Sexual Chemistry: What It Is, How It Feels, 52 Signs & Ways to Increase It

You feel the sparks flying, so there must be sexual chemistry. But how do you know the signs? Here they are and what to do if it fades in a relationship.

sexual chemistry

If you felt an immediate connection with someone you just met, don’t ignore it. Instead, investigate those emotions and feelings of sexual chemistry because it shows a mutual understanding. 

Sometimes it’s not always obvious when two people have a connection. And if you’re one of those two people, that can make it a bit frustrating. 

Sure, you know you like a person, but how you be sure they like you too? Knowing how to read if there’s chemistry between two people can be a lot more beneficial than you probably think.

However, chemistry is a very odd thing because it’s not very obvious. You can’t really look at it from a distance and see it. It also feels different to different people, too.

What is sexual chemistry?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone attractive that you hoped would never end?

Or have you grazed arms with someone while dancing or at the movies and felt a flirty summersault in your stomach?

Well, that’s you experiencing a taste of sexual chemistry.

If you want to understand more about sexual chemistry in a relationship, read on. [Read: How to build sexual tension with someone you’re attracted to].

Sexual chemistry is something you can’t see, just like love. But you know you feel it when someone you like is in the same room.

If you and a special someone feels excited just to talk to each other or feel weak in the knees while kissing each other goodbye, chances are, there’s a lot of sexual chemistry in the air.

When you think you’re falling in love with someone at first sight, it’s infatuation.

And when you think you’re getting sexually attracted to someone, it’s sexual chemistry.

Sexual chemistry is infatuation with lust. Simply put, it’s what attracts two people to each other sexually. [Read: 33 sexy ways to sexually attract and seduce a guy who isn’t yours yet]

What causes sexual chemistry?

Just as the term implies, sexual chemistry can be attributed to just that – chemistry. More specifically, the chemistry of the brains of the two people involved. 

People’s brains’ hypothalamus influences the production of the hormones estrogen and testosterone. This gives people feelings of sexual desire. And that’s the same as having sexual chemistry.

What does sexual chemistry feel like? 

When we are attracted to someone, our brains release high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine. These two brain chemicals make people euphoric, energetic, and giddy. It can make you lose your appetite and not be able to sleep. [Read: Movie date – how to build sexual chemistry and create a perfect date]

That feeling of not being able to concentrate, eat, or sleep is something that comes along with being “head over heels” for someone. The person is so excited about their love interest that they might even say that they are already in love. But this is just the sexual chemistry talking.

Is sexual chemistry good or bad? 

Sexual chemistry is just a normal part of human life. Sure, it can create sexual tension between two people. People will always be attracted to others, so it’s not something that you can escape.

Sexual chemistry can be either good or bad. If two people are single and looking to either get into a relationship or simply have casual sex with each other, then it can be very good. However, if one or both people are committed to another person, then it can be bad. [Read: Having a crush while in a relationship – Why it’s okay and what to know]

The sexual chemistry between two people who can’t be together can drive some people crazy – not literally, of course. It’s just that sometimes it becomes so powerful that it can damage other parts of their lives. So, it shouldn’t be acted upon if both people aren’t single.

The magic of chemistry 

You either have chemistry with someone, or you don’t. There’s no in-between, and it’s not something you can force. There are some people you just click with, while others turn you off.

Intense chemistry isn’t just this feeling of wanting to sleep with someone. It’s also a sign you share something deeper. [Read: Have you found your twin soul?]

Why can’t you feel the sexual chemistry?

There are many types of people in the world. And not everyone will be able to share the perfect sexual chemistry with each other. If you’re an enthusiastic and adventurous type of person, you may not enjoy great sexual chemistry with someone who loves routine. 

After all, as much as sexual chemistry is about sex, it also has a lot to do with lifestyle choices and the way we present ourselves.

If you like someone and find yourself getting attracted to them, but at the same time, you don’t feel the sexual excitement deep inside, perhaps both of you are just not sexually compatible with each other. 

Don’t fret though. These things happen all the time. So, if you ever find yourself having second thoughts about someone you like, chances are, both of you are lacking in the sexual chemistry department. [Read: A true story about chemistry and sparks in romance]

The two types of sexual chemistry

Sexual chemistry is important in two phases of interaction between two individuals, at first sight, and in the long term.

When you meet someone and immediately feel sexually attracted to that person, and they feel the same towards you, then you’re experiencing sexual chemistry at first sight.

And if you’ve been in a relationship for over a year, the second form of sexual chemistry starts to kick in. [Read: The sexiest ways to make married sex feel like a one-night stand]

During the first few months of the relationship with your new lover, the infatuation and the sexual chemistry combine to create an intense attraction toward each other. But as the months turn to years, the infatuation fades away and turns into a mature love.

And when that happens, sexual chemistry too starts to take a nose dive. Almost all relationships that hold past a year or more, enter this stage of mediocre sexual chemistry. But there are always ways to bring that back with a bang. [Read: The honeymoon phase and how to calculate how long it’ll last for you]

Can sexual chemistry be one-sided?

Ideally, sexual chemistry is two-sided. In other words, both people feel very sexually attracted to each other. But unfortunately, it’s not always that way. [Read: 27 painful and soul-crushing signs your crush doesn’t like you back]

So yes, chemistry can be one-sided. We have probably all experienced that before. Maybe you had a huge crush on someone, but they didn’t feel the same way about you. Or they had a crush on you, but you felt nothing for them.

You see, just because someone is attracted to another person, it doesn’t mean that the feeling is mutual. After all, most people are attracted to very attractive people. But not all people are attracted to average or below-average-looking people.

So, when you find sexual chemistry that is two-way, then you are lucky. It’s a great feeling! [Read: 25 infatuation symptoms and signs to tell how long it will last for you]

Why chemistry is really important for a budding romance

If you’re not sure what chemistry is, we’ll explain quickly. It’s basically when two people naturally vibe well together. 

Their personalities match up, and they get along very, very easily. You naturally have great chemistry with your friends. It’s why you can spend so much time with them and not get annoyed.

Romantic chemistry, on the other hand, is a little different in the sense that it accompanies lustful feelings. You still feel a natural connection, but you also feel like you like them, even after the first meeting.

And that connection is really important in a relationship because without it, your feelings won’t remain. Everything will be forced, and it won’t feel like a natural progression if that initial chemistry is absent.

So, what are the intense signs of chemistry you need to remember, you ask? 

Well, wait no further. We’re about to tell you everything you need to know.

What you need to know about the intense signs of chemistry

Sometimes when you really like someone, you can’t tell if they really like you or not. Your mind becomes a little cloudy. Plus, you feel impatient. So, you want to know if there are intense signs of chemistry between you. Everyone loves a little intensity.

Chemistry can be difficult to pinpoint if you’re not sure what you’re looking for. Here’s what you need to pay attention to if you want to determine if there’s chemistry between two people. [Read: How to tell if there’s no chemistry while dating and you should stop trying]

1. You’re immediately comfortable around them

This is a major sign that two people have some extreme chemistry between them. Usually, when we have a crush, we’re very nervous and uncomfortable around that person.

Or when we meet someone new, we’re a little more on edge, and you’re just less relaxed in general. [Read: 20 clear signs of chemistry in the very first conversation]

But when it’s mutual chemistry, you’re automatically comfortable around them, and you want to be around them. For example, if just after meeting, they end up talking like old friends and have this sense of comfort around them, the chemistry is obvious.

You’ll be able to see this in the way their bodies react to one another. People with chemistry seem extra relaxed and open to one another.

You feel safe and judgment-free. Remember, chemistry is all about shared energy, and it’s clear you two are vibing. [Read: How to read people and understand what they’re thinking instantly]

2. You can be yourself

Whatever you say, whatever is on your mind, you feel free to say it to them. When we’re uncomfortable, we’re constantly analyzing what we said and what we should say in the future. 

But when there’s intense chemistry, there’s no pressure to try to be someone you’re not. In fact, you’ve never felt freer than when you’re around them. 

3. Endless banter

Who doesn’t love the banter with someone they can talk to easily? This is different than conversations that flow easily because it’s quick, witty, and fun. When two people can go back and forth with smart-ass comments and jokes, they have serious chemistry. 

This is another really obvious sign that you can pinpoint if you listen to them for a little while. When the banter just flows effortlessly, and you feel light, that’s a great sign they understand you on a deeper level.

4. Easy flowing conversation

Beyond banter, any conversation is really easy when there’s chemistry between two people. You can just talk and talk, and nothing feels weird or strained. There are also far fewer awkward silences and it seems like a more fulfilling conversation in general.

You can talk about anything from aliens to the meaning of life, and you will enjoy it. It’s never an effort to get them to talk to you and vice versa. In fact, you want to do nothing but keep talking to them forever.

5. Eye contact

Never underestimate the importance of eye contact. Most of us communicate non-verbally. When you’re at a bar, how do you know if someone likes you? They look at you. [Read: Eye f*cking – How to master the secrets of intense sexual eye contact]

Eye contact is a great way to see if there’s chemistry. If both of you are staring at each other intensely, well, it’s clear there’s something going on.

6. You get each other’s humor

When you hang out with someone who you don’t share chemistry with, you may not understand their humor and vice versa. Humor is a great way to figure out if you have chemistry with someone. 

Having the same sense of humor means your brains think alike. When you have something that important in common with someone, chemistry is the obvious reason for it. [Read: 15 types of humor and how it affects relationships]

Laughter is one of the best ways to connect with someone, and if you two share a similar sense of humor, well, that’s a sign of intense chemistry. Good chemistry is when you can both laugh together at the same jokes.

7. It’s all about one another

Whether at a party or out with friends, you’re always focused on each other. You make sure both your needs are being met, and share affection when you can.

Chemistry isn’t just about the sexual connection you share; it’s deeper than that. You genuinely care about one another.

8. Time is relative

When you’re with them, you’re not looking at your watch or checking your phone. When you spend time together, no one is keeping track of the clock. [Read: How to know if you’re in love – The signs it’s not just butterflies]

Whether it’s five hours or ten minutes, time flies when you are together. If there’s a real connection, then you are in your own world.

9. You can’t wait to see them

The minute you leave them, you’re waiting to see them again. The butterflies in your stomach are going wild, and the anticipation is killing you until you see them again.

You don’t want to be away from them; you feel like something is pulling you to them every time.

10. You love to tease each other

You may think teasing sounds childish, but when you’re with someone you like, teasing can be used as a form of flirting. If you share intense chemistry, there’s going to be a lot of flirting. 

But, that’s not a bad thing. Who doesn’t love flirting with someone they like? [Read: 20 clear signs of chemistry in the very first conversation]

11. You have butterflies

Your stomach is going wild whether you’re beside them or apart. You’re nervous, in a good way, and your stomach is reminding you of that. If you’re feeling butterflies, don’t ignore that. This is a sign of great chemistry going on.

12. You annoy each other

But in a Notebook type of way. You will pick on each other for no real reason. But instead of fighting, you are testing the boundaries and trying to get a reaction from one another. 

If you hear people telling you that you’re an “old married couple,” well, you have a real connection going on between you two. [Read: 29 secret ways to subtly flirt and make them desire you subconsciously]

13. You can handle silence

There’s an awkward silence, but then there’s a good silence, the silence that’s needed. If you can’t sit beside someone in complete silence and feel comfortable, well, then something is off. 

Intense chemistry isn’t just about talking. It’s also about how you share those quiet moments together.

14. The feeling doesn’t go away

If you share intense chemistry, it’s not going away that fast. When two people feel close to one another, that’s a bond that isn’t easy to break.

This isn’t a feeling that’s going to just disappear overnight. It’ll last for a long time. [Read: 47 sweet signs you’re falling in love and slowly moving past the like stage]

15. And then there’s sex

This part matters. Intense chemistry is deep, but it’s also sexual. When you are around each other, there’s a constant sexual tension floating in the air. 

You want to rip their clothes off, and they can’t stop licking their lips when they look at you.

16. There’s a flow

Here’s the thing, when you are together, things just flow. You feel comfortable; they feel comfortable. There’s nothing forced. 

And this flow doesn’t usually happen unless there’s intense chemistry, and this is rare. If you feel this flow, then ride the wave and don’t overanalyze it.

[Read: How your body’s chemistry affects love]

17. Both people light up

This is instantly when they meet. They’ll both just get this giddiness about them, even if they have no idea why. When the two people meet, the chemistry has already started.

Pay close attention to what the people do as they’re introduced. Do they get red and blush? Then it’s definitely a sign of attraction and chemistry. If it’s awkward and less impactful, there isn’t much between them. [Read: How to forge a connection with someone right away]

18. Smiles are infectious 

Smiling is just something you’ll do if you have chemistry with someone. It’s your body’s reaction when you’re in a good situation. 

And since our bodies are hardwired to seek out a mate, the moment they see someone who can potentially be the one, they’ll react accordingly. If you find yourself or a friend smiling for no reason, there’s definitely mutual chemistry.

19. Closeness

When two people seem to gravitate toward one another, the chemistry is very clear. Both people won’t even be trying to do it. It’ll just happen to them, and they’ll find themselves really close to the person they have chemistry with.

This is because of our bodies’ desire to be around those who are good for us. When your body feels like a single person with someone else, you’ll subconsciously start moving toward them. This means there is definitely chemistry. [Read: The clear signs of body language attraction]

20. Physical contact

Playful, innocent touching is a big sign of chemistry between two people. It can be as simple as bumping shoulders or as extreme as sitting on someone’s lap. The latter is an obvious sign that two people have chemistry, but the first is just as significant.

21. Shared interests

Do you both like to do the same things? Do you share weird hobbies with them? If so, it’s because you have chemistry with them. 

Those desires for certain hobbies and interests show the depth of both your personalities, and having those similar feelings means you have a lot more in common deeper down. [Read: The most important signs of relationship compatilbility]

22. Their body positions mirror each other

This is something humans do without actually realizing it. When we like someone and have chemistry with them, our bodies mirror theirs. 

So, if you notice someone standing with their arms crossed and the other person is doing the same, they probably have mutual chemistry.

23. Genuine behavior

When two people have chemistry, there’s not really any fake behavior. They don’t feel the need to fake laugh or fake smile. It’s all real and natural because those things happen easily.

24. It’s clear they’ve known each other for a long time, even if they haven’t

This is a very, very clear sign that there’s chemistry between two people. When they act as though they’ve been friends for years but hardly know each other, it’s a natural connection. [Read: 20 types of physical touches and what they mean]

25. Your body changes when you’re around them

Guys, you know what we’re talking about here, right? It’s pretty obvious that if there’s sexual chemistry, you might start getting hard whether you want to or not. 

And ladies, you might have a similar physical response in your genital region as well. You might even start blushing too.

26. You feel like a teenager again

Everyone remembers what having a crush felt like when they were teenagers. It’s exhilarating, new, and feels amazing. That’s what sexual chemistry feels like.

You feel born again, and you’re floating on cloud nine. [Read: Infatuation – the real definition and 43 signs you’re infatuated with someone]

27. You’re always in contact with them

The person you have chemistry with is always on your mind. You want to talk to them as much as humanly possible. So, you are probably texting them constantly or talking on the phone when you can. You can’t get enough of talking to them.

28. You can’t stand to be apart

You try to spend as much time together as you possibly can. One or both of you might even start canceling plans with other people just so you can see one another. It’s almost physically painful not to be with them. 

29. You read each other like a book

After you get to know each other a little bit, it’s like you are soul mates. You can practically read their mind and finish their sentences for you. In fact, it’s like you share a brain because you feel like you are so much alike.

30. Time flies when you’re with each other

As the saying goes, “time flies when you’re having fun.” Well, that’s an understatement when it comes to sexual chemistry. You can’t get enough of the person, and your focus is not on the clock. When you look up, a lot of time has passed, and you didn’t even know it.

31. Other people have commented on the vibe the two of you have together

The two of you aren’t the only ones who see and feel it. Other people do too. They might tease you about it or even warn you if one or both of you aren’t single.

But regardless, other people can see it just as plainly as you can.

32. You can’t stop flirting with each other

You can flirt with just about anyone, but when there is sexual chemistry, the flirting is pretty much non-stop. Because of your feelings for one another, you just say complimentary things to one another and/or constantly tease. It’s always flirty fun with them. [Read: Friendly vs. flirty – 22 signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]

33. You just feel it

You can just feel the chemistry in your gut. Or, as the saying goes, “you could cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife.” It’s like the sexual energy is floating all around you, and both of you feel it with everything you have and everything you are.

Is sexual chemistry important in a relationship?

Sexual chemistry not only ignites a budding romance, but it also holds a relationship together *along with love*. It keeps the attraction alive.

If you and your partner don’t share sexual chemistry, you’d find no difference in the way you treat your lover or your sibling. [Read: 20 signs you’re not attracted to your partner and how to spark it up again]

After all, love without sexual attraction is just too innocent to be termed a romance. And that’s why sexual chemistry makes all the difference in a relationship *unless you’re asexual*.

But at the same time, sexual chemistry isn’t something that can be faked or created. It has to come to life from deep inside when two people who are attracted to each other meet. 

If you don’t feel sexual attraction towards someone, there’s really not much hope for a relationship. [Read: How to know if you’re in love or getting attracted to someone]

Even if you end up dating someone who doesn’t feel sexually excited to be with you, they may just end up leaving you for someone else or having an affair behind your back. 

So, if you can’t feel the sexual chemistry when you’re dating someone, don’t get into a relationship. It’s just not worth the pain and effort.

How to increase sexual chemistry in your relationship

If you feel like the sexual chemistry’s lacking in your love life, try to look for ways to constantly keep each other’s bodies and sexual sides exciting. And just use these tips to bring sexual chemistry back into your romance again.

1. Don’t cling to each other

Spend some time away from each other now and then. Spending too much time with each other will prevent either of you from missing each other.

And when you don’t miss each other, you can’t crave each other sexually, can you? [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]

2. Be confident

People who exude confidence and charisma always seem more attractive than people who trudge down a street with a hunched back. 

Love yourself, feel good about who you are on the inside and outside, and you’ll become a lot more attractive overnight.

3. Make your lover feel lucky

As relationships grow, we start to forget how lucky we are to have found such a wonderful catch in our partner. 

Look for ways to remind your partner just how awesome you are, especially when you’re out with other people. [Read: How to keep a guy interested in 30 super sexy ways]

4. Be a tease now and then

If you get something easily, you’ll never understand its value. If your partner can get to have sex with you whenever they want, they’ll never truly appreciate you. 

And when that happens, the sexual chemistry is bound to go downhill. Tease your lover now and then while making out or while walking down a street, either by doing something sexual and funny in public or by subtly playing hard to get.

5. Be unpredictable

There’s nothing sexier than a lover who’s lovingly unpredictable. Surprise and shock your partner out of the blue, be it about singing at a karaoke night, getting drunk with five tequila shots in a row, or doing something adventurous or daring when they least expect it. 

When you flash a sexy and naughty side now and then, your partner can’t help but feel the blood rush to their loins. [Read: How to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]

6. Love your life

Positive people are happy people. And happy people love life. And people who love life always look for ways to keep it fun and exciting.

Don’t let life push you down into the dumps. When you’re optimistic and smiling all the time, it makes you look and feel sexier. [Read: Ways to stop thinking negative about yourself]

7. Don’t make your life feel like a routine

A new relationship is exciting because there’s so much to know about each other. And all that changes when routine gets into the relationship. Routines are predictable and boring. 

If Sunday night is sex night all the time, can you really enjoy the sizzle of sexual chemistry? Sexual chemistry has to be unpredictable and exciting. Keep it that way, and it’ll always stay on a high.

8. Indulge in PDA

Public display of affection is a great way to bring sexual chemistry back into love. After all, when you’re restricted from doing things to each other, it’ll make both of you feel like college kids all over again. 

If you’re not a public display kind of person, fret not. Dress up, and get to a club. Grind each other or just get naughty on the dark dance floor. It’ll still work wonders for your sexual chemistry.

9. Look good in each other’s arms

Do you look as good as or even better than how you first looked when you met your partner? No? If you’ve put on a few pounds or have stopped dressing up for your partner, well, it’s time to turn things around. 

Sexual attraction has a lot to do with physical attraction. So, if you’re not feeling the sexual chemistry in love, you’re playing your part in the blame game too. [Read: How to look better naked using 22 real-life tips]

10. Awe your partner

Never stop awing your partner, in some way or the other. When your partner can’t help but drop their jaws when they look at you, you’ll definitely bring the sexual chemistry back into your lives.

Signs there is no sexual chemistry

Whether you never had sexual chemistry or you did but it faded away, there are signs that it’s not there anymore. Here are some of them.

1. You don’t see each other often

When you have a lot of chemistry, you want to be together all the time. You can’t wait to jump each other’s bones and get it on.

But when you don’t feel it, you could take them or leave them. That’s why you don’t bother seeing each other very often. [Read: Not attracted to your husband? 30 signs and ways to fix a loss of interest]

2. You’re both busy

Sure, everyone is busy. Life needs to be lived, and everyone has obligations like school or work. But when you have a lot of sexual chemistry with someone, you try to clear a part of your schedule so you can see the other person. If you’re not doing that, then one or both of you don’t really want to.

3. Your schedules don’t match

Similar to being busy, if your schedules aren’t matching up, then there is not much chemistry.

For example, if you can’t bother to rearrange things that are going on in your life in order to see the other person, then you are obviously not very excited about them.

4. You argue or fight a lot

If you’re in a relationship where the sexual chemistry has faded, then you might fight and have a lot of arguments.

When you are hot for each other, you don’t really think about conflict as much because you are too busy lusting after their body. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]

5. There is physical or emotional distance between the two of you

Obviously, when you have a lot of chemistry, you don’t want to have any distance between you and the other person. You definitely don’t want any physical distance. 

That’s because you want to be with them sexually as much as possible. And if you don’t have an emotional connection anymore, then that is also a sign that the chemistry has faded.

What to do when the sexual chemistry fades

Sexual chemistry is so exciting when it’s new and at the beginning of a relationship. But as time goes on, it’s not uncommon for it to fade. So, what do you do?

Should you just accept it? Or should you try to get the spark back? Well, the latter sounds the best, don’t you think? [Read: How to read the signs your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you anymore]

1. Be vocal about your appreciation for them

Maybe your partner feels unappreciated and taken for granted by you. If so, then you need to start saying and showing how much you appreciate having them in your life. 

You would be surprised how that can turn a relationship around. You can’t get lazy in a partnership. Both people need to put in effort such as this.

2. Spend quality alone time with them

You can’t have sexual chemistry if you don’t even spend much time together. If one of you is watching TV and the other is playing video games in another room, you’re not connecting to each other.

So, spend as much quality time alone with them as you possibly can. [Read: Romantic dinner date ideas – The best, fun dates you both will never forget]

3. Communicate about it

Many couples don’t know how to communicate effectively about anything – especially sensitive topics such as the loss of sexual chemistry. But you need to bring it up for discussion. Both of you probably know what’s going on. But you can’t change or fix what you don’t acknowledge.

4. Look your best

It’s not uncommon for a lot of people to let themselves go once they get into a relationship or get married. They gain weight and stop working out.

And let’s face it, that doesn’t help sexual chemistry. So, if you want to get it back, then both of you should start looking and feeling your best.

A big tip to remember about chemistry

Don’t try to force sexual chemistry into a relationship. It doesn’t work that way. Sexual chemistry has to come naturally to both of you. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through]

If you force a date or a partner into a passionate session of lovemaking or a bout of PDA, you may end up angering them instead of making them feel the connection. Show off your best side and hope for the best.

If you’re in a new relationship, make your date awe you, and you may just be able to attract them sexually.

And if you’re in a seasoned relationship and find the sexual chemistry dwindling, use these tips and remember to always keep things fresh and exciting.

[Read: 22 playful ways to make sex way more exciting and fun when it starts to get boring]

Sexual chemistry isn’t something you can control. Sharing chemistry with someone is an amazing experience and definitely something you need to enjoy. Are you sharing these intense signs of chemistry with someone special?

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Carol Morgan LP
Dr. Carol Morgan
Dr. Carol Morgan has a Ph.D. in communication and is a professor at Wright State University where she loves corrupting young minds. As a relationship and succes...