5 Reasons Why Loving Someone Too Much Kills the Love

loving someone too much

Can you ever love someone too much? As exciting as a new relationship can be, smothering a lover with your affection will do more damage than good!

Contrary to love stories, chick flicks and epic poems, there is such a thing as loving someone too much. If you do not know when to stop smothering someone, you run the risk of pushing your newfound love away.

Many people are addicted to loving too much and smothering a partner without even realizing it. And while they do this, they ignore all the warning signs, and are completely taken off guard when their partner leaves them.

You need to remember that as exciting as being in a new relationship is, you have to watch your step. Although there is nothing wrong with showering your partner with love, there is a fine line between being attentive and smothering.

Do not be blinded by love and learn to pay attention to the signals. When you constantly cross the line of your partner’s tolerance and annoyance, your partner will probably display telltale signs that enough is enough, and that they need you to back away.

Some of these signs include, but are not limited to, pulling disappearing acts on you, making excuses for breaking dates, and as a last resort, breaking up with you!

Why loving someone too much pushes them away

Smothering someone with love does not prove that you love them. Rather, it displays signs of insecurity and selfishness. There is nothing wrong with showering your significant other with your undying love and attention, but crossing that fine line and traversing into the region of smothering is easier than you think.

Many say that the reason they smother their loved ones is because they are afraid of losing them. But almost always, the truth is, the more you suffocate them with love and attention, the further away you are pushing them.

When you really think about it, loving someone does not mean you have to breathe down their necks and keep tabs on them every minute of every day. Love is meant to be generous and trustworthy. If you cannot offer your new love these fundamentals, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. [Read: 15 subtle and shocking signs of a secretly controlling boyfriend]

5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love

Loving someone is wanting the best for them, even if it means you are not getting what you want. Here are five big reasons why too much smothering will push your new love away.

#1 No one wants to lose their freedom

Wing clipping is the act of trimming a bird’s flight feathers so that it is no longer able to fly. Do not do this to the person you love. When you clip their wings, you are forcing them to be tethered to you. By smothering them with too much affection, you are taking away their freedom. This means that they are unable to make decisions without having you burning holes into the back of their head.

By smothering your partner, you are completely disregarding what they want for themselves. You have to give your loved one the chance to be free, even after you are married. This does not mean turning a blind eye to extramarital affairs. It simply means letting them make decisions without the fear of having you coming down hard on them. [Read: 20 glaring signs of a control freak!]

Do not place the person you love in a gilded cage because no matter how wonderful it is, it is an inescapable prison that no person should have to live in. Never clip your new love’s wings as nothing good will come out of it. Let them have their freedom and if you are really meant to be, you will be together no matter what.

#2 Stunt the relationship’s growth

Smothering someone will stunt, not just the relationship’s growth, but your partner’s growth as well. This is true when it comes to dating someone new, especially if both of you are young. You must give yourself and your partner the chance to be two separate individuals. You have to also give the other person sufficient time and space to accept you into their lives, no matter how much you love each other.

Loving someone means respecting their needs and desires and not forcing your way of life onto another person. Unless your partner is ready to fully accept you into his or her life and change their habits to make room for yours, you cannot break down the door and invite yourself in. Respect your partner’s individuality and do not stunt his or her growth. You have to respect your partner’s wishes and desires and let the relationship healthily grow on its own.

If you smother your new love with something they did not ask for, you will undoubtedly come off as needy and greedy and you can bet your bottom dollar that you will be single again in no time at all.

Building the perfect relationship takes time and you have to remember that if you rush things and try to take control of your partner, you will never get the relationship you crave for, as it will forever be stunted. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re so easily taken for granted by your lover]

#3 Stifle their independence

You will not give your significant other the important chance to be who they are if you smother them with too much attention. Decisions that they make have to involve you, whether they want to or not. From simple things such as when to hop into the shower, to what they want to have for dinner, to deciding whether to make a career move to another country, you snatch away your partner’s chance of being independent when you are constantly in their face.

The last thing that you want to do is to oppress the person you love. You have to give them the independence that every human being needs to make their own decisions and grow into the person they were meant to be. If you try to limit your new love’s ability to make choices, it is only a matter of time before they start realizing that their entire life is a prison and they will do all that they can to break free. [Confession: I’m a boyfriend who’s too needy and clingy!]

There is nothing wrong with sharing your time with someone else and being a part of life changing decision-making processes. However, there is a difference between forcing yourself onto your new love and giving them the chance to invite you in. Do not stifle your new love’s independence as they will go running for the hills.

#4 Familiarity breeds contempt

Familiarity breeds contempt, and as many couples will tell you, boredom as well. Everyone needs their space. Even old married couples appreciate spending some time away from each other. Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder as it gives your partner the chance to miss you. [Read: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or wander?]

Most of the time, people tend to appreciate what they have when they are away from it, and relationships are no different. If you smother your loved one with too much attention and neglect to give them the much needed space and time apart from you, you will inevitably invite in contempt and a sense of boredom. This does not mean that long-term romances are boring. It simply means that the two parties have figured out how to balance peaceful space and love without smothering each other.

If you are with someone new, you will do well to remember that being in a relationship is a delicate balancing act that takes time and effort to master. Give your new love some space and let him have his boys’ night out or her night out with the girls, without the need to come down hard on your partner. Remember that familiarity breeds contempt, so always give each other space and time for friends and hobbies outside of the relationship. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]

#5 It displays desperation

When you smother a new love, you will undoubtedly come off as being needy and desperate, even if you are not. Always remember that no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who cannot stand on their own two feet. You have to take it upon yourself to be independent and prove to not just your new love, but to yourself that you can cope with the responsibility of being in an adult relationship. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and ways to avoid being one]

Love demands trust and if you cannot give your partner space without having to play 20 questions, you are displaying signs of being insecure. Not just that, you new love will think that you are not able to deal with being alone and that you are terrified of losing them.

No one wants to be with someone who comes off as being crazy and needy, so be careful not to smother your partner as it comes off as looking desperate, a totally unattractive quality to have in a mate.

[Read: The complete guide to loving someone without smothering them]

As much as you love your partner and love being around them all the time, remember that loving them too much and smothering them will only cripple them. And along the way, you’ll end up crippling yourself too.

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Lianne Choo
Lianne Choo
Born in Singapore and raised in Malaysia to multi-racial parents, Lianne is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the wor...
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One thought on “5 Reasons Why Loving Someone Too Much Kills the Love”

  1. Kyle says:

    I don’t know, feel like the author is projecting way too hard. I have no problems loving my girls as much as I want, and I do it in the best way for them, not me.

  2. love. says:

    You can never really love too much because you can actually give all your love to the person. It just depends on the person you are with if they feel the same for you. If they feel the same for you, of course, you can love them as much as you want but if you feel that when you love them too much and they kind of stray away from you, they don’t love you that much at all. It’s better to end things with them because you’re just going to be wasting your time with them and of course your efforts and sacrifices. Love is a really genuine thing and most people kind of take it for granted or interchange it with lust. They think lust is love and it really isn’t. Love is genuine and you can never give too much if the person is right. If you have found the right person to give all your love too, there will never be “too much” love. It’s always going to be love that is enough. The person you really love deserves your whole love and of course, they should love you the same way in return. No one likes a one-sided relationship, where you’re the only one doing all the work while the other just enjoys the perks of being with you but is discreetly annoyed by you. It’s really a shame that people continue on living like that even though they know that they are going to hurt their partner in the end. If you cannot give your all, don’t be in a relationship. It takes a lot of investing for a relationship to really work and I’ll have to repeat it again, there is no such thing as too much love if you’re giving that love to the one who loves you just the same, the one who deserves it.

  3. Pso says:

    I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, eating disorders…and my boyfriend is the only person who stuck with me through all of it. Once I was diagnosed with BPD type 2, everything made sense. He suspected it as well but it never scared him away. We’ve been together five years. I used to think I could see myself happily married to him. I recently had a month-long manic episode that brought on more arguments than ever. He said he was afraid of me and that he’s worried about how I may eventually reflect poorly upon his career. It hurt, but he’s right. He said he wanted to stay with me and that he wants to be with me. I don’t believe him. I feel like I should break up with him. Not because I no longer love him, but because I feel like it would be best for him. He’s a well adjusted person with a bright future and I’m holding him back. He wants children and I know that I could never be a mother. I’m ruining his life. I want him to live happily ever after, have kids and get married…to someone else. Someone he doesn’t have to babysit or feel responsible for. That’s what he deserves. I just feel so selfish by staying with him. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting, holding someone back like this. It literally makes me feel sick. I’ve tried to break up with him once before but he doesn’t take me seriously and says that I don’t mean it. Maybe I don’t. I’m not really sure how I feel. I’m getting advice from people who are in a long term relationship that’s ever been through something similar. Is it possible for us to get over this and be happy? Or should I break up with him for his own sake? I just love him too much!!!

  4. Vickie says:

    This is a very good thought. I feel very happy that there are people on this earth who think alike. I totally agree with the above response. There is nothing called too much love for the right person who deserves your love. The rest is indeed lust as you said that most people often confuse with love. Anything that scares you away from love definitely means you are in an early stage of relationship that lacks depth.

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