Should I Text Him First? Find the Answer Using 10 Steps

At some point or another, we all wonder, “Should I text him first?” But what are you supposed to actually do? We have the answers you’re looking for!

should i text him first?

I know that I’ve lain awake for hours at night deciphering this very question: Should I text him first? Or should I wait for him to text me? These questions would haunt me for a really long time after a great night or after I had just exchanged numbers with someone.
The truth is that this question comes mostly from insecurity and what society has told us is the right way to approach this type of situation. Society has a very strict set of “rules” that we should all follow in order to “get the guy.”
But you know what, society’s rules can bite me. Why is it that you have to wait a certain amount of hours or days before texting someone after having had a great date? I say that you should text him when you want to text him, and to hell with all the people who say otherwise.
What to do when you start asking yourself, “Should I text him first?”
Now, unfortunately, society has put these “rules” in place for a reason. If you actually want to make a guy yours, then there are certain guidelines that you should follow in order to have a better shot at making him like you.
That being said, the question of whether or not you should text him first is one of the very first things that will pop into your head. Here’s everything you should do when you start to ask yourself this very common question.
#1 Take a chill pill. Before you make any decisions, you need to relax for a minute. Having a new potential significant other can have your nerves going crazy. And those nerves can cause you to do things that you normally wouldn’t… like texting him a ridiculously long message that makes you seem needy, desperate, and, worst of all, annoying.
So just relax a little bit and let your nerves settle down before continuing with your decision to text him or not.
#2 Decipher how long it’s been. Texting a guy right after you’ve walked in your door after your date can seem really needy and desperate, two of the worst things that you can be after starting a new fling. So you have to decide just how long it’s really been since you’ve talked to him.
If it’s only been a day, wait it out and see if he’ll text you. If it’s been a couple of days and you’re genuinely curious as to what he’s been up to, shoot him an engaging text that will pique his interest and spark a conversation. [Read: 14 reasons why he’s MIA and not replying to your texts]
#3 Get a friend’s opinion. You can be a bit biased when it comes to someone new on the horizon. Try to get your friend’s opinion on whether or not it’s too soon to text him. She’ll most likely give you an unbiased answer, and it always helps to have a clear-thinking person in your corner.
#4 Ask yourself if you’re being needy. Neediness is a terrible trait to bring to a relationship from the get-go. So before you send that text, ask yourself if it’s going to make you seem needy. Would you be annoyed if someone texted you as quickly as you want to text him? If the answer is yes, don’t text him yet. [Read: 9 effective ways to stop being so needy and insecure]
#5 Ask someone else if you’re being needy. You’re going to try your very best to justify any reason that you can come up with to text someone you really like. This is why you need a friend to give you a second opinion. If they can spot the neediness a mile away, guess what? So can he!
#6 Has he texted/contacted you in any way? If the two of you have been talking already and you’re thinking about initiating a new conversation, then I think you’re in the clear to send him a quick hello.
If he’s been contacting you already, then he obviously enjoys talking to you. In this situation, you should be perfectly fine to send him the first text this time. Just make sure it’s not always you texting him first. [Read: What to text a guy when you want to make the first move]
#7 Decide how you actually feel about him. Sometimes, the jitters from a first date can carry on and we can get a skewed perception of whether or not we actually like someone. This means that you’ll really have to think hard about whether you really like him, or if you’re just excited about the possibility of starting a new fling.
#8 Think about how the date went. You should also think long and hard about how your date with him went. If it was a complete blast and you had a great time, wait a day or so before texting him. That gives both of you time to mull over the wonderful date and even miss the other person.
If the date went south but you still really like him, try texting him the same night or even the next morning and say that you would love to go on a second date. He may think he’s ruined his chances already, so this is a great opportunity for you to make your feelings clear and get to know him better without seeming needy. [Read: 16 first date tips for girls to dazzle your date]
#9 Think about what you would say. Sometimes, we get so hyped up about a new crush that we never really think about what we should say. And no, “Hi” just doesn’t cut it. If you can’t think of anything relevant to say and you just want to get that text back, then don’t text him. Wait until you have a topic of conversation.
#10 If you have a reason to text him, text him. If you really had an embarrassing moment during your date or you just had something ridiculous happen and you feel you should text him an apology, then by all means, do it. Don’t wait for him to text you first.
Reasons to skip these rules
Not all of these rules have to be followed, and in certain situations, you should actually bypass them altogether. Here’s when you can skip the above rules and text him right away.
#1 Something funny reminds you of him. Personally, I think that if you’re scrolling through your social media feed and see a funny picture that reminds you of something he said, you can certainly send it to him right away and tell him why you think it’s funny. Doing this doesn’t require a slew of debate on your part, and he’ll be happy to have reminded you of something. [Read: How to flirt with a guy over text in 11 simple steps]
#2 You have urgent news involving him. We all know that there are certain things that can happen on the first date *or even during a one-night stand* that can result in some urgent news. If you have something extremely important to tell him, skip all of the rules above and just text him. No need to debate about whether or not you should text him first when his baby might be on the way…
#3 You forgot the name of that movie they told you about and you NEED to know, like now. I’ve had this happen before, where a date was telling me about a movie he loved and it sounded REALLY good. The next day, I really wanted to watch it but had completely spaced on the name of it. During instances like this, I would just text him and ask. He’ll be glad that you’re taking his advice and watching something he suggested. [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]
When you’re wracking your brain over the question, “Should I text him first,” take a minute to get your bearings straight. You don’t have to take all ten of these steps EVERY time you want to text the same guy. But these guidelines can help to clear the air so you don’t make a mistake.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...