Coworker Crushes, Why We Fall for Colleagues & How to Pursue It or Drop It

We develop crushes all the time. Sometimes, they’re on the people we work with. Learn how to deal with a crush on a coworker so you can do the right thing.

You didn’t see it coming. Maybe it started over lunch, or during a project, or on Slack. But now, you’re stuck in a swirl of feelings for your colleague, and suddenly work is… complicated. If you’re dealing with a crush on a coworker, you’re far from alone.

According to the 2025 SHRM Workplace Romance Report, 29% of employees have dated a coworker, and nearly 1 in 4 admit to having a crush on a colleague that they never acted on. 📚 Source: SHRM Workplace Romance Survey 2025

Psychologists say that workplace crushes are completely normal. In fact, a 2022 study found that adults often experience crushes even in committed relationships, not because something’s missing, but because the brain thrives on novelty, attention, and proximity.

📚 Source: O’Sullivan, Belu & Garcia, 2022, Loving You From Afar

So, if you’re spiraling about your coworker crush, take a breath. This guide is here to help.

Here’s what you’ll find in this guide:
– Why we get crushes on colleagues
– Signs it’s more than just an office fling
– How to act on it without ruining your career
– What to do if you need to move on

Why do people develop crushes on their coworkers?

If you’ve got a crush at work, you’re probably wondering how it even started. You didn’t mean to develop feelings, it just kind of… happened. But there’s real psychology behind it.

We tend to spend more time with our coworkers than with our actual friends, partners, or family. You’re working on the same projects, dealing with shared stress, and grabbing the same sad desk lunch at 2 p.m., that’s emotional intimacy in disguise. 📚 Source: R. Matthew Montoya, et al., 2012, Similarity-attraction effect

Psychologists call this the mere exposure effect, the more time you spend around someone, the more likely you are to grow fond of them. But that’s not the only reason.

-If they show you warmth or kindness, it activates reciprocal liking, we naturally like people who seem to like us.

-Add in a few inside jokes, some well-timed eye contact, and a dopamine hit from shared wins, and suddenly your coworker crush feels like fate. 📚 Source: Arthur Aron, et al., 2004, Shared humorous experience on closeness in initial encounters

-There’s also something called limerence, a state of intense, obsessive attraction where we idealize someone, and it tends to thrive in environments where the object of your crush feels just out of reach. 📚 Source: Tennov, D., 1979, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love

So, no, you’re not being unprofessional or overdramatic. You’re experiencing a totally normal cocktail of proximity, chemistry, and psychological triggers.

👉 Looking for specific office crush scenarios? Read these guides:

• 22 Signs a Female Coworker Likes You & She’s Subtly Flirting With You at Work
• How to Tell if a Guy Likes You at Work: 15 Signs He’s Hitting on You
• Sexual Tension at Work: 36 Lusty Signs of Flirty Coworkers You Can’t Hide
• 34 Subtle Signs a Coworker Likes You & is Deeply Infatuated by You
• Workplace Flirting: 28 Subtle Signs a Coworker is Flirting & Hitting on You

How often does having a crush on a coworker happen?

Let’s be honest, if you’re working in an office of ten people, odds are good that at least one of them has a crush on a coworker right now. It’s not just common, it’s almost expected when people spend 40+ hours a week together, in shared spaces, with shared goals and frustrations.

According to the 2025 SHRM Workplace Romance Report, 29% of employees have dated a colleague, and nearly 1 in 4 admitted to having a crush on a colleague that they kept to themselves.

Psychologists call this the mere-exposure effect, the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to develop feelings for them. It’s not magic. It’s repetition, proximity, and tiny moments of connection over time. 📚 Source: Zajonc, R. B., 1968, Attitudinal effects of mere exposure

So no, you’re not unprofessional, immature, or out of line for catching feelings at work. You’re just human.

Are workplace crushes good or bad? The Pros and Cons

In general, having a crush on a coworker isn’t a bad thing. As we’ve covered, they’re completely normal.

However, in your specific situation, it can be hard to tell whether crushing on your coworker is something that should be celebrated or dreaded.

There are many factors in a workplace crush that go into whether it’s a good idea or a bad one. [Read: Sex with coworkers – The good & bad of hooking up in the workplace]

Here are some of the pros and cons of having a crush on a coworker:

Pro – You get to see them all the time

Sometimes, the 40-hour workweek can feel like a chore. But, when you have a crush on a coworker, suddenly it doesn’t feel so bad. Actually, it’s kind of nice having an excuse to see your crush every day.

Con – You have to see them all the time

We all know how exciting it is to first start developing a crush on someone. Butterflies erupt in your stomach when you see them, and talking to them makes you feel flustered. No matter how old we are, crushes remain an exciting part of life.

But when a crush goes on for too long, it becomes one of the worst experiences. You can feel sad because they don’t like you back, jealous because they’re talking to other people, or flat-out obsessive over what they’re doing 24/7.

None of those feelings are pleasant, so having to see your coworker every single day, especially when you’re trying to get over your crush on them, can be excruciating.

Pro- It’s an easy way to figure them out

With all of that time you have to spend with each other, you end up getting to know your coworkers quite well. If you approach an attractive stranger at a bar, it can be quite hard to get to know them.

However, at the workplace, it’s much easier to find out anything and everything about your crush… and just how compatible you two are!

Not only that, but you likely share something in common with your coworkers, so you can use that to get to know them closer.

Cons – There’s a lot on the line

It’s true that sometimes, crushes can develop into love. And we never know which crushes will turn into lasting love and which ones will fizzle out. What if the person sitting at the desk opposite you turns out to be your soulmate?

Or what if they’re just a passing fling? Is it worth risking your career for?

Pro – Flirting 24/7

We keep cycling back to the 40-hour work week, but it really is a key part of your crush! With all of that time you have to spend with your crush, you have so much time to turn up your flirting game! [Read: Subtle ways to flirt with your coworker & see if they like you]

Just think, everyone who has a crush on someone or is dating someone has to wait until after work to flirt with their beau. But now you, you have all day to schmooze your crush!

Con – You have to hear about their love life

There’s never a guarantee that a crush will be requited. In fact, it seems like a lot of crushes end up unrequited. If you find yourself in that boat, and you work with your crush, then you might have to hear them talk about their love life to either you or your other co-workers.

And that’s going to sting.

How to deal with having a crush on a coworker

The important thing is how you’re going to act on it. Are you going to try to make a move on them? Or are you going to keep this your dirty little secret? [Read: Workplace romance? 15 ways to tell if your coworker likes you back]

It’s exciting to pursue an office romance, or just enjoy the little crush while it lasts. But more often than not, office crushes bring with them the unwanted side effects of office gossip, low work productivity, and worst of all, if things don’t go well, an unbearable working atmosphere. 📚 Source: Pierce, C. A., et al., 2001, Romantic relationships in organizations

So you really have a lot that you need to do before you decide whether you pursue this crush or let it go. [Bustle.com: How to know if you have a real crush on a workplace colleague]

1. Figure out why you have a crush on them

You need to figure out why you like them. If you’re just bored with your life right now and find this to be the thing that spices it up, then you probably shouldn’t take this crush any further.

You might be experiencing emotional displacement, a psychological mechanism where unfulfilled needs in other areas of your life, like stress, loneliness, or even boredom, get redirected into unexpected crushes. 📚 Source: Baumeister, R. F., et al., 1995, The need to belong

It’s not worth jeopardizing your career, your work environment, or even your friendship with your coworkers unless it’s really worth it. Fabricating excitement just to break up the boredom is not worth it.

2. Check the company policy

Some companies are really strict about not letting coworkers date, while others are laxer on the idea. Before you decide to pursue this crush on a coworker or leave it in the dirt, find out if you even are allowed to take this crush further.

It’s not great when company rules come in between love, but it’s also not great when a meaningless crush comes in between a potentially successful career.

3. If you choose to go against the rules, know the risks

So you found out that your company is very strict against workplace dating, and yet you want to pursue it anyway. Well, although we don’t encourage this, if this is the path you want to go down, then you’ll have to proceed carefully.

Be mindful of emotional boundaries. Even if your connection is growing, it’s essential to keep interactions respectful, subtle, and professional during work hours.

If another coworker clocks on to what’s going on, or your boss notices that your relationship might be too romantic, then you could lose your job.

Just be aware that there are huge risks to what you’re doing.

4. If coworker relationships are allowed, be cool and respectful

It’s great that you work in a place that allows relationships! But still, it doesn’t mean you can act like you would when you’re in private.

If you start a relationship with a coworker, keep the PDA to an absolute minimum, save your arguments for outside of the office, and even before the relationship even starts, keep your flirtatious advances subtle.

If you’re hitting on your crush hard, or you’re making out with them by the printer, you’re going to make everyone else in that office insanely uncomfortable. Just keep your cool and approach your crush like you would any other coworker.

The flirtation can be turned up a notch over dinner or drinks after work.

5. Stop talking about it with coworkers

If we know anything, it’s that gossip spreads like wildfire around the office. So, if you’re talking to some people about your crush on a coworker, you can bet your life that everyone else is going to find out about it.

After all, work is boring, so this is some entertainment for everyone to sit and watch while they’re counting the hours until they can go home.

But this also means that there’s a higher chance of your boss finding out as well, and they might not be impressed. [Read: Quick ways to find out if your crush isn’t into you]

6. Take it outside

Whether that’s talking about your crush, flirting with your crush, or asking them out on a date – do it all outside of the office. Work is for, well, work. The office is not a playground for you to explore your love life. Remain professional and keep matters of the heart for out-of-office hours.

If you want to gush about your crush to a friend, don’t choose a friend who happens to be a coworker who happens to be busy with work. Or if you want to ask your crush on a date, maybe do it after work.

If you don’t have an opportunity to talk to them after work, then quickly suggest the idea at work and agree to make further plans when you leave work.

7. Know where you want this crush to go

If you’re debating about whether or not you should make a move on your crush, you have to look at what you’re risking.

It’s not impossible for you to find your life partner in the workplace. But it’s also not guaranteed. [Read: 23 tips to date a coworker & handle a breakup if the relationship ends]

What you need to do is evaluate if this is going to be a real thing or just a one-night stand type of deal. Because if you’re going to be putting your job on the line, it better be worth something.

8. If they’re into it, go for it!

Seriously, what have you got to lose? Love is never easy, and love is never without risks. So just bite the bullet and ask them on a date! [Read: 85 best first date ideas that are fun and romantic]

The worse that happens is that you have a bad first date and then there’s some awkward tension whenever you bump into each other at the water fountain.

9. If they’re not, bow out

Be respectful here. If you’ve asked them out and they said no, or even if you get the feeling that they don’t like you the way that you like them, then just move on.

There’s no point in groveling or pining for someone, especially not in a workplace. Not only is it highly unprofessional, but it’s also very distracting for your own work.

[Read: 19 truths to stop crushing on someone if they’re not into you]

10. Don’t turn it into a “workplace situationship”

With Slack DMs, late-night emails, and back-and-forth banter, it’s easy to fall into a modern situationship, no labels, no plans, just feelings and flirty vibes. It’s risky territory because it creates emotional attachment without clarity.

If you’re stuck in this limbo, have an honest check-in with yourself. Are you both emotionally investing without any real-life progress? That kind of tension can spiral, and fast. [Read: Situationship: Why People Like It, 51 Signs, Rules & Ways to Tell If It’s For You]

Can you have a crush on a remote coworker? Absolutely.

You’re not imagining it, yes, it’s totally possible to have a crush on a coworker you’ve never met in person.

It might’ve started with a friendly Slack message, a funny Zoom background, or those little emojis they drop on your updates that feel like something more. Suddenly, you’re obsessing over someone you’ve only ever seen through a screen.

Welcome to the era of the remote crush.

Psychologists say we form bonds through consistent interaction and emotional connection, not just physical proximity. This is rooted in what’s known as the parasocial effect, where we form emotional attachments to people we don’t physically interact with (similar to how fans get attached to celebrities or online creators). [Read: What is a Parasocial Relationship, 41 Signs & Why We Fall So Hard for Celebs]

But in this case, your “parasocial crush” likes your memes back.

• Shared digital space can feel just as intimate as real-world proximity when you’re talking daily, troubleshooting together, or bantering on late-night deadlines.
• Plus, remote crushes are often based on personality, humor, and communication, not just physical chemistry. That can make them feel deeper, more emotional… and sometimes harder to shake.

Still, the same rules apply:

• Keep it professional during working hours
• Avoid oversharing or emotionally dumping
• If you’re going to take it further, try to bring it offline before catching real feelings based on emojis and clever banter alone

📚 Source: Horton, D., & Wohl, R. R., 1956, Mass communication and para-social interaction

👉 Want to understand coworker crushes better? Read these guides:

• Work Husband & Wife: 49 Work Spouse Signs You’re Too Close & Rules to Follow
• Dealing With a Flirty Coworker? Here Are 32 Tips to Get Rid of Them
• 20 Signs a Coworker Is Sexually Attracted to You & Wants to Seduce You
• 23 Tips to Date a Coworker & Handle a Breakup If the Relationship Ends
• Subtle Ways to Hint and Flirt with a Coworker & See If They Like You

How to let go of a work-crush

If you think your crush on this person might not go anywhere, then you need to unfortunately move on. However, that is way easier said than done.

If you don’t even know where to start, then follow these tips on moving on from a crush on a coworker so that you can find happiness and peace again.

1. Cut back on spending time with them outside of work

Hanging out with your coworkers is fine, but if you’re spending all your free time with them, then maybe it’s time you branched out and hung out with some other people. You know, people who aren’t your crush.

Try to eliminate the extra time that you spend with them, or at the very least keep it to a minimum. You should only see them when you actually have a valid work-related reason to see them. At least until you move on from them.

2. Look at your own relationship with your partner *if you have one* 

Is there something in your own personal relationship, that is, if you’re with someone already, that’s making your eye wander? The first thing you should be doing is looking at that.

Maybe you have some issues within your relationship that you need to pay attention to. Now, if you’re just bored at work and need some entertainment, and you’re single, well, that’s different. [Read: How to handle an office crush while you’re in a relationship]

3. Focus your attention on hobbies outside of work

When you leave work, there’ll be some times when all you’re going to do is think about them. What they said to you that day, what they wore, who they spoke to – you know, stupid things that we all waste our time on.

But if your evenings are packed with activities, then you don’t really give yourself an opportunity to sit and dwell on this drama that you created in your head.

With enough distraction, you’ll eventually forget that you had a crush in the first place.

4. Distract yourself

If you’re at work, well, you should be focusing on your work instead of obsessing over them from across the room. Even if you don’t want to work more than you already are, by keeping yourself busy at work, you have less time to think or talk to them.

Keep your mind busy with other things. If you don’t want to work, surf the web, but stay away from their social media. [Read: Love or career – How to make the right choice?]

5. Set personal boundaries at work

If you see this person every day, getting over them is going to be hard. What you need to do is set personal boundaries.

If you usually eat lunch with them, stop. If you spend your coffee breaks chatting with them, maybe find someone else to talk to. You basically need to wean yourself off of that person.

Having a crush is an addiction, so, consider this your rehab.

6. Talk to your friends about it

Preferably friends outside of the workplace. Sure, it’s okay to talk to someone from work, but if word spreads, then you may get yourself into trouble before anything even started.

Your friends will give you the best outsider opinion about what’s going on with you and your crush. From there, you can figure out what you should do – to pursue or to walk away. [Read: 15 guaranteed ways to get your crush to like you back in no time]

7. Give yourself some time

It’s a crush, so it’s going to take some time to get over this person. If you could get over a crush overnight, then there wouldn’t be so much turmoil linked to crushes.

This isn’t going to be an overnight transition. It may take you months, or even years, to fully get over this person. Since you work with them, it’s going to be hard.

But don’t give up hope, because one day, you’ll be able to walk past this person without feeling a thing.

[Read: What you really need to do when you like a friend or a coworker – The complete guide]

So… should you act on your crush on a coworker?

Having a crush on a coworker can feel like being stuck in a romantic gray zone. One minute it’s a harmless distraction. The next, it’s keeping you up at night wondering if they smiled at you differently today.

But remember: attraction at work is normal. What matters is what you do with those feelings. Whether you act on it, let it simmer, or slowly let go, the choice is entirely yours, as long as you’re honest with yourself about the risks and the rewards.

At the end of the day, love might be unpredictable, but you? You’ve got a game plan.

So whether you’re chasing butterflies in the breakroom or trying to shake them off during meetings, you’re doing just fine.

[Read: Dating Your Boss: 21 Must-Knows, Pros, Cons & Mistakes Many People Make]

Now that you know everything there is to know about having a crush on a coworker, it’s up to you what you do about it. Do you follow your heart, or listen to your brain? Only you can decide that for yourself.