How to Get Over Unrequited Love

how to get over unrequited love

Of all the kinds of love that you can experience in life, unrequited love can turn out to be the worst kind. Find out how to get over unrequited love.

Click here to read the introduction on what is unrequited love.

how to get over unrequited love

Before you read about how to get over unrequited love, you have to understand what unrequited love really is and how it starts in the first place.

You may think you’re experiencing unrequited love, but are you really?

In the introduction, you’ve read about how unrequited love isn’t your fault alone.

Almost always, you get sucked into unrequited love because the person you’re in love with either wants to use you or likes the attention.

But if you do understand that you’re suffering every day from a case of unrequited love, you need to make up your mind to get a grip on your own life and bring the happiness back into it.

How to get over unrequited love

You may want to get over unrequited love, but you have to remember that it’s a slow healing process that needs effort and determination.

Here are nine steps that you need to follow, and before long, you’d be able to tear yourself away from the web of unrequited love and regain your sanity.

Don’t stay around your crush

It doesn’t matter if your crush is using you for sex or flirting with you because they want to have a good time at your expense, learn to stay away from them. You can’t really let yourself fall into the clutches of unrequited love and blame someone else for it.

You’ve fallen in love with someone who wants to use you, and it’s up to you to walk away from it.

Now it’s definitely not easy, especially if you and your crush work in attached cubicles, or share the same office or campus. But as the famed adage goes, where there is a will, there is a way. [Read: Why you aren’t able to find love]

Don’t have long conversations

Sometimes, you may bump into your crush or find yourself in a circumstance where you’re obligated to sit together for a while. Talk to your crush in a friendly way, but never let the flirting games take control. It can feel so good when your crush lingers their palm on you or talks about how good you look in that dress.

Steer the conversation away from anything flirty or romantic. Remind yourself that this person is only toying with you and trying to make you fall more in love, just to have a good time. If your crush persists, you can open up and tell them the truth subtly.

“You know, I thought there can be nothing more than friends between us. So I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to be speaking this way with me… it’s all just very confusing, and I don’t think it’s right.”

Saying something like this line is subtle, it’s got a hint of a request and yet, it’s firm. Your crush may take offence, but rest assured, you’d feel like the most powerful person in the world at that moment!

Have more self respect

People who find themselves experiencing the pangs of unrequited love absolutely have no self respect. It’s true and you just have to accept it.

It hurts, but acknowledging it will help give you the strength to walk away. If you really did love and respect yourself, would you be throwing yourself at the feet of someone who doesn’t even treat you right?

Unrequited love can suck the confidence and happiness out of your life, but it takes little steps to bring it all back. Start believing in yourself and understand your real worth, and realize the fact that you’re a wonderful person who deserves someone a lot better. [Read: How to love yourself]

Realize how stupid you’ve been

When you’re in love, it’s alright to run errands and make a fool of yourself for your lover. But that’s completely unacceptable if you’re drowning in unrequited love. Your crush may have learnt to use you for their benefit all this while, but now it’s time to put your foot down. Don’t go out of your way to help your crush.

In fact, don’t even bother trying to help your crush in any way. Helping a crush in need may make your day, but it also makes you an idiot who doesn’t see the big picture where your crush is using you, ridiculing you, and laughing at you, behind your back.

Understand that there’s no happy ending here

Reading about how stupid and weak you’ve been may hurt you, but it’ll help you realize how wrong you’ve been to fall in love and stay in love with someone who will never ever love you back.

Your crush may smile at you and wink at you today, but if you want to know how to get over unrequited love, you need to remind yourself of the big picture. There is no happy ending in this kind of a one sided relationship. Your crush will always use you, and you’ll always stay used and loveless. As exciting as a smile may seem today, you have to remember that you’ll never really experience happiness as long as you’re sinking in unrequited love.

Don’t let your crush know you’re hurting

In a relationship, the one who loves less controls the emotions in the relationship. In unrequited love, you’re madly and hopelessly in love. And your crush couldn’t care less about you. Can you even guess who’s controlling this relationship?

When you try to get out of unrequited love, your crush may try harder to make you fall more in love. Your crush may sweet talk you, cuddle you or even ask you out in jest, but don’t fall for it. And never ever let your crush know that you’re hurting inside. By doing that, you’re letting your crush know that you’re still madly in love with them. And your crush would try to find all ways to try and use you up and pin you down in unrequited love. [Read: The best ways to get over a broken heart]

Meet more people and make new friends

If you want to get your mind off your crush, you need to learn to keep yourself occupied. Meet new friends or reconnect with old happy friends that you know can cheer you up. The less you think about your crush, the stronger you’d feel. Don’t lock yourself up at home in isolation. Go out with friends, shop a while or rent a few good movies, not the rom-coms, and have a good time all the time. It’ll help you move on and help you realize that you don’t need this person in your life to experience happiness. [Read: How to meet the one for you]

Create new happy experiences

To understand how to get over unrequited love, you need to fill your life with new, exciting experiences. Wake up listening to your favorite song, join a gym, start a few hobbies or take a little vacation with friends. When you’re in unrequited love, all your memories would revolve around just one person. Create new happy memories and replace all the sadness in your life with happy thoughts, one step at a time.

[Read: How to have a happy life]

Meet new dating potentials all the time

There’s no better way to get over a crush than by falling in love all over again. Open your dating diary and go out. Have fun, ask your friends to fix you on dates, or learn to wink at a hottie at a club. You don’t have to look for something serious immediately. You just need to understand the fact that there are so many people out there who would love to spend time with you. Why on earth would you want to be bottled up in unrequited love with someone who doesn’t even care about you when you can step out into a happy world where you’re loved, respected and most importantly, desired by so many people?

Go on out there with a mad, mad hope of finding happiness. And soon enough, you’ll know how to get over unrequited love and fill your life with happiness and love. And one day in the near future, you can look back at your old life and realize how pathetic you really were, once upon a long time ago!

[Read: The secret law of attraction in love]

Use these simple steps to understand how to get over unrequited love. It’s easy, and definitely doable. Just as long as you realize that you deserve a better life that’s full of love and happiness.

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  • Daph

    this is quite hateful ! What if your ‘unrequited love’ is a genuinely nice person who just doesn’t feel ‘that way’ about you? What if it’s one of your closest friends whom you ,unfortunately, fell for ?? you’ll just loose a very good friend

  • lobo

    i agree with you Daph, unfortunately i am in this situation myself and i know that for a fact the other person isn’t trying to manipulate me into doing favors or playing on it just to get a small thrill at my expense, she’s just too busy with her own life to notice, which actually hurts more trust me

  • Corey

    I’m madly in love with my best friend of the opposite sex. And I could never stay away from her. She doesn’t know i’m in love her, she’s har a bf and is very happy with him. It hurts more anything!!

  • Hatty

    It hurts so much this unrequited love! Hope it doesn’t turn into an obsession this unrequited love! Don’t want to loose all I’ve built up you know my image and so on does unrequited love easily turn into an obsession?

  • Joe

    @Daph – The author is not stating that you should hate the person. These are just the very blunt, necessary steps for getting over that person. Even if the person you are in love is great, if they don’t love you back why would you bother staying in such a one sided relationship? So yes the advice to move on sounds harsh, but the alternative, which I did for a while, is to sulk and wait around forever and that just doesn’t work.

  • Bill

    Agree. Just get over it. And be cool. Being cool is advised. You’re ok. Good luck moving on! Obsession isn’t cool. A bit repetitive. Boring maybe? whoknows and turn to the DG. Just get over it

  • Lia

    I am going through this myself with a guy I would call my best friend. It’s so hard to have to do some of these steps but its necessary to gain a bit of self-respect and dignity. Being a stalker is not a good look and you can turn into that without even realizing it.

  • Adrian

    Hey guys, I agree, this kind of love is very painful. Unfortunately, I’m really still struggling to get over this girl for last 2 years! I don’t know how to get over her, and I don’t think I ever will. Maybe something wrong with me psychologically? Am I obsessive or psycho? I really don’t hope so. But, it just seems like everything’s been going wrong in my life since then.

  • Jake

    I said goodbye a couple of days ago to the one I loved for over 8 years. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my live. But I’m proud that I did. I only had eyes for her, made time free for her, did everything in my power for her.. I just wanted to see her smile. But I was feeling misserable all the time. I did not care about myself anymore. Then I looked in the mirror and asked myself if this was all worth it. What I was doing with my life. I also want to be happy. So I told her my feelings even though I knew she didn’t loved me back, which she rejected, and told her that this is goodbye. Now a couple of days later, I feel much better. I don’t constantly watch my phone in the hope that she calls or texts me. I feel relieved. Ofcourse I still feel sad, not only did I lose the one I loved, I also lost a good friend. But I know that this was a big step forward towards my happiness. So please everyone who struggles with unrequited love, do something about it. Or else your going to be misserable for who knows how long. I wish you all the best!!
    Sorry for the bad grammer, english is not my first language.

  • Mary

    It’s too easy to put your whole life on hold. I did it for years and gave up so much of myself in order to try and change our relationship to what I wanted. My emotions went up and down all the time and just when I had begun to accept that nothing would ever happen, something would give me hope all over again. It’s very tough to change your actions but the alternative – to just keep going along hoping – is soul destroying.

  • Mark

    Mary,you smacked the nail right on the head with your last comment “to just keep going along hoping”.that’s it in a nutshell – it’s the hope that kills. I’m saying “goodbye” to my “love” next weekend – she’s on holiday at the moment,no doubt doing everything that makes me feel physically sick when I think about it i.e. copping off with some bloke and bedding him (trust me,she will be and it truly makes me feel ill).but I know I have 2 choices 1)keep her in my life and have my heart ripped to pieces and trampled on for ever or 2)break my own heart,on MY terms, and say goodbye to her.this way,although painful is the lesser of 2 evils as I gives ME the control.sure,I’m choosing to break my own heart and boy is it going to hurt.but I know she won’t “come round” and suddenly go “y’know what…you’re f*****g amazing,I can’t live without you” so my only choice is goodbye.whether she understands this or not, is NOT my problem.i have never wanted her out of my life – she’s amazing and everything I want but i NEED her out of my life for my own good.

  • Em

    Mark
    I’m going thru something very similar and it is very hard to end it even tho u kno it’s right thing to do for your own happiness . Best of luck

  • Johnny

    I have a female friend who has become my best friend and I truly do love her and I know she truly loves me. In fact, it is hard to imagine another woman ever loving me more than she does. I know she wants to be more than friends but I have never thought of her in a sexual or intimate way and don’t know that I ever will. And it’s not just the sex and intimacy…I’m sure she feels that if we love each other as much as we do we should want to share and spend our lives together. After several failed marriages and long term relationship I don’t know that I will ever want to make that commitment. I hate being on the other end of this unrequited love because I can’t stand the thought of having her feel that pain. I also feel horrible about not feeling like she does and uncomfortable trying to understand or explain to her how I may not ever feel like she does about becoming romantically involved. It implies she’s not good enough for me and that certainly is not the case. She knows how I feel about us being more than friends and will not walk away from our friendship. I’m in a quandary because I cherish our friendship but don’t know if I can live with knowing what this situation is or may be doing to her inside.

  • gia

    I agree i was told from beginning we were only be friends. at time i lost twovpeople i love who pased away. i didnt realize how bad i was until i went to thyrapy iafter lots seccisions i was told i held resentment becsuse he fidnt responfed way i wanted. with thst it wss big release. we talk about and i told him i was sorry. recently i tried get hold him for last two months no responce i wentvover board with texts. i forever will regret that . so from my experience when you know it never happen plesse remember me. it hurts i lost a good friend .

  • giagia

    One more thing i like to say try not to fall for friend. it fells good that you and person have same feelings , laugh, etc.and it might feel like this is one . just enjoy person and keep them as friend. you realize it was best thing for both. thks again

  • Renee

    I find myself in a similar boat. I have loved this man for over 20 years. We both took different paths and both married other people. Though when our lives were sad and we were going through dark moments in our marriage we both thought of each other and wondered how our lives would’ve been had we stayed together and married. Now 20 years later we are both divorced, me with kids, he never had any. We have tried for almost 4 years to make a relationship work but he always seems to find fault with every situation. My family, my kids….We have broken up 3 times. Each time I try to move on and he comes back swearing to change his ways. He never does. This last, time he told me it was because he wanted a baby and I can not give that to him. I had my tubes tied years ago and I am in my 40s. When I tried to walk away he told me we could get my tubes reversed and he loved me. I told him I couldn’t do this again. It hurt too bad every time I tried to heal. He seemed sad but for some reason I think he is relieved . I am terribly sad and have cried when no one is looking. I am moving on with a new man, but secretly I long for my ex. Though I was married for 16 years, my ex-husband want the love of my life. My exboyfriend was and always has been. BUT for my sanity and my happiness I knew I had to move forward. I know that deep down, I am not it for him. SO its not fair for me to stay and be miserable. Good luck to all of yall.

  • Adrian

    I think the saddest thing is the other person realizing after 20 or 30 years that you and them were supposed to be together and then all that time is gone and all things have changed. You cannot enjoy and love each other as you would have in the prime of your life. Either of you might even have children too, which complicates stuff even further. I wish people can “see the light” much sooner, as I’m sitting in a similar situation with a woman that I love more than anything in this life. She will probably get married to some guy and have kids and I’ll never see her again. But I stay in hope that maybe we meet again in the afterlife.

  • Daisy

    I too am unfortunately in this situation. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years…but have fallen head over heels in love for the first time only a year & a half ago. The man I’m in love with is amazing and ignites a passion in me that NO man has before. He is also married and has never shown an interest in me that way. I hide it from him. I know I should stop all communication and stop going where I see him. But I can’t bear the thought of him not being in my life, or of losing him as a friend. The man would take a bullet for me and would be very hurt if I just disappeared. But if I told him why, it would be worse, as Johnny said in his comment above. I can honestly say that my desire even to only be held by this man is at the same intensity that the pain of knowing it can never be is. I will be meeting his wife for the first time at a scheduled group event and I’m sure she’s a wonderful person, but I’m scared to see him hold her hand. And my husband has done nothing to deserve this. I didn’t mean for this to happen and I can’t help or stop it. It hurts so bad.

  • Alrac

    I have been madly in love with a guy since I was 14 years old
    I am now 27. We have been friends since 14 and tried to make a go of our relationship a few times since. We have always been “friends” but I have always had an obsession with him. When I was 20 he finally asked me out and we were together two years and he ended up not giving a shit about me and did cheat on me. So at 23 I had enough and left him and got with someone else. Finally he left me alone (although I was still in love with him) I stayed with my new partner over 4 years and didn’t speak to my ex. Me And my new partner were engaged but I hadn’t been happy for a while so I was planning on moving out – the weekend I was planning on leaving I got a phone call to say my ex boyfriend had been in a serious car crash and was close to death. This completely threw me and I ended up leaving. I saw my ex in hospital and things progressed and I thought finally at 27 we both could have grown up enough to make it work but in truth 2 months later he still has the power to hurt me and I’m
    Still too in love with him for it to ever work. I know he will hurt me if I stick around and know he isn’t right for me as he still very much loves his beer and women but I can’t walk away – he makes me the happiest ever when he is saying and going all the right things and the saddest ever when he then becomes distant x the difference this time is I don’t show himy feelings but 2 months I’m and it’s already killing me. I need to walk for good but the truth is… I’m always going to love this guy. His accident really affected me and he says the only girl he’s ever loved but he still hasn’t changed enough to settle down (I wished he would have)

  • tee

    I fell in love with a guy that lead me on. He was all flirty and everybody thought he liked me. My friend took it upon herself to find out if he liked me. He blankly told my friend he only saw me as a friend. So I cried for three days and when it was time for me to go to work, I decided to give a brave face. I dont know but I felt like he was trying to argue with me and getting upset saying that I don’t talk to him when he said hi to me I said hi back. One day, I repeatedly asked him to leave me alone because he wouldn’t things go. He would say things to me like he cared for me and many other cryptic things to give me hope when in reality, he was playing with me. We worked for a fast food restaurant so it was extremely hard to avoid him. Eventually, I quit the job. I came to visit a friend and unfortunately he was there. He kept asking to hug me, but I repeatedly told him not to touch me. He like force his wayto hug me which really upset me and kept telling me that we’re bestfriends. That pissed me off because we were never bestfriends. I just felt like it was another game. I’m still recovering from this and seeing a therapist because I am consume with depression and having a hard time trusting guys. I just hope we can get through this and learn from it in the future.

  • Nora

    I’m there right now. There’s this amazing guy at work with whom we had great chemistry and everything but I found out that he still loves his ex very much. Even though we kissed a few times and almost had a night together, he ended up hurting me very much and I’ve decided to avoid him, in every way possible.
    It HURTS but it’s still the best solution.
    At the same time I feel like I’ll never find someone like him… with that chemistry, with that understanding, with that… everything… :S