Are you one of those people who find themselves being taken for granted all the time? You may be assertive and in control of your life, but something isn’t right. Somewhere along the way, you start to realize that the people that love you are taking you for granted almost all the time. Being loving and caring is one thing, but having that taken advantage of is quite another.
What do you do when your indulgences are taken for granted and turn into expectations? [Read: 25 memorable life lessons that can change your life forever!]
Being taken for granted is a difficult term to define. Basically, it means that someone expects something of you, without any basis for it. For instance, if you’re kind to someone a couple of times and let them use your cellphone when their credit has finished, they may take it for granted that they can continue to do so. It’s a favor, something you have offered them out of kindness, but it is turned into an expectation that you may feel you need to bow down to.
In a relationship, being taken for granted is a huge problem. You may do things for your partner every single day, simply because that’s what you feel you should do, you want to do, and it makes you happy. However, your partner then expects you to do all of those things. Is that fair? No!
Being taken for granted over the long-term basically means that you’re not respected. Now, many people take others for granted without realizing it. So, if this happens to you, it’s not that your partner is a bad person and doesn’t care. It’s probably just that they don’t realize what they’re doing. We all take people and things for granted occasionally. It’s only when our behavior is flagged up that we realize and can make positive changes. [Read: How to build self-confidence: 16 Ways to realize you’re worth it]
Should you blame the person taking you for granted? Or, should you blame yourself?
You might indulge in romantic gestures all the time without caring about your lover’s reciprocation. Or, maybe you’re too sweet and nice to your lover or a friend all the time without ever letting them realize that you’re going way out of your way to do something nice for them. In that case, it’s pretty obvious that they’d take you for granted because they don’t realize the effort you’ve made for them! [Read: 10 relationship deal breakers that can shatter your romance]
Of course, they may feel pampered or special the first few times. But once it starts to feel like routine, the indulgences turn into expectations.
And, if you don’t behave the same way or don’t make the effort one day, your lover may even get annoyed with you!
The harder you try, the bigger their expectations. And before you know it, you don’t get anything in return. Yet, you’d be expected to go out of your way and do something special for them all the time.
This is the point of no return when you start to feel like you’re being taken for granted in the relationship. If nothing changes, the relationship is doomed to fail because you’ll end up feeling resentful. [Read: 18 things you do that makes your relationship really unhealthy!]
So, whose fault is it? Yours for continuing to do it and theirs for not seeing it! You’re both to blame, basically.
Everyone takes someone for granted when they’re in love, even if it’s only for a moment. The only way to stop someone from taking you for granted is by letting them know just how hard you’ve tried to do something for them.
Learn to communicate and let them know if you’re going out of the way for them. You don’t have to wait until you’re bursting at the seams with anger or frustration to tell your lover or your family just how ungrateful they’ve been. Especially when you’ve been so giving and sacrificing.
Most people who get taken for granted make the mistake of holding back on communication. They wait until they can’t hold on anymore. Then, they explode with helpless anger, much to the surprise of their shocked lover who probably didn’t even realize they were taking their partner for granted! [Read: The power of your words can make or break your relationship]
Instead, there’s an easier way to deal with this. Let your partner know when you’ve made the effort to do something nice for them. You’re not being pompous. You’re just letting them know the truth, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
In fact, telling your partner that you did something special for them will make your partner appreciate the gesture and feel grateful too!
After all, at the end of the day, all you want is a simple ‘thank you’ to feel appreciated, isn’t it? [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for successful love]
There’s a reason why you may be allowing others to take you for granted. And in all probability, it starts and ends with self respect.
You don’t respect yourself enough to believe you’ve done enough for someone. You constantly try to do something more or do something better just to compensate for what, you believe, you’re lacking in.
This behavior of yours pushes you to try harder to please others. In return, you hope to be appreciated and loved. When you don’t feel appreciated and loved, you start to believe you’re being taken for granted.
Do you seriously respect yourself for who you are? Or, do you need someone else’s appreciation to reaffirm that you’re a great person? Answering this question truthfully will help you realize why you’re being taken for granted all the time. [Read: Self respect and the really big role it plays in the relationships you have]
The easiest way to judge yourself and find out if you’re someone who could be taken for granted by others is by testing your own character.
There are a few traits and characteristics of people who are vulnerable to be being taken for granted. The chances are, you have a few of these traits yourself.
You have a very hard time saying ‘no’ to people. You’d rather take on more commitments or responsibilities instead. You may think you’re being sweet. But your inability to say no will only make others take your sacrifices for granted. [Read: How to say no: Stop pleasing people and feel awesome instead]
Everyone around you, especially your loved ones, can totally predict your behavior. And since you’re so predictable, they subtly manipulate you and get you to do what they want. You may feel manipulated and used, but you feel helpless at the same time.
You’re a people pleaser, and you just can’t be rude to others. You convince yourself that you’re the sweet person in a bad world. But in reality, you may just be too sweet and nice, which forces others to take you for granted even if they don’t realize it themselves. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t know it]
You’d rather make excuses or postpone issues that bother you instead of dealing with it. You may think pushing decisions away is the easy option, but in fact, it’s the spineless way of dealing with your problems.
Those who understand your inability to take tough decisions may abuse that side of you and make decisions on your behalf. They may manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do because they know you can’t say ‘no’ anyway!
If you feel like you’re being taken for granted, confront the issue. If you can’t confront the issue, you’ll end up unhappy. Your head will be filled with resentment and frustration. This will eat you from the inside. [Read: 10 types of toxic friends you need to avoid in your life]
You’re scared of people who are loud, outspoken, bossy, and confrontational. You just can’t handle them and they stress you out emotionally. You’d rather accept what they say than ever go against them. This is simply because you don’t believe you can handle them.
You may think it’s the best way to deal with rude people. But, in reality, you’re setting yourself up to be used and taken for granted by these kinds of people for the rest of your life.
You lie to yourself and make excuses when someone takes you for granted. Maybe you tell yourself that the person probably took the right decision anyway and they’re not using you at all.
You’re not happy doing what you’re doing for this person, but you console yourself with false words. You tell yourself that you’re doing it out of free will, when it’s clearly not the case. [Read: How to stop lying to yourself and the people around you]
Somewhere deep inside, you doubt yourself and don’t believe in your own capabilities. You find flaws within yourself and you see other people as virtuous and flawless. Maybe you feel a constant need to please others to be accepted by them. You need to wake up and realize how amazing you are!
You constantly feel the need to have someone by your side. Independence scares you and you find it easier to go out of your way to be nice to someone who treats you badly, instead of being lonely. [Read: 7 Powerful ways to combat and break out of loneliness]
You constantly approval from others. When someone starts to take you for granted, without realizing it, you’ll allow them to emotionally control you. Before long, you lose your sense of judgment and you forget that it’s possible to independently make decisions for yourself.
Every time you want to do something, the voice in your head wonders if the object of your affection would like your decision. You always try to please this person, in everything you do. It’s all in the hope that they’ll see just how loving and accommodating you are. You hope that they may realize just how much you’re doing for them someday. [Read: The risks of making someone a priority when you’re only an option to them]
You don’t like going against people you want to impress or win over. As a result, you accommodate anything they say. Perhaps you bend over backwards to please them in the hope of winning their affection. A small line of praise from them means the world to you.
You intentionally keep your expectations low around people, especially the ones you love. This is because you know what constant disappoint feels like. But at the same time, you give far too much, in the hope that the one you love will see just how giving you are.
On the contrary, this person may just assume they’re perfect for you already because you’re not pointing out any flaws in them. Nor are you pointing out any of your wants or expectations from them. [Read: Are you being emotionally abused by someone you love? – 17 sure signs]
It’s possible to show too much respect! you respect this person and you can’t ever think of going against them or offending them in any manner. This person is the center of your world and you know you’d do anything to keep them happy.
The people who take you for granted are usually the ones who know that they matter a lot to you. They see the love you have for them, and constantly expect more from you without even realizing it.
When you keep giving more, their expectations grow all the time, until they reach the critical stage where you feel completely taken for granted. This person starts to believe that you’re changing for the worse and being mean to them because you aren’t doing the things you once used to do for them! It’s a vicious circle. [Read: 10 signs to recognize a selfish person and 5 steps to stop them from taking you for granted]
You just don’t know when to stop giving. So, you always end up giving way too much before you even realize it. By then, it’s probably too late because the person you’re giving to, may already be taking you for granted. Even if you back away, they’ll only be upset and say you’re the one who’s changed for the worse.
If you see any of these traits in yourself, there’s a good chance that you’re extremely susceptible to being taken for granted by those close to you.
You may not realize it at first, but it’s these very traits and reasons that force you to lose your own self respect, and depend on someone else for your happiness and achievements.
Before you know it, the person you love *and who loves you back* may unwittingly take you for granted, even if that was never their intention in the first place!
[Read: 10 signs your negative thinking is ruining your life for you]
Once you understand these reasons why you’re being taken for granted, take a stand, and communicate with your loved one. After all, your life won’t get any better until you decide to stop giving other people the opportunity to take you for granted!
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A true believer in the beauty of life and the world we live in, Preeti Tewari finds every excuse to lose herself in nature, be it smelling flowers on a stree...
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