As a guy, I guess I’m qualified to say what makes me come back-or not-after a one night stand. Guys talk to each other just like girls do, though admittedly not half as much, so I will let you in on the general consensus of what men think.
As a disclaimer, let it be known that not all men think alike, and not all men want the same things. There will be times when you hit all the points a guy wants in a woman, but he still refuses to see you again because he’s just not interested in more than a one night stand, or he’s the type of guy who refuses to commit to round two. Take it in stride and let him go.
Questions guys ask after a one night stand
Below are some of the questions guys ask themselves when it comes to deciding if they want their one night stand to be something more.
#1 Was the sex good? This is the first point because it is an important one. Guys like sex, and if it’s good, they tend to want to keep doing it. If it’s not so good, they’re less inclined to go back–unless they’re desperate.
Having sex in the morning, especially if you initiate it, is always a winner. Men are almost universally horny in the morning, and you jumping on him will most definitely please him. Depending on how much alcohol was consumed, he might not remember much about last night, so this is the opportunity to do it over and build some good memories that won’t be forgotten!
Sex isn’t the only way to a man’s heart, but it is a sure fire way to capture his attention and make him want to stick around for a while to see what happens.
#2 Was she interesting outside of the bedroom? This is the second most important thing. Did you have a good time together when you weren’t having sex?
Keep things lighthearted, and have a laugh. Find things that you bond over, and it will take on a “more than just sex” feeling. This doesn’t mean trying to be one of the guys *unless that’s your normal personality* but some teasing and flirting, along with normal friendly conversation, will usually build a bit of a bond.
Contrary to popular belief, men don’t just want to have sex. They also want to be around people that they like and enjoy spending time with. Some will have sex, leave, and be fairly happy with that, but most prefer a little bit more.
Obviously, this isn’t something you can force. People either get along, or they don’t, but make an effort to get to know each other. Many girls ask way too many questions when doing this, and it’s quite overbearing, so try to let conversation flow naturally and expand upon topics of interest, rather than insisting on an interview-style conversation. [Read: 10 reasons guys run away after sleeping with you]
#3 Was she cooperative? For me, this is a make or break. If she is not cooperative in the morning, it will leave a sour taste. Even if the sex was good and we had a laugh, if she is not respectful of my time, I will lose interest very quickly. This is especially relevant if we have to leave for work. As the saying goes, “Never outstay your welcome.”
Don’t sulk about it, and if you’re at his place, don’t hold him up. Of course, you should expect the same in return if you have to get somewhere. Even helping tidy up a bit is a gesture that goes a long way.
Sometimes, women will take his urgency to get moving as an escape plan to get away and become upset. Of course, sometimes that is the case… but a lot of the time, he genuinely has to be somewhere and needs to move quickly.
Even if you think it is an excuse to get out quickly, being uncooperative is definitely not going to make him like you more. Instead, he’ll immediately brand you as clingy. [Read: 10 worst people to have a one night stand with]
#4 Did she treat me well? This is one of the big things that differentiates “someone I had sex with one time” and “someone I like.” Guys want to be treated well. They like it when you help out, follow the rules if you’re at his place, or look after him if he is at yours.
Little things like helping him tidy the room and making sure you don’t leave hair all over the bathroom goes a long way with guys. Likewise, if he is at your place, fetching him a drink and offering breakfast will go a long way. Making sure he has directions to get home is a nice gesture-you would want at least the same if you were at his place, wouldn’t you? [Read: 9 almost-relationships of the modern dating world]
#5 Does she want what I want? You need to be on the same page for where “this” is going, whatever “this” is. Often, when women are keen to see a guy again, they come across as clingy or way too forward. This will scare a guy away in a snap.
You should show you are interested through your actions, and make sure that you swap contact details *of course*. However, don’t force him to pin down a date or ask when you will see each other again.
Men need a bit of space sometimes, and he will be in touch to arrange meeting again if he likes you. If you come across as too needy, or like you are looking for a boyfriend when he isn’t ready, you stand a good chance of scaring him away. Let things develop naturally, and consider what “this” is when you know each other a little better.
Likewise, if you just want a casual relationship, don’t be too cold. He will likely misread this and think you are not interested. You can be affectionate in a casual way to ensure that he knows you like him but aren’t asking for too much, too soon. The perfect middle ground is to just do what feels right, and let things play out how they will. [Read: Casual sex – how to find the hookup of your dreams]
#6 Don’t be afraid to text. Women tend to avoid texting first because it’s “the man’s role,” but sometimes, you just have to take control of the situation and guide it in the direction you want it to go. Of course, maybe he isn’t interested and that’s why he didn’t text, but maybe he has just been busy at work, or lost your number.
There’s no harm in sending a text and seeing what happens. It can be a confusing decision for women, whether to be forward and “force the issue” or sit back and let the man take the lead. [Read: The dreaded after sex call – do’s and don’ts]
With the tips laid out above, you stand a pretty good chance of him coming back for more. Of course, there will always be the guys who are leaving town, don’t want anything serious, or dare I say, have a secret girlfriend somewhere. You won’t win them all, and that’s ok.
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