If you want to breathe new energy into your sex life, or you want to keep the honeymoon period going, learning how to start sexting could be a great idea. Of course, being new to sexting is a little scary. You aren’t sure how to sext or the rules you have to follow in order to stay safe.
Sometimes you’re even nervous about sending a bad picture or sounding dumb when you’re just trying to be sexy. If you want to learn how to start sexting your lover, you first have to become comfortable with the idea of it.
Let’s be honest, it’s not a very comfortable thing. You’re putting yourself out there in ways you never normally would just to please someone else. But sometimes the risk is worth it if the reward is pretty great, right?
[Read: Married sex – 17 sex ideas and naughty tips to spice it up and stay aroused]
We’re sure you’ve all heard of sexting already, but just in case you haven’t, sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit photographs or messages via a text message. So in short, you are sex texting.
Now, the extent to which you sext is completely up to you. You can send only messages, throw in some implied nudes, or go all in and send your crush the raunchiest nudes you could possibly take. It’s really up to you!
Relationships can get pretty stale after a while. When you’re with someone for a long time, you just settle into a routine that can be bad for your relationship. You stop appreciating each other in new ways and ultimately, it stunts the progression of your relationship.
In order to keep things fresh, new, and exciting, just learn how to start sexting. When you open up in this way and show your partner you still want to have fun, it will spark something new in both of you. This helps increase your intimacy and bond. [Read: 16 mind-blowing ways to spice up your relationship]
Who knows, it could lead to even more kinky fun that you’ve never been brave enough to try together! Once these lines of communication open up, it’s like opening the floodgates to sexy fun!
We’ll be the first to tell you that this will be a learning process. If you’ve never sexted someone before, you’ll need to know how to do it in a way that’s subtle and sexy. Here’s how to start sexting when you’re a newbie to sending those naughty texts. [Read: 30 hot, sexting examples to start a naughty text marathon]
It’s not that big of a deal. Yes, sexting can be a little dangerous if you’re not careful. But if you’re doing everything right, it’s pretty simple. This is someone you love and care about. They respect you and treat you well.
It really shouldn’t be something that causes you a ton of anxiety. Think about who it is and remember that you’ve already been intimate with them. Learning how to start sexting should be comfortable and simple. [Read: 14 really quick stress busters to recharge your mind]
A great way to make sure your partner will like your sexting is to focus on something they’d like. You know what they like in bed, right? Use that knowledge to tailor your texts accordingly.
Are they a fan of dirty talk? Great! That’s the easiest way to start sexting and get them riled up. Just sext them the phrase you know they like best and watch them get super excited.
If you’re shy about actually sexting in general, it’s much easier to start with some heavy flirting. Send a few wink faces and be a little flirty in general. Then simply make your next text a little naughtier than the rest.
It’ll be just enough to get their mind thinking in the right direction while also keeping it simple. [Read: Sexy, naughty texting games to ease into sexting]
If you want to know how to start sexting, you’ll also want to know how to send a great naughty photo. Sometimes just sending a sexy snapchat will be enough to get your partner to start sexting. This takes the pressure off you completely and you can just go with the flow.
Of course, when learning how to start sexting, it doesn’t always mean you have to send photos. You can stick with sexy messages if you prefer. [Read: Seductive selfies – 34 sexy selfie poses and tips to show yourself off]
Knowing what to say to start a sexting conversation is probably the hardest part. Where do you even begin with you’re a sexting newbie? A perfect thing to do is to tell your significant other how much you wish they were with you.
It doesn’t seem very naughty at first but you can easily move into telling them exactly why you wish they were there. This is made even easier if you do it very slowly. [Read: 20 naughty text messages to start a sexting conversation]
We’re sure by now you know a few things your partner fantasizes about specifically. Why not play up those fantasies? If you already know they like them, it takes a ton of the insecurity out of learning how to start sexting.
Are they into nurses? Put on a cute little outfit and send a teasing picture of just the skirt bottom. It’ll be enough to spark their interest and make you look like a sexting pro.
What about the things you fantasize about? Does your partner know about them? If so, just tell them how much you want them to be the ones to make those fantasies come true.
Knowing that, out of anyone, you chose them to satiate your deepest desires with, they’ll be more than turned on. [Read: The most arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]
Firstly, no matter what you say, it’ll sound hella hot if you have confidence. Secondly, being confident is the sexiest thing you could ever do. Nobody will doubt you or think badly of you if you own what you say.
So practice some confident talk and hold your head up high. [Read: How to build self-confidence in 16 ways]
If they’re super busy and can’t respond, you really shouldn’t text them. They won’t be able to fully appreciate it and you’ll get discouraged when you don’t get a reply.
Save your sexting for when you know they have plenty of time to get back to you. You can do this when they’re away for work and just relaxing in their hotel room or even when they’re at a friend’s house watching a sports game.
Don’t hold back. If you’re really hesitant, it’ll come across that way. You really have to put everything you’ve got into it and stick with your words. If you think the best way to get your lover’s attention is by sending a fully nude picture, do it.
Go big or go home, as they say. [Read: How to take perfect vajajay selfies on the very first try]
Not everyone is going to like sexting. Sometimes people are uncomfortable with having their partner get so personal on a device that can be hacked. Maybe they just get frustrated because they’ll want to be there while you’re getting sexy.
You’ll easily be able to tell if your partner is into it based on their feedback. Are they only sending one-word replies or are they replying right away with extensive material for you to work with? We think you know which one means they’re interested.
Chances are, if you’re reading this feature, you’re nervous. You don’t know how to sext and it’s holding you back from a potentially amazing thing for your relationship.
The best thing you can do is to just stop thinking about it so much. Follow these tips and allow your instincts to guide you. If you start getting turned on while sexting your lover, you’re going in the right direction.
You need to be comfortable in order for sexting to work. If you use language that makes you cringe, it’s not going to be enjoyable for you and your partner is going to notice how uncomfortable you are. You need this to flow and that means using words and terms that don’t make you shudder in discomfort.
Think about what you’re comfortable with first, and go with that. Yes, you have to be bold, but in a way that feels right to you. [Read: 25 sexiest dirty talk lines to make anyone horny with your words]
Sexting is basically a conversation, albeit a very explicit one. In order for a conversation to flow, both sides need to be engaged and on board. If you’re doing all the talking, ask some questions to try and coax your partner to open up a little.
It could simply be that they just don’t know what to say, but if you ask questions, you give them some guidance. It also takes the heat off you for a second!
Sexting is a form of teasing. It’s a prelude to what may come later on when you meet up in person. So, make sure that you don’t give it all away at the start!
Hold just a little back and tease your partner with your words. You’ll have them desperate for more and when you do meet up, the sex will be out of this world! [Read: Seductive tease – 20 tantalizing ways to blow your lover’s mind]
If you’re going to send photos, it’s best not to have your face in the shot. This isn’t because your partner isn’t trustworthy or anything like that, but technology isn’t foolproof. You really don’t want your explicit photo ending up in the wrong hands!
By keeping your face out of shot, you’re protecting yourself.
A very strong tip here – do not have multiple conversations while you’re sexting! It’s oh-so-easy to accidentally send the wrong message to the wrong person when you have a few chats going on at the same time.
You don’t want to inadvertently send a nude snap to your mother, do you? Stick to one conversation whenever you’re sexting! [Read: The super steamy sexting tips to turn a guy on instantly]
You can sext back and forth for hours on end but it does tend to lose its effectiveness after a while! Know when to end the session and wait for the in-person meeting to take place.
When the conversation starts to wane a little and neither of you can think of anything else to say, that’s the point to put your phone down and wait with anticipation!
If you want to add a little extra oomph to your sexting efforts, why not send a few breathy moans via voice message?
Again, make sure that you’re sending to the right person, but it’s a great way to make sexting something more realistic than the written word. [Read: How to moan and look & sound even more sexy in bed]
When learning how to start sexting, you’ll need to build up your confidence and you might think that you have to do it all the time to keep your partner interested. However, sexting is the same as anything in life; if you do it too often, its not special anymore!
Use it often, but not too often. Do it when it feels right, but don’t force it.
You don’t just arrive at your partner’s house and go straight to sex, right? No. You greet each other, make out a little, undress, do some foreplay, etc.
Sexting is much the same. You have to build up to the juicy stuff. [Read: Male sexual fantasies – 16 top dirty desires every guy has in mind]
Start by greeting them like normal, ask them how their day is going. When they ask you how yours is, mention something like, “It’s not bad… but it would be better if you were here ;)”
Make sure you throw in a wink so they know the direction in which you’d like to take the conversation. [Read: 40 naughty, playful texts to keep things hot and horny]
This is actually more important than most people think. By talking about a sexual encounter the two of you have had before, you’re putting their mind in the exact place you want it to be. And if you’ve ever tried taking sexy pictures of each other in person, you could allude to those shots as well.
Anything subtle like, “I can’t stop thinking about when you did ____ last time ;)” is enough to get their mind in the right place. It’s priming them for your big onslaught of sexual fantasies. [Read: 20 sexy texting examples to start a dirty conversation]
Nothing will kill the mood faster than someone who has absolutely no idea what you mean by cutting a certain word down. It will make your sext too hard to understand and they’ll have to ask what you mean. *hello, boner killer!*
And on that note, make sure you’re spelling everything correctly, too. Autocorrect is there for a reason, isn’t it?
Don’t start describing a ridiculous fantasy that is just way too much for your partner to imagine. The best part of sexting is that they can picture the two of you engaging in the acts you’re describing. So, make sure they’re realistic enough for them to believe.
Otherwise, the mood will be killed very quickly because they’ll just roll their eyes and say “yeah right,” and forget about the whole thing. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas worth trying that would be perfect for sexting]
Then if they ask you the same thing back, you can say something like, “I wish I was doing you.” It’s not super blunt, but it’s definitely riskier than other things.
However, sometimes knowing how to initiate sexting is knowing that you have to take risks every now and then. [Read: 20 steamy texts to start a sexy conversation]
It’s a simple sentence, but it’ll definitely get their attention. Their thoughts will immediately go to a sexual place and they won’t stop thinking about what that could be.
Make sure you do this in a way that’s not making them feel like they’re not already pleasing you. If you say this, do it so they know you just want to try something new. Then describe, in detail, just what that is. [Read: 10 kinks to try in the bedroom at least once]
This works best if the two of you are supposed to be otherwise occupied with work, meetings, at the doctor’s office, etc. This will make things that much more erotic if you both know you should be doing something else.
Also, while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sexting, keep it as taboo and ‘naughty’ in your mind, and it’ll feel so much hotter! [Read: Relieve sexual tension – How to free naughty thoughts in no time]
A skillfully placed emoji here and there can actually add amazing things to your sexting. However, if you use too many of them, they can be distracting and cause your partner to not take the conversation very seriously.
Use emojis but when you do use them, make sure they create the right impact. [Read: Emoji sexting – 16 fun emojis to make any conversation sound naughty]
Unless you know your partner is going to find a certain line ridiculously sexy and it will turn them on immediately, don’t be cheesy. That’s far more likely to cause hilarity than horniness.
There is no angle, lighting, or filter that is going to make a penis look great. So do everyone involved a favor and don’t send these pictures unless your partner asks for one. [Read: 20 really clever and witty ways to respond to a guy’s unwanted dick pic]
If you’re going to be sending pictures, have a gallery ready and don’t send that full nude right away. It just ruins the whole suspense of the sexting. You have to set the stage, so to speak.
Send pictures like you’re slowly undressing yourself for them in still frames, just like they would see you gradually get naked if you were undressing in person.
A cleavage shot here, a topless shot there, then progress onwards. [Read: 10 different sex positions to spice it up and add a bang in bed]
There is a difference between a tasteful naked picture and a trashy one. To keep things classy, always leave an element of surprise. This means withholding them from seeing the “money shot.”
This will make them eager to get home to you to see what you wouldn’t show them. That’s how to start sexting the right way. [Read: How to take good nudes – 36 tips for the sexiest naked selfies ever]
Don’t be too serious about sexting. If you say something that might sound a little silly, just roll with it because, at the end of the day, you’re doing it to have fun and be closer with your partner.
Don’t stress it too much! [Read: 23 sexy tips to dirty talk and say the sexiest words while sexting]
You will make a fool of yourself and it will not be pretty. Not only will you most likely spell almost everything wrong, but you’re also not likely to get your message across clearly. That’s just going to lead to misunderstandings and letdowns.
While it’s fun to tease someone here and there throughout the day *we mean, that IS what sexting is * make sure you follow through with what you say.
Don’t tell your partner that you’re naked in bed and waiting for them to come home, and when they finally do come home in a hurry, they find you in your frayed PJs eating ice cream and watching your favorite show!
It will annoy your partner when you talk the talk but then don’t walk the walk. But of course, that’s not to say you can’t tease them by making them wait a little longer for their reward. [Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]
Don’t sext someone you’ve never been intimate with. This can lead to expectations and disappointment. Plus, it’s difficult to have material to sext with when you’ve never actually been with them.
This should be the most obvious thing when it comes to learning how to start sexting, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t truly trust their partner but still send them sexts anyways.
The truth is that when you sext someone, you’re giving them full power to violate your privacy and show a ton of people. So, make sure you truly trust your significant other to NOT show all their friends your sext before sending it in the first place. [Read: How to sext a guy – Your complete guide to safe and sexy sexting]
A good tip when learning how to start sexting is to use code names. Don’t use your real name when sexting your partner. In fact, keep them on your phone under a completely different name if you want to add to the safety of your sexts.
Not only can this be really fun foreplay, but it’ll also make it really difficult for people to know it’s you if any information does get leaked. As long as they’re completely random, they should work.
If you really want to take safety up another notch, you can use a code word for more than just each other’s names. You can use code words for your naughty activities you want to sext about so no one will know what you really mean.
By doing this, it’ll look like you’re having a regular conversation, but to the both of you, it’ll be secretly sexy and fun. This can even add to the excitement, because nobody else knows what you’re saying to each other. [Read: 31 new things to try in bed at least once with your lover]
If you do end up taking photos of yourself and sending them to your lover, you should delete them afterward. That way, the images won’t remain on your phone for others to accidentally come across or for hackers to steal.
You should always make sure to delete them from your iCloud and any other device that may have saved them internally. Deleting them from every source is vital to keeping your online sexting life private and safe.
This won’t stop every perv from hacking your device and trying to steal your sexts, but using a device that’s not secure will make it a hell of a lot easier for someone to take your information.
For that reason, only use devices that will always stay in your possession. Don’t even use a family computer or tablet that you know others in the family will use. Stick to your cell phone, your personal tablet, or your laptop for online sexting. [Read: Social media and relationships – The good, the bad, and the ugly]
As much as you should hide your face in a sexting photo, you should also try to hide the background of the image, too. That being said, when you send a sext, try your best to make the majority of the photo all the good stuff and less background space.
Not only will your lover like how upfront and close it is, you’ll also reduce the risk of others finding out who you are by the things in your apartment or house. Believe it or not, you can tell a lot about a person by what’s in the background. [Read: Sexting ideas – 14 sexy tips to effortlessly sext like a real pro]
This goes along with your fantasies in a way. You can always let your partner know just WHERE you want to have sex with them.
Tell them you want them to have you on a high balcony or in a jacuzzi enjoying the warmth. These really help paint a picture in their head, and they’ll love it. [Read: 20 new things to try in bed at least once with your lover]
This is really easy. Just send your lover little compliments. Tell them how sexy they are naked, or how much you wish you could feel their amazing skin against yours.
Those compliments are still sexting, but an easier way to move into the naughtier stuff. [Read: 20 dirty questions to text a girl and make her really wet]
Now that you know the general guidelines for how to initiate sexting, you probably want some examples to use to make it easier on you. So, here are more than enough suggestions to get you started!
I wish you were here right now.
1. I just got out of the shower. [Read: How to get a girl to sext and actually be comfortable texting you]
2. You have no idea how much I love your body.
3. Do you know how sexy you are?
4. If we were in the same room right now, what would you want me to do?
5. I’m imagining what would happen if you were here right now.
6. What’s your favorite sex position?
7. I want to get naked with you right now.
8. Can’t sleep. I just keep imagining all the things we could be doing to each other if you were here. [Read: Emoji sexting – 16 fun emojis to make any conversation sound naughty]
9. Have you ever had a sex dream about me?
10. Just over here picturing you naked…and I like what I see.
11. I was just thinking about how hot your *insert body part here* looked last night when you *insert sexual activity here*.
12. I just masturbated to the memory of you.
13. I can’t get you out of my head.
14. I miss making you come. [Read: 14 amazing types of female orgasms all girls can experience in bed]
15. I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since I’ve had your perfect bum on my face.
16. Next time I see you, I want to do bad things to you.
17. I had a dream where you dominated me, and it was hot AF.
18. Thinking about you is making me so wet/hard.
19. What do you think about when you touch yourself?
20. You taste so good in my mouth.
21. I’m so turned on… want to help me come? [Read: Snapchat sexting – how to own your lover with a snap of a camera]
22. I love to imagine you touching yourself.
23. I can’t stop thinking about last night.
24. Remember when we did *insert sexual activity here*? That was so hot.
25. I watched Fifty Shades of Grey last night where the woman got tied up, and it made me so horny.
26. I just watched what might be my favorite naughty video ever. Can I show it to you?
27. Can you recommend a good naughty video?
28. I can’t wait to have my way with you tonight. [Read: 13 subtle sex tricks to give a girl an orgasm every time]
29. I’m counting down the hours until you’re inside of me/I’m inside of you.
30. Come over tomorrow night. I have a little surprise for you…
31. Will you lie back and let me pleasure you tonight?
32. I’m going to have you naked as soon as you walk into my apartment.
33. I woke up thinking about you after a dirty dream…
34. I hope you have a great day, sexy. [Read: 15 Sexting messages to send your boyfriend – go flirty or go dirty]
35. It’s too bad you’re not here right now. I wish we could *insert activity here*.
36. I want you to beg for it tonight.
37. Tell me what you were thinking about the last time you played with yourself.
38. Say my name when you come for me.
39. Tell me what you want me to do to you.
40. Get over here ASAP! [Read: Sexting ideas – 14 sexy tips to sext like a real pro]
41. Bend me over your knee and spank me.
42. Tell me what a dirty girl/boy I’ve been.
43. Let me suck/lick you.
44. Tease me until I’m begging for more.
45. Is someone feeling frisky today? Tell me what you’ve been thinking about.
46. Someone’s being bad… do you think I should punish you? [Read: Like getting tied up? Tips and tricks for curious first timers]
47. I would love nothing more than to watch you play with yourself over FaceTime.
48. I’m so hot right now. Should I take off some clothes?
49. What’s your ultimate fantasy?
50. If you could kiss any part of my body, what would it be?
Having a great sex life is about trying new things. That means you might want to give sexting a go and see if it’s something you both enjoy.
If it doesn’t work for you, that’s fine – at least you tried. But, perhaps it could turn out to be the key to a brand new, totally hot sex life!
[Read: Study shows why you should start sexting now]
Learning how to start sexting can be a little frightening simply because you’re new to the whole thing. Luckily, you’re sexting someone you know very well and care about deeply. Let go and have fun with it.
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