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Don’t Want to Fall in Love? 23 Steps to Stop Loving Someone Who’ll Hurt You

Sometimes we need to stop our emotions for good reasons. You can learn how to stop falling in love to avoid getting hurt, but it’s better to know how to not fall in love with someone at all! 

how to not fall in love with someone

If you want to learn how to not fall in love with someone, you need to understand how it all happens in the first place.

People don’t instantly fall in love with the person they like. The feeling you experience is infatuation. And infatuation, as much as it feels like an inescapable wall that blocks your view from everything else, will eventually fade.

Most of us who have a crush on someone end up falling more in love with each passing day. It’s not because we’re so helplessly drawn toward that person but because we voluntarily choose to let that person sink their hooks deeper into our hearts.

You might think that “the heart wants what it wants,” and to a degree, yes, it does.

But, you can put the brakes on those building emotions and put a stop to any falling in love that may go on. It’s possible to learn how to not fall in love with someone, but it takes effort and determination. [Read: How long does it take to fall in love with someone? The answer to knowing for sure]

Falling in love and its confusion

Sometimes, it’s easy to be confused. A friend or a coworker could be charming and sweet, and before you know it, you may be having an emotional affair with them.

Or worse, you could be falling head over heels in love with them even though every molecule in your body could be screaming out that you’re going down the wrong path!

And then you try to stop yourself, but each time you try, it only hurts you more. [Read: 25 sure signs of falling in love to watch out for!]

Finally, you choose to give up fighting and wallow in self-pity and misery. You’re in love with someone who’s just so wrong for you or someone who may never ever love you back the way you love them.

But the truth is, you’re still the one who’s in control of your own life and your own heart. You can choose to walk away from love instead of falling in deeper if you truly choose to. Here are three main steps to do just that. [Read: How to get your crush to notice you and like you back in no time!]

1. Is it such a bad idea?

Whatever the reason, you’ve made up your mind that falling in love with a particular person, be it a friend or a colleague, is a bad idea. You have already rejected the idea of love and might decide to avoid falling in love altogether.

But what’s your real motive behind walking away? If you want to get over someone and loosen the hooks in your heart forever, you need to be very clear about why you feel that way and choose to let go. Were you hurt in the past? Do you still carry a lot of emotional baggage? Is the idea of taking a chance on the next relationship giving you anxiety?

Weigh the pros and the cons. Do you think a long-term romantic relationship is impossible? Is there something about this person that just isn’t acceptable to you? Is it their personality? Are they dating someone else, or perhaps, already married with kids?

If you want to avoid falling in love with someone or want to stop loving someone, being clear and understanding your intentions and reasons might help you succeed. [Read: Am I really in love? – 30 clear signs to read the fuzzy flutter after infatuation]

2. Acceptance

You can stop loving someone or avoid falling in love with someone only when you truly accept your reasoning behind why you can’t ever see a future with this particular person. You have to remember that there are no two ways here, and there should be no space for doubt.

If you want to stop falling in love with someone, you can’t ever do it unless you make up your mind that it is what you want.

You can choose to control your emotions to a certain extent. At least until your mind realizes just what a bad idea falling in love with this person could turn out to be.

But you can’t do any of that unless you accept and believe the idea that you don’t want to stay in love with this person. [Read: How men really fall in love – The 7 stages of love for men]

3. Stop digging your own ditch

You’ve decided to move on, haven’t you? So why do you spend half your day dreaming about this former partner? Or, wondering what they may be doing right this moment? Remember, the more you think of someone, the more they start to feel like a bigger and inescapable part of your life. [Read: 31 real reasons why someone may never ever like you back!]

Each time this person flits through your thoughts, push them away. Shake your head, distract yourself and think about something or someone else.

It may seem hard for a few days or a week or so. But very soon, you might find it really easy to just block this person out of your head! [Read: How to get over a crush ASAP and make yourself way more desirable]

What to do if you don’t want to fall in love with someone

Having a hard time stopping yourself from falling madly in love with someone? Here are some tips you can use to learn how not to fall in love with someone. Within a couple of weeks of following these steps, you’ll be strong enough to pull your thoughts together and walk away from them for good.

1. Distract yourself

Don’t let this person control your mind. As difficult as it may seem to stop thinking of this person, it’s definitely doable.

Keep yourself distracted with new activities that need your attention. And each time you feel lonely or idle, think about something else that makes you happy, interact with your family members, or do anything else that’ll keep you occupied. [Read: How to be positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

2. Don’t be a stalker

As satisfying as it feels to stay updated on this person’s private life, you might want to avoid opening their Instagram or Facebook profile every hour to see if they’ve been up to something, as that won’t help you.

The more you obsess over this person, the bigger the part they’ll play in your life. Try to limit the number of times you check their social media so that eventually, you can start to completely ignore them. [Read: The truth behind limerence – Is it a crush or is it limerence?]

3. Don’t be a people pleaser

It’s okay to turn down a request or be rude to this person every now and then. If you know this person particularly well and they ask you to spend time together frequently, learn to turn them down once in a while.

Remember, you’re trying to heal here. The more time you spend with them, the bigger and deeper your wound will get. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even know it!]

4. Don’t get too friendly

Avoid long conversations with this person. Do not try to get to know them. And most importantly, completely avoid late-night texts or phone calls where both of you share intimate details of each other’s lives.

You have to remember that, in this case, you aren’t getting friendlier with this person, you’re falling deeper in love, and that’s not good at all. And in return, they get a “friend” who bends over backward for them. How is this even a fair deal?

5. Remember their bad side

Every one of us has flaws. And one of the best ways to get over someone you love is to constantly focus on their bad side and pick at their flaws. Each time you meet them or think of them, remember their bad side or the things they say that hurt you.

It’ll work a lot better if you could even make a list of reasons behind why you need to stop loving this person and look at it now and then. [Read: The easiest way to get over someone is by hating them]

6. Avoid getting physically intimate

You may feel like you’re floating on clouds each time you cuddle up with them or hold their hand. But the moment you walk away from them, you’ll come crashing down to the ground.

Even if it feels like a stupid thing to do, avoid trying to get physically closer to this person. It will do you no good. [Read: Casual relationship – What it is, why people like it and 20 firm rules to follow]

7. Focus on someone else

Sometimes, the easiest way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. If you’re having a really hard time distracting yourself from the one you love, try to divert your attention to someone else.

It could be a rebound relationship or a bit of flirty banter for a few days. Sometimes, flirting with someone else is, by far, the easiest and the most fun way to stop yourself from falling head over heels in love with a particular person. [Read: Rebound relationship – 42 signs, rules and how to have fun in one]

8. Distance yourself from them

This can be particularly painful, especially if you’re working with them or are forced to interact with them on a daily basis. But as difficult as this may be, try to avoid them or keep your distance from them. Developing an attachment will only be unhelpful if you’re trying not to fall for someone.

9. Ignore them or avoid their attention

Even if you’re in a stable relationship with someone, flirty attention from someone you fancy or place in high regard can always make you weak in the knees.

So if you’re not ready to start dating or if you want to avoid falling in love with someone, you might not want to catch their attention at every instance, even if it feels good! [Read: 24 secret signs you may be having an emotional affair right now!]

10. Realize the difference

There’s a difference between falling in love with someone and finding someone attractive and interesting. Just because you think a guy or a girl is attractive, fun, or really wonderful doesn’t mean you love them.

Perhaps, you’ve just assumed that what you feel is love when it could just be admiration. After all, there is nothing wrong with thinking a particular person is wonderful, and there’s no rule that forces you to fall in love with everyone who seems interesting.

For all you know, the happy feeling you experience when you meet this person could just be admiration for them and not necessarily love.

11. Remember your self-respect

There’s a reason why you want to stop yourself from falling in love with this person. And in all probability, it’s a convincing and real reason.

So why are you stooping down, behaving like an idiot, and losing your self-respect over someone who isn’t right for you? Is that person worth the risk of probably suffering emotionally in the future? Take time to reflect on your actions.

You’re worthy of a much better lover and a much better experience from love, and you need to keep that in mind. [Read: The real reason behind why love hurts so much when it goes bad]

12. Focus on convincing yourself

Wait it out. The whole idea of infatuation is that it stays alive for only as long as you feed it with thoughts, emotions, and fantasies.

If you’ve truly made up your mind that you can’t, or don’t want to, see a future with this person, it’s only a matter of time before the feeling of infatuation starts to disappear.

13. Talk it out

Does this person know you like them, and do they know this feeling you have has no future? If all else fails, talk to your crush and explain to them just how you feel. And ask this person to help you get over them.

Avoid each other and use the no-contact rule. It’ll hurt like crazy for a week or two, but beyond that point, almost suddenly, you’ll start to feel a lot better and more in control of your own life. [Read: The no contact rule – What it is, how it works and why it works so well]

14. Be realistic at all times

Now is not the time for a fairytale mentality. Truthfully, now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself. Sit yourself down and be realistic. Yes, the idea of being with that person is great. They’re charming, and you find yourself easily drawn to them.

But think about what being with them would actually be like.

Since you don’t want to fall in love with them, you know there’s an issue there. Be realistic about that issue. Be honest. That issue is not one you can surpass, so stop trying. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

15. Repeat the reasons you can never be together in your mind

Once you know the array of reasons you can’t be together, constantly repeat them. You’ll need regular reminders about why you can’t love that person if you don’t want to fall in love with them.

So keep telling yourself why you can’t have them, and it’ll steer your mind away from falling in love.

16. Seek support from your friends

As long as the person you like isn’t dating one of your friends, they’re a great source to go to. Talk to them. Get their opinions. You can even get them to help with steering you away from that person if it comes to that.

Your friends can be a harsh reality check sometimes too. They do care about your feelings, so they’ll be gentle.

However, if they know it would hurt you more in the long run, they’ll be brutally honest about how to not fall in love with someone you can’t have. And if they’re not honest, they’re not good friends.

You can also consider seeking help from a licensed therapist, as this professional can help you understand your emotions, at the same time, diagnose you if you are suffering from a psychological disorder like emotional deprivation disorder that makes you incapable of loving. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

17. Stop yourself from talking about them

We all have a tendency to talk about those we like all the time. But if you’re trying to not fall in love with them, you need to stop talking about them.

Stop bragging about their great characteristics. Actually, stop mentioning them at all. The next time you feel like bringing them up in conversation, just stop. It’s not worth it.

18. Focus on yourself

One great thing to do if you don’t want to fall in love is to just focus on yourself. Be selfish. Staying busy with your career, hobbies, and friends can help you get your mind off that person.

The less you think about them, the less likely it’ll be that you’ll fall in love with them. So, join a gym or a few clubs and focus on becoming a better person and having fun. [Read: How to focus on yourself and 27 ways to create your own sunshine]

19. Expand your social circle

Get out there and meet new people! If you meet someone just as amazing with whom you can actually build a future, you’ll forget all about the other person.

Even if you don’t, meeting new friends will take your mind right off the person you’re desperately trying not to fall for, plus strong social support is also good for your mental health.

20. Remember the consequences at all times

There are consequences to falling in love with that person. That’s why you’re trying so hard to learn how to not fall in love with them.

Replay those consequences in your mind, and you’ll realize that it’s not worth it. Write the reasons down and keep looking at them if you must. After all, avoiding love means preventing someone from breaking your heart. [Read: Sense of self – 26 steps to raise it and feel like a million bucks]

The right person will come along, and you’ll overcome your fear of falling in love

Yes, it’s a cliché, but trust us when we say that it’s major truth too. If you’re desperate to learn how not to fall in love with someone, that’s for a good reason. It’s because this person isn’t a good choice for you.

Only you know why that is, but if you’re sure falling for this person is a mistake, it’s time to know that passing this over isn’t going to stop you from meeting someone amazing in the future.

Don’t worry that you’re always going to be alone because you said “no” to love and intimacy this one time. It’s far better to know your worth and avoid negative situations.

Ironically, that’s more likely to lead you toward the right person who will make you feel secure and will love you for the rest of their life. Once you meet them, you might sing a different tune, and the song of your life will have new lyrics.

Yes, the road will be rough and bumpy, and it’s probably going to hurt, but you’re strong enough to make this decision, so you’re strong enough to get through whatever comes your way.

[Read: When will I find love? 20 secrets that will help you find the one]

Falling in love is the easiest thing to do, but backing away from it can be extremely painful and slow. But if you use these steps and tips to avoid falling in love with someone, your recovery from heartache and pain will be a lot faster. And a lot easier too!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...