When to Walk Away From a Sexless Marriage? 24 Truths to Help You Decide

Wondering when to walk away from a sexless marriage? These signs, expert tips & psychology-backed insights will guide you through the tough call.

Let’s be real, wondering when to walk away from a sexless marriage is one of those questions that keeps you up at night, staring at the ceiling, asking yourself if it’s just a phase or the beginning of the end.

You’re not alone. And no, you’re not crazy for wanting more than just a roommate with shared bills and zero intimacy. Sex isn’t everything, but in a marriage, it’s definitely something.

In fact, research shows that emotional and sexual intimacy are key predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction 📚 Source: McNulty et al., 2016, Relationship Satisfaction and Frequency of Sex

Want to understand sexless marriages better? 👉 Start with this guide: Sexless Relationship: Why Sex Matters & How to Spark Passion in Marriage Again

When should you walk away from a sexless marriage?

Sex is not everything in a marriage, but let’s not pretend it’s nothing. A sexless marriage can feel confusing, isolating, and emotionally exhausting.

And while every couple’s dynamic is unique, there are some clear signs that it might be time to stop trying to fix it and start thinking about walking away. [Read: Long-Term Relationship: What It Means & 30 Secrets to Have a Love that Lasts]

1. You’ve done the work, and nothing’s changed

If you’ve tried initiating affection, having honest conversations, reading books, going to therapy (or begging them to), and still feel like you’re the only one trying, that’s a big red flag.

A healthy relationship takes two people showing up, not one person dragging the relationship uphill while the other stays emotionally MIA. [Read: 38 Signs & Traits of a Happy, Healthy Relationship & What It Should Look Like]

2. You feel more like roommates than romantic partners

If intimacy has been replaced by logistical conversations about bills, chores, and what to eat for dinner, you might be in a detached marriage.

Without touch, affection, or even flirtation, it’s easy to start feeling invisible. Emotional disconnection is often the deeper wound. [Read: 29 Real Signs Someone Is Emotionally Detached & Doesn’t Care About You]

3. Your mental and emotional health are suffering

Long-term sexual rejection and emotional abandonment can chip away at your self-esteem. It can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loop of, “What’s wrong with me?”

Research shows that sexual satisfaction is positively linked to marital happiness and overall well-being. If the lack of intimacy is impacting your mental health, that’s reason enough to reevaluate. 📚 Source: Hana Yoo, et al., 2013, Sexual Intimacy, and Relationship Satisfaction

4. They’re unwilling to meet you halfway

It’s not about demanding sex, it’s about wanting connection, affection, and effort. If your partner refuses to talk about it, shuts down every attempt at closeness, or flat-out refuses therapy, they’re choosing distance. And you deserve someone who chooses you. [Read: 22 Smitten Signs Your Partner Is Slowly Falling in Love with Someone Else]

5. You fantasize about someone else, not just sexually, but emotionally

Daydreaming about cheating or imagining how peaceful your life might be solo isn’t just escapism, it’s your mind trying to tell you something.

If the idea of leaving feels more liberating than terrifying, or if your partner doesn’t even appear in your intimate thoughts anymore, it may be time to listen to that voice. [Read: Cheating Fantasy: When It’s Okay to Fantasize About Others & When It’s Not]

6. You’ve tried everything and feel emotionally abandoned

When you’ve bent over backward to fix things, therapy, communication, date nights, all of it, and still feel rejected or alone, that’s emotionally unsustainable. This kind of one-sided emotional labor can lead to burnout, resentment, and deep sadness.

7. You feel gaslighted or dismissed

If you bring up your needs and they respond with, “You’re obsessed with sex” or “It’s not that big of a deal,” that’s emotional manipulation. Your needs are valid. Your pain is real. Rewriting your reality is not okay. [Read: Gaslighting: What It Is, How it Works & 33 Signs to Spot It ASAP]

8. You feel totally alone in your relationship

There’s nothing lonelier than lying next to someone every night and still feeling invisible. Emotional isolation in a marriage can erode your self-worth, even if everything looks fine from the outside. [Read: 33 Emotional Needs in a Relationship, Signs It’s Unmet & How to Meet Them]

9. You’re not being true to yourself

Pretending everything’s fine while you’re breaking inside isn’t noble, it’s harmful. When you stop honoring your needs and emotions just to maintain the peace, you slowly lose your connection to your own identity.

So…when is it time to go?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here’s a simple guide: If the marriage is leaving you chronically lonely, emotionally unfulfilled, and you’ve exhausted every reasonable effort to reconnect, it may be time to walk away.

Love without intimacy can start to feel like a contract, not a connection. And while leaving is never easy, staying in a relationship that erodes your self-worth is even harder in the long run.

Before you walk away from a sexless marriage

Before you make the life-altering decision to leave your marriage, it’s important to pause and ask yourself: have I truly explored all my options, emotionally, practically, and psychologically?

Many people in sexless marriages feel hopeless, but walking away shouldn’t be the first move, it should be the last resort after thoughtful reflection, honest effort, and compassionate examination of both your needs and your partner’s.

1. Check in with yourself first

Start by getting crystal clear on what’s missing for you. Is it the physical act of sex, or the emotional intimacy that comes with it?

Are you feeling undesired, invisible, or emotionally abandoned? These are very different kinds of pain, and identifying the root can help you figure out what you actually need to feel fulfilled again. [Read: Sexual Intimacy: The Meaning, 20 Signs You’re Losing It & Secrets to Grow It]

It’s also worth exploring your own beliefs about sex in marriage. Some people view sex as a core expression of love, while others may place more value on emotional companionship. Neither is wrong, but a mismatch here can create deep resentment over time.

2. Have you made space for vulnerability?

Sometimes, the problem isn’t just the lack of sex, it’s the lack of safe, judgment-free communication around it. Have you had an open, emotionally honest conversation with your partner about how this is affecting you?

Not just a frustrated, “Why don’t we ever have sex?” but a vulnerable, “I miss feeling connected to you, and I feel rejected when we don’t share physical intimacy.” [Read: 12 Stages of Physical Intimacy & 18 Truths to Go from Strangers to Lovers]

Many couples struggle to talk about sex because of shame, trauma, or fear of hurting the other person. But without this conversation, you’re left making assumptions, and those can be dangerous territory.

3. Consider what’s been tried, and what hasn’t

Have you sought therapy together or individually? Tried scheduling intimacy, exploring other forms of connection, or even reading books on rekindling desire? If you’re the only one putting in the effort, that’s important to note. But if both of you have been trying in different ways, there may still be potential to rebuild.

And remember: walking away doesn’t have to mean failure. But walking away without clarity can lead to regret. Make sure you’re not leaving because of silence, assumptions, or fear, but because every road to reconnection has been genuinely explored. [Read: Putting Too Much Effort into a Relationship: Where to Draw the Line]

Can a sexless marriage be saved?

Yes, sometimes. But it depends on what both partners are willing to do about it. A sexless marriage doesn’t automatically mean the end of love or connection, but it does signal that something important needs attention.

The good news? Many couples have worked through dry spells and rediscovered intimacy. The not-so-good news? It takes effort, honesty, and vulnerability from both sides. [Read: Naughty Ways to Get Over a Sexual Dry Spell Quickly!]

1. First, understand what’s really going on

Sex isn’t just about pleasure, it’s about connection, emotional safety, and feeling desired. When it disappears, it often signals deeper issues: resentment, emotional disconnection, stress, trauma, or even unspoken relationship dynamics.

Before jumping into solutions, it’s important to get curious, not combative. What’s beneath the silence? Has sex always been an issue, or did something shift over time? [Read: Relationship Dynamics: 29 Must-Knows To Turn Toxic Love Into a Healthy One]

2. Start the conversation, gently

Talking about sex when you’re not having any can feel… awkward. But silence only makes the gap grow wider. Choose a calm moment to share how you feel, not just about the lack of sex, but about how it affects your sense of closeness, self-worth, and emotional connection.

Use “I” statements to avoid blame, like: “I miss feeling connected to you in that way,” or “I’ve been feeling rejected and distant.” [Read: Emotional Connection: 38 Signs, Secrets & Ways to Build a Real Bond]

3. Explore the why, together

Maybe one partner has low libido, is dealing with mental health struggles, or has unresolved trauma. Maybe resentment has built up over time.

Whatever the reason, the key is to explore it together, not treat one person as the “problem.” This is where empathy becomes your greatest tool, not pressure or guilt.

4. Try therapy (yes, even if it feels awkward)

Sex therapists or couples counselors can help you uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface. Therapy isn’t just for “broken” couples, it’s for curious ones who want to understand and grow.

Research shows that emotionally focused therapy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and sexual intimacy 📚 Source: Abby Girard, et al., 2016, Emotionally Focused Therapy to Treat Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Couples

5. Rebuild intimacy slowly

Instead of jumping straight to sex, start with non-sexual touch, shared laughter, or simply spending quality time without distractions.

Intimacy is a muscle, it strengthens with consistency and care. Rediscovering each other emotionally can reignite desire naturally over time.

Not every sexless marriage can, or should, be saved. But if both people are willing to show up, talk honestly, and do the emotional work, there’s hope. The key is mutual effort. One person can’t fix a disconnect created by two.

What to do if your partner refuses to change

So, you’ve communicated your needs, initiated vulnerable conversations, maybe even suggested therapy, and still, nothing.

When your partner refuses to change, it can feel like you’re stuck in a relationship where your needs don’t matter. That kind of emotional limbo isn’t just frustrating, it can be deeply damaging.

1. Acknowledge the reality, not the potential

It’s tempting to hold onto hope that they’ll change “one day.” But if months (or years) have passed with no real effort, it’s time to evaluate the relationship based on who they are now, not who you wish they’d become. Love can’t survive on potential alone.

2. Stop over-functioning

When one partner shuts down, the other often overcompensates, suggesting books, planning date nights, initiating every hard talk.

If you’re doing all the emotional labor, pause. Healthy change requires mutual effort. If it’s one-sided, it’s not a partnership, it’s a performance. [Read: How to Change for Your Partner Without Compromising or Losing YOU]

3. Protect your self-worth

Repeated rejection or indifference can chip away at your confidence and make you question your own needs. But your desire for intimacy, whether emotional, physical, or both, is valid.

Research shows that feeling sexually and emotionally connected in a relationship is tied to higher relationship satisfaction and overall well-being. 📚 Source: Muise et al., 2015, Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being

4. Set a timeline for change

If you’re still unsure, give the relationship a clear timeframe. For example, “If there’s no progress in six months, I’ll need to reevaluate.” This gives you a sense of control and helps prevent years from slipping by while you wait for something that may never come. [Read: 18 Signs & Why Something Feels Off in Your Relationship & Doesn’t Feel Right]

5. Know when to choose yourself

Change isn’t just about them, it’s also about you. If they’re unwilling to grow, and you’re feeling emotionally abandoned, choosing to walk away isn’t giving up. It’s choosing your own mental health, dignity, and future happiness.

Signs you’re in a sexless marriage

Not sure if your marriage qualifies as “sexless”? Here’s a quick reality check: if you’re having sex less than 10 times a year, many experts would define that as a sexless marriage.

But frequency isn’t the only factor, it’s also about desire, connection, and whether the absence of sex feels mutual or lonely.

Here’s the thing: every couple has dry spells. Stress, health issues, or life transitions can lower libido for a while. But when intimacy disappears long-term and no one’s trying to fix it, the emotional fallout can be just as painful as any other form of rejection. [Read: How to Get in the Mood For Sex: 17 Horny Tricks to Beat a Dry Spell]

1. You feel more like roommates than lovers

If your relationship feels like a co-living arrangement, shared bills, shared chores, but no shared passion, it’s a red flag. Emotional and physical intimacy tend to go hand-in-hand, and when both are missing, the relationship can start to feel hollow. [Read: 24 Sad Signs & Consequences of Emotional Neglect in a Relationship]

2. You crave affection, but it never comes

It’s not just about sex. If hugs, kisses, or even casual touches have disappeared, you may start to feel starved for affection.

Physical intimacy is a core way we bond and feel secure in love. Without it, loneliness creeps in, even when you’re not physically alone.

3. You avoid initiating because rejection feels too painful

Over time, repeated rejection can train you to stop trying altogether. This isn’t just about hurt pride, it can seriously damage your self-esteem and lead to feelings of shame, resentment, or even depression. 📚 Source: Murray et al., 2011, Satisfaction in Close Relationships

4. You fantasize about intimacy, but not with your partner

When your mind drifts to intimate moments, and your partner doesn’t even make a cameo, it may signal emotional detachment.

Fantasizing is normal, but if your partner is completely absent from your desires, it could reflect a deeper disconnect. [Read: Emotional Detachment Disorder: 43 Symptoms & How It Affects Relationships]

The bottom line? A sexless marriage isn’t just about lack of sex, it’s about the emotional distance and unmet needs that come with it. If this resonates, you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not wrong for wanting more.

[Read: Mutual Fantasy: How to Fantasize & Talk About Someone Else While Having Sex]

Why do marriages become sexless?

Marriages don’t usually start out sexless. In fact, most couples go through a “honeymoon phase” where physical intimacy feels natural and frequent.

But over time, life happens, schedules get packed, stress builds up, and the spark that once felt effortless can begin to dim. So, how do two people who once couldn’t keep their hands off each other end up in a sexless marriage? [Read: Intimacy in Marriage: 19 Signs It’s Fading & Secrets to Keep It Alive]

One major reason marriages become sexless is emotional disconnection. When couples stop feeling emotionally close, physical intimacy can feel forced or even unwanted. Resentment, unresolved fights, or simply growing apart emotionally can quietly chip away at desire over time.

Then there’s the role of stress and exhaustion. Careers, kids, financial worries, these can shift sex to the bottom of the priority list. And when it stays there long enough, it can start to feel like it doesn’t belong there at all.

Health issues, both physical and mental, also play a big role. Hormonal imbalances, chronic pain, depression, anxiety, or side effects from medication can all reduce libido. But when these issues aren’t openly discussed, they often get misread as rejection. [Read: Just Sex: Why We Crave It & 26 Truths Why Sex Can Never Really Be Just Sex]

Sometimes, it’s about mismatched libidos. One partner may want sex more than the other, and without honest communication, this imbalance can turn into avoidance, guilt, or resentment.

And finally, some couples struggle with unresolved trauma, sexual shame, or past experiences that make intimacy feel unsafe. These deeper issues often require therapy to unpack and heal.

The bottom line? A sexless marriage is rarely about just sex. It’s often a symptom of something bigger, emotional distance, unspoken pain, or unmet needs that have been simmering under the surface for too long.

📚 Source: Mark & Lasslo, 2018, Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships

Is it really that big a deal if you’re not having sex?

Short answer? Yes, especially if it matters to you.

A sexless marriage isn’t just about the lack of physical intimacy; it often signals deeper emotional disconnects that can quietly erode the relationship over time.

[Read: Sexless Relationship: Why Sex Matters & How to Spark Passion in Marriage Again]

Sex plays a powerful role in bonding. It releases oxytocin (aka the “love hormone”), which helps couples feel emotionally connected and secure.

When that connection fades, resentment, frustration, and self-doubt can creep in. You might start questioning your desirability, your worth, or even your sanity, especially if your partner avoids the topic or makes you feel guilty for bringing it up.

Research backs this up. Studies found that sexual satisfaction strongly correlates with overall relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being 📚 Source: McNulty et al., 2014, Relationship Satisfaction, Sexual Satisfaction, and Frequency of Sex

Of course, some couples genuinely thrive without sex, but the key difference is: both people are on the same page. If you’re not, and you’re hurting in silence, then yes, it really is a big deal.

Your needs matter. Your happiness matters. And pretending it’s not an issue won’t make the ache go away.

1. You’ve tried everything

When you say you’ve “tried everything,” it often means you’ve bent over backward to fix the intimacy gap, emotionally, physically, and mentally. You’ve initiated conversations, scheduled date nights, read books, listened to podcasts, maybe even bought lingerie or suggested therapy. You’ve tried being patient, understanding, seductive, vulnerable, and still, nothing changes.

This kind of emotional labor is exhausting. Over time, it can lead to resentment, burnout, and a deep sense of rejection. You may start questioning your worth or wondering if you’re asking for too much. (You’re not.)

Feeling chronically undesired by the person who once couldn’t keep their hands off you can quietly chip away at your self-esteem.

2. You’re constantly rejected

Rejection stings. But when it becomes a pattern in your marriage, especially around sex, it can start to chip away at your self-esteem, your emotional safety, and your sense of connection. You might start to feel like you’re not attractive, not wanted, or even not lovable.

And that’s a heavy emotional load to carry, especially when it’s coming from the one person who’s supposed to desire and support you the most.

It’s important to note that “constantly” doesn’t mean once or twice a month. It means most, if not all, attempts at intimacy are met with avoidance, excuses, or even irritation. Whether it’s a subtle “I’m tired” or a flat-out “not interested,” repeated rejection without any effort to address what’s going on emotionally or physically is a red flag.

Over time, this can create a dangerous cycle: you stop initiating because you fear the rejection, and the emotional distance between you both grows. Studies have shown that sexual rejection in long-term relationships can lead to feelings of abandonment, resentment, and even depression 📚 Source: James J. Kim, et al., 2020, Sexual Rejection Behaviors in Romantic Relationships

The worst part? You start to feel like you’re the only one fighting for closeness. And when your needs are consistently dismissed, it’s not just your sex life that suffers, it’s your emotional health and your sense of partnership, too.

3. They refuse to talk about it

When one partner completely shuts down any attempt to discuss the lack of sex in the marriage, it’s more than just frustrating, it’s emotionally damaging. If you’ve tried to open up calmly, kindly, and even vulnerably, and they still shut you out, that’s a serious red flag.

You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for a conversation. And if they can’t even meet you there, what does that say about their willingness to work on the relationship at all?

Stonewalling, where one partner avoids or refuses to engage in emotionally significant conversations, is actually considered one of the top predictors of divorce, according to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship psychologist. It creates a dynamic where one partner feels unheard, unimportant, and emotionally abandoned. [Read: Stonewalling in a Relationship: 15 Signs & Best Ways to Fix It ASAP]

Over time, this silence can feel like rejection. You might start second-guessing your worth, internalizing their avoidance as a reflection of your desirability or your value in the relationship. That’s not just unfair, it’s emotionally unsustainable.

Healthy relationships are built on connection, and that includes being able to talk about the uncomfortable stuff. If your partner consistently dodges the topic, changing the subject, getting defensive, or pretending everything’s fine, it’s not just a communication issue. It’s a sign they may be avoiding accountability, intimacy, or both.

You deserve a partner who’s willing to sit in the discomfort with you, not one who leaves you to carry the emotional weight alone. Silence might seem like a neutral response, but in an intimate relationship, it can be just as loud and painful as a harsh word. [Read: Healthy Relationship: What It Is, 45 Signs & Secrets to Stay Happy in Love]

4. They’re not interested in therapy

When your partner shuts down the idea of couples therapy, it can feel like a door slamming in your face, especially when that door leads to your last hope at fixing things.

Therapy isn’t magic, but it is a safe space where both people can unpack hurts, rebuild trust, and reconnect sexually and emotionally. So when one person flat-out refuses, it’s often a sign they’re not ready, or willing, to face the deeper issues. [Read: Relationship Therapy: 25 Signs to Know If It’ll Help Your Romance]

People resist therapy for all kinds of reasons. Some say, “We don’t need a stranger in our relationship,” or “It’s not that serious.” Others avoid it out of fear, fear of being blamed, fear of vulnerability, or even fear that therapy might confirm that the relationship is broken. But here’s the truth: avoidance doesn’t protect the relationship, it slowly erodes it.

If you’ve already tried suggesting therapy gently, maybe even offered to go alone or cover the cost, and they still won’t budge, it’s not just about sex anymore. It’s about emotional responsibility. A partner who won’t even try to understand or improve the dynamic is, in effect, choosing silence over connection. [Read: Relationship Counseling: How It Works, 24 Signs & Ways It Can Help Couples]

According to research, therapy can significantly improve marital satisfaction and sexual intimacy when both partners are committed to the process. But if only one person is doing the emotional lifting, the imbalance becomes unsustainable. 📚 Source: Christensen et al., 2010, Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy

Refusing therapy doesn’t automatically make someone the villain, but it does make healing a lot harder. And if your partner won’t even meet you halfway, you’re left asking the hardest question of all: how long can you keep trying alone?

5. You feel totally alone

There’s loneliness, and then there’s the kind of soul-deep isolation that comes from lying next to someone every night and still feeling invisible. If you’re in a sexless marriage, this kind of emotional solitude can sneak up on you, quiet, heavy, and slowly eroding your sense of connection and self-worth.

Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure. It’s one of the most intimate ways couples bond, express love, and feel emotionally seen. When that disappears, it can feel like you’ve been locked out of your own relationship. And when attempts to rekindle that closeness are met with indifference, or worse, rejection, it can leave you feeling unlovable or unwanted.

Over time, this emotional disconnect can trigger symptoms similar to those seen in chronic loneliness: anxiety, low self-esteem, even depression.

In fact, research shows that ongoing loneliness can have the same health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 📚 Source: Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015, Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality

What makes this worse is that many people feel ashamed to talk about it. You might smile in public, pretend everything’s fine, and convince yourself that “it’s not that bad.”

But emotional isolation in a marriage is a quiet heartbreak, and you deserve to feel connected, desired, and emotionally safe with your partner. If you’re feeling more like roommates than romantic partners, and the silence between you is louder than the love, it’s a sign that something deeper needs attention. [Read: 22 Signs to See a Troubled Relationship & the Best Ways to Fix It ASAP]

6. You’re being gaslighted

Gaslighting in a sexless marriage doesn’t always scream “manipulation”, sometimes, it whispers. You bring up the lack of intimacy, and your partner acts like you’re overreacting.

They say things like, “You’re obsessed with sex,” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” until you start questioning your own needs and reality. That’s not just frustrating, it’s psychological warfare in slow motion. [Read: 105 Most Common Gaslighting Phrases, Techniques & Signs to Recognize Them]

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person manipulates the other into doubting their own thoughts, feelings, or memories.

In the context of a sexless marriage, it can look like repeated denial of your emotional experience, shifting blame, or making you feel guilty for wanting physical closeness. Over time, this can seriously erode your self-esteem and emotional stability. [Read: Emotional Abuse: What It Is & 39 Signs This Relationship is Breaking You]

Here’s the thing: needing sex and intimacy in a marriage isn’t “needy”, it’s human. When your partner invalidates this need and makes you feel like the problem, it can lead to chronic anxiety, confusion, and even depression. [Read: Psychological Manipulation: How It Works, 37 Tactics, Signs & Ways to Deal]

If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells or second-guessing yourself, it’s a major red flag. You deserve a relationship where your emotional and physical needs are not only acknowledged but respected.

Being gaslighted isn’t just about sex, it’s about power, control, and emotional safety. And no marriage can thrive without those essentials. [Read: Walking on Eggshells in Your Relationship? 18 Signs & How to Fix It]

7. You’re thinking about cheating

If your brain has started wandering toward someone new, or even just fantasizing about what it would be like to be desired again, it’s a red flag your needs aren’t being met.

Thinking about cheating doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. It makes you human. But it’s also a sign that something in your marriage feels emotionally or physically unavailable, and your mind is trying to fill that void. [Read: Cheating Fantasy: When It’s Okay to Fantasize About Others & When It’s Not]

In a healthy relationship, attraction to others might happen occasionally, but it doesn’t usually come with a deep craving to act on it.

If you’re daydreaming about intimacy with someone else because your partner has shut down emotionally or sexually, that’s a symptom of prolonged neglect, not a random impulse.

According to research, sexual dissatisfaction is one of the top predictors of infidelity, especially when paired with emotional disconnect or rejection. 📚 Source: Selterman et al., 2020, What Do People Desire in a Romantic Partner?

Before acting on these thoughts, ask yourself: Are you seeking excitement, or are you seeking connection? Is it about the thrill of something new, or the pain of something missing?

Cheating may feel like a shortcut to feeling alive again, but it often creates more heartbreak than healing. If you’re fantasizing about someone else, it’s not about them, it’s about the unmet needs you’re desperate to feel seen and fulfilled in. [Read: Mutual Fantasy: How to Fantasize & Talk About Someone Else While Having Sex]

Instead of shaming yourself, get curious. These thoughts are cues. They’re telling you your relationship needs attention, or that you do. Either way, don’t ignore them. They’re not the problem. They’re the symptom.

8. There’s no intimacy at all

Sexless marriages aren’t just about the absence of sex, they often come with a complete lack of intimacy. And that’s a much bigger deal than many people realize.

Intimacy is more than physical touch. It’s the quiet moments of affection, the way your partner looks at you across the room, the spontaneous hugs, the late-night conversations, the feeling that you’re emotionally safe with each other. When all of that disappears, it’s not just your sex life that suffers, it’s your emotional connection, too. [Read: A Lack of Affection And Intimacy in a Relationship: Is It Time to Walk Away?]

If you feel more like roommates than romantic partners, or like you’re living parallel lives under the same roof, that’s a major red flag. You might go days or weeks without meaningful conversation or physical closeness. Maybe there’s no hand-holding, no cuddling, and no “I miss you” texts. That emotional void can leave you feeling deeply lonely, even when you’re technically not alone.

Research shows that emotional intimacy and physical affection are crucial to long-term relationship satisfaction. In fact, couples who maintain non-sexual physical affection report higher happiness levels, even when sex is infrequent 📚 Source: Emily A. Impett, 2019, Sexual need responsiveness in romantic relationships

So if you’re not just missing sex, but also the warmth, closeness, and emotional safety that comes with true intimacy, it’s not something to brush off. A marriage without intimacy can slowly chip away at your self-esteem, emotional well-being, and sense of connection. And without that foundation, it’s hard for any relationship to survive, let alone thrive.

9. You’re no longer happy

It’s one thing to have a dry spell. It’s another to feel like your marriage has become a desert of disconnection, where joy, affection, and emotional closeness have all dried up. If you find yourself constantly unhappy, not just sexually unfulfilled, but emotionally drained and mentally exhausted, it’s a major red flag. [Read: Naughty Ways to Get Over a Sexual Dry Spell Quickly!]

Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure (though that’s important too). In a romantic relationship, it’s often how couples express love, build intimacy, and feel emotionally bonded. When that connection disappears, it can start to erode your sense of self-worth, make you feel invisible, and leave you wondering, “Is this really what the rest of my life is going to feel like?” [Read: Sense of Self: What It Is, 36 Signs, Tips & Steps to Raise It and Feel Great]

If you’re waking up more often with a pit in your stomach than a spark in your heart, and you’ve tried to talk, reconnect, or seek help, but still feel stuck in a joyless loop, it’s okay to admit that you’re not happy. And you deserve more than just surviving in a marriage that doesn’t light you up anymore.

10. You’re not being true to yourself

If you’re in a sexless marriage and find yourself constantly pretending everything’s fine, when deep down, it’s absolutely not, that’s a flashing red flag. Being true to yourself means honoring your needs, your desires, and your emotional well-being. And if a core part of what you want in a relationship (like physical intimacy, affection, or even just feeling wanted) is missing, it’s okay to admit that this isn’t working for you anymore. [Read: 28 Cute Ways to Show Affection in a Relationship Even If It Feels Awkward]

Many people in sexless marriages end up silencing their own pain to “keep the peace” or avoid feeling guilty. But in doing so, you’re slowly disconnecting from your authentic self. That emotional dissonance, where your inner truth doesn’t match your outer reality, can lead to anxiety, depression, and even a distorted sense of self-worth. 📚 Source: Brown & Ryan, 2003, The Benefits of Being Present

And let’s be clear: wanting sex in a marriage doesn’t make you needy, shallow, or selfish. It makes you human.

Intimacy, both physical and emotional, is a valid and healthy part of most romantic relationships. Ignoring those needs just to maintain the image of a “functional” marriage can leave you feeling invisible, resentful, or even ashamed for wanting more.

So if you’ve been compromising your own truth for the sake of saving something that no longer feeds your soul, it’s time to check in with yourself. Are you honoring your values? Are you still showing up as the version of you that feels whole and alive? If the answer is no, then maybe, just maybe, it’s time to choose you. [Read: 33 Secrets to Be True to Yourself & 15 Signs You Need to Unfake Your Life]

Is divorce the only option?

Nope, not always. Divorce might feel like the only escape route when you’re stuck in a sexless marriage, but it’s far from your only path. The truth? There are several other options worth exploring, especially if you still love your partner and want to try one more time before calling it quits. [Read: Reasons Why Divorce Can Be Such a Damn Good Thing]

First, take a step back and ask yourself: is this about sex alone, or is it about deeper emotional disconnection, resentment, or unmet needs? If it’s the latter, rebuilding your connection, emotionally and physically, might still be possible with the right support system and mutual effort.

Some couples find success through couples therapy, sex therapy, or even temporary separation to gain clarity. Others choose to renegotiate the terms of their relationship altogether, yes, that includes open marriages or non-monogamy, but only when both partners are genuinely on board and emotionally prepared for that kind of dynamic. It’s not for everyone, but it does work for some. [Read: Non-Monogamy: How to Know if You & Your Partner Are Ready For It]

There’s also the option of staying together while accepting that your marriage may not include sex. This can be a valid choice for people who prioritize companionship, shared goals, or family stability over physical intimacy. But this only works when both partners are truly at peace with the decision, not silently suffering or pretending it’s fine.

Ultimately, divorce is a valid option, but it should be a conscious, empowered choice, not a last-resort escape hatch. If you’ve tried rebuilding, renegotiating, and reconnecting, and you’re still feeling unfulfilled, unseen, or emotionally drained, then yes, it might be time to walk away. But know that you’re not trapped. You do have options. And you deserve a relationship that feeds your whole self, mind, heart, and body. [Read: Questions You Need to Ask before Seeking a Divorce]

What if you decide to stay?

Choosing to stay in a sexless marriage is a deeply personal decision, and it’s not one that makes you weak, naive, or in denial. For some, the love, life history, and shared goals outweigh the missing sexual connection. But staying doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine. It means learning how to live with a new reality while still honoring your emotional and physical needs. [Read: Lavender Marriage: What It Is, 41 Truths, Red Flags & Why People Enter One]

First, let’s be real: your needs still matter. Just because you’re staying doesn’t mean you have to suppress your sexual identity or give up on intimacy forever.

You’ll need to find new ways to feel connected, emotionally, physically, and even sensually. That might look like cuddling, non-sexual touch, or exploring solo pleasure without guilt. Prioritize affection, even if sex isn’t on the table. [Read: 20 Loving & Romantic Touches in a Relationship to Make You Feel Closer]

Next, redefine what partnership means for you. If you’re not getting sexual fulfillment from your spouse, can you find emotional intimacy in other ways? Can you explore hobbies, friendships, or a stronger emotional bond that brings you joy? This isn’t about settling, it’s about shifting the focus to what still nourishes you.

Therapy can be a game changer here. Individual therapy can help you process grief, resentment, or loneliness. And couples therapy, even if sex isn’t the goal, can open up new forms of understanding and connection. Research shows that emotionally focused therapy (EFT) improves relationship satisfaction, even in low-sex marriages 📚 Source: Wiebe & Johnson, 2016

[Read: 39 Secrets to Communicate Better in a Relationship & Ways to Fix a Lack of It]

Finally, set realistic expectations. If your partner has made it clear that sex isn’t returning, acknowledge that. Denial will only deepen your frustration. But if you’re staying, do it with eyes open, boundaries in place, and a plan for how you’ll keep your sense of self alive.

Staying doesn’t mean giving up. It means choosing a different kind of love, and figuring out how to make it work for you. [Read: 33 Emotional Needs in a Relationship, Signs It’s Unmet & How to Meet Them]

Choosing You Isn’t Selfish, It’s Survival

At the end of the day, a sexless marriage isn’t just about what’s not happening in the bedroom, it’s about what’s slowly eroding in your soul. If you’ve tried everything, therapy, vulnerability, communication, patience, and still feel chronically unseen, unloved, and untouched, it’s okay to say, “This isn’t enough for me.”

Walking away doesn’t mean you failed. It means you listened to yourself. It means you honored your emotional health, your self-worth, and your right to feel desire, not just from someone else, but from within. Because you deserve a relationship that feels like home, not a sentence.

[Read: 50 Secrets & Early Signs of a Good Relationship that Make a Great One]

If you’re asking when to walk away from a sexless marriage, the answer might already be whispering inside you. Trust it. You’re not being selfish, you’re being brave.