Picture this: you have the girl of your dreams laid out before you. You two are kissing, and things are getting hot and heavy. There’s just one problem: you can’t get hard. Your thoughts quickly turn from, “this is amazing” to, “this is a disaster,” and before you know it, the story of your floppy dick is making its way down your lover’s social circle. That is, if she’s an insensitive gossip. Either way, not being able to get a boner when the time is right is beyond embarrassing. So that’s why you need to know how to stay hard and keep an erection up.
The Cleveland Clinic reports that 52% of men experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. Now, before you wave it off and exclaim how you won’t have to worry about this until you’re in your 70s, it may horrify you to know that the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports one in four erectile dysfunction patients is under 40 years old.
Rest assured that when it comes to troubles in the bedroom and a disobedient penis, you’re definitely not alone.
Erections *or the lack of it* can screw with your head.
An erection is a funny thing. When it stays hard, you feel great about yourself.
But when it goes limp, no matter how hard you try, it can be the cause for some serious psychological concern.
If you’re not suffering from any medical conditions and still have a hard time keeping it hard, there are things you can do to keep it up and raring to go when you need it most. [Read: 30 sexy tips to spice up your sex life]
Almost all the time, an erection is all in your head. And if it’s in your head, these tips will definitely help you.
First of all, do you get an erection when you feel horny? If you are able to get an erection when you’re all alone, you’re definitely all good down there and just need to learn to relax when you’re with a woman.
There are many reasons why you may be having trouble getting an erection with your partner. Your woman may assume it’s because you don’t find her attractive anymore, but almost always that’s never the case.
Whether it’s a hook-up or a long-time partner, penis problems can crop up to ruin your night at any time for any number of reasons. Here are a few reasons why you may be having a difficult time keeping an erection up.
Stress is one of the big culprits that stop you from getting hard. In this case, wondering how you’re going to pay your bills, what’s wrong with your relationship, and what stick your boss has up his rear-end isn’t exactly going to help you get an erection.
It’s certainly easier said than done, but the best solution for this stiffy problem is to relax and remove unneeded stress from your life. Vacation, anyone? [Read: Why does losing an erection bother men so much?]
If you’ve been cranking it at the gym, haven’t been sleeping well, or you’ve been working your ass off at your job, getting tangled up with your lover for even more physically demanding activities may not sound ideal.
Physical exhaustion has a direct effect on your ability to get aroused. The only fix for this one is to get some rest.
The more sex you’re having, the less likely you are to suffer from erectile issues. The American Journal of Medicine reports that men who had sex once *or more* a week were less likely to have issues getting and maintaining an erection.
So, not having sex is actually one of the reasons you can’t get hard. [Read: How to have better sex and change the way you make love]
It happens. Whether it’s the weight your partner has put on, the realization that you’re having period sex, or you’re just not getting what you need in the bedroom, at some point in your life, you’re going to be turned off enough to lose *or be unable to attain* your hard-on. [Read: Not attracted to your girlfriend anymore? The why and the fixes]
This is probably one of the biggest problems, and one of the biggest tips that will help you to maintain your erections – stop watching porn.
Studies suggest that over time, over-exposure to porn can actually hinder your ability to stay hard and even enjoy sex. We’re not talking willy-nilly porn watching, guys. We’re talking gotta-have-it porn addiction.
In a Men’s Journal article, Dr. Elizabeth Waterman relates how watching porn releases dopamine in men’s brains.
Over time, these dopamine receptors become dull and men need harder, more graphic porn to be turned on. After enough exposure, the dopamine receptors are so dull that men are unable to keep an erection and frequently find themselves uninspired by a real-life partner.
Many men suffer from performance anxiety; this too can contribute to your erection problem. Simply put, you’re too nervous to get your dick up. And that’s okay, it happens!
This is likely to happen if you haven’t had sex in a while, or if it’s your first time with a new partner. Sex is supposed to be fun, but worrying about your prowess between the sheets can make sex the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to be. [Read: Ways to overcome sexual anxiety and perform]
It’s not exactly sexy to try and screw while your newborn/parents/relatives/friends are perched in the next room.
If you’re distracted by a loud TV, knocks at the door, or your phone going off while you’re trying to go down on your partner, it’s going to make it an aggravating sexual experience. Not exactly ideal grounds for getting an erection.
It’s awkward. You’re drunk and you can’t get hard. Despite that, you’re desperately trying to shove that floppy penis inside your partner. That visual is about as appetizing as the actual experience. The truth is that alcohol can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
Consuming alcoholic beverages before sex causes dehydration, which leads to less blood volume, which leads to one embarrassing lack of an erection. This is because drinking causes the angiotensin hormone to rise, AKA the same hormone that causes erectile dysfunction. [Read: The sober reasons why drunk sex is never a good idea]
Thanks again, booze. Why are we getting shit-faced before getting down and dirty anyway? Another study showed that 11% of participants who drank alcohol before sex had trouble reaching orgasm.
If you’ve had a few too many tonight and can’t seem to get hard, take it as a sign that your last rum and Coke was one too many.
It should also be noted that chronic alcoholics often end up with erectile dysfunction and frequently can’t get hard, and not just for one drunken night. Damage to the liver can cause irregular hormone distribution, which can lead to both sterility and impotence.
Bad stimulants, such as smoking cigarettes, may be having a negative impact on more than just your lungs. That’s right, smoking may lead to a lazy penis.
One study shows that 40% of men that suffer from erectile dysfunction are smokers. The good news is that 75% of men reported erectile issues disappear after quitting smoking. What better motivation to quit smoking than having amazing sex?
Suffering from an illness, and now you’re on antibiotics or over-the-counter cold medicine? Awesome! You’re on the road to recovery. Unfortunately, your penis may suffer the consequences of you getting better. For now, at least.
Certain medications can temporarily cause erectile dysfunction while you take them. Other medications, such as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication, may have lifelong effects on your ability to get a boner. If you’re taking medication for the long-term, you may want to talk to your doctor about their nasty side effects.
Wondering if there are a few other subtle reasons why you may be having a hard time getting or staying hard? You may be experiencing some of these reasons too!
After a few years, it’s easy to find the whole game of sex monotonous, even if you have a very attractive partner. Especially if you fall into a routine of doing the same positions over and over again.
Condoms can have a tight grip around your member, which can definitely affect your performance if you’re not comfortable with them. Use thinner condoms if you must, but don’t avoid using them unless you and your partner are committed only to each other. [Read: Strange facts about condoms]
Sometimes, you can be so aroused that you kill your hard-on! It’s weird, but overexcitement and adrenalin can actually make you feel weak and jittery.
This is actually one of the biggest reasons why so many men suffer from a limp erection. Psychological damage can do more harm than physical damage.
This is especially true if you’re stressing about giving your girl a good time or trying to get your woman pregnant.
When you’re not enthusiastic about your life or if you’re depressed, it would be a miracle if you can actually have a hard erection! [Read: Omg I’m so bored with life – 20 ways to bring back the spark]
Do you eat well and sleep well? Healthy lifestyle habits can impact your sex drive and your performance to a large extent.
Whether you are having a temporary or sporadic problem staying hard or it’s an ongoing problem, there are some psychological effects of having erectile dysfunction.
We live in a world where men’s sexual prowess is something that is looked up to and revered. It’s a sign of manhood. So, when you experience problems down there, it can have a lot of psychological effects on a man – and your partner if you’re in a relationship. [Read: Fear of sex – what is genophobia, 15 symptoms, and ways to overcome it]
First, you could feel like “less of a man.” Society can teach us that men always have sex on their minds and that they should always be able to perform at the drop of a hat.
So, when that doesn’t happen, it can lower a man’s self-esteem and cause him to feel embarrassment or even shame, even though it’s pretty unrealistic to expect a man to always be ready to go.
If a man is single, this might cause him to be cautious of any sexual activity when he is dating someone new. This is tricky because he knows his date will eventually want to have sex. And his worrying about how to stay hard will cause a psychological problem on his end which can leak over into the relationship.
If a man is in an established relationship, it can also be a difficult thing. It’s a hard topic to talk about with your partner, regardless of how much you love each other. There could be resentment and fear on both sides. [Read: How to get harder erections – tips and tricks for a rock hard tool]
Not knowing why a man has a problem staying hard is usually the worst part for both of them. But the man will start to feel inadequate in some way and may start to lash out in other ways as a result.
Depending on the man and how he feels about himself in general, he might start to blame his partner for his lack of motivation to get an erection.
It’s usually easier to make it someone else’s fault. But then, of course, this leads to feelings of resentment on the sides of both partners. And eventually, this can turn a once healthy relationship into one that is on the rocks.
If this is an ongoing problem, then you might want to see a doctor to get a diagnosis. It will give you peace of mind as to what is causing your inability to stay hard. And it can also lead to treatment options and solutions. Plus, your partner will be happy that you are taking action and trying to solve the problem. [Read: How to use a cock ring – your rock hard guide to orgasmic bliss]
Meanwhile, you can try these things before you decide that you need some help from a professional.
A limp erection can destroy a relationship or complicate it if it’s a repetitive occurrence. Your girlfriend could assume you don’t find her attractive anymore. Your limpy dick could leave you frustrated and pissed off. And both of you could just start getting annoyed with each other for no reason.
But there’s a happy way to go around this and ensure that you not only get an erection but keep it for a long time. Just use these tips to keep an erection up and it’ll definitely make a difference in your life in a couple of weeks.
Distract yourself from your little head and use your big head in bed. Indulging in dirty talk and sharing your fantasies can help reignite the pleasure of sex for both of you. [Read: Tips to talk dirty in bed]
Speak about your secret fantasies and fetishes with each other and indulge in them. Sometimes, all you need to bring your little guy up is a whole new sexual experience! [Read: Top 50 kinky sexy ideas to try in bed]
Don’t carry your own weight on your arms for too long when you’re on top of her. Feel relaxed and avoid any scenarios that bother you, like sweating too much, overeating before sex, or having sex when you’re too tired.
Too much of a good thing can get boring. Your girl may be the sexiest thing alive, but unless you create new ways to enjoy each other in bed, one of you may get bored which will eventually lead to you feeling less satisfied and less horny.
This is something most guys don’t know and don’t care to know. Foreplay always helps the guy hold on for longer.
You may think it’s pointless, but by indulging in foreplay for 15 minutes before penetration, your little guy would get more time to warm himself up for the act. Just don’t think about your erection until you have to penetrate her. And when it’s time, you can rest assured that he’ll be ready. [Read: The beginners guide to sexual role playing]
Another great tip for how to stay hard is to stop thinking about it. Instead, just focus on satisfying and pleasuring your partner. When you spend too much time pondering over how erect you are, you kill the fun, which will in turn kill your erection.
When you can’t hold on to a long erection, it’ll definitely leave both of you upset. Learn to talk about it with your partner and reassure each other. Always ensure that bad sex is not getting in the way of good love.
Breathe deeply in the mornings. It helps increase the oxygen in your blood flow and also calms you down when you’re stressed. It might sound like a strange thing to do when you are learning how to stay hard, but trust us, it works.
Better yet, start working out. A good cardio workout makes you feel fit and healthy, and it greatly improves your flexibility and blood circulation.
When you look good, you feel alive down there. And the increased blood circulation would ensure that your boneless buddy would be upright and hard for a long time. [Read: Guide to dressing for sex]
Smoking destroys your lungs, which in turn affects the amount of oxygen your lungs can absorb, which increases the amount of fatigue in your muscles and leaves you tired all the time. The more oxygen in your body, the easier it will be for that all-important muscle to function down there.
Masturbation can be good to control the problem of premature ejaculation, but it’s not good if you want to keep it hard for a long time.
Go out, meet people and have fun every day. When you have an active lifestyle, your body will come back alive because it will be loaded with happy hormones that get activated when you interact with others.
This might sound like an odd tip for staying hard, but the longer a man stays away from flirting, the more his testosterone drops.
Keep your libido on a high by indulging in a bit of flirty talk now and then and you’ll always enjoy sex.
You may have heard that changing positions can be more fun. But by doing that, you’ll end up worrying too much about whether your member will continue to stay erect during each penetration and end up feeling more stressed. [Read: How to arrange your bedroom for better sex]
Well, yeah, you had a hard time having a hard time before. But guess what, this is not the last time. You can’t expect sex to feel awesome every time. And when you do have a dry spell, don’t let that bother you. Just indulge in foreplay, have fun, and stop thinking about what went wrong the last time.
Love your body. Many men and women don’t like looking at their own bodies while having sex because they think it looks ugly. If your physique bothers you, do something about it and get over it as soon as you possibly can.
Think of the first time you and your girl had sex or made out. And talk about it in bed. There’s something so sexually exciting about the first times that it’ll bring the excitement and sex appeal back instantly.
It may seem like a good idea to slip it in quickly as soon as you know it’s hard, and feel relieved that you were erect enough to penetrate her. But this routine will make you lose your confidence gradually and scare you away from slow and relaxed penetration over time.
Lovemaking isn’t all about putting it in. If you want to get it hard and keep it hard, you need to learn to understand that lovemaking isn’t just about the act of penetration.
When you pay all your attention to penetration, it’s inevitable that you’ll end up putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Take time to please her in other ways and you’ll see how relaxed and sensual sex can really be. [Read: The complete guide to having sensual tantric sex]
If nothing else works for you, this definitely should. Take sex out of the calendar for an entire month, and that includes even seeing each other naked. But in the meantime, continue to woo and arouse each other by going out often.
Grind at parties, kiss in public, and pet each other when you feel horny. By restricting sex for a while, you can bring the arousal and curiosity back into bed. And that will definitely help you keep an erection up for as long as you have to perform. [Read: Sexy public flashing confessions]
Just use these tips on how to stay hard and with time, your confidence will grow and your little guy will definitely be ready for a standing ovation and an encore every time he has to put on a show.
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