In case you haven’t seen the movie or read the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, think of this article as the abridged version with 15 telling signs he’s not into you.
It can be hard to admit when someone isn’t into you. You want to hold out hope. You don’t want to become bitter. Sometimes that’s just the truth. Not everyone you like is going to like you back. And I’ll bet you see the signs he’s not into you but ignore them or worse, make excuses.
You think he’ll text first but instead of accepting that he isn’t that into you, you excuse his lack of interest for being busy. Doing this may protect you from the sting of being rejected momentarily. In the long run, you’re only hurting yourself by denying it.
[Read: Is he playing hard to get or simply not into you?]
Are you in denial?
When you want a guy to like you, your mind can play a ton of tricks. Something small that is probably meaningless can be twisted into a sign he likes you.
I’ve done this plenty of times. I would ask myself, why would he do that or say that if he wasn’t into me? Well, there could be a lot of reasons. Maybe he’s just nice. Maybe he’s attracted to you but not interested. Or maybe he was interested.
No matter what the reason, there are some things we just read way too much into. A look, a graze, maybe even a smile or wink can be analyzed into something so much more.
A great way to start seeing the signs he’s not into you is by not making up ones that he is.
[Read: Don’t fall for it, the rom com cliches never work in real life]
The most obvious signs he’s not into you
Along with making up signs he is into you when he’s just talking to you or looking in your general direction, really seeing the signs he’s not into you is how to see the truth, and move on.
I’m sure you already see these signs. But really grasp what they mean and come to terms with the truth.
#1 You always reach out first. If he’s into you, he will reach out. Even if he is nervous or busy he will make time to reach out to you. If you are always texting first, there is a pretty obvious reason for that. If he likes you, no amount of work or stress will prevent him from texting. [Read: Your guide for what to do when a guy doesn’t text back]
#2 His actions and words don’t align. A lot of guys are smooth talkers. He may tell you he’s interested or that he’ll take you to a nice dinner or even on vacation, but if it never happens there’s a reason.
He knows how to say things to make you like him, but if he doesn’t act on it he isn’t really into you, at least not in the way you’re probably hoping.
#3 You’re putting all the effort in. If you are not just texting first but also make all the plans, ask questions to get to know him, and even do nice things for him while he does nothing, he is more interested in the convenience and what you have to offer than you. [Read: The signs of a taker in a relationship – is he only taking?]
#4 He flakes on plans. Do your plans always seem up in the air? They are never nailed down. Instead they are always something like, “maybe if I get home early enough,” he is waiting for something better to come along and hanging onto you as a second best.
Of course, this doesn’t say anything about you. Anyone who would be so disrespectful isn’t worth your time anyway.
#5 You’re always waiting. He takes forever to text you back. You are always waiting for definite plans and an okay that you can come over. He does not respect your time. He doesn’t think you could possibly have anything better to do than to wait around for him to decide.
You deserve to be considered and cared for, not ignored.
#6 He doesn’t try to impress you. A guy who is into you will clean up when you’re coming over. He will spray some cologne or wear something a bit nicer than basketball shorts and a stained t-shirt.
If his place is a mess and he’s a mess but he still expects you to wear makeup, heels, etc. to see him, he is not worth your time.
#7 He doesn’t care what you do. We often hope that if we make a guy like this jealous, that he will realize what he has and be jealous or change his ways. But, if you tell him about the coworker who keeps asking you out or even post photos with another guy and he doesn’t care, it is because he only wants what he wants from you. [Read: The signs you’re being used by a man and why you should ditch him]
#8 It’s all about convenience for him. A guy who is into you will change plans to see you. He will go out of his way to make it work. But, if he only wants to see you when it is convenient for him, he is not into you.
He will wait until the last minute to ask you to come over. He will never take you out or even order food for you. And he does not prioritize you or anything you want.
#9 You never go out. A guy who hides you away is not into you. If he won’t meet your friends, introduce you to his, and even keeps you away from his roommate, he could be cheating on someone with you or is just not interested in any of those aspects of a relationship.
He wants you around only when he wants company. He doesn’t care what you want.
#10 He takes casual dating seriously. I know that sounds like an oxymoron. This is a guy who makes it clear he doesn’t want a relationship. He may even set rules or boundaries. He’ll say things like, “we can’t do that we’re just casual,” or “this isn’t serious.” And he might make it clear you can see other people or that he is. [Read: 15 signs of manipulation you should never ignore]
#11 He isn’t there for you. If you experience a rough day and need to vent or be with someone, he is not the one you go to. If you talk to him about something serious, he will hear you but won’t really listen.
He may even pretend to comfort you to take advantage of your vulnerability. GROSS!
#12 He doesn’t know your best friend’s name. Your best friend is probably a big part of your life. If this guy cared about you, he would listen to your stories or even that you came from dinner with them. If he doesn’t know your best friend’s name, he has zero interest in getting to know you outside the bedroom.
#13 You try too hard. If you’re exhausted, it’s because he’s not into you. You tire yourself impressing him or make him jealous or just to get him to notice you or give you attention, but it never happens.
It is time to let him go. Find someone who will love you how you deserve, even if that is you.
#14 Your friends don’t like him. Whether your friends have met him or not, I’m sure you told them about him. If they roll their eyes when you bring him up or groan when you say you’re going to see him, it is because they are good and honest friends. It is also because they see how he treats you and knows you deserve so much better. [Read: These indicate the guy you like is a disrespectful and sexist man]
#15 You don’t really like him that much. Think about this for a while. You are trying so hard to get him to like you. But, do you really like him? What do you even know about him? Look at how he treats you.
I once went on a date with a guy who got my name wrong, and I let it go. I convinced myself he was great. Later when he ghosted me and I found out he was living with someone else, I was so upset but thought back to some of the things he said and did.
I am so glad I didn’t go on more than one date with him, there were so many red flags I just ignored.
[Read: These first date red flag speaks a lot more than what your date says]
I’m sorry if this felt harsh. But tough love is what you may need, to accept the signs he’s not into you. It is time to move on.
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