Sometimes, first impressions can fool us. We meet someone who we think is amazing, funny, and kind when they’re really self-centered and narcissistic. Sure, we may see small signs of a taker in a relationship, but we’re so charmed by them that we ignore those red flags.
Of course, what happens is we end up getting sucked into a one-sided, unhealthy relationship. As you can imagine, I’m talking from experience. It happens to the best of us. It’s another lesson to learn.
But, what’s important to recognize is if you are in this type of relationship, irrespective of whether you’re the giver or taker. Because either way, help yourself and get out of unhealthy relationships.
[Read: The worrying signs you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship]
15 signs of a taker in a relationship
If you’re a taker, you may not see this as an unhealthy relationship, but it is. Don’t you want to be in an equal and loving partnership? Relationships aren’t about having someone slave over you.
And if you’re a giver, don’t you want to be loved and treated with respect? This is your chance to see if you’re either one of these types of people, so you can work on yourself and become a better and whole person.
Isn’t that what life is all about? Becoming the best version of you? I know it’s cheesy, but these cliche lines have a point to them.
So, are you a giver or a taker? [Read: The 20 types of lovers that exist in this world]
#1 The taker needs support but never gives. The beautiful part of a relationship is that you have someone who will support you no matter what, and vice versa. But in a give/take relationship, the support is only one-way. The taker will ask and demand support for their partner, but will not provide support to their partner. [Read: 15 signs of a bad relationship you should never ever tolerate]
#2 The taker always must make the first move. One of the partners is always the person to make plans. The other partner will either accept the plan or not but never make the plan themselves. And this is a problem. As a couple, both people should make and talk about plans. One person cannot be waiting to see what’s going on.
#3 The giver is a maid. Yes, the giver is a maid. As a taker, they’re not into cleaning up after themselves because they have someone who does their dirty work for them. For givers, they want to please their partners. Sadly, this means the giver will literally do their laundry, even clean their partner’s bathroom. [Read: How not to be a pushover and take a stand for yourself]
#4 The giver pays for everything. If someone is a taker, they won’t take their wallet out and pay for a meal or movie tickets. Why would they? Everything has been handed to them on a silver spoon. They’re spoiled and entitled. As a giver, this person will be the one who’ll go broke to make the other person happy.
#5 The giver is never doing enough. If you’re a giver, you’ll never do enough for a taker. You could fly to the moon and back; that still wouldn’t suffice. Givers are never recognized for their effort. Instead, the taker will manipulate them, making them do even more and more. Obviously, the giver will burn out with time.
#6 There’s a lot of double texting. Is someone in your relationship double texting all the time? Either way, it’s not a good sign. Someone who double texts their partner frequently does so because they’re not getting an answer. If you’re not replying or taking hours to reply to your partner, it’s one of the clearest signs of a taker in a relationship and you’re not giving much attention to the needs of your partner. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do?]
#7 The taker doesn’t show much affection. Why would they show affection? They’re not appreciative of what their partner is doing. Instead, they make their partner feel like a slave. If the giver wants affection, they must come and ask for it. That being said, it doesn’t mean they’re going to get any.
#8 The taker never initiates sex. Again, why would they? They get everything they want without lifting a finger. Sex is a chore for them. And if the taker feels horny, then they’ll come and get what they want. But it’s always on their terms, and they’re never up to talking about it. [Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]
#9 Date night is a burden for the giver. It could be you or your partner, but there is one person who needs to make date plans. They research and arrange everything, while the other person sits back and waits to be served. One of the two people obviously has it a lot easier than the other. [Read: Only child syndrome – The good and the bad of dating an only child]
#10 The giver’s needs are ignored. We all have needs, whether we’re in a relationship or not. But, when you get into a relationship, sometimes your needs are overlooked. It happens, and that’s when you talk about it with your partner. But a taker has no intention to focus on the giver’s needs. They only want the giver to focus on their needs.
#11 The giver spoils their partner with lavish gifts. I don’t want to say it’s all of the giver’s fault, but they don’t make the situation easier on themselves. The giver shows their partner that they love them. They buy expensive gifts to surprise them. And of course, the taker likes it. But, if the person receiving the gifts unhesitatingly accepts any gift but never reciprocates the same gesture, it’s usually one of the clear signs of a taker in a relationship. [Read: 15 signs of a codependent relationship to know if you’re being taken for granted]
#12 The taker needs the spotlight. It’s all about them. As a giver, you may have an issue you want to talk about or even something to celebrate, but your partner won’t let you have that moment. A taker needs constant attention and will make sure the conversation is always centered around them.
#13 The taker will never go the extra mile. A giver will surprise their partner with unexpected gifts and remember the small things going on in their partner’s life. But the taker will never go the extra mile. If they do, their partner will always be reminded of it. It’s not something the taker will do naturally; rather, it’s strategically done. [Read: What is one-sided love? How to cope when you’re not loved back]
#14 The taker uses their partner. This is essentially what it all comes down to. A taker will suck out and drain all the goodness from their giving partner until they’re no longer needed or until the giver puts their foot down. The taker is really only available to their partner when they need something from them.
#15 The taker thinks they’re a giver. The taker actually thinks very highly of themselves, and twists the truth around in their head. They believe they’re God’s gift to this earth. They make sure everyone is under the impression that they’re giving and kind when really, they’re just selfish and conceited.
[Read: How to recognize selfish people and stop them from hurting you]
After looking at the signs of a taker in a relationship, where do you see yourself on the spectrum? Where do you see your partner? Self-reflect and make changes if necessary.
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