It’s not always your fault if you feel like you’re not ready for a serious relationship.
You could be dating someone who truly loves you, but as much as you try, there may be circumstances when you just can’t fall in true love with them, even if you really like them a lot and love dating them!
Have you ever been there?
Have you ever dated someone who seems perfect for you, but you just couldn’t see him or her as a long-term partner?
[Read: 15 reasons why you may be getting bored with your relationship]
A serious commitment in love is not something you can force yourself to feel.
Sometimes, it may be a clear case of cold feet before the plunge, and at other times, maybe you’re just not with the person who’s the other perfect half of your jigsaw puzzle.
But if you are really serious about getting serious in love, you have to learn to take the plunge at some point in time.
Of course, you may come across failures and bad relationships, but you need to remember that you won’t have any new lessons or experiences in love if you’re too timid to give your heart to someone who wants to spend a lifetime with you.
Are you just looking for an excuse?
Why do you hold yourself back from falling in love, really? Do you tell everyone else that you’re not ready only because you have a secret checklist of likes and dislikes in your mind when you look out for a partner?
And instead of appearing vain and conceited, and reveal that you haven’t found a person worthy enough to date you, do you find it easier to tell everyone that you’re not ready to make a serious commitment? [Read: The real reason behind why YOU can’t find love when everyone else can!]
If that’s how you secretly feel, don’t fall for your own trick and convince yourself that you really aren’t ready for love. The mind can be a silly thing at times, and it can be very easy to fool it! If you’re looking for love, but haven’t found it just yet, there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t shut the doors to love just yet.
Do you fall madly in love all the time?
While there are a few people who hold themselves back all the time, there are many others who completely succumb to love within the first week or so. They obsess about their new lover, drive themselves up the wall thinking about the together time, and fall head over heels in love in no time! [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks!]
It’s not fair to stay guarded all the time in a new relationship, but on the other hand, it’s never a good thing to be so smitten by love early into the relationship that you can’t differentiate between right and wrong until you’re way past the infatuation period because it would only make you hurt a lot more! [Read: 9 easy tips – New relationship advice for that perfect start]
So are you ready for a serious relationship?
You can’t always predict if your heart is ready for love, or if your mind would just be happier indulging in the fling thing for a while, but here are a few questions you can ask yourself to find out what your heart and mind wants. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test the compatibility of a new relationship instantly!]
16 signs you’re not ready for a serious commitment in love
Are you confused over whether you’d be happier in love, or happier just flitting from one lover to another over the short term? Here are 16 signs that can help you decode your mind better in no time.
#1 You think you haven’t dated enough people. Do you feel like it’s too early to commit to an exclusive relationship? If you think you’re too inexperienced to “settle” into a serious relationship just yet, because you’re still having so much fun keeping it simple, perhaps, you’re just not ready for true love yet. [Confession: I want to be single again!]
#2 You’re being a fake. In a new relationship, many people don’t reveal their true selves and their true ideas because they’re afraid they may not be liked for who they really are? Are you one of these people? If you’re not being yourself around the person who loves you, just so you can please this person with your perfect behavior, both of you are definitely not ready for a serious commitment.
#3 Ex woes. You still have feelings for your ex. You’re trying to move on, but you’re still tortured by your ex’s memories and the good times both of you shared together. If your ex dominates your present lover in your mind, you definitely have some old issues to fix before moving on. [Read: 13 secret signs your lover isn’t over their ex yet!]
#4 You haven’t evolved. Over your past relationships, have you learnt any lessons or picked any flaws about yourself? As one sided as mistakes in love can be, there are always lessons for both partners to learn from, evolve and improve themselves.
If you’ve always believed you’ve been right all along and have never been wrong in any past relationship, then you surely have a lot to learn. When you don’t self reflect on your past relationships, and correct yourself while learning from your past romances, you’ll always find yourself in square one all the time. [Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back]
#5 You don’t feel the compatibility. You like the person you’re dating, but somewhere at the back of the mind, something just doesn’t feel right. And both of you seem too different from each other to last past the infatuation stage in love. [Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through]
#6 A distraction. Are you using the relationship only as a distraction to ignore or overcome a big problem that’s troubling your mind? A rebound relationship may work very well here, as long as you make your intentions clear from the very beginning. [Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship and not a real one!]
#7 You’re too independent. You don’t like the idea of having to *report* to someone every few hours about your whereabouts over the phone. You don’t like feeling obligated to meet someone or spend time with them, even though you really like their company. You just love your independence, and when you date someone, you feel like your freedom is being taken away from you.
#8 Serial dating. You’re a serial dater, and you love it! You love the idea of falling in love, but you can’t seem to ever get past the infatuation stage with anyone you date. The relationship starts out perfectly, but as the rush of infatuation starts to leave the door, so do you! [Read: Is serial monogamy easier on the heart for many of us?]
#9 Two minds. You’re dating someone you really like, but your mind is still committed to someone else. And that makes you feel guilty to get into a serious new relationship. You may have just come out of a relationship, or perhaps, you’re still in a flickering relationship with someone else.
If your mind is ever confused over two people at the same time, wait a while to decide on the right course before you commit to a serious relationship with one of them. [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications]
#10 Rescue mission. You don’t want to date someone because of how wonderful they are. You want to date someone so you can rescue them from their troubles! You date a person, not to share a life together with that person, but to feel good about yourself while rescuing them from their misery or pain.
#11 Emotionally unavailable. You just don’t feel the need to connect with someone emotionally. You clam up when it comes to talking about your feelings, and even if something hurts you or bothers you, you’d rather deal with it in your own way, instead of confronting the situation with the person involved.
If you’re emotionally unavailable, it doesn’t matter who you fall in love with, but most of your relationships will end up failing because you’d leave everyone around you feeling infuriated because they just can’t understand you for the person you are.
#12 That gaping void. Are you falling in love with this person because you love them? Or are you dating this person in the hope that they can fill that hollow emptiness you feel inside?
Here’s a lesson you need to remember. You can’t ever truly love someone or appreciate them unless you love yourself first. Only when you feel complete from within can you see the good in someone else, otherwise you’d only see the missing pieces of your own life in others. [Read: How your negative thinking is ruining your life for you]
#13 Pressure. You’re being forced into the relationship by your overly concerned friends or family. Everyone around you may think this person is perfect for you, and they may convince you that dating this person is the best decision you’d ever make! But somehow, you don’t feel the same way about the person even if you’re in a relationship with them! [Read: 13 signs your friends are ruining your love life]
#14 You don’t pursue them. You like a particular person, you flirt with them and even date them. But as much as you admire them or desire them, you don’t choose to make the effort to pursue them. You don’t mind dating them if they pursue you, but you aren’t really interested in pursuing them back. It may seem like you’re playing hard to get, but chances are, you may not be too interested in them either.
#15 Trust issues. You like the person, but no matter how hard you try, you just don’t find them trustworthy. Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship, so if you can’t learn to trust them, you definitely aren’t ready for a serious relationship with them. [Read: How to get over trust issues in your romance]
#16 Love is not a high priority for you. You’ve got nothing against the idea of getting into a serious relationship, but there are other things in your life that are more important to you at this point in time.
Even if your partner accepts the idea right now that they’re not high on your list of priorities, they would definitely change their mind a few months down the lane because no lover would want to be on the lower side of a partner’s list of priorities.
[Read: 10 sure signs you’ve got the fear of commitment]
There’s a thin line between a casual relationship and a serious one. And if you see any of these 16 signs that you’re not ready for a serious relationship in your own life, step back for a while, at least until you truly feel you’re ready to take that next step in romance. Otherwise, you’d just end up hurting your lover, and yourself too!
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