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Love Sucks! 36 Reasons Why We Hate It and Yet Crave for It

Do you think that love sucks? Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. If you don’t know what true love is, read on to find out – because it doesn’t suck.

love sucks

Love, it’s a beautiful thing, right? It’s what makes the world go ‘round, it’s what binds us together, what makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, right? WRONG. Love sucks, in fact. It sucks big time.

Let’s face facts. Some of the most painful times in our lives have been because of love, maybe it’s a breakup, maybe it’s someone rejecting you, maybe it’s falling for a guy on a dreamy summer’s holiday but knowing you’ll never see each other again. Even when you’re in a happy and stable relationship, love hurts you throughout.

Love sucks… and there are so many reasons why!

It really is a wonder why we bother with it at all sometimes. So, let’s finally lay the cards on the table and look at all the many reasons why love sucks!

1. It makes us look foolish

Has there ever been a bigger fool than a fool in love? Love makes us do and say totally dumb things. It makes us put ourselves out there in ways we would never usually dream of. In short, it makes us look like idiots. [Read: What’s so hopeless about the hopeless romantic?]

2. It stops us from seeing the truth

They say love is blind, right? Well, love certainly sometimes makes us see things through those rose-tinted spectacles, or we refuse to believe something about a person *even though it’s blindingly obvious* simply because we just love them too much to see the negative.

Or, worse still, we end up in denial about the truth and get even more hurt further down the line.

3. We waste it on those who don’t deserve it

We also lavish it on people who don’t want it or can’t handle it. What a waste of energy!

4. It’s full of false promises

When we fall in love, we believe this person is perfect, we hope so much for them and hang on to their every word.

The more we fall for them, the harder it is to see their faults, and then suddenly we do, and it’s all too late! [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]

5. It’s a big ‘ol faker

Think of all the times you thought you were in love, but then it turned out the other person was a total jerk the whole time. It turns out you weren’t in love with them at all. Love tricks you into thinking it’s the real deal when it actually isn’t.

6. We get it confused with sex

Love is very dangerous when confused with sex. Sure, being physical and intimate can be part of love, but love cannot be solely based on sex. Sometimes it can be difficult to differentiate between the two. That gets us into all sorts of trouble. [Read: Lust vs love – 21 signs to know exactly what you feel for each other]

7. Love sucks because when another person bestows it upon us, and we don’t want it, we feel like awful people

Unrequited love is bad when you are being rejected, but when you reject someone, particularly if that someone is a person you care about, it is even worse.

8. Sometimes, it feels like there isn’t enough of it to go around

Fighting over love is the worst. And that’s because they think love is finite and that if they don’t get love, then other people will.

9. It causes us to stay with people who aren’t right for us for far, far, far too long

We do it because we love them, but in our heart of hearts, we know it will not end well. [Read: 20 signs that reveal your relationship is oh-so-over already]

10. Love sucks because we sometimes stay in situations that are bad for us for far too long

We hope people will change, but they never do. We end up confused and hurting.

11. Sometimes we lose it

Lost love is painful, especially when we can’t understand why we are losing it. It’s the loss and void in our life we feel when it’s gone.

12. Love sucks because we need it

Without love, we feel completely lost and alone. Every human being needs all sorts of different kinds of love to feel happy.

We are so dependent on love that it can be hard when we lose it, want it, or can’t have it in exactly the way we need it. [Read: The many types of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]

13. It transcends death

That means if you lose someone whom you love, you still love them, you still want them, and you still miss them even after they are gone. That is the worst kind of love of all.

14. It clouds our judgment

Love makes it impossible to see right from wrong sometimes. We think we know ourselves to the core, and then love comes along and makes us question everything.

15. It makes us weak

Love makes us vulnerable to hurt and pain we never knew existed.  

16. Love sucks because it’s fickle

Love can last a lifetime sure, but it can also be as fleeting as a leaf floating through the air on an autumn breeze. Love touches us and leaves us without even realizing what a huge and devastating impact it has made on our lives. [Read: 10 signs you’re lovesick and 10 ways to get out of it]

Why does love suck more for some people?

Love sucks more for some people because they love “too much.” Loving too much hurts a lot, and that’s why it feels like love sucks.

It’s not inherently wrong or bad to have deep, profound romantic love. But some people just get so deep that it’s hard to fall out of love if they need to.

Here are some reasons why love sucks a lot more for some people.

1. Low self-esteem

Really, truly loving another person starts with loving yourself first. You can only give what you have in your heart. So, when someone has low self-esteem, they keep looking for self-love from outside of themselves – from other people. [Read: How to build self-esteem and love life with 10 simple life changes]

And when they don’t get it, they are hurt more deeply. When someone loves themselves, it doesn’t matter as much if other people love them in return because they already have love in their heart for themselves.

2. Overly sensitive

Some people are very sensitive people. They take everything personally, and because of that, they get hurt easily. It seems like every little thing offends them or hurts their feelings. So, when someone is that sensitive, it’s not surprising that love would suck a lot for them.

3. Attachment style

There are four different attachment styles, and the people who have an insecure attachment style are more likely to think love sucks. That is because they tend to be needy and clingy to other people.

They are desperate for other people’s love, and they’ll do anything to get it. [Read: Insecure attachment – what it is, types, signs, and how it affects your life]

But if someone has a secure attachment style, they don’t feel the need to beg for other people’s love. So, if someone who has an insecure attachment style is dumped, they will take the breakup a lot harder than people who are more secure.

4. Too giving

Some people are people-pleasers. In other words, they are too giving. And when that happens, the person they are giving to probably does nothing but take from them. So, these people often keep investing in a relationship that is probably not going to survive. 

A healthy relationship is a two-way street. There needs to be a balance of giving and taking between both people. And when there isn’t, the giver feels used and taken advantage of. [Read: 19 ways to pull back in a relationship when you’re giving too much]

5. Too empathetic

Empathy is the ability to put yourself if someone else’s shoes and see reality from their point of view. So, people who are empathetic have the ability to feel what other people are feeling. When this happens, they are also quite sensitive. 

And they tend to feel emotions that are deeper than other people. So, when love ends, it tends to hurt them more than people who aren’t as empathetic.

6. Lack of boundaries

Everyone should have personal boundaries. In other words, we need to teach other people how to treat us. And that boundary should be love and respect.

If someone doesn’t draw boundaries in love, then they open themselves up to being abused. [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 19 rules for healthy love]

When someone is being abused, you wouldn’t think they love their abuser, but that’s not true. They love too much because they don’t have any boundaries. And that’s why love sucks for them.

7. Their loved one doesn’t love them to the same extent

A person might feel like they love too much when they think that the person they love doesn’t love them as much as they love them. They also might feel like they give more than they get from their partner. Their partner might be selfish or just not feel as strongly about them.

Everyone wants to be loved. And when someone feels like their love isn’t being returned, then it makes them needy. This doesn’t help the relationship, because it might just push the other person away from them. And of course, that would make love suck for them. [Read: The step-by-step guide to get over unrequited love]

8. Doesn’t know what love really is

Most people think they know what real, unconditional love is, but very few people really do. They think that even if another person causes them pain, then that is love. But it’s not true. Love doesn’t hurt. Instead, love should make you feel good – not bad. And if love makes someone feel bad, then love would most certainly suck for them.

So, why do we do it?

Well, let’s be honest, though love is painful, and it does indeed suck a lot, there are still a few good reasons out there, which mean we still keep looking for it.

After all, if love were so bad, surely we should have decided we didn’t need it anymore. Instead, we keep coming back for more, time and time again, which means love must perhaps be worth it?

Let’s look at some of the reasons why, despite it sucking, love might just be worth it after all.

1. Love is worth it because it means you know someone

Loving someone means you know them through and through. Someone letting you in that much creates a special bond that cannot be broken. [Read: Not child’s play! 20 love riddles and the complexity of love]

2. Love is worth it because it makes you feel safe

Love is supportive and unwavering. Love makes us feel protected and calm, and like there is always someone out there that has our back.

3. Love makes us better people

People who feel love want to give it out more. If someone shows love to you, it makes you want to do the same for others. That’s what makes the world a wonderful place to live in.

4. Love always appears again

Just when you think all hope is lost, and perhaps there is no love left in the world that’s reserved for you, along comes something totally surprising and unexpected, and then you fall truly, madly, deeply in love all over again! [Read: We accept the love we deserve – Why aren’t you worthy?]

5. Love is worth it because it allows you to be your true self

There is no need to hide or pretend to be something that you are not when it comes to love. Love allows you to be yourself, without judgment or expectation.

Love accepts you for who you are, even the sides of you that you wish you didn’t have. That’s what love is all about.

What does true love look like?

You might think you know what love looks and feels like, but do you really? A lot of people stay in an unhealthy relationship because they “love” their partner too much to leave. But you need to know what true love looks like. Here’s what it is.

1. Love has empathy

As we mentioned earlier, empathy is the ability to see someone else’s point of view. Love had deep empathy. That’s because when someone you love is hurting, you hurt too.

And you certainly don’t want to be the cause of their pain, that’s for sure. True love cares about their feelings and does everything to make them feel valued and worthy. [Read: How to show empathy and learn to understand someone else’s feelings]

2. Love is not jealous

A lot of people think that if you love someone, then you are automatically jealous. But jealousy doesn’t equal love. It’s more like possession – you feel that person is your “property” and you don’t want it taken away. 

A lot of people think that if they’re not jealous, that means that they don’t love. But when you truly love someone, you trust them. And as a result, you aren’t jealous.

3. Love is caring about your partner’s needs

Love means putting your partner’s needs at least equal to – if not before – your own. While people are inherently selfish to some extent, this doesn’t serve us well in relationships. [Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that sets it apart from selfish love]

If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to your own, then they will get resentful. And there is no room for resentment in true love. Real love genuinely cares about other people’s happiness and will make them feel valued.

4. Love is an action

Most people think that being in love is just a feeling. But it’s not. Love is also an action. A lot of people feel addicted to love or infatuation because it feels so good. But as time goes on, that feeling of infatuation wears off and becomes real love.

With real love, you do kind things for the person you love. You treat them with respect and kindness. Or you bring them a cup of coffee to bed in the morning or rub their feet. You have their back and are always there for them when they need you. [Read: 23 real ways to love someone and make them feel true love from you]

5. Love accepts differences

Everyone is different. We all have our own needs and desires and ways of looking at the world. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same even though they look alike.

True love accepts the differences in your partner even when you don’t like them. It could even really bother you, but you love them anyway.

For example, if your partner isn’t as neat and tidy as you, it might make you a little crazy. But you accept them and pick the slack a little for them because you know that they aren’t you. They don’t have to have the house as clean as you do. And you accept that they are different than you and love them anyway.

6. Love requires effort

Just because you truly love someone doesn’t mean that you don’t have to put any more effort into the relationship. A lot of people get lazy when they get into long-term relationships.

They put in effort in the beginning, but then they think that once they “have” the other person, they don’t have to pay attention to the relationship anymore. [Read: 18 emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]

But relationships are like plants. They need to be watered and nurtured, or else they will wither away and die. So, people who are truly in love know this. They put in the time and attention needed to nurture their relationship so it will be healthy and strong.

7. Love is unconditional

Love means accepting and loving another person exactly as they are regardless of what they say and do. But that doesn’t me that there aren’t expectations, limitations, or boundaries that need to be set.

Loving someone unconditionally isn’t easy, but it happens when you don’t try to change another person into being someone they are not.

[Read: Where there is love, there is life – Why love makes us better]

We all know love sucks, and it can be a tricky emotion to deal with, one that remains so no matter whether we are in or out of a relationship. However, despite all that love is still worth it and we all do need it in our lives. 

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...