While some girls want to be single, some feel like they need someone to share their life—and their bed—with. And most probably, you’re the latter. That’s why you’re here reading this now. If you’re one thinking, I want a boyfriend, don’t fret.
There are several ways, 23 to be exact, that can help you get that boyfriend you’ve always wanted.
[Read: How to find a boyfriend – A no-nosense guide to finding a guy who’s perfect for you]
Before I help you start the journey out of your single girl rut, let’s take a little detour. Before getting a boyfriend, you should know why you want a boyfriend.
This may seem obvious. Duh, so you’re not alone. But, honestly, that isn’t a good reason. Not wanting to be alone doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship. It means you are willing to settle.
But, I can tell you from experience, it is much better to be single than to be with the wrong person. And that intense fear or even dislike of being alone can push you right into the arms of the exact wrong person.
Wanting a boyfriend should come from a place of confidence. You know what you’re worth and what you deserve. You’re happy and fulfilled for the most part but want to share your life with someone that feels right.
Not knowing what you deserve leads you to date someone just for the sake of dating them, and that never turns out well.
[Read: Why am I single? The honest truth, and 36 excuses and reasons we use]
Feeling lonely without someone to love is natural. After all, we’re humans. We like to belong to someone as someone belongs to us. We long to love and be loved in return.
But that doesn’t mean you should just want a boyfriend. You should want the right boyfriend. So, if you feel like it’s now time to snag yourself your Mr. Right, here’s a list of tips on how to do it.
We already talked about this, but your reason for wanting a boyfriend is important. Are you sick of being the only single girl in your friends group? Are you lonely? Wanting a relationship is all fine and well, but putting in all that effort only to realize you’re not ready, truly sucks.
Are you ready to let go of some of your free time? Are you willing to compromise? Are you ready to trust someone with your heart? [Read: Is it better to be single or in a relationship?]
Sometimes, the loneliness of being single can be enough to want a boyfriend. But, if you can enjoy being single, you’re actually more likely to get a boyfriend.
I’m not talking about faking a smile just to seem like you enjoy being single. I mean really taking the time to enjoy your alone time or time with friends and family. When I was first dating my boyfriend, it took me a while to get used to making time for him and having someone to reach out to. Cherish that time. Sure, when you find the right guy, you will love being with him, but being single has its upsides too.
When you want a boyfriend simply to fill a void you feel, you will be desperate. You will focus more on if a guy likes you than if you like him. You will worry so much about this that you won’t even take the time to get to know him.
When you do this, you lead yourself into a bad situation. You let yourself be defined by his feelings for you when you may not even like him very much. Don’t let having a boyfriend or not having one be your measure of confidence.
Know that you are worth someone’s time and effort. Realize you deserve a guy you like just as much as he likes you. You should never be someone’s second choice. If you’re talking to a guy who never calls, barely texts, and refuses to label things, stop. You deserve more. [Read: 14 ways you can learn to respect yourself]
Think about what you want in a boyfriend. You may be thinking tall, dark and handsome, but that is not what I mean.
Do you want to date someone who is down to travel spontaneously with you? Or are you looking for someone who is a homebody and loves board games and Netflix? Do you want a guy who shares your religious beliefs, your political views, or values?
This shouldn’t be a checklist but a rough outline so you know your dealbreakers. [Read: Avoid them like the plague: 16 types of guys not to date]
Get out there. If you want a boyfriend, you will not find him while sitting on your couch. You have to be willing to widen your horizons. Try a dating app. Ask your friends to set you up or invite you to hang out with a new crowd.
You’ll never meet a boyfriend if you don’t take some chances. You don’t need to do anything crazy, you just have to be willing to socialize.
Yes, you could meet someone at a bar. But, odds are you’ll meet your future partner at work, through friends, or online. These are certain places where you have a higher likelihood of meeting someone you will really connect with, not drunkenly make out with.
For instance, I met my boyfriend on a dating app. My aunt met her partner in an Italian class. You need to be willing to take some chances and try new things, even if you might not meet the one.
Doing this introduces you to tons of people that could introduce you to your future boyfriend. It is also just great to get out there. [Read: 18 things you do that makes guys think you’re an easy lay]
You cannot go into every date or dating app conversation with “I want a boyfriend” on the brain. This will mess with your head and make dating feel impossible. You need to be open to new experiences, no matter where they lead.
So, you went on a date, and you didn’t click, so what? You went on a few dates but didn’t see him as more than a friend? Big deal. I went on 5 dates with my boyfriend before I felt confident in my feelings, and we dated for nearly 2 months before we talked about being a couple. Yes, I wanted a boyfriend eventually, but if I had pushed the subject or worried too much about when that time might come, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy that time we shared. I would have been more focused on him asking me out official than I was on getting to know him. Being open to all the possibilities is what led me to a happy relationship.[Read: 10 teeny-tiny changes that will improve your love life]
Now, if you want someone to notice you, go out there with confidence. I know this doesn’t come easily to shy or introverted people, but you can do it. You don’t need to force yourself to be outgoing or loud.
Being confident doesn’t mean change who you are. It means knowing who you are and owning it. Don’t be ashamed of being shy or quiet. Own that and let it guide you.
Don’t just approach anyone thinking they could be your boyfriend right away. Whether he’s a complete stranger or an acquaintance, you have to be open to getting to know them before pressuring them and yourself with a label.
I used to crave the day someone would officially ask me to be their girlfriend. In my mind, once that question was asked and answered, I could finally breathe. I wouldn’t be so nervous around them anymore. I could finally have what I wanted.
The thing is, the ride is half the fun. Getting to that point, getting to know someone, and having them get to know you, is what makes you comfortable, not the label. [Read: Why you should slow down even if you’re falling in love fast]
Be yourself and enjoy it. Dating should not be a mission. You shouldn’t go into a date with an end goal. You can have hope that things will be great, but just try to enjoy it.
Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right, you could make a great friend. And, if your date is a disaster, you now have a great story to tell. Try to enjoy the process of getting a boyfriend, not just the result. [Read: 18 ways to have high self-esteem and start winning at life]
Don’t discriminate against people that you meet. Even if you get to a date and find the person to have an overwhelming odor, be polite. Being warm and friendly to everyone will help you emit an understanding persona. You never know where you’ll meet your potential boyfriend, so being respectful to everyone, even the wrong guys is important.
Don’t ghost people. If you have to reject someone, be kind. People are more drawn to genuinely nice and approachable individuals. [Read: How to be kind to yourself and others and love life instead of hating it]
Whether you’ve had a boyfriend or not, flirting is a necessity when it comes to finding one. Everyone’s flirting style is different, but being able to show your interest without being overtly obvious is key.
Maybe you go in with a little teasing. Perhaps sarcasm is more your style. Or maybe you just offer some compliments. Try out what feels the most you. This is how you take things from friends or strangers to more. [Read: 30 subtle, obvious and overly sexy flirting tips for girls]
So, you’re chatting with someone and hope it works out. That’s great, but actually get to know him. Just because he gets you excited now, doesn’t mean he’s right for you. I can’t tell you how many guys I thought I liked just because they seemed to like me, when in reality, they were pretty awful.
When you want a boyfriend, you can overlook a lot. Instead of worrying about if he likes you or if you’ll be official in a month, take your time getting to know him. Find out if his actions match his words. Does he leave you on read? Does he take over 24 hours to text back? Is he sketchy about his past? Pay attention and keep your eyes open. [Read: 15 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love]
So, you know you want a boyfriend, but don’t expect it to happen overnight. If it does, it won’t last. Knowing you want a boyfriend, going for it, and it actually happening is a process.
You don’t need to rush it or date 6 guys in one week hoping to meet one that likes you enough to ask you out. Only one guy needs to be the right one. You don’t need each person you meet to be the one. Get to know people. Learn that anything worth having takes both time and effort. [Read: Do you have the patience for dating?]
The amount of red flags that I didn’t see flying while I was single and on the hunt for a boyfriend is astonishing. I would overlook misogyny. Love bombing is another thing that I knew felt weird, but I ignored. I once had a guy tell me he was ready to meet my family and settle down after three dates. I couldn’t pinpoint why it felt wrong, but it did. He didn’t know me, yet was so eager.
Try not to twist those red flags into light pink ones that seems like little things you can overlook. Be honest. Talk to your friends about the guy you’re talking to and take their advice. Sometimes, they can see things more clearly than you. [Read: 14 first date red flags that reveal a lot more than your date says]
Try to learn something from every experience. If you went on a date and you never heard from him again, instead of feeling awful and rejected, reflect. Did you really enjoy the date that much, or was it mediocre? Were you convincing yourself things went great because you wanted them to?
Always put your safety and comfort first. If a guy is making you feel uneasy, don’t worry about turning him off or being rude. Your comfort is the priority. If a guy won’t meet you in public, don’t meet him. If he insists on picking you up at your house, insist on meeting in public.
You deserve to feel safe at every stage of dating. If at any point you don’t, do not push it. Yes, you can go outside your comfort zone, but that doesn’t mean you should put up with being harassed. [Read: Why women want to meet in public]
This was my biggest issue when I was single and wanted a boyfriend desperately. I wouldn’t even go on a date with someone if they didn’t have every quality I wanted. I would only go through the nerves of a first date if I could 100% see someone being my boyfriend. That really messed with my head. I would get so nervous I would cancel. I would let my need for a boyfriend prevent me from meeting some pretty decent guys. Sure, I ended up letting that go and met the right guy, but cutting myself off from people just because my expectations stopped me, was so limiting.
You do not need to keep dating. As fun as it can be, it is also exhausting both physically and emotionally. You do not need to keep going when you feel burnt out. Turn off dating app notifications for a while and recharge. This doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you’re giving up. It means you are putting your mental health first. [Read: 10 reasons why taking a break from dating can help you find the one]
Stay true to your standards. You don’t need to have a must-have list for your future boyfriend but stick to the things you feel strongly about. Let go of him having to be 6 foot 4. He doesn’t have to make six figures either. Just look at your past and what you want in the future to help you decide these things. Compromise is important, but so are your standards. If you know you want to be with someone who shares your religious beliefs because it is important that you raise your children a certain way, hold onto that. For me, I needed someone who had a similar lifestyle to mine. I don’t drink, so dating someone who goes out to bars every night would never work.
You are not in a relationship yet. I don’t mean to throw it in your face, but you’re not. Try to remember that you come first. If someone wants to go on a date during your favorite show you look forward to all week, ask if they can do another night. Don’t cancel plans with friends to meet a guy.
Keep making yourself a priority. Not only will this lead to a healthier relationship, but it will remind you to love yourself. You deserve to put effort into yourself for yourself. You don’t need to have a partner to be worthy of self-love. [Read: Why you should love yourself first]
Try not to sit around swiping through dating apps. If you are talking to a guy you like, great, just don’t wait around to hear from him. Stay busy. Keep making plans with friends. Followup on household projects. Go on that trip.
Do not put your life on hold so you can find a boyfriend. If you do find one, he will become your everything and that isn’t healthy for anyone. Keeping your life as full as always means that boyfriend will add to it, not become it.
Be honest with yourself and anyone you’re dating. If you don’t like someone, don’t force it. If you do like them, you don’t need to smother them, but let them know you’re interested. I have never had a relationship work when I held back my feelings or forced them.
When you’re honest with yourself and others, they’re more likely to do the same.
[Read: 20 signs you’re mentally prepared and ready for a relationship]
Getting yourself a boyfriend can be slow, frustrating, and even infuriating at times. However, by following these tips, you will be able to find the guy of your dreams and he will be lucky to have you.
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