You’ve been with him for a long time, but you’re still unsure if he’s truly the one. Are you wasting your time, or do you have a real future with him?
Love songs, chick flicks, and chick lit are filled with lies. Figuring out if you’re with the right person is not as easy as they say. Life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel and the reality of the situation is, no matter how much you love the man you are with, you have to consider other factors when deciding if you’re seeing a future with him.
So, how do you know if you truly love the man you’re with? How do you know for sure that you have a real future with him? How do you know that, 10 years down the road, things are not going to fall apart and you’re not going to be saddled raising three kids alone?
You don’t.
Seeing Far Ahead
When you’re in a relationship, there’s dating, and then there’s this whole other level where you catch yourself saying, “I see you in my future.” It’s more than just planning the next date. It’s about picturing your life with him down the road. Not about whimsical daydreams anymore but rather a grounded, shared vision of the future with him.
Envisioning a long-term future together means looking beyond the here and now. According to the Theory of Interdependence, this involves a deep mutual influence, where your dreams, goals, and values are not just aligned but interwoven into a shared tapestry.
This “weaving” process reflects how each partner’s actions and aspirations directly affect the other, emphasizing that your relationship’s trajectory is a product of both of your contributions.
Think about it—when you’re talking about the future with him, are you on the same page? Do your aspirations and dreams complement each other, or are they at odds? It’s this harmony of direction, this careful negotiation of personal and shared goals that really sets the foundation for a future together. [Read: Follow your dreams: All the amazing reasons why it’s worth it]
The Theory of Interdependence highlights this aspect through its focus on costs and rewards, where a sustainable future is seen as one where the benefits of being together outweigh any sacrifices you might have to make.
But remember, seeing a future with someone doesn’t mean losing sight of who you are as an individual. It’s crucial to balance your personal goals with those you have as a couple. Maybe you’re aiming for a career milestone, and he’s planning something else.
According to the theory, this is where the concept of comparison level for alternatives comes into play. You continuously evaluate whether staying together and pursuing these aligned yet individual goals is more rewarding than any alternative paths you could take separately.
It’s all about finding that sweet spot where your individual aspirations and your collective ambitions for the future with him align. That’s when you know you’re not just building castles in the air.
You’re laying down real plans for a shared future. This ongoing negotiation ensures that both partners are committed, reducing the likelihood of considering alternatives and increasing the investment in the relationship’s longevity. [Read: How to make a relationship last: 25 rules of love you can’t ignore]
How Do You Know if Forever is For You?
Speak to anyone in a long-term relationship, and they will tell you that staying committed to someone is hard and that it is not always rainbows and unicorns.
It is more about compromise, sacrifice, patience, and understanding. Despite all of that, they will also tell you that all the risk and hardships that come with it are worth it.
If you are stuck and have no idea if you’re with the right man, here are signs to help move things along.
1. You’ve Discussed the Future
One of the simplest ways to tell if you have a future with your man is if your dreams and goals are in line with his. You’ve discussed the possibility of marriage, having kids, buying a home, living abroad, and so on.
Once you have these details down pat and you’re not butting heads, you can realistically say that you have a real future with him. [Read: Undeniable signs he wants to spend his life with you]
2. You Live Together and Love It
I’m a firm believer in living together before taking the next step. How can you tell if you can spend forever with your partner without living under the same roof first?
If you already live together and things are flowing smoothly, it improves your chances of having a real future with him.
3. It’s Easy to Communicate
You know that you really love a man when you can share everything with him. From your fears to your aspirations, he should be the one you lean on and pour your heart out to.
You should also make sure that you don’t fight all the time, because if you do, it will be hard to spend forever together. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]
4. You Don’t Feel the Itch
You can be sure that you have a real future with him if cheating or even the possibility of being tempted by someone else hasn’t crossed your mind.
You don’t feel the itch, because no other man measures up to him. That’s a sign that you’re meant to be. I can’t promise you that things will stay this way forever, but it’s definitely a good start. [Read: Three year itch: What it is, 29 bumpy signs & ways to fix the relationship]
5. You Feel Secure With Him
I’m not just talking about financial stability. I’m talking about the whole package. If you feel safe, protected, and secure with him, there’s a great chance that your relationship will go the distance. This is assuming that you’re offering him the same, of course.
6. You’re Mildly Obsessed
You’re concerned about his wellbeing, his safety, and you want to spend as much time with him as you can. Some may look at this as being mildly obsessed, but honestly, there’s nothing wrong with caring about the one you’re with.
7. He Treasures You
You’re a queen and deserve to be treated like one, but keep in mind that this has nothing to do with being showered with materialistic things. Forget about the bling bling, fancy rides, and champagne showers, because in the long run, those are not important.
Besides, you can always buy them yourself. If your man respects you and showers you with all the love in the world, he’s definitely a keeper and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t love him with all your heart.
8. You Come First
Being in a relationship means that you should always come first. He values your opinions and takes your presence in his life seriously.
However, you have to give him the time and space to just be a boy and not throw a bitch fit if he wants to hang out with his buddies or zone out with his Xbox.
9. He Pushes You to Improve
A sign that he’s a keeper is if he pushes you to do what you love, supports your career, only wants to see you happy, and in the best mental and physical shape possible.
For example, dump him if he pushes you to get bigger boobs or a new nose, but keep him if he pushes you to exercise and eat healthy.
10. There’s Always Support
You don’t have to worry about being teased or looked down on if something negative happens, because he will always be on your side.
There’s just something about receiving unconditional support that’ll let you know that you have a future together. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages you & your goals]
11. You Can Tell He’s Trying
He makes an effort to make you happy. He makes an effort to leave the toilet seat down. He makes the effort to pick up after himself.
He makes an effort to leave work on time so that you can have date night. These little things matter and even if they’re few and far between, you should appreciate the fact that he tries.
12. He Can Read You Like a Book
Another sign that you have a real future together is when he knows you so well, there’s no need for you to say a word; he already knows how you feel.
From doing all he can to help you get through a bad day, to simply asking you what’s wrong, these are clear-cut signs that he loves you.
13. His Friends and Family Adore You
I’m sure that there’s the odd person here and there who would rather see you gone, but if you generally get along with his friends and family, there’s a good chance that you have a real shot together.
Keep in mind that he has known them for far longer than he has known you, and no matter what, they will always be a part of his life. It is definitely smart to be on their good side.
14. He’s Proud of You
Everyone loves having their own personal cheerleader and how great is it that yours is the man you love? He isn’t afraid to toot your horn and is obviously very proud of your accomplishments. He loves showing you off and, as embarrassing as it can be, you secretly love it.
15. He Doesn’t Hurt You
He would never hurt you physically or mentally, and you should be thankful for that fact. There are many women all over the world who have to deal with abuse and if you found a man who is gentle and kind, you definitely have a real future together. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 66 early signs, effects & ways to get out]
16. The Sex is Great
If the sex is as good as it was the first time you did it, then you’re in the clear. Don’t forget that this is the man whom you will be banging for the rest of your life, so it is best that the sex is enjoyable.
17. Shared Financial Goals
When you’re both on the same page about money, it’s a big deal. Talking openly about finances, from savings to spending habits, means you’re not just thinking about today, but about securing a future together.
Whether it’s planning for a big vacation, buying a home, or preparing for retirement, having aligned financial goals and habits speaks volumes about your ability to handle life’s big decisions together.
18. Respecting Each Other’s Alone Time
Even when you’re crazy about each other, valuing each other’s need for space is crucial. It’s about understanding that time apart to pursue personal interests or just to chill is healthy.
This respect for personal space indicates a maturity in your relationship, showing that you’re both secure enough in your connection to enjoy life separately as well as together.
19. You Handle Stress Well Together
Life throws curveballs, and how you both manage stress and tough times is telling. If you can face challenges without taking it out on each other, and instead provide comfort and support, that’s a sign of a solid team.
Overcoming obstacles together, without losing faith in each other or the relationship, points to a resilient future with him.
20. You Laugh Together… A Lot
They say laughter is the best medicine, and in relationships, it’s also a glue that holds you together. If you find joy and humor in everyday moments and can laugh through the good and the not-so-good times, it shows a strong connection.
Sharing a similar sense of humor and finding joy in each other’s company is a beautiful sign of a lively, enduring relationship.
21. Your Visions of Relaxation Align
How you both prefer to unwind says a lot about long-term compatibility. If your ideal ways of relaxing are compatible, or you’re open to each other’s relaxation styles, it suggests a future filled with shared comfort and ease.
Whether it’s binge-watching shows, exploring nature, or reading in silence side by side, these moments create a bond that’s crucial for a lasting relationship.
22. You Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
In a healthy relationship, your partner’s victories feel like your own. When he’s as excited about your successes as you are, and vice versa, it sets a tone of mutual support and admiration.
When you celebrate each other’s achievements, no matter how big or small, it builds a foundation of encouragement essential for a future together.
23. Consistent Effort in Small Things
It’s not always about grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s the little things he does regularly that count the most.
Whether it’s brewing your coffee in the morning, sending you a goodnight text when he’s out with friends, or simply listening to you vent about your day, these small acts of kindness and consideration are significant indicators of a healthy, long-term relationship. [Read: Putting too much effort into a relationship: Where to draw the line]
24. You Have a Shared Circle of Friends
Sharing a circle of friends, while still maintaining individual friendships, can be a strong indicator of a well-integrated relationship. It demonstrates that both of you comfortably fit into each other’s social lives, suggesting a level of ease and acceptance that’s essential for a lasting future together.
It means your relationship thrives not only in isolation but also within a broader social context. Such social interconnectedness is crucial for the longevity of your partnership, as it fosters a supportive community around you both.
25. Home is Where the Heart Is
You don’t care if you live in a shack. You don’t care if you end up somewhere foreign, with no one other than him to speak to. You don’t care that he can’t buy you the house of your dreams. You don’t care about any of those things because he’s your home and, as the saying goes, home is where the heart is.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid When Seeing the Future With Him
It’s exciting when you start seeing a future with him, right? You’re picturing life adventures, shared dreams, maybe a cozy home. But hold up, before you get carried away planning your happily ever after, let’s talk real for a sec.
There are a few common pitfalls you’ll want to sidestep to keep this vision sweet and not sour. These are the little traps that can sneak up on you, turning a dreamy future into something you didn’t quite expect.
1. Not Maintaining Individuality
It’s great to dream of a future with him, but don’t forget who you are in the process. Remember, a healthy relationship is made up of two whole individuals.
Keep up with your hobbies, maintain your friendships, and set aside time for yourself. Losing yourself in the relationship can lead to resentment down the line.
Make sure your personal growth continues alongside the growth of your relationship. Your individuality is what brought you together in the first place, so cherish and nurture it.
2. Over-Prioritizing Your Relationship
While investing in your future with him is vital, don’t let your relationship become your entire world. If you put too much pressure on the relationship to be your sole source of happiness, it can become overwhelming for both of you.
Remember, your relationship shouldn’t define your entire personality. It’s important to maintain your identity and continue to pursue your own interests. [Read: Never make someone a priority when you’re only an option: The truth]
3. Not Respecting Boundaries
In the excitement of planning a future with him, don’t overlook the importance of personal boundaries. It’s crucial to respect each other’s need for space and alone time.
Boundaries are not about creating distance, but about respecting individual needs and differences. Overstepping these boundaries can lead to frustration and tension.
A future with him should include a mutual understanding of when to come together and when to step back.
4. Being Overly Enthusiastic
It’s natural to be excited about a future with him, but keeping your expectations realistic is key. Sometimes, getting too carried away can lead to disappointment if things don’t go exactly as planned.
When we allow our enthusiasm to outpace reality, we sometimes mess things up by putting undue pressure on the relationship or on each other.
Understand that building a future together is a journey with ups and downs. Be enthusiastic but also be prepared to adapt and compromise.
5. Ignoring Red Flags
When you’re looking forward to a future with someone, it can be easy to overlook certain red flags. Pay attention to those gut feelings. If something feels off, don’t brush it aside. Communication is key in addressing concerns. A lasting future with him requires honesty and the ability to tackle tough issues head-on.
Just because you think you see a future with him, doesn’t mean you should close your eyes to the present reality. It’s crucial to communicate openly when you have concerns.
A lasting future with him isn’t just built on dreams and good vibes. It requires a bedrock of honesty and the willingness to tackle tough issues head-on. So, keep those eyes and ears open and don’t shy away from addressing the hard stuff.
6. Neglecting Communication
Never underestimate the power of good communication. It’s easy to assume your partner knows what you’re thinking or feeling, but this can lead to misunderstandings.
Regular, open, and honest communication is essential for any relationship looking at a long-term future. Discuss your thoughts, feelings, fears, and expectations. It ensures you both are on the same page and helps deepen your connection.
7. Forgetting to Appreciate the Little Things
In the grand scheme of planning a future with him, don’t forget to appreciate the small moments. The little things like a surprise hug, a thoughtful text, or just spending quiet time together can mean a lot.
These moments add up to create a rich, shared history. Make it a habit to express gratitude for these small gestures, as they are the building blocks of a strong and enduring relationship.
8. Avoiding Conflict
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Avoiding it can lead to unresolved issues piling up. When you face problems, address them directly and respectfully.
It’s about finding solutions together and growing stronger. Remember, it’s not you against him; it’s both of you against the problem. [Read: Tips for dealing with a non-confrontational partner]
9. Letting the Romance Fade
When you’re focused on a future with him, don’t let the daily routine snuff out the romance. Keep dating each other.
Surprise dinners, unexpected love notes, or just cuddling up to watch a movie can keep the flame burning. Regularly express your love and affection – it keeps the relationship exciting and fulfilling.
10. Losing Focus on Shared Goals
While it’s important to have personal ambitions, don’t lose sight of the goals you share as a couple. Regular check-ins on your shared aspirations ensure that you’re both working towards a common future. It’s about supporting each other’s individual dreams while building your life together
At the end of the day, no list can tell you how you truly feel about the man you’re with. You have to dig deep and find out for yourself if you can stand being with him for the rest of your life.
It may take you longer than expected to figure out if you see a future with him, but don’t worry; it is always best to think things like these through before making a decision. As long as you trust your heart, your mind will figure out what to do next.
