Do you have the patience for dating? You might think relationships are more about patience than dating is, but you’d be wrong.
When you’re in a relationship, or a healthy relationship, patience comes with respect and caring. But, when you are dating with a goal to find your partner or even something casual, patience is not a bonus but a necessity.
Dating is not something most people are successful at right off the bat. You rarely hear about someone going on their first date and getting everything they’ve ever wanted.
Dating is something we do on and off for years. It is full of bad dates, steamy dates, fights, ghosting, and more annoyances.
Putting up with all the stuff that comes with dating requires a pretty high level of patience. And without that, dating can feel more frustrating than fun.
[Read: How to be better at dating and enjoy every step along the way]
Why dating requires patience
If you aren’t patient when it comes to dating, you’ll be bitter, annoyed, and probably rude. I’ve experienced that myself. I’m naturally a patient person. I’ve worked with children of all ages, drive regularly in New Jersey, and waited in line for one pack of toilet paper during the pandemic. So, it is safe to say I am more patient than most.
And with that, being single and casually dating for six years of my twenties was harder than all of that. With the growth of ghosting, misogynists, and dating apps, my patience wore thin, but I always kept my cool.
It wasn’t my dates’ fault that I had been on four other dates that were awful that month. But, not everyone controlled their frustrations with dating as well.
[Read: What does dating mean? All the things you should understand about what it is]
Sure, I didn’t want to waste my time or energy on someone that wasn’t for me, but I didn’t let that override my patience. If I had, I would have given up on dating a long time ago. Making sure what you want outweighs what it takes to get it is important, but not everyone has that patience.
Putting up with bad dates and people who don’t want the same things as you is part of dating but some people’s patience is short.
I went on a date with someone that couldn’t accept the fact that I didn’t know if I liked him or not after a few hours together. I agreed to a second date but couldn’t say, yes, I’m 100% interested. He claimed that I was wasting his time.
Maybe I was, but not being sure about someone after one date is a part of dating. That is why there are second and third and fourth dates. Dating is about getting to know people not just jumping into a relationship with a stranger.
[Read: 20 hugely false dating myths you need to banish from your mind]
His putting that pressure on me didn’t speed up my sureness; instead, it pushed me away. His lack of patience for my feelings to grow or even form made dating him impossible.
And I can’t imagine he enjoyed dating with that sort of attitude. If he expected that sureness from me I’m sure he was the same with others, which is probably why he was still single.
If you can’t be patient in the weird times of dating, how will you be patient in an actual relationship?
Being patient with a first date, a third date, or someone you’ve just met isn’t just a glimpse into how you will be in the future but it says a lot about your character.
Someone who has no patience with dating isn’t fun to be around. A first date has its share of nerves, but it should also be fun. If someone is waiting around for you to make a move or ask them on a second date instead of enjoying their time, it shows that they are more interested in the end result than the journey.
I know I said you have to be focused on what you want to deal with and what it takes to get it, but I didn’t mean you have to rush or blunder your way there. Patience is what lets you actually date and enjoy it before meeting your match.
Do you see why you need patience in order to date?
[Read: Want to fall in love? Change these 8 self-sabotaging habits]
Do you have the patience for dating?
There are plenty of times while dating that my patience was short. I would be ghosted three times in a row and didn’t have the emotional capacity to even go on a date, so I would delete the dating apps and take a break.
I was able to realize when I didn’t have the patience for dating. But, not everyone is as self-aware as someone who writes dating advice for a living.
To help you acknowledge if you have the patience for dating, I have some questions you can ask yourself.
#1 Am I excited to date? Answer this honestly. Are you excited to meet new people and see what comes of it? Or do you dread dates and expect the worst? If you aren’t excited or even open to dating being enjoyable, your patience has likely run thin and it’s time for a break. [Read: How to not be boring and keep your dates exciting]
#2 Am I more focused on a relationship than the right relationship? This is a hard one to admit to yourself, but it is a very real sign that you don’t have the patience for dating right now. If you are sick of being single and just want to be in a relationship, dating will not be successful. [Read: Relationship of convenience and why people get into one]
This shows you are more fed up with dating and the single life than your desire for a happy healthy relationship.
#3 Am I in a rut? A dating rut can be a number of first dates without second dates in a row. It can be lackluster, almost relationships or even using dating apps but never meeting anyone.
When you keep trying to date and the same things happen, it could be bad luck, but it could also be your headspace. Your patience for dealing with these not quite right dates is being replicated instead of grown upon and is making dating ultimately pointless. [Read: How to take a break from dating and imagine a better future]
#4 Is dating worth the trouble? If your answer is no, then you need a break. Take a step back from the dating apps and setups and just enjoy your time alone. I’ve been there. It can feel like dating is more trouble than its worth because sometimes it is.
If you are just over the idea of dating don’t let wanting to find someone force you into something you don’t want to do. Being single isn’t an illness or something bad. Enjoy it, and come back to dating when you’re ready.
[Read: How to enjoy being single and live the life you really want to live]
Do you have the patience for dating? Now, just because you don’t have the patience for dating now doesn’t mean you never will and vice versa. The patience you need for dating comes and goes.
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