This subject strikes a chord with me and tears at my heartstrings. Some of the most researched topics by guys on the internet are questions like this one: why does my girlfriend hate me? Can you imagine being with someone and wondering why they hate you?
As couples begin to get comfortable with each other, there is sometimes a tendency for irritability to ensue and come between you. Often, if we are feeling insecure in a relationship or about ourselves, we will hear negativity, even if things aren’t negative. No, I am not saying that it is all in your mind. You may have actually reached a point in your relationship where it feels like you can’t do anything right. My suspicions are, however, that she probably doesn’t think that you think much of her, either.
What is the key to longevity in a relationship?
There is research to show that the biggest predictor of relationship success is one thing, and that is positivity. When couples speak more positively about each other and to each other, they have a greater likelihood of not only staying together, but also of having a happily ever after. Perhaps it isn’t that your girlfriend hates you—maybe you’re just stuck in a rut. The problem is that instead of asking her this question, you are turning to the internet.
What do you think she would do if you asked her why she hated you? My guess is that she would be absolutely stunned by the question at first. But after the sting wore off, it would open the door for better communication between you both. Sometimes, it takes being open and honest to get to the root of your relationship issues. If you have tried to talk to her and she isn’t interested in communicating and working things out, then you have to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who would make you feel hated. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
10 questions to ask yourself to get to the bottom of your question: why does my girlfriend hate me?
Maybe you shouldn’t be asking yourself why she despises you, but rather, you should be considering these other 10 possibilities to get to the heart of the matter.
#1 Does she have a reason to hate you? Have you done something that she should hate you for? If the answer is no, then you should ask yourself why you would think that she hates you in the first place. There is a difference between resentment, anger, and hatred. Don’t assume that she hates you unless you have done something unforgivable.
#2 At what point did you begin to feel the way that you do? At what point in your relationship did you start to feel as if she hated you? Hate is a pretty strong emotion. Was there some catalyst or change that got you where you’re at now? Was there a major life change or an event that forever altered your relationship? It’s important to take stock of what has happened in the past to figure out how to repair what is broken and move on to the future. [Read: How to confess to cheating on your partner?]
#3 Does she treat everyone the same way, or are you singled out? If you seem to be the sole object of her hatred, then there is something that she is holding onto. She may be resentful of something you did, or she may feel as if you’re devaluing her or her opinions. If she treats everyone with disdain, then she is probably just unhappy with life in general, and only she can pull herself out of whatever is bringing her to her dark place.
#4 What part do you think you play in your relationship problems? Do you believe that she just started acting hateful toward you out of the blue? Or do you know that there are things about you that make her upset, sad, or furious? If you know what you do to make her so upset and aren’t willing to change them, then you need to consider moving on.
If you can rationally think about what it is that might be making her so angry, then perhaps you could put more effort into avoiding those things that make her upset. If you try to meet her halfway, you may be surprised at how quickly her hateful attitude can turn back into affection. [Read: The power of words can make or break your relationship]
#5 Do you speak negatively to or about her? A woman who feels as if she’s being devalued or disrespected will often react with disdain. Not showing her the gratitude or respect that she feels she deserves will likely result in resentment and hateful behavior. If she knows that you have talked badly about her, then she’s going to have trust issues. These are problems that you need to discuss with her calmly and rationally to resolve. [Read: Is your negative thinking ruining your life?]
#6 Do you really think that she hates you, or do you think it’s something else? Is the feeling she has for you really hatred? Or is it something else, like resentment or frustration? When you try to communicate with someone who refuses to listen, it can lead to feelings of deep frustration that can feel more like hatred. When someone is frustrated to the point of anger, it can look, sound, and feel like hatred.
#7 Do you want to stay with someone who has disdain for you? If you really believe that she hates you, then why do you stay with her? You rarely can hate someone and stay with them, so you need to decide if she really does hate you, and if so, do you want to stay in the relationship? If it isn’t hatred, then you need to figure out what it is so that you two can work together to resolve it.
#8 Is what you’re doing helping or hurting the situation? Are the steps you have taken to fix your relationship helping or hurting? If you’ve tried to do things to fix the relationship and they have not worked, then stop doing them. Doing something over and again and getting the same horrible response is the definition of insanity, not hate. Try to take steps to figure out what she really needs and what will really fix your relationship. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart]
#9 Do you think she would stay with you if she really hated you? What does she want from you? Unless you are rich and taking care of her financially, why would she stay with you if she hates you? People don’t stay in relationships when they hate the other person. There is obviously love there, or she would have walked away by now. Figure out what her true feelings are and you just might uncover the love that’s been hidden underneath this whole time.
#10 How much do you really like her? Maybe she sees something in you that she’s mirroring. Like when we cheat and then accuse our mate of doing the same thing. Perhaps it’s you who isn’t happy and wants out of the relationship. Deflection is the best defense to getting out of something that you aren’t happy with. [Read: 11 truly corny signs you’re made for each other]
If you’ve ever asked yourself the question of why does my girlfriend hate me, then you may need to take a look inside yourself for the answer. The key to turning things around is to stop thinking everything is hopeless, and try to work together as a team to smooth away your problems.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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