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How to Let Go of Someone You Love by Hating Them

let go of the one you love by hating them

Having a hard time getting over someone who doesn’t love you back the way you love them? Find out how to let go of someone you love by hating them.

One sided love is truly the most painful types of love you’ll have to deal with in your life.

It’s demeaning, insulting and so painful, it makes you wonder why love even exists.

[Read: Understanding one-sided unrequited love better]

I’ve been there too.

How to let go of someone you love

I remember a time when I was in love with this girl a few years ago.

She really liked me too.

We weren’t dating yet because of a few complications, but we had every intention of letting the world know about our love when the time was right.

She was away on a vacation for a couple of weeks and ended up having a fling with another guy.

When she told me about it, I was angry and really upset.

But she thought I was being unreasonable.

“Listen, I’m not your girlfriend, and you’re just my friend. You really have no right to tell me how I need to live my life,” she yelled at me when I got upset with her.

A lot of angry words were exchanged in that conversation, and that was it. She didn’t call me back ever again, even when she got back home from her vacation.

I tried calling her and emailing her to no avail. She was just ignoring me like I didn’t exist. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]

About a week after she returned from her vacation, she answered my call.

She said so many things. And all I could do was listen to her with my ripped out heart in my hand.

That was the last time we ever spoke.

Getting over someone who will never love you again

Heartbreaks are painful, and it hurts a lot more when you feel helpless. Ever felt like the harder you tried, the more the person you loved slipped away from you? It’s like squeezing grains of sand in your palm.

It isn’t a man thing to cry, but it hurt so bad that my life came to standstill. I was bitter, angry, and so helpless. I just didn’t know what I had to do. Should I just stay a friend all over again and pretend like nothing ever happened between us? I couldn’t do that. It would have been too painful. I had to let her go.

Sometimes, you just have to let go if you want to move on. And the easiest way to do that is by replacing all the love you have for someone with hate. It’s not the safest way, but it’ll definitely help you.

Letting go of someone you love by hating them

If you’ve tried everything else and still have a hard time getting over someone you love, perhaps hate is the only alternative.

[Read: Ways to fall out of love when you see no future]

#1 Get an answer. This is important, but not always easy to get. Find out why this person doesn’t like you anymore, or find out why they stopped liking you. Getting an answer can give your mind the rest it needs, even if it hurts. But if you can’t get any answers, don’t make your own assumptions. Think of it as something that wasn’t meant to be and let go.

#2 Accept the lost cause. Don’t live in denial. Accept that you can never get this person. You’ve lost. Sometimes, we can’t win it all and you’ll just have to accept it. Just like dealing with an addiction, you need to accept that there’s a problem before trying to overcome it.

#3 Have self respect. Love takes away any self respect you may have. And while that may seem cute when both of you love each other, it isn’t so sweet when love is one sided. Stop trailing your lost love. And don’t go dedicating silly love songs on youtube. [Read: Signs the one you love is thinking of you too]

You may feel like you’re pouring your heart out, but the person you like may think you’re an annoying pest with no life. Have self respect and respect this person’s space. Sometimes, nothing you do can ever change the way someone feels about you.

#4 Keep your memories. Remember how your heart was ripped in two by this person. If you want to let go of someone you love by hating them, you need to keep those bad memories alive. If you have any self respect, you should feel insulted every time you recollect the way you were treated by this person. [Read: What should you do with old love letters?]

#5 Avoid this person. Almost always, the person you like may start to avoid you. After all, they don’t care about you. But even if this person doesn’t avoid you and decides to pretend like nothing ever happened, start avoiding them. How can you behave like a friend when you clearly have feelings for someone? If you don’t avoid this person, you’ll only feel worse. It’s not easy to avoid someone you love, but you have no other option here.

#6 Avoid hearing any news. Don’t keep in touch with this person, be it online or offline. If you have common friends, avoid them too. Avoid checking their facebook page every evening, unless you want to stay a loser for the rest of your life. The person you like doesn’t care about you. How long are you going to keep them on a pedestal and worship them like a loser?

#7 Keep yourself occupied. This person you love so much is not even thinking of you. You mean nothing to them. Admit it. You’re the only one pining about your lost love. This person you like has forgotten you already. You think of this person a hundred times a day, and in all probability, the person you like may not even think of you once a week. How does that make you feel? Don’t you think you need to move on? [Read: How to kiss a friend accidentally and get away with it]

Do something else, anything at all as long as you can meet other people who appreciate you for who you are.

#8 Get angry. Get bitter. Get loco. Hate this person for the way they treated you. Don’t feel pity or weakness. Instead, feel angered and pained. How could someone you cared for so much, treat you like you were dirt and walk all over you? Doesn’t this person even have a heart?

#9 Listen to hate songs. Youtube is filled with hate playlists. Pick the songs you like and explode them in your ears. Let each song you play remind you of how messed up you are right now because of the way the person you liked treated you. Force yourself to get over all the negative emotions.

And after listening to a whole playlist of angry songs, listen to one happy song that always makes you feel good about yourself. And step out of the house like nothing happened and go meet someone new! [Read: Why are rebound relationships the best thing to have?]

#10 Every time you close your eyes. Every time this person comes in your mind, force yourself to see only their negative side. Remember how they laughed at you or treated you like a child when you pleaded to be taken back. Replacing all the love you have with hate or anger can sometimes be more easier than just trying to overcome the affection you have for someone. [Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your life]

After all, hate too is just as powerful as love. As long as you know how to replace all the love with hate, you’ll know how to get over someone you love.

But let the hate you build up be a temporary thing. Turn your love to hate, and eventually when you’re feeling stronger, turn that hate to indifference. It’ll be easier because you don’t really hate the one you like, you’re just feeling bitter and lonely right now. [Read: The right way to love again after a breakup]

By turning your love to hate, you can overcome the helplessness and overwhelming love you have for someone and learn how to let go of someone you love at the same time. And when you feel ready, you’ll learn to be indifferent too.

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Jake Butler
Jake Butler
A scuba diver by profession, Jake Butler loves traveling the world without spending any money. He has no fear of depths, and hates the idea of shallow living....
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76 thoughts on “How to Let Go of Someone You Love by Hating Them”

  1. Jake. says:

    Thank you soon as I got to the end of that list I felt so much better now instead of the hell I was going through I feel like I can get over this, what can I do because she’s still calling me but only when she’s not in a relationship it’s like I’m there until she finds someone better and I don’t know how to sepratere myself without hurting her feelings I guess on some level I still care..again thank you.

  2. Javed says:

    Hi this is Javed. I love a guy very much more than any thing. Our friendship was from the last 6 years. We loved each other very much buw from the last 2 years his behaviour has changed. I did everthing for him as a person as a friend as a lover I could do. Now a days when ever I ask him where are u going or with who he does not reply me properly and says that I don’t have the right to know that. He has always insulted me I have cried for him always. What do I do to either get him back in my life I want him to be crazy for me.,or how do I get out of him. I am very upset

  3. Yeah I’ve been going way over board sending this girl hate messages trying to forcing them to pay attention to me it really hurts seeing her talk friendly to another guy yet distancing from me so I think hatred is a good thing to make you get over a person of interest I mean no one wants to be in an abusive relationship where only one person has the attention and steps on the other person. I often wonder why she can be friends with so many other people and not me so it makes me extremely bitter but it feels good knowing I’m not the only one

  4. fred says:

    im pretty much at the indifferent stage,but I still get mad when I see him..not (kill em) mad just (hurt em real bad physically) mad.

  5. amelia says:

    Hey, I am trying hard to cope with my ex girl leaving me with no remmorce & explanation, I just have one question do i tell her i hate her?

  6. motley says:

    yea i agree with hating your ex for what they did. im done questioning why he did this to me. all the compulsive lies, cheating, sneaking around. it hurt when i found dont get me wrong, my world crashed and burned. long story short… i choose to leave. his list of broken promises of reassuring me that he will never hurt me again slowly made me hate him. i give him another chance to redeem himself. the whole time he expected me to get over it and forgive. then i said… the day i took you back is the day i forgave you. and now your telling me i should forget what you did to me and not allow any negative emotions about what you did to me is wrong on my behalf. me doubting you is wrong because im scared to give my heart to you again makes me the fucked up person. im ruining this relationship because i have doubts about us here and there. than before i left i saif go F*CK YOURSELF. that was my calling. the match that lit my fire within. and here i am… at my place. hoping that he wont call or show up so i can move on. he’s away for hte weekend. he has my stuff. made a big ordeal that i have to wait till he comes back to get it. ahhhhh it pissed me off more. how are you gonna make plans and not give me five minutes to go pick up my stuff and we can be on our seperate ways. so i said F*ck it. keep my stuff you drama queen. to even be near sighted to some dick like him is not worth it. i have more respect for myself. to move on. to get out his prison of lies deception pain. tired of always him making everything my fault for how he acts. not i am convinced there is something mentally wrong with him. still hate him tho. i hope to god he doesnt call me when he gets back into town begging me to come back to him. i wont. i want him far away from me possible. so hating him for what he did to me and us is a good thing. little f*ckers like him should never be treated with respect. you treat me like shit after everything… well i will serve you what you dish times ten. now f*ck off. anyone out there is better than you.that i am sure of and he knows damn well how many guys like me. so… im healing and moving on. i deserve real love. not psycho love. i cant deal with him always wanting to fight. ugh. god damn im an idiot for ever loving someone so pathetic as him. but i am not in a hurry. ill meet the man of my dreams. till than hiking, traveling the world, lvling up my world of warcraft tons, black ops, marathons, workout, girls trips and hollering at boys for fun and spending more time with my family is my life. good luck trying to find a girl who cooks and cleans for you every day. buys the video games and necessities you need, encourage you to go hang out with your boys, always try and bring light into your black soul, helping you with your past domestic violence case filed against you from your last ex (he told me she lied and i believe of course becuase i like to only think good about people) helped you get out of your dead end job and get a better one, helped you with school when you needed it. someone who goes to the mtns every weekend, random road trips, who plays video games with you…. etc jeez la weez… yea i am the best you will ever had. thats one thing that came out of your mouth is very true that i believe. ill find my one and only.

  7. Soumya Shrivastava says:

    The person whom i loved more than everything else cannot do even so much as behaving like a courteous human being.He uses abusive language for my parents,and i keep forgiving him..love actually makes u lose ur self respect…i have always been respecting his parents like my own…but what do i get in return??i simply don’t understand what have my parents done to him??y the hell does he have to abuse them??i have had enough of this…i feel really hurt…but my biggest weakness is that i love him…how do i hate him??i know he does not deserve my love…but i find it almost impossible to hate him

  8. SheHatesHim says:

    Excellent article. Wish I would have seen this before I gave him too many opportunities. Reading this will help me to hate him for the arrogant womanizer. Shouldnt have fallen for the “you’re so hott” comments that were obviously nothing more than a jab to keep me interested. Since he clearly had more than a few partners he was involved with. Now he can be the immature, bitter fool that got pissed when I wised up. Kinda funny how quickly someone gets mad for an overdue ending that was sure to come.. guess he’s paying his karma dues after being such a douchebag

  9. Rudi(Rudss) says:

    Excellent!! There was one thing i told my Ex-Gf that i would never forgive her and that was if she sleeps with another man,and the bitch did.Now that i hate her and think of all the negative things i don’t feel Any emotions(sadness)about her when she randomly pops up in my head.We were so tight,nearly 3 years together and she just sends me a sms saying its over,and i tried EVERYTHING to get her back and felt so emotional when i tried but she didn’t wanted me back,but now that i hate this bitch i don’t feel anything for her at the moment.P.S i would never even thought of her as a bitch,but now she’s everything a BITCH can be.

  10. Sad Gurlll says:

    This is exactly how I feel towards someone, actually two guys in my class and there is no feeling I’m getting back. One guys like you hardly even know me but he’s not even willing to try a relationship the other is just like urrrgh god!!! I’ve tried hating them but soon I end up loving one of them again but the love is more powerful and it leaves me wondering am i desperate or just not worth it or what? ????

  11. Chayce says:

    I think an easier way to move on, when you were truly madly in love with someone, is to recognize the irrational thoughts behind everything. Was it rushed? Was it real? Was it really true love? I cannot lie to you, even in an anonymous posting, but I will always love my ex. She is currently pregnant with my baby and I couldn’t be happier that we are having a kid. What I finally realized is that she doesn’t deserve to be hated. But also that I do not deserve to be hated either. Especially in the best interest of the child in the long term. But I am not avoiding the truth. The truth is that she was an amazing woman that was a blessing from god to have came into my life. And that I didn’t truly appreciate her. We even got back together the past few days when she came back and everything was perfect. But what I realized was that I started to do the same things I did before that drove her away. I realized inside that it wasn’t healthy. That me staying by her side was depriving her of a full long life of love with someone better that she truly deserved. I have cried over and over and over again. But what I realized is that its my fault. I choose to not care. I choose to make false assumptions that are the farthest thing from the truth. I choose to abandon her like she did to me. But the most important part of this message is that I did it because I truly love her. I feel I cannot be the man she needs right now. So I had to disappear out of her life. I blocked her on all my social media and disappeared. Her response was to insult me and tell me really hurtful things but it was because I broke her heart. I left her not because I didn’t love her but because I actually really do. And that I would love to be her man again one day but I realized that is wasn’t meant to be. She believes I meant it was never meant to be forever and that I would never want to be in the babies life so she retaliated. It is sad though because I left her because I knew from the bottom of my heart, that I can learn to control myself and to better myself for me and the baby. And until she is willing to better herself and stop making bad decisions, I can’t be a part of her life. I wanted to focus on myself for the next 3 to 6 months so that I could one day be that man she dreamed of. But the immature way I left her has caused her to not allow me to be in the childs life or hers. But I have realized that I deserved it. And that she deserves her time and space without me being annoying or constantly thinking about her. One day I pray that she will realize that she would want to be with me because one day I will hope she would open her eyes to the fact that from her heart she truly loved me. But as of now, if that day were to never come, I am impartial. It is none of my business. She can do whatever shes got to do. I will continue to better myself every day without thinking about her or wanting her back. Why? Because the child deserves it. I will be an amazing dad and there is nothing anyone or anything can do to stop it. So hating your ex is an easy way to move on fast, but the real way to move on is to become the bigger person, and don’t forget the good memories you had, but also don’t hold onto them as though they are still in the present. We can’t predict what God has in store for us in the future, all we can do is reflect on our choices and decisions in the past and the consequences that happened as a result. One day, I will be that man I have always dreamed to be. Because I know that I can and will change. I may never have an intimate relationship with her ever again and I’ve accepted that. But the path that God has me on, will one day open her eyes to the beauty of the baby, and when she sees me happy and successful. She will learn to love me for giving her the most precious baby in the whole wide world. She will love me for growing up and maturing, and helping raise the baby, and doing the right thing. But not because she is attracted to me or wants to date me or marry me or be with me. It will be because I’ve earned it. And although as of now I do not believe we will ever get back together, I realize that god makes miracles happen and I have never been happier.

  12. LEH says:

    On the comment “Get an answer” – get used to the idea that sometimes, there is no answer and that your repeated attempts to force one out of the person who no longer loves you may be the reason they no longer love you.

  13. Barry says:

    My story may be different but it still helped me overcome the way I feel. This is my story! me and my best friend have feelings for each other he tells me he loves me and he talks about our future together. ..whoever he have this girl that he asked to marry him before we developed our feelings. But he said to me that he is 100% sure that they will not get marry. I said ok so if you claimed that you love me why haven’t you ask me to marry you? he said is because I promised this girl I will never break her heart and if I get out of this situation I will than. I am still waiting nothing is happening and I love him and I feel like if our love didn’t work out I can’t never love again but the true is that I don’t have an inpty space to love someone cuz he is the only one that I want. couple weeks later I said to him I think you should tell that girl the truth about us he said what true I said that you love me he said no I will not stop talking to her because of you which I I didn’t ask him to say. And I said you already broken your promise cuz if you care so much not to hurt her you should never allowed your self to love me. And I also said you know I feel so stupid cuz I feel like I am forcing my self to you and I apologies I will not do it again than he got mad and said bye to me and later on he texed me saying that his heart is broken I said how did I break your heart he didn’t reply. And day 1i texed him we chat for bit and he didn’t call me at night uz he usually calls me at night. And I feel like he should have called me at night that day cuz I texed him first and today is day 2 still haven’t heard from him. And now I’m left with broken hearted and confused. ……

  14. Nina_tm says:

    I used to be in love with my ex boyfriend, but he treated me like im nothing first he broke up with me for a stupid reason then he came back after 7 months and said that hes upset and sorry that he broke up with me for such a stupid reason and that he misses me and wants me back bla bla bla i believed him and got back but i still didnt trust him and thought that he’d walk all over me again so i broke up with him and he messaged me again after 3 months saying that he misses me and started liking my pictures on instagram.. But i dont believe him what i feel right now is not love ! Its anger !! .. When he said that he misses me i dint say i miss him too i just said ‘haha’ and smiled. I dont regret this.. He made me feel ugly and worthless i just want him to know that he hurt me and that i want to beat him up and kill him and just drag him on floor by his hair !!! I want him to come back and ask me out and then tell him im in love with someone else and rip him into pieces !!!

  15. So sick of it all says:

    My anger comes and goes, I want it to stay so I can finally get over him! He has hurt me over and over again and look a fool in love, I allowed it because I had blinders on and he took advantage of it and used my weaknesses and insecurities against me. God I feel so stupid, makes me doubt everything, was it all a lie? He and I used to be so close, he was so kind and compassionate, after four years, how does one do a total 180 and turn into a complete a hole??!!
    I sympathize with each and everyone on here, and I wish you all blessings to heal quickly.

  16. What kind of man is this says:

    Was in a relationship for 22 year he never had once respect for me.He and his ex. Wife brought me true hell through a divorce and back won’t go into details. Ask him questions about someone he was ringing quite a lot and he told me the conversations were “PERSONAL” her name was under some man name this was the respect he showed me I gave my life for this man. WHY won’t I question him he has already cheated on ex wife and he is the most criticising person. Eventually threw him out of our home and he moved back to his ex wife house he calling to our house and he is comparing me to his ex. What kind of a man is this person

  17. Omaima Koroma says:

    Wow as soon as i saw this article i felt so much relief and understood.. wow i feel like i just went for therapy already. it’s much more than medicine or people’s advise cos people don’t really know the real cos of why and how to we intent to get out of this feeling. Rather than helping they only make you feel shameless, cheap, disrespectful and low. Even Doctors may not give you the right therapy as well but make you feel that you are a fast person with no self pride or respect.. this article this explained it all. i no longer feel low or down but just feel to think of the guy like sand paper and hate him for taking me for granted and not feeling a thing when i was there to comfort his sorrows and pain..

    i really kept blaming myself that may be its me, i’m behaving childish or losing my senses. something is really wrong with me that i’m either mental or well hated by the whole wide world.

  18. safiyyah says:

    just wanted to say that i agree with everything that u guys said about men.. i been in alot of relationships and i thought that i could find love but trying to talk to a guy or trying to have a conversation with him is pointless because they don’t listen to u.. they either ignore u or they pretend that ur not even there… i was happy once but he was a real jerk to me.. i thought he loved me but all men do is just use u for one thing and u women know what i am talking about… anyway yea after it is done.. u try to call or text them they just ignore u because they only wanted u for just one purpose.. Men don’t appreciate their women.. and it isn’t fear to us because we are the ones that are hurt and end up crying because he used u.. I gave my heart to alot of guys and i am or will never know if my heart will ever heal b/c of the pain that men do to us… I think i will never know what love is until it accidently happend to find that perfect guy.. but for me i tried looking everywhere that i go to see if he is here for me.. but i tell myself over and over that he is not here for me.. and that what hurts me to but i have to be happy for myself and not look for him unless he is looking for me… but i will never know that….

  19. Paul McInerney says:

    I moved to a foreign country (Turkey) in 2010. I fell in love with a Turkish man who was my waiter at a restauraunt. Months later we became intimate….my love grew and grew for this man…a year and a half later my work contract was over and I went back to America….I told myself that he was only a waiter and that I should just forget about him….but why was I crying the whole flight home? After getting back to America we continued to send love songs and messages on facebook….I tried to get another job in Turkey to come back to him….it did not exist….so I found a job in China….I had a difficult year in China as I maintained a long distance relationship with the man of my dreams who lives in turkey….

    In December of 2012 I flew back to Turkey to see him….we had two very special nights together…very very intimate…..but then he got crazy one night when I was talking with someone else at the bar because he was ignoring me and playing with his phone….he told me “dont never text me again”….it broke my heart because I had purchased an air ticket for him to come and visit me in China….

    While on this trip back to Turkey, I interviewed for a job and got it for the following year beginning in August…..I flew through Turkey to be with him for 6 nights on my way back to America….it was intense

    The summer was very long and lonely as I counted the days for my return to Turkey so we could be together….he finally told me in August that we are a couple….he is my boyfriend…he loves me

    I arrived in Turkey on August 8 and stayed at his house….we had a fight on the first night because I wanted to cuddle with him and he insisted that I was to tired from jet lag and should sleep…so I slept

    that week we got very very close and intimate again….he told me he had arranged time off from work for a vacation together…but the day before the vacation he said his brother had broken his leg and he could not go….actually he is 0 for 5 on vacations we had planned to this point

    I have loved him with ALL my heart…he is the one I want

    last week someone else told me he has another boyfriend….I could not believe it to possibly be true….I asked him about this other man and his response was “I dont give answers”…

    I was devastated….subsequently he said (among other insults) “fuck you, I hate you, and never talk to me again”…..I am COMPLETELY DEVASTATED

    I feel at this point (having tried so hard for us for almost three years) that there is little hope now….he has defriended me on facebook and does not want calls, messages, or to see me.

    I want to be respectful of his wishes, but wonder if this is a big cosmic joke at my expense….I am so very shattered by this experience

    I want to hate him but could NEVER hate him….yet I need to move on with my life if there is no chance for us….I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO BEGIN TO DISASSEMBLE MY LOVE AND DEDICATION TO THIS BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL MAN

    I AM LOST…..any advice would be most appreciated….I can hardly breathe without my Murat

  20. Queen says:

    Heyy! I really need your help! I’ve been talking to this guy for almost a year: at first we were friends but then we started to get closer, so finally we decided to make our relationship official.
    unfortunately he decided to break up with me after 4 months (because he noticed that we can’t get along). I’ve tried everything to win him back, but nothing worked. So we stayed friends. Sometimes he talks to me all the time and tells me how much be misses me (but then I discovered that he says the same thing to many girls), and other times he doesn’t talk to me so when I ask him why he starts blaming me and telling me that I’m playing hard to get and stuff like that, and I always end up apologizing from him. 2 days ago a misunderstanding happened between us, so he got mad at me and started blaming me and saying that I don’t care about our friendship and that I didn’t know how to handle the situation and that he’s going to treat me the way I treated him! So now he’s ignoring me and I think he hates me.
    i really need your help guys, I don’t know what to do or how to get over it. I’m really in pain and heartbroken. Help!

  21. Lost&Confused says:

    I’ve been with my ex-gf on and off for over eight years now. I don’t know what drives me back or makes me yearn for her so badly. I admit I’m not perfect and didn’t always do things the right way or express my emotions in appropriate ways. That being said, I tried EVERYTHING to make it work with her. When we first met it started out as a one night stand type of thing but I attempted to get serious with her. But I kept seeing her flirt and sometimes even go home with other men, BLATANTLY. My friends would also tell me when they saw her out and what she was doing and expressed their concern about me continuing to be with her. So for the first year or so, I kept that wall up and called her on her bs, but we still kept having sex. I caught her with other men so many times that eventually I just gave up. She then moved away for just under a year. When she moved back to where we live the first thing she does is call me and chew my ass over something that was completely nonsensical. She had put on some weight which didn’t bother me at all. I still thought she was beautiful. But I think it settled her down a little bit. For some reason within the first two months of her being back I fell completely head over heels, be with her for life, in love with her. Everything just got worse after that. Like she intuitively knew she had me snared at that point. She has major insecurities about her weight and looks. Because of this I am or rather was always telling her how beautiful she was and attempting to stop her being negative about herself. No matter what I did or said though she never believed I was sincere. I will admit that when we fought I said some horrible mean things that hit right on her insecurities and I’m in no way proud of that and regret it. But she would take it to a whole new level. She would start fights with me over absolutely nothing………Like we would be in a grocery store and she would get an attitude with me and be distant and mean towards me if a somewhat good looking girl so much as WALKED by me. I’m not exaggerating. I wasn’t allowed to have any female friends whatsoever cause in her mind I had to be having sex with them. So i would cut all the females out of my life, bar family, some of them I had been friends with for more than 10 years! But I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion or say when it came to her and her guy friends. She would just say “I had to get over it”. But then we would be fighting and she’d bring up one of my female friends or an ex (ALL OF WHICH I HADN’T BEEN IN CONTACT WITH FOR QUITE SOME TIME) and say I wanted have sex with them or was already or insinuate I was going to go to the bar and sporadically get laid by every girl in the bar as soon as I walked through the door. I would try to reason with her and insist that she was all i wanted and perfect for me and that I would never cheat, but to no avail. She would continually escalate the fight no matter what I did. If I tried to leave she’d try and stop me but if I stayed then she wanted me to get out, and if I did some how manage to leave and get space for awhile she would accuse me of going and screwing someone while I was gone. Then she would start saying she was going to go screw on of the multiple guy friends that she got to keep.(EVEN THOUGH I WAS FORCED TO COMPLETELY CUT OFF ANY FRIENDSHIPS I HAD WITH WOMEN) More than one time she would storm out of the house and leave me with the kids and go get drunk with one of them till the wee hours of the morning or later. Once again she said she had done nothing wrong and I needed to just get over it. Hard thing to do, but I tried. It got to a point where we would pass a car with girls in it while driving down the road and I would get in trouble or we would be watching a movie and if even a somewhat sexual scene would come on and she would immediately move away from me and be pissed at me. Insisting it was turning me on and that I wanted to have sex with the girl in the scene, sometimes television commercials would even set her off. I dealt with it though. I had never experienced being nervous watching tv with someone before. Scared that the next thing to come on would be sexual in any way and I would be in trouble. So on and off on and off it went. Me always missing her and going back. She’d be nice for a day or two and then I’d be in hell again. It’s gotten to the point now where shes not affectionate to me, glares at me and treats me like I’m stupid. But she still insists she loves me and that the reason we can’t make things work is because of ME! She has killed my soul, brought it back and killed it again over and over. I’m so broken and head shy now that I don’t know if I will ever be right again. But for some unfathomable reason I still love and miss her and go back STILL again and again. Every time thinking “This will be the time when everything finally goes right and we can be together and affectionate and trusting”. Rationally I know it will never happen and I realize how abusive she is towards me and that she can’t possibly love me and treat me how she does at the same time. But even though I know that, I’m still drawn back over and over, like a total moron. I love her sooooooo much and miss her alllllll the time, but I don’t know why anymore. So confusing a tormenting. She has been diagnosed with ‘BORDER LINE PERSONALITY DISORDER’ so I know she is sick and her behavior isn’t ALL her fault, but she wont even try to seek treatment for it or attempt to control her outbursts. She has even made comments that imply that it’s a source of pride for her that she won’t change. I just feel like I’ve poured everything and every part of my being into trying to make things work between us. Made sacrifice after sacrifice. Eaten all the double standards with a smile. But it’s never enough. To top it all off I’m the asshole in her eyes and she makes slanderous comments about me on every social network she can, driving home once again that she holds no responsibility for the outcome of our relationship and constantly implies that I’m a liar, a slut and that there is not one redeeming quality about me. But then she’ll still insist she loves me. Sigh I’m trapped I hate it. I’m not the type of guy to cry very much, even when I want to, but I’ve cried myself to sleep over her. Just asking God why is she this way, why can’t she see my love and value. It’s like being addicted to a really bad drug that doesn’t even get me high anymore. I know life isn’t fair, but man it’s so hard sometimes. We have a daughter together so I can’t completely cut her out of my life and somehow she always manipulates me right back to her so she can break me down again. Yet I still feel overwhelming love for her. I’m so broken. Sorry for such a long post.

  22. Manipulated_Soul says:

    Does your girlfriend or wife blame you for everything that

  23. Manipulated_Soul says:

    I just want to add that the article in my previous comment was in the context of a man being abused. But I believe it goes both ways and that there are plenty of men who are “Professional Victim’s” out there as well.

  24. John says:

    The article by manipulated soul fits my ex girl friend to a tee. If I give examples perhaps people will agree or disagree but I would be grateful for comments. I moved in with my ex after a 3 year courtship and took on her gorgeous children who were 6 at the time. We both work although I worked generally 6 or 7 days before I got a day off were as she worked 4 and got 4 days off. Obviously I did house chores and looked after the kids full time when she was at work. In my past life I sometimes took a snooze in an afternoon, however I never did at my ex’s as “what have you got to be tired about”. All control of the TV was for the children and generally I got to watch my tv when kids and the ex were in bed or during my days off, unless the ex was off as well then she would want soaps or some other woman’s programme on. If I complained about being ruled by kids I was told they were there before me. I did everything for the kids except iron their clothes( although occasionally ironed in an emergency) as a result my ex refused to iron any of mine. When we got up on a morning I and the ex was at work I had to immediately make the beds as if she came home unexpected from work she would make a sarcastic comment about not making them. If I had not hoovered the carpets before she came home from work she would complain. The house had to be tidy as well. However if I did do them she would often do again without checking if I had.(she liked lines in the carpet) This is despite the rooms hardly been in and are hoovered every day. On one occasion I had not bathed the children before she got home from work. I was subjected to ” I do not want to get home from work to have to start bathing the kids” I replied well they are your kids( even though the only reason on this occasion was we were running late). At this she went mad and told me to leave. She continued to shout saying it her house and her rules. I remained calm and collected and refused to leave saying I lived there. She rang the police and I was told if they came I would be arrested. This was despite the fact she was shouting and I just sat there. She constantly put me down in front of our friends referring to my failed marriages and what she defended as ugly girlfriends afterwards. Due to having a history of depression I was constantly referred to as being mad. Whenever we had a meal I would generally take my turn and wash up. However she always put stuff in the dishwasher when it was her turn. When we went to bed if I was there first I was expected to turn her side down. If not I always got a sarcastic comment “aren’t I getting in like”? Because she went to work at 7am I was expected to get the kids ready for school etc and then I went to work. However my shifts were finished earlier than hers and I had to take care of the kids from their grand parents when I finished work. I was about to start a full shift pattern and would be expected to have the children whenever necessary before night shifts, come home from work at 7am as my ex left for work, get the children sorted for school and take them. Then return at 3pm to pick them up. I was then going to be expected to sort the kids out before the ex got home and then go to work for 10pm….then repeat. When I mentioned to the ex that due to me living there she could also do the same shift pattern she said there no way she working nights. I was also 4 years off retiring and she asked what I was going to do when I retired. I replied nothing as I was going to get a good pension. She said I would have to get a job I she was not going to support me…despite me being able to pay my way. I asked her what she was going to do when she retired in 14yrs time..,the answer was nothing. Why should she, she said…other women do not. Lastly we went on holiday to a child centred resort. I sat and watched the kids in the pool and read a book. I did not go in the pool and neither did she. I was criticised later for not getting into the pool and entertaining the kids. When I said I was on holiday to, and that she had not done so either she said it’s what dads do! Obviously for the rest of the holiday I felt obliged to as I did not want more arguments. On the first night I did not go back to the room at 8.30pm as I wanted to watch some football in the bar. This was allowed. However the 2nd night I said I would follow them shortly when they went to the room. However I got talking to some fellow holiday makers and time flew by. Within 45 minutes I was confronted by a very angry ex who said she had not come on holiday to spend it alone in the room? And I had better get myself to reception and get my own room. Upon following her to our room a mighty row took place and a lot of shouting and swearing and I think it was made to look like I started it. I ended up with a bust lip and for the first time in my life I grabbed a female around the throat. It was momentarily and I deeply regretted it but I had finally snapped. The holiday was ruined after that and we split up some 2 weeks after returning home. I do take some of the blame as I suffered from depression and found looking after 2 kids very demanding. I probably drank too much but did not become violent or angry. However it made my ex angry. I constantly tried to do things so that there would be no arguments as I felt any dispute was my fault. I acquiesced to everything which took its toll and I became more and more miserable. However my ex took no responsibility for making me miserable. I worshipped her and did not want our relationship to fail, however one day I decided to leave. We had argued many times during our relationship and I hated arguing and had never done so in past relationships. When I said this to my ex she responded that everyone argues and the reason I had not argued with others was that they must have been door mats. Nothing I did ever seemed to be right. She would never just do small things for me such as get a newspaper for me from a shop when she took the kids to school,she seldom let me have a sleep in and when I did the kids were allowed to just charge around anyway, but when I let her have a sleep in I kept the kids quiet. Anyway for some reason I still cannot get over this woman. When she was nice she was wonderful. She was witty, funny and beautiful. At work she presents as the nicest person ever. I am now gutted we are apart and jealous of her new boyfriend who I think she is going to marry. I do not profess to be Mr innocent in all this but does she fit the previous post description.? How can I still love a woman who made me change so much so that I could have a quiet life and no arguments.

    Sorry for long post

  25. christine says:

    Thanks for sharing this article. I am an avid blog reader and feel reading about ppl’s situations similar to mine, gives me strength and belief that shit happens in life. Everyone of us at some point or other takes and have been taken for granted. What makes diffrtence is whether you are ar giving or receiving end.
    I loved few points in your article which certainly can help anyone get out of a cursing relationshp.

  26. alexys says:

    Thank you for sharing this article. Like srsly thank you :’) It’s really helpful. From the moment he has change, i always said to myself that at least what we had back then was real. But it still hurt, it’s hurt so much whenever the flashback come. It may be hard but i guess i really have to let him go.

  27. Kendra says:

    I’m going through a lot, just like everyone else is! But my question is, “How do you let someone go if you’re pregnant for him?” This is my first baby and I don’t know how I can possibly do this by myself! I feel like I can be a strong woman and raise my baby but it hurts just thinking about having to do it by myself! I know he’s cheating on me because I caught him plenty of times before and every time someone call or text his phone he turns it like he has something to hide! I don’t want to keep going through this because I know I deserve better! But like I said, “How can I when I’m pregnant for him?”

  28. joe says:

    I hate her for moving on so quick and rubbing my nose in it with her new man in a bar,but next feeling is of me real missing her and wondering whats shes doing! But i know dam well what shes doing and its killing me! when will it ever stop!!!!

  29. Towfique Hasan Khan says:

    I loved my ex more than anything in the world and everything was perfect between us. Suddenly outta nowhere her ex called her and manipulated in a way and even said that i was the reason they broke up at the first place. She called me that day and we had some rough conversations on the phone. We broke up (she did) and she ditched me hearing all the lies her ex told her. The worst part is that i see her every class and i can’t stop hating her. I did nothing wrong and in return her ex trashed all false accusations in me. I am now helpless but the only thing that keeps me awakened is HATRED and i’ll never forgive her.

  30. abu says:

    Ya well a good article… I wish u will give me an idea..
    I loved her more n more n more n considered her a lot too.. But when she came from her native and stayed in my native for a job I used to go and meet her daily.. Will drop her daily.. Will buy her foods all daily.. But she always used to say me tat not to all these for her as she can’t do back… Still I did for her so much and been daily with her while dropping her back to her hostel.. Just wanted to be with her and I enjoyed it and was veryyyy happy on seeing her daily…
    But few months back she got a offer letter in abroad which gives her lots of salaries.. And due to her family prob she needs to go but she already has a job to help her family so I asked her not to go and cried begged to her tat I can’t be without seeing you and wanna be happy with u all… She even asked later tat she has to go or not all.. But later I let her go.. But now she went before 3 days to abroad for her work.. And after she went there she changed herself by a guy and she started saying me not to talk to her and she told she feel having better life without spking to me all…
    M totally broken.. I scolded her very badly yest and told her I won’t call her back again… Even I din wanna talk but the pain is incredible with her tho’ts and memories she gave me… Kindly give me some ideas to work out my urge of calling or texting her.. Urge of getting a call from her all… Urge of getting her back all but I don’t want her anymore… She uses watsapp regularly which makes me angry and she knows tat too but before going she deleted her watsapp for me but after going there she again installed and using…
    Kindly give me an idea on forgetting her n hate her n move on…

  31. Alphafemale says:

    Hating a person will never remove the love you have for him/her. You will still love and hate them no matter what they did to you. It’s painful but that is what life is all about, embrace and accept.

  32. kineticbrah says:

    I once was completely beaten by lovesickness, untill i read this guide of how to hare someone. I started hating the one i loved and wrote her a few awefull messages. She couldn’t believe it, because she thought we had becamefriends (but i dont need her as just a friend). She reacted shocked and was really angry. I found guilty of calling her names but afterwards i relised this person had done me more pain than pleasure. Im dont regret the decision i made because its all for the better now. And i can start loving other girls again.

    I wish everyone much love and goodluck overcomming lovesickness!/, you all can do it!

  33. Just an option.. says:

    I felt the need to tell my story. I am going through a divorce and met a man online. We hooked up. He would text me about getting together once or twice a month. We had an understanding I guess.. He never took me anywhere but the bedroom and led me to believe that once my divorce was over it could become more. STUPID ME!!!! I thought I was the only one he was seeing but found out different. After nearly a year

  34. Let Her Go says:

    This really helped me.Thank you.
    Girls are such ****.
    They don’t really have a heart.

  35. christine says:

    I think that my boyfriend of 5 years is doing this to me, he’s made comments like do you know how hard it is to have to start hating someone you love? He is staying out all night with some older chick who swears she is not like that, One of them let me comfort your boy while your at home going crazy, I want trust him and make it work but it’s so hard to not think about all these things, it’s like he makes wonder if I was who I was when he met me everything thing would be as they was before, but that’s not possible with the thought of what the he’ll is going on! Not to mention he is like my best friend I thought?

  36. Kocherrrrrrrian says:

    Superb article, but in my case she is avoiding and pretending as she hate me bz she had a fear about her age and my age, in her view , she is looking forward that love marriage will defenitely harm her and her family’s goodwill. She told me like so indirectly. And am loving her lot!! Am also pretending am happie and nothing problem with me, when she rejectz me.. So how can i covience here, love marriage is not a prob..

  37. Joe says:

    This article is 100% correct. I tried everything we my ex-wife. i was willng to swallow a lot of pride to make things work and she wouldn’t play nice. So F her and the horse she rides each day. To her man hating friends, F them too. It works. To the question about telling them that you hate them. You don’t have to, they’ll know once you stop trying to “win” their gold plated vagina’s back

  38. jane says:

    Its true that when a person keeps asking forgiveness of mistakes he/she had done ,he will definitely do again and again samething .Giving one chance is enough to figure out if what he promised would be seek with sincerity.I have a situation that made me crazy,my ex keeps asking me to marry him and asking one last chance ,since I am scared to start again with him easily I refuse to accept,one day he invited me just for dinner I agreed I thought it would be his first step to court me formally ,so I told myself he might change for a better then.When I arrived I was so shocked seeing him with new girl friend and it really breaks my heart.I told him can’t get along with them for dinner ‘he said to me ,are you jealous?I did pretend that I am not but the truth insid e me I keep was so painful.I just realized that he doesn’t deserve me.

  39. Jilly says:

    Yes, hating works in this case. If you have been led on, flirted with, and generally led to beliieve that a relationship was in the works and then dropped for another, yeah hate works. When someone does this, it is selfish, inconsiderate and devoid of any feelings for you. Their moral compass is on themselves only. Hate them because they only love themselves and your feelings are a game to them.,…..buh bye I say. Now she’s wondering why I gave her the brush off like she never did anything wrong…. um no. I think not.

  40. Gail says:

    One of the points made is to accept you lost ? Maybe it was th either way around ! In my case I was the winner even though he broke up with me ! This man lied to me the whole time I was in a relationship with him ( 5 years it), He wasn’t anything he said he was, he was pigheaded and arrogant, in self denial, a cheater, full of himself, Thoughtless, selfish, a taker and not a giver, a hypocrite and judgmental person, a fake to the max, a player, a user, man, weak in character, unable to love , unable to deal with just about anything even small stuff, and excuse maker, a momma’s boy, a loner, kind of pathetic looking after I found out his REAL story and this list can go on and on forever…….really this story is incredible what I found out about him ! I AM THE WINNER !!!! His breaking off with me saved me from my self…or I would have still been taken in by all his lies and miserable putting up with it all ! Seriously I feel sorry for all the decent women hie will most definitely play with… and hurt ! But there also will be those women just like him who like to play games and be like that…cheap sex is all they will have going for them and nothing more meaning in life….that just makes them dirty scum ! I actually feel sad for him….NO wait ! I don’t feel sad for him ! I say good bye sucker ! I have great live to live and don’t need to waste it any longer on a loser like you ! It is hard breaking up and I know the pain..I felt like I wanted to die ! But if you are HONEST with yourself and face the TRUTH ….you will get over him ! You need to get angry with his crap and this reality makes it a bit easier to get over him ! Though they are rare in life..there has got to be better men out there… Go online to search what types of men to avoid and clues to watch for….and please when you see anything remotely listed in the clues the man …leave fast ! GET OUT OF THERE ! Or you will just feel the hurt you are now all over again…and it will ruin the way you view men in the future ! Listen to those subtle red flags ladies ! You save your self a lot of emotional pain ! Lets be smart ladies and watch out for ourselves ! Also looks do not matter…..he might be cute but he can still be an ass ! Don’t fall for lines. If he has to continually tell you he is a good man or that he would never do to you what your other men do to you…RUN ! He is BS ing you and playing you !

  41. just me says:

    I hate my dead husband.. I took care of him through his ALS Lou Gherigs disease which killed him. He was never there for me in my hour of need. If you are not there for someone in their own time of need, you are not there for them at all. He was not my friend. I am glad he is dead…………

  42. Grace says:

    It’s hard to hate the one you really love, but I guess this is what I need to do. I hate this guy for telling me he doesn’t love me after all the months we waited to be with each other. After all the sweet things he done for me, we were like a couple on our holiday and even when we’re apart. How come he told me he is not in love with me? I’m the perfect girl and everything.

    Help me! I want to forget him. πŸ™

  43. no says:

    that girl you mentioned in the beginning of the article had a right not to call you back ever again honestly. you had no reason to hate her. sure it hurt, but you werent dating and you werent ever entitled to dating her in the first place. im sick of these whiny “wah wah friendzoned again” articles. i just wanna find something that will help me deal with my breakup, not get angry over gross male entitlement.

  44. sunil kumar jadhav says:

    Oh God your absolutely right this girl has doing same to me but after reading your page I am feeling better now I am going to do good to myself by replacing LOVE with HATE thank you guys for your advise

  45. razaul says:

    great article I am having the same issue but I could not hate her each time her cuteness stops me
    her earlier romantic SMS did not allow me to hate her and she was my first love please help me how to forget her

  46. Dane says:

    About half of this advice is good, but HATE and bitterness may be the emotional booze you need for the moment, but in the long run, after the emotional booze (hate and bitterness) wears off, you are left a very unhealthy person. In short, hate and bitterness does not work. Replace hate and bitterness with anger at a person’s behavior, and let the person go, or better yet, let yourself out of your own emotional prison. I lost my wife of 15 years – but hate and bitterness WILL NOT help you. Moving forward is the answer. If a person does not want you, you can’t make them. Why would anyone want someone that does not want them? Yes it hurts, if not, you never loved them, but if you did love them, it will hurt. Pain is a part of life and love. That pain will make your next relationship better – but if you are bitter – that next relationship will suffer.

  47. Dane says:

    How to let go of someone without hating them. Hating someone keeps them on your radar. Here are my 10 steps –

    1. Don

  48. Rocco says:

    How can I hate her when I’m still so deeply in love with her? She shit on me and dropped me like I never meant anything to her…she probably NEVER loved me to begin with! Not only has she moved on, she isn’t even dating men anymore! She is in a lesbian relationship with a woman 27 years older than her! And she started this seeing her behind my back when we were still together! I want to be the bigger person, not the true loser who hates her just because she used me, loathes me, and will never love me again. So she doesn’t want me anymore! So what? I’m supposed to throw my love away and start hating her now? That makes me a winner? She already won! I already lost…big time. I AM A LOSER. For someone who obviously doesn’t ever even think about me and has deleted EVERY LAST PHOTO OF US (except for two group pics) from her Facebook page, leaving AN ENTIRE YEAR OF HER Facebook timeline BLANK, there’s no doubt she already HATES ME!!!!! What CAN I possibly do?!!! I am still so in love with her that even when I have sex with other women, I only think of her! I can’t even enjoy sex! I just want to break down and cry!!! I love her so f-ing much!!! She crushed me like nobody ever could have and she KNOWS IT!!! She loves it!!! She is relishing it! Her hatred for me only makes her happier! Her life is packed with joy and revelry, more and more fun and excitement, love and romance and incredible sex — nights of ecstasy like nothing we ever shared…she wants NOTHING TO DO WITH ME and I know why. I just never imagined the mistake I made would result in THIS! She is disgusted. All the love, kindness and even the compassion she once had for me is GONE. She treated me like I was garbage; I was never anything but the most loving boyfriend I knew how to be! Why do I deserve this??? Why is she so indifferent? How can she feel NOTHING AT ALL? And after all the things she said to me? All the things we went through together? The mad, passionate love affair we had and the incredible bond we formed so early on in our relationship? She knows how much I care for her…she knows how much I love her and yet she chose to dump me like I was nothing!!! I never meant anything to her! She hates me even though I did all I could to love her with all my heart, gave her all I had to give…I can’t stop crying inside. I can’t help feeling betrayed, feeling so alone, feeling like I will NEVER LOVE AGAIN THE WAY I LOVED HER. I feel like I have ruined my life, ruined the only chance I ever had at happiness!!! WHY? I deserved better than a fuck you goodbye!!! I deserved to be able to tell her how I felt!!! She robbed me of everything!!! I left our love affair with NOTHING!!! She drained all the meaning from every photo and stole the one thing I wanted, then flushed it down the toilet: I thought I’d lost someone WONDERFUL, someone WORTH HAVING!!! She wants it known that SHE FEELS NOTHING FOR ME, that I WASTED MY TIME WITH HER; SHE WASTED HER TIME WITH ME…SHE FEELS LIKE I HAVE NO VALUE!!! And I DO HAVE VALUE!!! Just as she does!!! Why did she treat me with such callous disregard and cold-hearted indifference? Why do I feel like she never meant a single word she ever said to me? WHY DO I DREAM OF HER EVERY FUCKING NIGHT AND WAKE UP BEFORE DAWN SOAKED IN MY OWN TEARS??? Why do I still love her? Hating her just doesn’t seem like its going to work…

  49. Luke Madigan says:

    This always happens to me; I fall deeply in love with a woman who already has a man in her life, so I end up hating her for not loving me in return. It seems like the logical thing to do; if they hurt you that badly (intentionally or not), it’s only natural that a person eventually hates someone they used to love. It doesn’t matter if they think it’s their fault, it matters if you think it’s their fault.

  50. Mark says:

    Had one of these that I fell to hard to fast for and all she was doing was playing me.

    As this was going on and before things got worse, we both started looking at doing a business together with her sister.
    She then to play me and possibly her sis about doing the business as well.
    Her sister was dropping subtle hints about her character and eventually I did not go through with the venture.

    Anyway, the technique she used on me was at first say I am into you, blah, blah, blah. She knows how to make things look good and is very attractive herself. But later things became unsure, cool/warm, manipulative with this subtle and not so sutble abusive or disrespectful attitude. Money is her main motive even though she said otherwise at first and I held back what I really had as a test. After several months she jumped ship for a guy that visibly made lots of cash. That lasted for a few weeks and he must have seen the signs quickly and they were no more. He was smarter than me. LOL.

    Then she attempted to see if she could get back with me. Fat chance.

    In the business scenario with me and her sis, she used the same technique. “I will go into business with you, I am totally into this, blah, blah blah.” When her sister was informed but wasn’t sure about me because she did not know me, my “girl friend” said she would not go into this venture without me. After we three decided to go for the business venture, she again started with the “i am in, i am out” routine several times in what seemed to me as some type of manipulation play.

    This cover lapped into a period several months after we broke up.

    Why stay with her for business after the break up? I was not thinking clearly and thought she was just weird and indecisive because of recently signing divorce papers … after 2 years being separated. She also claimed to be a business type, worked hard and good at it. Well that turned out not to be the case. She was really just an operator that wanted an easy ride. In when the times are good and not to interested in putting in much effort.

    Anyway, her strategy changed a bit with her current new guy that she has been with for over a year. She started off by hiding the fact that they where dating from the crowds we all socialize with for about two months. Testing him out on the sly which basically gives him no respect. He took it probably because of her beauty. Yes, a fool I know. If he is not playing her then I hope he figures out what she really is and that she is just looking for an early retirement plan.

    Anyway, here is what you do. DO NOT FORGIVE OR ACCEPT … at least not right away if ever!

    Get your revenge or payback but do it right. There are plenty of good advice article on the web how to do this. Easiest way is to spread the word. Do not lie. Do not slander. Just tell the story of what happened in full. It will speak for itself. You will get some temporary satisfaction but more importantly you will let others know not to mess with you and be their doormat. Also, it will send a warning to others about this person.

    How about forgiveness? Well with some it helps with others it will make them feel worse afterwards.

    If you do revenge then you can do forgiveness afterwards. In any case, the forgiveness is always conditional. You do not forgive unless you get something worthwhile out of it. In fact the other party will not forgive unless they get something out of it as well. So conditions could be such where it is worthwhile for both parties to really forgive and build trust. However, if there are no conditions like that then forget forgiveness and just accept and move on.

  51. Dorothy says:

    Wow i like this article.
    I have been with this guy for almost 2 years…evrything was smooth we crazily loved each other until some past few months when he started cheating on me repeatedly and asking for forgiveness…i didn’t want to loose him i really loved him so i just insulted him and forgive him….
    Things got worst when i went to a different town to work…he cheated again so i told him it was over but he wants me back promising me that he wont play me….i was so attached to him and its been hard for me to move on

  52. Anna says:

    Wow, this must have been written by a teenage boy: cue the manly thing to do which is not to cry and the chauvinistic to do is to hate her with every fiber of your being, by listening to hate songs. I hope you’re still single to this day because you sound loco.

  53. Anna says:

    Read the advice of Dane, above: those are wisdom spoken. The author of the post is an idiot and if you think that he has given you sound advice, you must either be younger than 35 or just dumb with no hope for redemption.

  54. Strad McKnight says:

    BAD, BAD advice. First, it is refuted by research. While the feeling of hate is far less disturbing than that caused by detachement (anxiety), hating an ex is ultimately an exercise in futility. As Harriet Lerner, Ph.D wrote in “Psychology Today”,

    “Nothing is served by ruminating about the terrible things your ex did to you, and making yourself miserable in the process, while the person who has harmed you may be having a fabulous day at the beach.”

    From Santa Slara University: “Deal with the reality and let go of your anger, the pain will disappear more quickly if you do.”

    Furthermore, hate damages the heart, accelerates aging, and perhaps most insidiously, infects other areas of life. In effect, it is a contagion. People who hate–and it doesn’t matter who or what is the object of the hate–are constantly reminded of what they don

  55. Strad McKnight says:

    One further note: the hate we feel for someone who has betrayed us or “broken our hearts” is often self-contempt turned outward.

    I’ve counselled many people who have suffered a relationship that went on the rocks and when I put the question to them, “What are you most angry about?” At least half the time, the answer has been, “I should have seen it coming… .” or “I feel so stupid… .” When I ask them what they might have done differently, I frequently hear, “I should have gotten out when it started to go bad… .” or a variation of that theme.

    The BEST attitude to take by far after a relationship fails is one of merciless self examination. If there were things you adored about your ex-partner, you now know what to seek out in your next love. If he or she had aspects of her personality that you couldn’t abide, you know what to stay away from.

    One can still display a great deal of autonomy by walking away at the first sign of real trouble and meaning it. I didn’t read all the posts but almost everyone I did had someone coming back to a partner for more abuse or ill-treatment. Who is to blame for that?

    And for what it’s worth, at least 40% of our behavior is genetically determined. On what grounds do we hate someone who may not even have a choice over their reactions in certain contexts?

    It’s enough not to care. It is inhumane to hate someone we once had a deep affection for and who has done nothing more than said it’s over, however insensitively. Walk away and make your goal indifference tempered with kindness should the situation require it.

  56. Loving without Reason says:

    Thanks for the topic. I’m currently going through a breakup of a 8 years old relationship with my Husband. I realised that I love the guy more than I love myself but the scary part is that I don’t even know Exactly what I love about him.
    Maybe in a start of a relationship, we need to check what we really love about the person, and at the same time learn how can we live without it should things change. People change, I also changed. As much as status Quo is a safe environment, change can also be as good but we need to have open mind to can truly see the good part of a broken relationship or of a changed situation in our lives.

  57. halfmanhalwallmonthlymagazine.com says:

    No no no dude stopping loving someone by hating them is crap man not only are you not going to get over them cos your still hanging on to some emotion which like love is you go to jail card. you will always be their slave if you can’t master your own emotions to just walk away and put that one in the bank of life experience and go off and get fucked off by the next person to break your heart or you can learn that love is only a toy to play with and there are lots more toys in the box

  58. Sai says:

    Nowadays friends and social media are the real problems in relationships.Attitude will be vary according to the number of friends.May be there are people who oppose this statement,but in my case it is true,i never find any beauty in her appearance,but i loved her very much ,when she left to USA she began to ignore me,started to question my character,behavior,everything.I believed one would die to break that relationship until then.But it has gone inside out.terrible feelings……But somehow i dealt with it….people needs lot of things for a short while

  59. sha says:

    Loved it man
    There are different people out there some guys break hearts some girls do
    I have no idea why im sharing this but theres this girl i’ve had a crush on her for the past 4 years i’ve begged her and proved myself to be as desperate as i could be i still talk to her but i hate myslf cuz i cant leave her and staying just makes it worse i’d die without her but leaving her isn’t and option
    Remember one thing for sure folks with this kind of love you lose all your selfrespect and one day the other would move on and you will hate yourself forever for being such a dick to yourself

  60. H.A.H. says:

    Wish I had felt the extended lover’s pain of my breakup 2 decades ago, instead of going to a psychiatrist again and getting medicated- which I still am πŸ™

  61. John says:

    This is ridiculous. You should never decide to hate somebody as a problem solving tool. This author lost all credibility with dangerous ridiculous advice like this. Almost none of this advice if any of it is helpful at all.

    And despite how bad this advice is it still got thousands of likes. Thats just terrible.

  62. Gareth says:

    I tried this, hated her for a year then got drunk one day rang her then didn’t text her back trying to regain the hate but then I met her today. Safe to say I love her smile…

  63. Fionn says:

    Wow i think my ex might have read your this,and i have to say being on the receiving end is not nice. I work with my ex partner whom i still love or maybe im just obsessing i don’t know, I cant really avoid her and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. all i know is i cant get her out of my head, She left me cause i smoked way too much pot and i cant blame her for walking away god knows she gave me enough chances to get my crap together, Guess im a pot addict in fact that’s for definitely , I try to stay away from it but keep going back, I saw her on a dating web site recently and it ripped my heart out, Its been 2 years since we were together and i have been with another girl but i still want what i cant have,….. i do so wish i was over her …

  64. Jesse says:

    Didn’t work. Tried it, listened to a sad song that came on Pandora, and realized love was still there. Love stinks.

  65. Viscontibeauty says:

    How do you deal if you run into them? Sometimes at a distance I pass fellows I think might be him, look like my ex, but I choose to keep driving and not find out. We both live in the heart of the city so one day my luck will run out though and we will come face-to-face in-line inside of a bank or a grocery store, post office etc, where I will no longer be able to avoid him. My first instinct if I see his sorry face will be to go all Alanis Morisette You Oughta Know. Especially because of the way he left, he just hid from me, stopped answering the door when I visited him, and returning my phone calls. Literally out of nowhere! Later I found out that he is legally married– but had abandoned his wife in another country. This is the kinda of person he turned out to be.

    If I bump into him and he says, “Hi, how ya doin?” should I just treat him like the trash that he is and give him the cold, cold shoulder and keep going under these circumstances. Or does that make it worse? Should I just be civil to him and bear those few seconds we are forced into each others company as best I can?

  66. Bug S Bunny says:

    How to deal with them if you run into them? Are you kidding? Complete indifference. Act as though they don’t exist. No speaking, no eye contact, nothing. I used this strategy before reading this article, and I can say it works. If someone has the right to dump you, you also have the right to hate them. Its really very simple.

  67. I'm Ron Burgundy? says:

    man heartbreaks are brutal. This girl I was with was absolutely amazing. Cute, funny, goofy which made her even cuter. I (expletive) loved this girl. Holding her in my arms was incredible. Always thinking about her. fellas you know how great it feels to be with THE girl. Felt like I was on top of the world. felt like I had no problems at all.
    then suddenly like an absolute punch in the face with a knife instead of a fist, I find out she’s been engaged to another guy. like seriously what the (expletive). That scene in the movie Up in the Air when Clooney finds out the woman he loved was actually married, that was me. Good Lord it sucks.
    I’ve never felt so bad in my entire life. have this feeling in my chest thats hard to describe. can’t sleep or anything. this girl was talking about how much she loved me and how she wanted to be with me and all that. And she actually is getting married. wasn’t a lie. saw pictures of her wedding and everything. felt like telling the guy but I didn’t.

    It is so hard to forget about this girl. wish someone could erase my memory of her.
    Hating her is something I can’t get past. I hate hating people. thats not who I want to be. makes me feel like such a bad person. But sometimes I can’t help it. When I saw Jurassic World (awesome movie btw), I kept picturing her getting eaten by velociraptors. when the woman fell in the tank and got eaten by the mosasaurus I kept seeing her. It actually cheered me up and made me laugh. One thing that sucks is that she looks exactly like this actress from the Godzilla/avengers movies. movies I was interested in but now I literally hate those movies now because a girl that looks like her is in them. when I saw Godzilla I was rooting for Godzilla to kill her somehow. watching her kiss the guy at the end was agonizingly painful.

    I know its stupid and immature but I can’t help these feelings. I keep trying to get rid of them because I really don’t like myself this way. Working out at the gym helps a lot. being in a bad mood helps me do even more at the gym. but being in a bad mood and hating is not what I want.

    I really think the only way to get over a major heartbreak is to meet someone else. Hating her makes me feel like an idiot. sometimes it makes me laugh. like picturing a gang of raptors eating her. probably harmless but after a while I feel weird for thinking this way.
    but for the most part hate doesn’t cure anything.

  68. I'm Ron Burgundy? says:

    for the record I don’t wish harm on anyone. Even though this girl hurt me I would never do anything to hurt her or anyone that looks like her. imagining raptors or godzilla attacking her or her lookalikes is just a stupid goofy fantasy.

  69. I'm Ron Burgundy? says:

    please delete my comment. I was hammered last night. don’t want this stupid drunken rant online. makes me look like an idiot.

  70. Mark says:

    One lesson you must learn is mutual respect. Which means if they disrespect you then you should disrespect them back. Revenge and forgiveness are intimately connected. Do not listen to councilling nonsense about always either forgiving or forgetting. Payback maybe needed and legally doing revenge is just doing justice when a wrong is done which is not illegal. Here are a few techniques. Spread the word without slandering or lying. Report them to the authorities, they may have violated say building codes on a remodel, they maybe doing some tax evasion, they maybe doing something bad their family or loved ones do not know about. If you cannot find something right away then you may choose to never forget and sock it to them years down the road when opportunity arises. That is called vendetta. Also, do a risk/benefit analysis before doing revenge because there maybe consequences. Read about payback, after all it is just karma. Lol.

  71. lol says:

    Leave it to the dumb feminist bitch Anna to step in and call the guy a boy or a “chauvinist.” Lol. Stupid bimbo…

  72. brutally hurt says:

    bro i can relate to it like anything ….ur article is what feels me lot better and helps me think that there are people and incidents like already there but still its hard to get over her r8 now.

  73. Tokeman says:

    Bro, it doesn’t make you look like an idiot at all. You vented. Sometimes venting comes when you’re hammered. It is basically vocalizing the pain you feel and it truly helps with healing as long as you allow yourself to feel the hurt and not project it upon the person that pained you. Sometimes the people that hurt you need to hear how much they hurt you. At one point in time you will have reached a point where you have cleansed yourself from the pain enough to learn, grow, understand your self worth, then reclaim your joy for life and love again, my dude!

  74. Kimberley says:

    Hate isn’t good for anything, it destroys you. In stead of focusing on and hating the other person, I think it’s better to focus on and love yourself. Just keep telling yourself “I deserve better!” over and over again until you believe it.

  75. zzzxtreme says:

    I want to hate this person I’m deeply, secretly in love with. We have different sexual orientation, hence the secret. Problem is, we hang out a lot because of our cycling hobby. I’m in such a mess.

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