There’s a reason why so many women hesitate when it comes to the back door—it’s not being done right. Here’s how to prepare for anal sex. The right way.
Anal sex isn’t something new. In fact, it’s also a very common sex position with other mammals. Don’t worry, I won’t go all Discovery Channel on you. But it is important to understand how to prepare for anal sex for the most pleasure and least amount of discomfort.
You’re probably super curious about anal sex. So many people are hesitant doing anal. Some men think they’ll end up with poop all over them, and women think it’ll cause real pain and discomfort.
How to prepare for anal sex
Okay, those are all valid reasons and both could happen. However, if you follow these tips, these fears never manifest into reality—thank god. So, it’s time to learn how to properly prepare for anal sex.
#1 Know your bum. Your partner doesn’t know your bum. That means you’re going to need to get acquainted with it. Your rectum is a small, tight hole. So, before you go straight to anal sex, start practicing by inserting a finger or a small toy. That way, you’ll be able to experience the sensation, on a minimal level, and also know when it is too much. [Read: Risks and dangers of anal sex: What to watch out for]
#2 Don’t do it because you’re pressured. If your partner keeps bugging you to have anal sex with them and you don’t want to do it, well, then don’t. It’s your butt. So, you get to control what goes in and out of it.
If you’re curious about anal sex, then tell your partner you are but need your own time to get comfortable with the idea. And if then, after all that, they’re still bugging you—ditch ‘em. They obviously have poor brain function.
#3 Clean yourself before. Before having anal sex, you want to make sure your bum is cleaned. People have this association that anal sex is dirty, but the bacteria in your anus naturally fights infection.
#4 Know what you shouldn’t do. If you forget everything on this list, then you should remember what you shouldn’t do. If you’re going to have anal sex, do not do it without a condom.
Also, make sure the penis does not go into the vagina after anal sex. Like I said, the anus is actually pretty clean. Nevertheless, the vagina is extremely sensitive to foreign bacteria. So, once in the butt, keep it in the butt. Unless the penis gets a complete wipe down.
#5 Have a glass of wine. If you’re nervous about having anal sex, then drink a glass of wine to calm yourself down. Now, if you’re freaking out, ask yourself if you’re really ready for anal sex. If you and your partner want to loosen up with a glass of wine, then both of you will relax.
#6 Use dark sheets. Some people are worried about having their sheets stained with… butt juices. If you live with your parents, that’s a decent worry to have. So, I recommend covering your bed with darker sheets just to prevent any questions being asked at the dry cleaners. If you’re really worried, then try having anal sex in the shower. Much easier. [Read: Sexual wish list: 16 naughty deeds to help build your list]
#7 Don’t go straight to anal. So, you’re going to have anal sex tonight, that’s great. However, you don’t have to jump right into it. It’s more enjoyable if you do the traditional foreplay and sex.
That way, the woman will be naturally lubricated and aroused. Then have anal sex. Going into anal sex right away is like driving a car in winter without warming it up.
#8 Lube up. You’re going to need a lot of lube. Aside from rule four, make sure you remember this one. Lube.
Before the penis even gets close to the bum, you need to make sure it’s lubed up. Don’t be shy with the lubricant, you can never have enough lube. You want the penis to just slide right in without any problems. Repeat after me: lube, lube, lube. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
#9 Go slow. Having a penis go into your rectum is one thing, having it jammed in is another issue completely. It’s traumatizing. Both of you need to be calm and take a breath.
So, if you want to prepare for anal sex the right way, go slowly with the penetration. That way, if it’s uncomfortable, you’ll be able to readjust yourself for an easier and more pleasurable experience.
#10 Relax your sphincter muscle. If you’re the one being penetrated, you want to try to relax your sphincter muscle. It’ll take a little time to relax it, so you want to prepare yourself in advance. To relax it, you’ll want to slip a lubed finger in your anus and hold it in there for a couple minutes. You’ll feel it naturally loosen up. So, the bottom line is: relax that sphincter muscle. [Read: Does anal sex have to be painful? The ass lover’s guide]
#11 Position is everything. If you’re the receiver, you’ll want to be in a position that allows you the most control. If you want to control the scene, the best position is lying on your side while being spooned.
Doggy style is a great position because the penis can be inserted easily, but, if it’s your first time, you either want your partner to be able to see your face or either be in a position where you can control the movements. [Read: 9 ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]
#12 Stay lubed up. While you’re having sex, continue to make sure the penis stays lubed up, or else your fun time can turn into a dry experience. No one wants that. So, keep the good times rolling by adding lube throughout anal sex. Whether you’re the receiver or the giver, you’ll be able to feel when it needs more lube.
#13 Communicate to your partner. Anal sex is the best when you openly and freely communicate with your partner. So, if something doesn’t feel right, you need to tell your partner. They don’t know what’s going on, they’re only feeling one side of the experience.
#14 Have some baby wipes ready. You may want to switch from anal sex to vaginal sex. You cannot just penetrate the vagina with a penis that has just been up a bum. You need to clean it completely.
Instead of going to the bathroom and wasting precious minutes, keep some baby wipes by the bed for quickly cleaning themselves. You may think it’s silly, but when you’re aroused, the last thing you want is them to leave the bed. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]
#15. It’s not for everyone. If you give anal sex a try using all these tips and you still didn’t enjoy it, that’s okay, anal sex isn’t for everyone. The important thing is that you gave it a try.
Now, scratch it off the list and know that it isn’t for you. However, the first time is always a little awkward so, if you’re still not sure, give it another chance and then make up your mind.
Don’t let yourself fall into the belief that anal sex is painful. It’s not, you just need to know how to prepare for anal sex the right way. So, follow these tips and get yourself ready for a fun and new experience.
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Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...