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What Feminists Want to Hate in Bed, but Totally Love

Are sex kinks a conflict of interest when it comes to feminism? Here’s what feminists feel they shouldn’t love in the bedroom, but do!


Are your wild sexual kinks conflicting with your beliefs in feminism? Whether you’re new to feminism or a longtime advocate, reconciling your sexuality and your belief in the feminist ideal is nothing short of frustrating.

In fact, some feminists even suffer guilt over their sexual tastes.

As a feminist in the sexual world, it can be confusing and even embarrassing to admit to certain sexual preferences. They believe in gender equality – that no one gender or sexuality should be put above another, and that females should no longer live under a male-dominated world.

So, how can you justify a kink for submissive sexuality? After all, shouldn’t your belief system set the path for the rest of your behavior? How can you be a feminist and love to be degraded?

It seems the feminist community doesn’t know whether it’s in the *Feminist Rulebook* to embrace all aspects of sexuality or to run from them. After all, how can you be a strong and proud female while enjoying a good, sexy spanking?

While some argue that these sex topics and ideologies don’t marry, the fact is that humans are multifaceted by nature. So while you may hold certain ideologies, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some scintillating hobbies on the side, right? We’re looking at sex kinks feminists feel guilty liking, but totally shouldn’t!

It’s not your mom whispering in your ear about nice girls having only vanilla sex. *Okay, really hoping your mom didn’t actually feed you that line!*

Getting complimented and loving on a true gentleman

Yeah, okay, so it’s not exactly sexual in nature, but this one still works. While getting complimented may not lead to mind-blowing orgasms, it’s still an issue some feminists feel conflicted over. After all, you don’t need anyone’s approval to be a confident woman, and you certainly don’t need someone to tell you that your booty got game or how hot and sexy you look.

But let’s be real, ladies. Whether it be about their looks, their thoughts, or their talents, *everyone* likes getting complimented: male, female, puppies, grandmas, the obese postal worker – everyone!

Getting a compliment doesn’t make you any less of a feminist, nor does enjoying it! The same goes for shaving your armpits and having men open doors for you and picking up the tab.

What some feminists like to do in the bedroom

You’re an independent woman, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop taking care of yourself or enjoy when others go the extra mile to make you feel appreciated. Don’t feel guilty about liking a gentleman; feel guilty if you like someone who treats you like road tar! Here are some surprising bedroom antics that feminists enjoy.

#1 Doggy style. The argument: He wants doggy style because he doesn’t care about seeing your face. You could be any old, empty vessel for him to put his dick into, as long as you’re on all fours like a dog *a.k.a. not even human,* he’s happy.

The reality: Doggy style is actually a favorite for many women. It’s a great way to tingle the G-spot and can feel fabulously dirty.

If the thought of submission on all fours with a lack of intimate connection bothers you, or if you feel uncomfortably dominated, try switching it up. Have him reach around and stimulate your clit, use a sex toy, or only have doggy style in front of a mirror. This way you’ll be able to look at one another and regain your sense of contact *read: humanity* during the act.

Semantics aside, many women find this position incredibly pleasurable. [Read: 9 naughty ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]

#2 BDSM: spanking, dirty talk, rough sex, and kinky role-play. It can be hard to come to terms with your fetish for all things domination, including filthy sex talk, rough sex, bondage, domination, submission, and healthy spanks.

In fact, this is one of the biggest sexual issues many feminists struggle with. How can you be a strong, empowered female when all you want is to be dominated in the bedroom? Having someone call you a “Little Slut,” being held down, or being told that you are “owned” hardly equates to gender equality.

Seeking pleasure is healthy and natural. The feminist movement is about your right to choose. As long as you are taking on kinky role-play and other sex acts because both you and your partner consent and enjoy it, who cares? [Read: BDSM tips and tricks for curious first timers]

If it’s your desire to be a stay-at-home mom, to take on domestic roles of the cookie-baking wife, or to be spanked red on the bum by your partner, that is your choice. Stop judging yourself and other feminists for what they do in their sexual lives or otherwise.

To quote a fabulous article by Bitch Media: “Feminism has more important things to think about than what you safely, willingly, and healthfully do with your consenting adult body parts.”

#3 Giving oral sex. Oral sex is a hot topic with feminists. Some claim they only give to get, while others won’t give at all. Why? Porn has made a huge stink about giving head, and may have wrecked it for the real people, especially feminists *douchebag experiences don’t help either*.

Porn depicts women getting screwed in the face, jizzed on, choked, slapped, and overall abused, as well as other horrifying details that happened on set.

After all, as a feminist, you don’t believe that men should be greater than you, nor should you be bowing down to the male-dominated world. Yet, here you are letting your man stick his dick in your mouth like he owns that too.

But whoa, whoa, whoa…Step back a minute! You’re not making a porno, and those women in porn are not depicting oral copulations between an *actual* couple. They’re not in love, and neither are they showing decent human respect. In short: That is not a real blow job, nor how a real blow job should go. [Read: 25 most common porn myths that many of us still believe]

In real life, if your man respects you, inside and outside the bedroom, there should be nothing nagging you about being in the wrong when it comes to giving BJ’s. When you love your partner, you want to give him pleasure the same way he wants to lick you to orgasm.

Giving oral sex and dishing out the ultimate pleasure to someone you are in a mutually respectful relationship with isn’t degrading; it’s nice. Nice of you, and nice for him. It doesn’t make you less of a person or less of a feminist to enjoy making your partner feel fantastic. It makes you a loving girlfriend.

[Read: 9 clear signs you’re dating a radical feminist]

Remember, feminism is an ideology, not a person. You uphold it with your thoughts, not by what you do in the bedroom. As long as both sexual parties are consenting and feel respected by their partner, whose business is your sexual preferences? Not feminism’s!

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Waverly Smith

Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...

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