Friends can sometimes feel like the family you chose for yourself. They’re there to support you. They’re there to care for you. And your closest ones will be there to comfort you when you’re depressed and eating a tub of ice cream alone.
Yes, it’s a great feeling to have friends that you can always count on…
That is, until they don’t approve of your current boyfriend. This is where trouble starts.
Now, take note that at the end of it all, you’re the one who’s dating the guy. But it still helps to listen to what your friends have to say about him. You may be so blinded by your boyfriend’s charms, good looks, sexual technique or intelligence that you’re not seeing things that your friends can see. If anything, they can be the ones to spot if something’s not right while you’re still deliriously in love.
Don’t worry, we’re here to help.
5 signs that they really don’t like him
Before we get into the details, let’s first verify if they do indeed disapprove of your guy. Who knows, that little comment you overheard might not even be about your boyfriend. So let’s backtrack a bit and check if your friends are doing any of the following behaviors.
#1 They clam up when you talk about your beau. You may notice that all of them become quiet when you’re talking about your guy. And it’s not the pleasantly listening kind of quiet, instead, it’s the awkwardly trying to hide side comments type of quiet.
#2 They don’t invite your guy. You’re going for a night out with your friends, and some of them are bringing their partners. So you’d expect them to invite your guy too, right? Wrong. You found out that they made only one reservation for you.
#3 They don’t join you when you’re with your guy. You invite your friends over for a movie marathon at your place, and you mention that your boyfriend would be there. Instead of sounding enthused, they’re all suddenly sick or busy or need to attend to some emergency.
#4 You always hear “I told you so! Just leave him already!” Whenever you mention that you’re going through a rough patch with your guy, your friends are always quick to tell you to dump him. Even if you’re just saying you were annoyed that he took so long to reply to your tweet, to them, it’s enough to tell you to leave your guy!
#5 They encourage you to flirt with other guys. You’re out at the bar, hoping to enjoy a night out with the girls. But when someone flirts with you, your friends encourage you to flirt right back. Despite saying that you’re taken, they’ll say things like “But it’s not like you’re married or anything!” [Read: 22 early warning signs that you’re dating a guy who isn’t good for you!]
Take note: One or two instances of any of the above scenarios would be fine. But if you notice that they’re not very welcoming towards your guy, then you may be right: they probably don’t like him.
7 things to understand when you find out your friends don’t like your guy
#1 It’s possible that your friends met him at the wrong time. First impressions about the person their friend is dating matter a lot! However, if your guy had the awful luck of being in a horrible mood when he met your friends, then that frowning face will stick in their minds.
You can try to tell your friends that he was having a really bad day when they met him. He’s actually pretty cool, which is why you decided to date him in the first place. Ask your friends to give him another chance. And tell your guy not to do anything that might have the slightest chance of ruining his day again!
#2 Their dislike may be reflective of their own issues. Your friends aren’t perfect human beings, and that’s fine. So it’s also entirely possible for them to reflect their own issues onto your guy. For example, one of your friends dated a musician who dumped her. Your guy just happens to be a musician. So when you introduce your boyfriend to this person, there’s already a preconceived notion that musicians might be jerks.
Another example of their issues taking over is when they don’t feel like your guy belongs to their “group.” Your friends may be the artsy, free-spirit types, whereas your boyfriend looks like he works for Wall Street. This may automatically make them think that they won’t get along, so to avoid the hassle of trying, they just to tell you that he’s probably not for you.
#3 Your friends might see things from a different perspective. This is the opposite of your friends projecting their issues on your beau. They may genuinely be looking out for you because they can notice things that you can’t when you’re wearing rose-tinted glasses.
They may see that he’s not very polite to the waiter or that he’s subtly misogynistic. This is the reason you should ask your friends to be 100% honest when they’re giving you feedback on your guy. [Read: 13 warning signs to keep an eye on during the first few dates]
#4 Talk to your friends about what they might not be seeing. This tip can come in handy if you think your friends don’t like your boyfriend because he’s not sociable. When your guy is quiet while you’re out with your friends, it’s easy for them to think that he’s intentionally being a snob.
However, you can try to explain to your friends that he’s just not very good with crowds. In addition to that, you can say that he’s very sensitive and caring towards you, which is something your friends won’t be able to see outright.
#5 Try to see if your guy gets along with a smaller group or a different group. When you introduce your guy to your friends, it’s possible for him to be overwhelmed by so many people; thus, he clams up. What you can do is set up a date for your guy to meet a smaller batch of your friends, preferably the ones that he has similar interests with.
It’s easier to have a more intimate conversation when your group is small, so this smaller group may actually like your guy once they get to know him. They can then spread the good word that you’re not dating a condescending jerk, after all!
#6 Your friends might be jealous of your guy. Are you the girl that your friends can always count on to go out on a weeknight? Are they irked that instead of going out with them, you choose to be with your guy? This may be the root of their dislike. Your friends may feel like you’ve completely vanished from their social sphere because of your new boyfriend.
Of course, they’re more likely to blame your guy for not letting you have time to go out with friends! What you can do is try your best to still hang out with your friends, even if you’re no longer single. Who knows, it might be enough to turn their opinion around.
#7 They may be hung up on your ex. Was your ex a total catch that your friends were all secretly in love with him? Then the issue here wouldn’t be that your friends don’t like your current guy: the issue is that your friends just really liked your ex. This is much more likely to happen if the breakup is fairly recent, since the memory of that “dream ex” is still fresh.
Just tell your friends that you’re no longer interested in your ex because it just didn’t work out. You may need to elaborate a little more on this. Then, tell your friends that you’ve moved on from that relationship. You’re with someone else now, and it would be great if they were more supportive of your relationship.
When words fail, you may just need to give your friends time to adjust to your boyfriend. After a while, they may see that you’re actually really happy with him. And what kind of friends would they be if they can’t like the guy who’s making their friend so happy?
[Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your relationship for you!]
So if you’re having a hard time decoding your friends’ opinions about your new boyfriend, just use these signs. And if you think they don’t like him, well, now you know why, don’t you?
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