Being single can feel safe, and new relationship fears can make you have doubts about a new relationship. Being in a relationship is much different than being single.
When you’re single, you’re not concerned about the happiness or thoughts of someone else. You do whatever you want. If you don’t want to shower for the next week, you don’t have to. Sure, you may smell, but you don’t care.
But when you’re in a relationship, it changes. Actually, it’s a huge transition, and it takes a lot of time to get used to. This can bring up a lot of emotions… and a lot of doubt. They may be the perfect person for you, but even then, you’re still not sure if they’re the right person.
[Read: What to do when something doesn’t feel right in your relationship]
Cold feet or legitimate doubt about a new relationship?
Having these thoughts is completely normal. And your doubts could be completely valid, but they could also be cold feet. Now, you need to figure out which it is because they require different responses.
If you have serious doubt about your partner, it could lead to a breakup. But if you realize it’s you having cold feet, if you push hard enough, you can overcome this fear. So, it’s time to figure out what you’re feeling. Cold feet? Legitimate doubt? Once you have the answer, you’ll be able to take the next step.
You don’t want to make the wrong choice, so take time to examine the doubts about a new relationship you are feeling.
#1 Doubt is actually normal. Even when the person we meet is everything we could ever as for in a partner, we will always have doubt. Why? Because doubt is a response to change. When things are progressing in our lives, we’re unsure about the future which creates doubt. But talking to your partner can always help relieve those thoughts. [Read: The 14 stages of a budding, new romance you’ll likely experience]
#2 Doubt is a response to an underlying problem. If you’re feeling doubtful, this isn’t the main problem. You’re feeling doubt because of something else, something deeper. It could be past trauma making you scared to commit or uncertainty over them as a partner. If you think doubt is the issue, it’s not. [Read: How to overcome your self-doubt and get on the road to enlightenment]
#3 Think about why you may be doubtful. Of course, we all worry whether the choice we’re making is a good one. No one wants to make a mistake. But, sometimes you’ll need to take risks to find out. Doubts about a new relationship can be used as a mask to fear. If you’re falling for this person, you’re going to be fearful of getting hurt. This is when those questions of doubt start popping up in your head.
#4 Do you trust them completely? This is a serious question to ask yourself. If your immediate answer was ‘yes,’ then you’re probably just experiencing cold feet. But, if you just spent ten seconds trying to figure out if this person is someone you can trust, then you don’t trust them. And I doubt you ever will.
#5 Are you attracted to them? Listen, physical attraction is important. Everyone can tell you otherwise, but at the end of the day, you need to be attracted to the person. Sometimes, the person we’re interested in can be great in every way, but we’re not aroused by them. It happens. You need to figure this out because if you marry them, you’ll only be having sex with them.
#6 Is there something you want to change about them? It’s a hard question to answer. Listen, there are going to be things you’d like to change whether you have doubts or not. But, if your list of things is literally two miles long, then you need to think about whether this person is for you.
#7 Can you be honest with them? When I was feeling doubts about the relationship, I talked about it with my partner. I was experiencing cold feet because I was struggling to adjust to the “taken” life.
But I was able to talk about it without any fear. And if you’re feeling doubt about a relationship, an important sign is if you’re able to openly talk about this with your partner. [Read: How to stop overthinking in your relationship and calm down]
#8 What does your support think of them? Your family and friends know you better than this person. Sorry, but it’s true. These people have been in your life for years and years, seeing every good and bad side of you. So, when you bring someone home, they’re able to read through the lines. Your family and friends will see the red flags when you’re not paying attention.
#9 Do you like them? No, this isn’t just about sex. Do you like this person for who they are? Not what they wear or the car they drive. But is this someone you can sit with and really talk to about deep topics. If you’re feeling a disconnect, then this doubt you have is rational. But if you can talk with them about anything and be open and honest, maybe it’s cold feet.
#10 Is there more than just sex? The sex may be amazing, but is that everything? There’s more to a relationship than just intimacy. If you’re having amazing sex, but lack a connection outside of the bedroom, these doubts are serious. But if everything is going well, maybe you’re scared of losing the intimacy.
#11 Do you feel happy? It’s a subjective question, so don’t try to think about all the chick flicks you’ve seen. When you’re around this person, do you feel genuine happiness? If you’re truly happy, then it’s just cold feet. But if your instinct is telling you otherwise, then this doubt isn’t a joke. [Read: Why you should run if you see these early relationship red flags]
#12 What does your gut say? The gut is one powerful tool to use when you’re sorting out your feelings. We always tend to underestimate our gut instinct, but it’s usually right. Deep down you know whether or not your doubts are just cold feet or the real deal. You know. What you need to do is figure out whether or not you’re going to act on it.
[Read: How to recognize relationship doubts and make the right decision for you]
Going from single to taken isn’t always a smooth transition. Sometimes, doubts about a new relationship will pop up, and it’s your job to figure out whether they’re the real deal or just fear.
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