Stop Chasing Him! All the Reasons Why Chasing a Guy Never Helps

You keep running after him but he keeps moving further away. Stop chasing him! If he’s worth it, he’ll turn around and come running in your direction. 

stop chasing him

Love can often make us do crazy things. We leave our pride at the door and allow ourselves to be totally vulnerable for the person we adore. However, sometimes we end up doing crazy things for the wrong person. If you’re constantly running after a guy and he never seems to commit, stop chasing him!

It’s true what your mother says – you won’t need to chase the right guy. Chasing never ends well.

Some people are simply toxic when it comes to matters of the heart. They don’t know what they want, but they love to manipulate and play games. You, on the other hand, adore this person and want to be with them. So, what do you do? Anything you can to get them into your life. Even if that means driving yourself crazy with their mind games, to-ing and fro-ing, and their constant running.

It’s time to stop, stand still, and question why you’re wasting your energy. [Read: Emotional manipulation – 14 ways people mess with your mind]

Why do guys like to run ?

We should point out that not all guys do this. The good ones don’t. However, if you have a guy in your life who’s constantly running away, coming back, driving you crazy, and making you question your own sanity, you really need to do some more questioning – do you need this guy in your life? We would take a guess and say no, you don’t.

For some guys, running is their way of controlling you. It is a form of emotional abuse whereby they manipulate you by negating your feelings and refusing to listen so that you chase after them.

In the end, you end up looking like a crazy bitch. He ends up getting exactly what he was looking for… you to walk right into the trap. So, what is the answer to the guy who makes you chase him? Stop chasing him. [Read: The tricky mind games men play that any girl can win]

Stop chasing him! Why you should take your running shoes off

You might think that perhaps he just doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe he’s scared. Perhaps he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Stop making excuses for him. If he’s half-decent, he would be upfront and honest with you and you wouldn’t need to guess.

You have to understand that some guys just like the chase in general. They like to chase you, and then when they’ve got you hooked, they run off in the opposite direction. The idea is that you then chase after them and give their ego a good, old boost. They like to be in control and by making you do all the running, they’ve got you right where they want you.

So, why should you stop chasing him? Because you’re worth more than that. No relationship ever worth having includes any amount of running or chasing. You’ll never know where you stand, you’ll always be confused, and there will be a constant power battle going on. Does that sound healthy to you? [Read: Mind games – How your body’s chemistry affects love]

If he’s worth it, he won’t make you chase

A guy who knows what he wants, won’t make you run after him. He knows that by making you chase him, he runs the risk of losing you to someone else. That’s not what he wants! If you meet a guy and you end up chasing after him all the time, or even half of the time, stop. See it as a major red flag.

You might worry that you’re giving up too soon, but trust us, you’re not. You’re simply saving your own heart. If he doesn’t realize what he’s doing, then by you not chasing him anymore, he will come back – 100%. Guys don’t shrug and give up when they want someone badly. [Read: Gaslighted? 14 signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you]

By not chasing around after this guy, you’re showing him that you know your own worth. You’re showing him that you won’t be treated badly and that you won’t hesitate to drop him the moment he starts acting out of line. He may come back and treat you better, he may not bother, but either way, you’re the one with the control now.

Decent guys don’t make you chase after them, they’re the ones doing everything they can to keep you instead. [Read: How to play a guy at his own game – 17 ways to make sure you win]

Stop chasing him – 8 strategies to stop your madness

Whether you aren’t yet dating, have been dating for a while, or, God forbid, are married to the perpetual running man, it is time to stop the chase. You need to restore your dignity and realize that if he doesn’t want to hear you, you aren’t going to make him. You deserve to have emotional stability and not be on a constant rollercoaster ride. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

We know it is the hardest habit to break… believe us, we absolutely do. But, the only way to stop a guy from running from you is to stop chasing him and watch him either jog into the distance (good riddance) or come sprinting back, understanding the error of his ways.

1. Go for a walk

Instead of chasing him around the house or the block insisting that he hear you, go for a walk. When you are in a run/chase relationship, you know the feeling right before you let the crazy out and the chase is on. Instead of chasing him, put on your jacket and shoes and go for a walk. [Read: Toxic people – 25 early warning signs to watch out for]

Not only will it allow you to think through your actions before you make poor decisions that lead to unhealthy consequences, but exercise calms down your parasynthetic system enough to release the adrenaline that has your dander up, to begin with.

When you get back, you either talk rationally, if he comes back and to his senses, or think rationally enough just to let him go. [Read: 12 subtle signs you’re being manipulated by your lover]

2. Let him come to you

Although he says he hates it when you chase him, the truth is that he actually gets off on bottoming you out and making you run after him. If he didn’t, he would have left you a long time ago or would stop running like a coward.

When you take off after him, he gains control over you, and that is exactly what he wants. If you want him to stop running, then stop chasing him. Once he sees his running won’t result in anything but aloneness, he will have to try another tactic to gain dominance and control, or maybe even listen to you. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

3. Call a friend

Instead of running after him, call a friend who knows you and the situation and will talk you out of pursuing him. Everyone has that one friend to rely on to be their voice of reason.

Instead of taking off after him, let him go and talk your issues through with a good friend. They’ll tell you exactly what we are telling you now. Chasing after a guy NEVER ends well or gets you what you want. It always ends in feelings of worthlessness and remorse on your part. [Read: Love advice: 10 lessons your own experiences can teach you]

4. Breathe deeply and reason through it

One of the reasons why women chase men is because they get so incensed and frustrated that they stop thinking rationally. When someone runs from you, especially if you already have issues of fear in the relationship, your mind goes a little off-kilter.

What takes over for someone who chases is a fear of losing someone, or that the person who leaves isn’t ever going to come back. If you take a breath and talk yourself through it, like seriously, then you are less likely to start the chase.

Try to calm yourself down by talking through things aloud and knowing that no matter what happens, if you don’t chase him, you will be the victor. [Read: Narcissistic abuse – 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you]

5. Write it all down and then throw it away

If he runs and refuses to listen to you, then the best thing to do is to stop thinking that if you yell loud enough or catch him, he is going to listen. Long before he set out on his run, he decided he wasn’t going to hear you, which is why he ran, to begin with.

The next time you feel like chasing him and yelling at the top of your lungs, sit down at your computer and write him a scathing letter telling him all the nasty things you want to say. You would be surprised at how cathartic writing things down is. Once you transfer the anger, shut your computer down and reread it after you calm down.

Then, delete it – you won’t feel any better for him reading it, no matter what you think right now. Likely, if you don’t chase him, he will be back apologizing. You will have saved yourself from looking like the bad guy. [Read: 8 things to tell yourself when fighting with your lover]

6. Realize that nothing good ever comes from the chase

The next time you feel like catching up when he’s running, stop chasing him for a second and just think about all the other times you chased after him. How did those times end? Did you get what you wanted? That time, did he see you chasing him and run back your way, or did it push him away further?

Did you end up saying good things once you caught him? If he is running, it is because he doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. Learn from your mistakes instead of being the idiot who keeps doing the same thing expecting a different result. That only leads to your insanity, literally. [Read: Grey rock method – Get a narcissist to walk away from your life]

7. Leave him

If a guy can’t sit and listen to what you have to say and runs from you, then he isn’t good for you. Someone who runs from you instead of acknowledging you doesn’t respect you. It is truly that plain and simple.

Stop thinking you aren’t worthy of having a normal relationship where you can voice your opinion and be upset. You don’t have to chase someone to be heard. If he runs, he is always going to run. You are going to continually chase him.

If you can’t stop chasing him, then it is time to move on and find a healthy relationship to throw all that energy into. Chase/run relationships are nothing but toxic and they rarely, if ever, change. [Read: Yo-yo relationships and why they never ever work out]

8. Shut down to save yourself

This is a psychological term we hate. The reason is that it is typically used by counselors to say a woman is so demanding that she has made the man “shut down.” That gives him license not to answer.

What the therapist doesn’t mention is that shutting down is an immature behavior that is disrespectful and one the man chooses. It isn’t innate. Running is a learned behavior used to manipulate. So, why would we then be telling you to shut down? [Read: How to stop loving someone and read the signs it’s time to walk away]

Well, we suppose if you want to stop chasing someone who runs, you have to fight fire with fire. You literally must shut yourself down instead. Turn it all on its head and learn from the “master”.

That means turning off your phone, not answering the door, not checking your emails. You shut down and shut him out. There is no other answer.

Know that you deserve better

At the end of the day, do you really want to be constantly chasing a guy who doesn’t respect your feelings? He’s not exactly showing his best traits here, is he? You deserve a man who understands your worth and doesn’t risk losing you with stupid games. Because running is nothing more than a game. It isn’t him saving his emotions or being scared, it’s him playing mind games and trying to control you.

Don’t let him win. Instead, play him at his own game and simply stop chasing him. He’ll be so confused as to why you’re not running after him, he won’t know what to do with himself!

[Read: Tired of chasing? How to make a guy want you instead]

Chasing a guy never leads to a good result. It always ends up in the same horrible place. If all the tricks fail, stop chasing him and find some sanity by finding a healthier relationship.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

Julie Keating

A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...

Follow Julie on