sexting means being bold

Don’t hold back. If you’re really hesitant, it’ll come across that way. You really have to put everything you’ve got into it and stick with your words. If you think the best way to get your lover’s attention is by sending a fully nude picture, do it. Go big or go home, as they say. [Read: How to take perfect pussy selfies on the very first try]

11. Figure out if they’re interested in it first!

Not everyone is going to like sexting. Sometimes people are uncomfortable with having their partner get so personal on a device that can be hacked and sometimes they just get frustrated because they’ll want to be there while you’re getting sexy.

You’ll easily be able to tell if your partner is into it based on their feedback. Are they only sending one-word replies or are they replying right away with extensive material for you to work with? I think you know which means they’re interested. [Read: How to initiate sexting and make your partner horny for you]

12. Try not to overthink it

Chances are, if you’re reading this feature, you’re nervous. You don’t know how to sext and it’s holding you back from a potentially amazing thing for your relationship. The best thing you can do is to just stop thinking about it so much. Follow these tips and allow your instincts to guide you. If you start getting turned on while sexting your lover, you’re going in the right direction.

13. Use language you’re comfortable with

You need to be comfortable in order for sexting to work. If you use language that makes you cringe, it’s not going to be enjoyable for you and your partner is going to notice how uncomfortable you are. You need this to flow and that means using words and terms that don’t make you shudder in discomfort. Think about what you’re comfortable with first, and go with that. Yes, you have to be bold, but in a way that feels right to you. [Read: 25 Sexiest Dirty talk lines to make anyone horny with your words]

14. Keep the sexy conversation going with questions

Sexting is basically a conversation, albeit a very explicit one. In order for a conversation to flow, both sides need to be engaged and on board. If you’re doing all the talking, ask some questions to try and coax your partner to open up a little. It could simply be that they just don’t know what to say, but if you ask questions, you give them some guidance. It also takes the heat off you for a second!

15. Hold a little back

Sexting is a form of teasing. It’s a prelude to what may come later on when you meet up in person. So, make sure that you don’t give it all away at the start! Hold just a little back and tease your partner with your words. You’ll have them desperate for more and when you do meet up, the sex will be out of this world! [Read: Seductive tease: 20 Tantalizing ways to blow your lover’s mind]

16. If you’re going to send photos, keep your face shielded from view

If you’re going to send photos, it’s best not to have your face in shot. This isn’t because your partner isn’t trustworthy or anything like that, but technology isn’t foolproof. You really don’t want your explicit photo ending up in the wrong hands! By keeping your face out of shot, you’re protecting yourself.

17. Make sure you’re sexting the right person!

A very strong tip here – do not have multiple conversations while you’re sexting! It’s oh-so-easy to accidentally send the wrong message to the wrong person when you have a few chats going on at the same time. You don’t want to inadvertently send a nude snap to your mother, do you? Stick to one conversation whenever you’re sexting! [Read: 12 Super steamy sexting tips to turn a guy on instantly]

18. Know when to end it

You can sext back and forth for hours on end but it does tend to lose its effectiveness after a while! Know when to end the session and wait for the in-person meeting to take place. When the conversation starts to wane a little and neither of you can think of anything else to say, that’s the point to put your phone down and wait with anticipation!

19. Use voice clips if you want to

If you want to add a little extra oomph to your sexting efforts, why not send a few breathy moans via voice message? Again, make sure that you’re sending to the right person, but it’s a great way to make the sexting something more realistic than the written word. [Read: How to moan and look & sound even more sexy in bed]

20. Make it a regular deal, but not too regular

When learning how to sext, you’ll need to build up your confidence and you might think that you have to do it all the time to keep your partner interested. However, sexting is the same as anything in life; if you do it too often, its not special anymore! Use it often, but not too often. Do it when it feels right, but not force it.

[Read: Study shows why you should start sexting now]

Learning how to start sexting can be a little frightening simply because you’re new to the whole thing. Luckily, you’re sexting someone you know very well and care about deeply. Let go and have fun with it.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...