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19 Signs of a Taker in a Relationship & Ways a Giver Can Stop Being So Giving

There’s usually a giver and a taker in a relationship. But what does that mean? And if you’re a giver, we’ll tell you how to stop so you can be happy.

signs of a giver taker in a relationship

Sometimes, first impressions can fool us. We meet someone who we think is amazing, funny, and kind when they’re really self-centered and narcissistic. Sure, we may see small signs of a taker in a relationship, but we’re so charmed by them that we ignore those red flags.

Of course, what happens is we end up getting sucked into a one-sided, unhealthy relationship. As you can imagine, we’re talking from experience. It happens to the best of us. It’s another lesson to learn.

But, what’s important to recognize is if you are in this type of relationship, irrespective of whether you’re the giver or taker. Because either way, help yourself and get out of unhealthy relationships.

[Read: The worrying signs you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship]

What is a taker in a relationship?

In a relationship, there should be a perfect balance between giving to the other person and taking from them. However, this rarely happens.

Usually, the relationship is lopsided where one person is more of the taker and the other is more of a giver. The taker gets the energy and emotional investment of the giver. 

For example, a taker will sit back and let the giver do all the work in the relationship. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or something else, the taker doesn’t see any problem with it. They will also probably let the giver buy them things and take advantage of them financially too.

The bottom line is this – the taker takes advantage of the giver. They are ridiculously selfish. [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 signs you’re being a user]

What is a giver in a relationship?

The giver is convinced that there are no limits in love, so they keep giving to the taker. Sometimes a giver makes their partner the center of their world and reason for living. They think they are everything they want and need. But this is very unhealthy.

The giver will do anything for the taker. They think this is the way they should express their love. However, they get nothing in return from the taker. 

The bottom line is this – the giver is too selfless and gets taken advantage of by the taker. And they end up being a doormat. [Read: Are you a giver who’s feeling unappreciated in a relationship?]

Givers and takers as a couple

When you give someone a gift, it’s usually expected that they give one in return, right? Just like on Christmas or another holiday where gift-giving is normal.

This is how a healthy relationship should be – an equal balance of giving and taking.

There are some people who are just givers by nature. In other words, giving to other people is just part of their personality and how they prefer the dynamics of a relationship to be. They like to give because it increases their self-esteem and makes them more positive. It makes them happy. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]

While this might sound good, sometimes the takers or “receivers” might feel pressured to give because the giver is constantly doing favors for them. Normal people would feel that way, but takers usually don’t.

If the taker never reciprocates, then the giver can find themselves in a situation where many of their actions aren’t valued or recognized. Everything they invest in the relationship – time, affection, and energy will never be returned. And after a while, they feel like they are being used and their self-esteem actually goes down as a result!

The important thing to remember is that all healthy relationships have a sense of reciprocity. [Read: How to have a good and healthy relationship that gets better with each day]

The signs of a taker in a relationship

If you’re a taker, you may not see this as an unhealthy relationship, but it is. Don’t you want to be in an equal and loving partnership? Relationships aren’t about having someone slave over you.

And if you’re a giver, don’t you want to be loved and treated with respect? This is your chance to see if you’re either one of these types of people, so you can work on yourself and become a better and whole person.

Isn’t that what life is all about? Becoming the best version of you? Yes, it’s cheesy, but these cliché lines have a point to them.

So, are you a giver or a taker? [Read: The 20 types of lovers that exist in this world]

1. The taker needs support but never gives

The beautiful part of a relationship is that you have someone who will support you no matter what, and vice versa. But in a give/take relationship, the support is only one-way.

The taker will ask and demand support for their partner, but will not provide support to their partner. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship you should never ever tolerate]

2. The taker always must make the first move

One of the partners is always the person to make plans. The other partner will either accept the plan or not but never make the plan themselves. And this is a problem. As a couple, both people should make and talk about plans. One person cannot be waiting to see what’s going on.

3. The giver is a maid

Yes, the giver is a maid. As a taker, the taking partner is not into cleaning up after themselves because they have someone who does their dirty work for them.

For givers, they want to please their partners. Sadly, this means the giver will literally do their laundry, even clean their partner’s bathroom. [Read: How not to be a pushover and take a stand for yourself] 

4. The giver pays for everything

If someone is a taker, they won’t take their wallet out and pay for a meal or movie tickets. Why would they?

Everything has been handed to them on a silver spoon. They’re spoiled and entitled. As a giver, this person will be the one who’ll go broke to make the other person happy. 

5. The giver is never doing enough

If you’re a giver, you’ll never do enough for a taker. You could fly to the moon and back; that still wouldn’t suffice. Givers are never recognized for their effort.

Instead, the taker will manipulate them, making them do even more and more. Obviously, the giver will burn out with time. 

6. There’s a lot of double texting

Is someone in your relationship double texting all the time? Either way, it’s not a good sign. Someone who double texts their partner frequently does so because they’re not getting an answer.

If you’re not replying or taking hours to reply to your partner, it’s one of the clearest signs of a taker in a relationship and you’re not giving much attention to the needs of your partner. [Read: Why do narcissists ignore texts and do the selfish things they do?]

7. The taker doesn’t show much affection

Why would they show affection? They’re not appreciative of what their partner is doing. Instead, they make their partner feel like a slave.

If the giver wants affection, they must come and ask for it. That being said, it doesn’t mean they’re going to get any.

8. The taker never initiates sex

Again, why would they? They get everything they want without lifting a finger. Sex is a chore for them. And if the taker feels horny, then they’ll come and get what they want. But it’s always on their terms, and they’re never up to talking about it. [Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]

9. Date night is a burden for the giver

It could be you or your partner, but there is one giver who needs to make date plans. They research and arrange everything, while the other person sits back and waits to be served. One of the two people obviously has it a lot easier than the other. [Read: Only child syndrome – The good and the bad of dating an only child]

10. The giver’s needs are ignored

We all have needs, whether we’re in a relationship or not. But, when you get into a relationship, sometimes your needs are overlooked. It happens, and that’s when you talk about it with your partner.

But a taker has no intention to focus on the giver’s needs in the relationship. They only want the giver to focus on their needs.

11. The giver spoils their partner with lavish gifts

We don’t want to say it’s all of the giver’s fault, but they don’t make the situation easier on themselves. The giver shows their partner that they love them. They buy expensive gifts to surprise them. And of course, the taker likes it.

But, if the person receiving the gifts unhesitatingly accepts any gift but never reciprocates the same gesture, it’s usually one of the clear signs of a taker in a relationship. [Read: 15 signs of a codependent relationship to know if you’re being taken for granted]

12. The taker needs the spotlight

It’s all about them. As a giver, you may have an issue you want to talk about or even something to celebrate, but your partner won’t let you have that moment.

A taker needs constant attention and will make sure the conversation is always centered around them.

13. The taker will never go the extra mile

A giver will surprise their partner with unexpected gifts and remember the small things going on in their partner’s life.

But the taker will never go the extra mile. If they do, their partner will always be reminded of it. It’s not something the taker will do naturally; rather, it’s strategically done. [Read: What is one-sided love? How to cope when you’re not loved back]

14. The taker uses their partner

This is essentially what it all comes down to. A taker in a relationship will suck out and drain all the goodness from their giving partner until they’re no longer needed or until the giver puts their foot down. The taker is really only available to their partner when they need something from them.

15. The taker thinks they’re a giver

The taker actually thinks very highly of themselves and twists the truth around in their head. They believe they’re God’s gift to this earth.

They make sure everyone is under the impression that they’re giving and kind when really, they’re just selfish and conceited. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist in the best way you possibly can]

How to stop being a giver in a relationship

If you are the giver in your relationship and you feel like you’re being taken advantage of by a taker, here are some things you can do to make things better.

[Read: Selfless love – 18 traits that sets it apart from selfish love]

1. Stop doing things for them

It sounds simple, and it actually is. If you’re the giver in the relationship, just stop doing things for the taker. Stop doing the laundry, making their lunch, or rubbing their feet. Just stop. There is no reason you have to do these things. 

Hopefully, once you stop doing everything for the taker, they will notice. They might even get angry in the beginning and accuse you of being lazy or selfish. Just point out that you are just mirroring their own behavior. Then ask how they like it. [Read: How to make him realize your worth and see that you deserve better]

2. Set boundaries

Have a talk with yourself and write down how far you will go with doing something. Sure, you can’t stop cleaning the house or cooking dinner. But, you can start only cleaning your own mess and making your partner clean theirs.

You have to set boundaries with a taker in the relationship, or else your partner will just keep walking all over you because you have none at the moment. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries – How to talk about them and set them]

3. Be selfish

Being selfish isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be self-love sometimes. When you give and give and give, you are depriving yourself of receiving things that you deserve. 

So, you need to start being more selfish. Once you love yourself enough, you will realize that you not only will start enjoying life more, you will be a lot happier too.

4. Learn to say no

“No” – it’s such a small word. But it has powerful implications in our life. When your partner tells you to do something for them, just say no.

Require more of your partner. Start telling them what to do. Demand more of them.

One of two things will happen. Either they will do it after seeing things from your perspective, and you’ll be happier. Or they don’t, and then you might want to think about ending the relationship for your own sanity.

[Read: How to recognize selfish people and stop them from hurting you]

After looking at the signs of a giver and taker in a relationship, where do you see yourself on the spectrum? Where do you see your partner? Self-reflect and make changes if necessary.

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...