They say that body language accounts for more in human communication than speech. But how does this translate over to the language of love?
From the first impression to the kiss goodbye, body language is a vital part of the attraction process. But because it happens at a fairly subliminal level, even though most are aware of how important body language is, very few of us understand how it manifests itself in our everyday actions.
With the added pressure of being in a dating situation, especially on a first date, our ability to manage body language goes right out the window. It does take a very long time indeed to achieve total mastery of the art of body language. However, just to help you on your way, the following list provides an insight into some of the areas of the art that is most likely to pay romantic dividends.
How to use body language in the dating world
Forget the clichéd lines, and opt for a more primal approach when it comes to ensuring the interest of your date or expressing such interest. Here are a couple of ways you can use body language to your advantage.
#1 The eyes have it. Eye contact, the first call of any exploration into body language, is a hugely important part of maintaining your date’s attraction to you. Prolonged eye contact by the object of your future affections is a dead giveaway that they’re interested in what you have to offer.
The trick is to successfully return such eye contact, something that needs to be done with just a very occasional flick elsewhere, to avoid turning your gaze into a stare. It’s a difficult balance to get right, but you should have at least SOME intuitive understanding of what kind of length of contact is required. Too much is far better than too little, however. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and if yours are forever shifting around, then you look, well, shifty. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact moves that work]
#2 Footloose. There are other ways that you can point than just with fingers alone. One of the main ways you can do this is with the feet. For this reason, it’s always good to sit on stools at some point during the meeting, as this facilitates easier viewing of their position, and if the other person’s feet are turned firmly towards you, then it’s game on!
A very physical reflection of the subconscious, having feet turned towards you shows that they are interested enough to stay put and don’t feel in anyway threatened, bored, or otherwise disinterested. Reciprocate this action to give the same impression back. They may not be aware of its meaning, but their inner consciousness will. [Read: 20 clear signs of attraction in the first conversation]
#3 Turn it on. This tip refers to the direction of the body. As touched upon in #2, the body will point or direct itself away from the other person in the conversation if there is a lack of interest or feeling of threat. The body is showing that it’s ready to make a swift escape.
For this reason, it’s important to make sure your body is turned squarely towards the person you’re trying to impress. If their body is a little off-kilter, however, you don’t need to worry too much. Square on body exposure is quite a major thing for the subconscious to engage in, and it may take them a little while to be comfortable enough to do that.
#4 Happy hunting. One of the greatest tools in the charmer’s arsenal is the smile. Even when all else has gone awry, a killer smile can salvage even the most disastrous of situations. It helps if one has a naturally beautiful smile, of course, but knowing how and when to use it is just as important.
A sharp flick of a smile corrected too quickly can seem fake. Smiling for too long can make you look like an escaped psychotic. Smiling so widely that your gums are exposed all the way back to the eyeballs is just downright unattractive!
#5 Tongue and groove. There are some body language motions that are extraordinarily subtle and difficult to detect, and there are those that are positively explosive. When a women patently and languidly licks her lips whilst giving full or near-to-full eye contact, then you’d better hope your house is tidy – because there’s no way you’re going home alone tonight!
#6 Smooth operator. The speed of any motions you make, with your arms and hands, especially, says a lot about your emotional state. Quick, frequent, and jerky motions make you look nervous and not very confident, whereas the opposite effect is achieved by motions that are languid and occasional. Slow down, and exude the kind of confidence that is attractive to either gender.
#7 Lean machine. Having your opposite number leaning towards you slightly during conversation is another giveaway that they are more than a little interested in you. In fact, this is the strongest of the directional body language clues, as it implies a certain amount of potential for kissing.
#8 Hair today. This one needs mentioning to avoid a very major misunderstanding that often occurs around the touching of hair. Yes, it can indicate that the executor of this particular move is attracted to you, but it can also indicate unease, trepidation, and even fear.
Basically then, never try to interpret anyone’s mood using this clue alone, and instead, use it in tandem with other signs to get a clearer understanding of what to do next. Getting this one wrong really can have disastrous results.
#9 Touching moments. If at any point, your date risks reaching out and lightly touching you, no matter how seemingly innocuous, this is one of the strongest indications of attraction available to the student of body language. When attempting to execute this particular move yourself, though, you need to remember three things. [Read: 13 lusty signs of attraction that can be noticed by everyone]
Firstly, make sure that there have been other strong enough signs to justify such an audacious move. Secondly, make sure that there is an appropriate point in the conversation to allow you to do this, not just springing it out of the blue. Thirdly, make sure you touch the right part of their body. A hand, arm, or even a knee is fine in the right circumstances. A full frontal, two-handed assault, however, is more the stuff that nightmares are made of than dreams! [Read: Body language attraction – touchy feel flirting]
#10 Lip service. The kiss goodnight is so difficult to get right. Do you kiss on the cheeks, on the lip, or do you even kiss at all? The key to executing this most troublesome point of any date is in committing to one course of action and doing it smoothly, calmly, and firmly. They say that he who hesitates is lost, and in this case, that old saying is most definitely true. [Read: 15 tips to make your first kiss memorable]
A successful end to a date with the one you want to be a significant part of your life relies as much upon the body language observations made above as any other part of your seduction routine. So, pay careful attention to how your body interacts with the general flow of conversation, and ensure that you successfully pull off the romantic coup of the century!
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Currently reclining with a peaceful and contented smile upon his face, with perhaps just a hint of mystery and steely resolve, Philip Hegarty has an obviously i...