Contrary to love stories, chick flicks and epic poems, there is such a thing as loving someone too much. If you do not know when to stop smothering someone, you run the risk of pushing your newfound love away.
Many people are addicted to loving too much and smothering a partner without even realizing it. And while they do this, they ignore all the warning signs, and are completely taken off guard when their partner leaves them.
You need to remember that as exciting as being in a new relationship is, you have to watch your step. Although there is nothing wrong with showering your partner with love, there is a fine line between being attentive and smothering.
Do not be blinded by love and learn to pay attention to the signals. When you constantly cross the line of your partner’s tolerance and annoyance, your partner will probably display telltale signs that enough is enough, and that they need you to back away.
Some of these signs include, but are not limited to, pulling disappearing acts on you, making excuses for breaking dates, and as a last resort, breaking up with you!
Why loving someone too much pushes them away
Smothering someone with love does not prove that you love them. Rather, it displays signs of insecurity and selfishness. There is nothing wrong with showering your significant other with your undying love and attention, but crossing that fine line and traversing into the region of smothering is easier than you think.
Many say that the reason they smother their loved ones is because they are afraid of losing them. But almost always, the truth is, the more you suffocate them with love and attention, the further away you are pushing them.
When you really think about it, loving someone does not mean you have to breathe down their necks and keep tabs on them every minute of every day. Love is meant to be generous and trustworthy. If you cannot offer your new love these fundamentals, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. [Read: 15 subtle and shocking signs of a secretly controlling boyfriend]
5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love
Loving someone is wanting the best for them, even if it means you are not getting what you want. Here are five big reasons why too much smothering will push your new love away.
#1 No one wants to lose their freedom
Wing clipping is the act of trimming a bird’s flight feathers so that it is no longer able to fly. Do not do this to the person you love. When you clip their wings, you are forcing them to be tethered to you. By smothering them with too much affection, you are taking away their freedom. This means that they are unable to make decisions without having you burning holes into the back of their head.
By smothering your partner, you are completely disregarding what they want for themselves. You have to give your loved one the chance to be free, even after you are married. This does not mean turning a blind eye to extramarital affairs. It simply means letting them make decisions without the fear of having you coming down hard on them. [Read: 20 glaring signs of a control freak!]
Do not place the person you love in a gilded cage because no matter how wonderful it is, it is an inescapable prison that no person should have to live in. Never clip your new love’s wings as nothing good will come out of it. Let them have their freedom and if you are really meant to be, you will be together no matter what.
#2 Stunt the relationship’s growth
Smothering someone will stunt, not just the relationship’s growth, but your partner’s growth as well. This is true when it comes to dating someone new, especially if both of you are young. You must give yourself and your partner the chance to be two separate individuals. You have to also give the other person sufficient time and space to accept you into their lives, no matter how much you love each other.
Loving someone means respecting their needs and desires and not forcing your way of life onto another person. Unless your partner is ready to fully accept you into his or her life and change their habits to make room for yours, you cannot break down the door and invite yourself in. Respect your partner’s individuality and do not stunt his or her growth. You have to respect your partner’s wishes and desires and let the relationship healthily grow on its own.
If you smother your new love with something they did not ask for, you will undoubtedly come off as needy and greedy and you can bet your bottom dollar that you will be single again in no time at all.
Building the perfect relationship takes time and you have to remember that if you rush things and try to take control of your partner, you will never get the relationship you crave for, as it will forever be stunted. [Read: 16 reasons why you’re so easily taken for granted by your lover]
#3 Stifle their independence
You will not give your significant other the important chance to be who they are if you smother them with too much attention. Decisions that they make have to involve you, whether they want to or not. From simple things such as when to hop into the shower, to what they want to have for dinner, to deciding whether to make a career move to another country, you snatch away your partner’s chance of being independent when you are constantly in their face.
The last thing that you want to do is to oppress the person you love. You have to give them the independence that every human being needs to make their own decisions and grow into the person they were meant to be. If you try to limit your new love’s ability to make choices, it is only a matter of time before they start realizing that their entire life is a prison and they will do all that they can to break free. [Confession: I’m a boyfriend who’s too needy and clingy!]
There is nothing wrong with sharing your time with someone else and being a part of life changing decision-making processes. However, there is a difference between forcing yourself onto your new love and giving them the chance to invite you in. Do not stifle your new love’s independence as they will go running for the hills.
#4 Familiarity breeds contempt
Familiarity breeds contempt, and as many couples will tell you, boredom as well. Everyone needs their space. Even old married couples appreciate spending some time away from each other. Absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder as it gives your partner the chance to miss you. [Read: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or wander?]
Most of the time, people tend to appreciate what they have when they are away from it, and relationships are no different. If you smother your loved one with too much attention and neglect to give them the much needed space and time apart from you, you will inevitably invite in contempt and a sense of boredom. This does not mean that long-term romances are boring. It simply means that the two parties have figured out how to balance peaceful space and love without smothering each other.
If you are with someone new, you will do well to remember that being in a relationship is a delicate balancing act that takes time and effort to master. Give your new love some space and let him have his boys’ night out or her night out with the girls, without the need to come down hard on your partner. Remember that familiarity breeds contempt, so always give each other space and time for friends and hobbies outside of the relationship. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]
#5 It displays desperation
When you smother a new love, you will undoubtedly come off as being needy and desperate, even if you are not. Always remember that no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who cannot stand on their own two feet. You have to take it upon yourself to be independent and prove to not just your new love, but to yourself that you can cope with the responsibility of being in an adult relationship. [Read: 13 clingy girlfriend signs and ways to avoid being one]
Love demands trust and if you cannot give your partner space without having to play 20 questions, you are displaying signs of being insecure. Not just that, you new love will think that you are not able to deal with being alone and that you are terrified of losing them.
No one wants to be with someone who comes off as being crazy and needy, so be careful not to smother your partner as it comes off as looking desperate, a totally unattractive quality to have in a mate.
[Read: The complete guide to loving someone without smothering them]
As much as you love your partner and love being around them all the time, remember that loving them too much and smothering them will only cripple them. And along the way, you’ll end up crippling yourself too.
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