Do you think chivalry is dead and forever gone? With the way most men behave and have expectations these days, it’s probably all gone forever.
For most men, this is glorious news.
And for most women, this is just another headline that proves that fairytales don’t exist.
So is chivalry dead? Really?
Chivalry is a funny thing.
It’s complicated and confusing, and yet to the ones that understand it, it can make life and romance so much better.
As a single American woman, I know just how determinedly and fiercely most American men try to chokehold chivalry.
Most men will go out of their way to try their hand at being unchivalrous.
In fact, I’ve seen guys who hold a door open for me, and suddenly realize how chivalrous they’re being, and leave the door on my face while mumbling a low apology for being chivalrous in the first place!
Well, this may not be a common scenario in the gentlemanly world of the Brits, but for Americans, chivalry most certainly is being forced into a slow death.
In one of my dating stints, I started dating a guy who seemed more like a feminist. He said he wanted women to be treated as equals with men and always tried to make women feel just as powerful as men. I liked that thought.
But what he was saying really was that he was no chivalrous gentleman. I found that out later.
Now I don’t expect a guy to run around a crowded street and open my car door for me. And I definitely don’t expect him to treat me like royalty.
But I do expect basic courtesy like holding a door open, pulling a chair back for me if he’s close, and little things like that.
I liked this guy at first, but every time I saw another guy who treated his girlfriend better from the corner of my eye, I found myself sinking lower into my seat or curling my toes in hidden embarrassment. I didn’t like the way I was being treated. I wanted to feel appreciated and loved, respected and taken care of, and my boyfriend who would rather treat me as an equal, would do none of those things. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]
Men want everything the easy way
It’s true. Men absolutely want everything in the easiest way possible. They don’t like trying hard, and yet, they don’t respect anything they get easily.
If a woman expects a guy to be chivalrous, the guy thinks she expects too much. But what most men don’t realize is that chivalry can be a great way to impress a girl while showing off their good side at the same time. [Read: How can a guy be more chivalrous?]
How is chivalry good for both sexes?
Women like feeling protected. Men like protecting.
It’s natural instinct. A girl feels better on a date when the guy she’s with takes care of her and makes her feel protected. And a guy feels good about himself when the girl he’s with depends on him for her safety and happiness.
While most men hate the whole act of chivalry, what they don’t understand is that they’re making the whole experience of dating a lot less romantic and fun by underplaying chivalry or killing it off completely.
Women who lower their standards
As women jump from one bad guy to another, they start to wonder if all those fairytale romances they hear about are all just lies. And more often than not, most women actually give up on their own fairytales and fall in love with any slob that gives her attention. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]
Marge may be in love with Homer Simpson, but seriously, don’t you think she’d be happier with another guy? She’s probably given up on any hope of chivalry in her life.
And that’s what happens to many women. They start lowering their standards and go along with any guy that shows her any attention. These guys then expect all women to be that easy to get, and get annoyed when any woman expects him to treat her with respect. And thus, the life and death of chivalry starts a whole new cycle of confusion between the sexes.
But women who give in easily and put up with a guy and his shortcomings are never really happy anyway. They just learn to subdue their real expectations until another knight in shining armor walks past them or until they see another couple who seem to be blissfully happy in each other’s arms. [Read: Why do women cheat on men so easily?]
Chivalry and playing hard to get
Chivalry is also deeply engraved in the rules of playing hard to get. Women play hard to get, men show off their chivalrous sides. And when both sexes feel they’ve played their parts and found someone deserving, love gets into the picture.
But recently, as a woman, I’ve seen men getting really hostile when a woman expects a man to woo her. In a comment made by a Lovepanky reader, Natasha on playing hard to get, I believe she made a valid point albeit it’s strongly worded. [Read comment here]
If a guy has all the money in the world and wants to buy a car, he would test a few cars and pick the one he feels is worth most. So if an attractive woman plays hard to get, tests a few guys for their chivalry by playing hard to get and picks the best one out, is that really such a bad thing? Several guys commented back in that post calling Natasha names and branding her as a bad girl. But really, men, why is it so bad for a woman to be spoilt with choice if she’s worthy of attention?
If a girl is attractive and good enough to get any guy she wants, and she gets the attention of several men, is it bad for her to pick the best man out of the lot depending on how much he pursues her?
It seems like men can do what they feel like, but women just shouldn’t be allowed to have choices. Doesn’t something feel wrong there?
When a man behaves chivalrously with a woman, it shows the woman that he respects her and cares enough for her to treat her like a lady. And in return, the woman falls in love with the man. That’s the beauty of chivalry and playing hard to get. And guess what, it’s always worked! [Read: Why do great guys like a good chase in love?]
The two kinds of men
There are two kinds of men in the world. Men who pursue chivalrously and get the best women. And men who are determinedly killing chivalry.
The best men who always find the nicest and prettiest women to date aren’t lucky. They just know how to treat a lady. If a woman expects to be pursued, these men pursue with chivalrous grace and win over her heart.
On the other hand, the men who do everything possible to avoid being chivalrous, end up bitter and angry. They assume women play games and trick men. They go out of their way to be disrespectful to women, and at some point of time, date a woman who’s given up on her romantic standards and treat her like crap until she either resigns into a life of sadness or leaves him for someone better. [Read: Why dating tips and advice never work for some people]
Chivalry may be a dying trend, but it’s dying only for the unhappy lovers. Evolution has taught us enough to understand that chivalry and playing hard to get works like a well oiled machine.
As long as the men up their game and behave like gentlemen, women will start to behave like ladies around them. And with so much chivalry, respect and love in the air, love will be a much better experience for all of us.
If you believe that chivalry is dead, you’ve probably given up on ever experiencing happy love. Keep chivalry alive and don’t give up on it. You’ll see how pretty the world of love looks through the rose tinted glasses of chivalrous love.
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Jessica Dawson is guilty of using way more emojis than are necessary, and is a lover of all things British. And when she isn’t working on mastering a fake Bri...