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Why Do I Crave Male Attention? The Truth & Your Need to Be Desired

We all like attention but you shouldn’t need it. If you ask ‘why do I crave male attention,’ the chances are you need to work on your confidence.

why do i crave male attention

There is a certain rush that hits you right in the chest when a guy you like gives you a little bit of attention. It can be something as simple as a smile or even a full-blown flirtatious conversation. What it is doesn’t really matter, because the sheer impact of attention is nothing short of addictive. Do you regularly ask yourself, ‘why do I crave male attention?’

If you do, is it a fleeting craving or a real need? There is a very big difference between the two. [Read: How to be confident – 28 life hacks to transform your future forever]

The difference between a craving and a need

If you crave it, that’s pretty normal. We all crave the attention of someone we’re crushing on. But, if you feel you need it in order to feel good about yourself, well, it’s time to take a look within and ask yourself why you’re not finding that feel-good factor from yourself and from the things you do in your life.

Understanding the differences between craving something and needing it is important. When you crave something, you desire it.

It’s something that makes you feel good and you want a hit of that confidence it brings. But, when you need something, you literally can’t function without it.

Can you see why needing male attention is much worse than craving it? [Read: How to be emotionally independent and stop using others for happiness]

Why do I crave male attention?

So, we know that a craving is something you want. It’s something that you enjoy and that gives you a temporary high.

Pretend it’s a hot, sunny day. Someone walks past you with a popsicle in their hand. Your mouth starts to water. You’re craving a popsicle and you know that when you get one, you’ll feel a temporary rush of satisfaction.

That’s what it’s like when someone you like gives you a little attention. [Read: Different types of attraction – Which is most vital for true love?]

We all experience this. It’s part of attraction. And it’s normal to want them to show you attention because you start to think that perhaps it means they like you back. If nothing else, it means they see you, they acknowledge your existence and in some ways, that’s still a high in itself!

However, if that craving turns into a desperate need, take stock of the situation. [Read: How to stop being codependent and start finding yourself]

Never put a guy on a pedestal

You’ve basically put this guy on a pedestal so high that nothing is going to knock him off it. As a result, just a look from him gives you an adrenaline rush so strong it’s like the world’s most addictive drug.

When you don’t get that attention, perhaps he’s busy, he’s stressed out, or maybe someone else has taken his fancy, you feel down and your confidence takes a hit.

So do you find yourself wondering, ‘why do I crave male attention?’ The issue here is that your confidence is already a major problem because you need that attention to feel good about yourself.

Putting a guy on a pedestal isn’t about how great he is, it’s actually a reflection of how you feel about yourself in many ways. Sure, he might be great, but why do you feel that you need his attention to feel good about yourself?

It’s time for an intervention. [Read: Oneitis – The unhealthy effects of obsessing over one person in your life]

Learn to feel good when you give yourself attention

The fact you’re asking yourself ‘why do I crave male attention?’ means that you’re on the right track. It means you already understand the craving and you’re questioning it.

From there, ask yourself whether it is the normal hit of feel-good factor that comes from a regular craving, or whether it’s a need for attention in order to feel good about yourself.

If it’s the latter, you need to start focusing on number one.

What is missing from your life? Clearly, you think it’s a man at this stage, but let us tell you one thing. A guy is not going to give you what you need in life, only you can do that. Sure, they can make life more enjoyable, and you can create a relationship that fulfills you emotionally.

But there are certain things that you need to do for yourself and be there for yourself in order to understand. You have to feel like you’re enough on your own to find true happiness because a guy isn’t going to do it for you! [Read: Attention seeking behavior and why some people go looking for drama]

The fact you’re asking yourself this is a good start. Now ask yourself what it is about that attention that you want.

Is it because you feel like he’s taking notice of you? Or is it because you think that by him giving you attention it means he likes you back? Is it because you don’t feel seen much of the time and suddenly you do?

You can’t figure out the answer to the bigger question unless you unpick how his attention makes you feel. [Read: How to look fabulous and appealing while trying to get attention]

Let’s be honest, he’s just a guy. He could be the most good-looking, kind, considerate, talented, and funny guy on the planet, but he’s a human being with flaws, just like everyone else.

Why do you assume that you’re less than this? Because really, if you need attention from someone else, really NEED it, then you don’t think you’re enough for yourself as you are. [Read: Why using thirst traps on Instagram could be making you feel worse about yourself]

Why do I need male attention to be happy?

That’s the question you have to ask yourself.

For most people, it’s because of the rush. We’ve already mentioned that it’s normal to feel all tingly and have butterflies when someone you like throws you a glance or has a conversation with you. But, is it any male attention that makes you feel good or just from a certain person?

If it’s just from your crush, that’s normal, don’t panic. However, if it’s any male attention, that’s something to address. [Read: The 12 rules of attraction as explained by science]

Just because a guy, any guy, gives you some attention, that doesn’t mean you’re more or less worthy than you were before.

Guys aren’t all that, trust us! Do you feel the same when a friend gives you some attention? Or perhaps a stranger? Probably not. In that case, the reason why you feel you need male attention to be happy is that it makes you assume that you’re attractive. 

You’re attractive already! You don’t need some guy to confirm it! This all comes down to confidence. The only way to turn the situation around is to start seeing you for who you are – someone who is wonderful, attractive, kind, funny, and worthy of far more than a little attention from some random guy. [Read: What makes someone an attention seeker and how to read these traits]

It’s time to build up your confidence

People can up and leave you at any moment. It sounds depressing, but it’s the truth. That’s the reason why you should be independent enough in the background to know that whatever comes your way in life, you’ll be fine, because you’ve got you.

When you ask yourself ‘why do I crave male attention?’,  be sure that the answer is a reasonable one. Otherwise, you’ve got serious self-discovery work to do.

Now, I have been where you are now. A few years ago I lacked confidence, and I didn’t feel like I was worthy of attention. So, when a guy I really liked threw me a smile, a glance, or even spoke to me, I suddenly felt like perhaps I was worthy.

I stuck with that cycle for a while before I had a huge wake-up call. He started seeing another girl, and he was giving all his attention to her. [Read: The soul crushing signs your crush doesn’t like you back]

It stung a little, I’ll be honest, but it made me question why I was so stuck on the small crumbs of attention he was throwing my way. What made him so special? Why did I feel so unseen and invisible? Why did I assume that I wasn’t worthy of attention in general? It’s only when I started to question all of this that I realized I wasn’t exactly living my best life.

If you’re not sure where to start when it comes to building up your confidence so male attention is just something that’s quite nice and not something you crave, here are a few ideas. [Read: How to gain confidence and turn your life around for the better]

1. Write a list of your strong points

This isn’t an easy thing to do but it’s very effective. Write a list of all your good points, both character-based and appearance-wise.

It might take you a while because most of us are far too modest. But, dare to big yourself up here! If you struggle, perhaps ask a friend what they think. The simple act of writing these things down helps you to focus on the positives and not the negatives.

Make sure you look back at that list regularly and add a few points every week or so.

2. Use positive affirmations

Choose an affirmation focused upon your confidence and repeat it regularly throughout the day. It can be anything you want, but it must resonate with you on a deeper level. So, something like “I am strong and I am worthy,” “I do not need a man to tell me I am attractive,” or “I love myself.” [Read: How to hone and increase your positive emotions in a negative world]

Repeat it three times when you wake up, really visualizing the words, three times at some point during the day, and three times before bed. Write it down and keep it close to you, for a regular reminder.

3. What is it about yourself that you don’t like?

Confidence problems normally arise due to several different things but in some cases, it may be about one particular issue.

Don’t become fixated on the negatives *we all have them*, but ask yourself what exactly it is about yourself that you don’t like.

Then, start to question it and pull it apart. Once you do that, you’ll probably realize that you’ve been hating on something with no basis in reality or something not that important at all.

4. Start working out

No, this has nothing to do with weight loss or toning up, but it has everything to do with your mood. Exercises makes you feel more upbeat and positive and that boosts your confidence as a great side-effect.

Don’t overdo it, but make exercise an important part of your life and you’ll notice that you start to feel great on the inside. Once that happens, you radiate it on the outside too. [Read: The biggest benefits of exercise on your mind, body, and libido]

5. Look for toxic relationship patterns

It could be that a former relationship has knocked your confidence. That could be why you’re asking ‘why do I crave male attention.’

Maybe you had a partner who never showed you attention and that’s stuck with you. Pack up all your old baggage, make peace with it, and throw it firmly out of your life. The future does not have to be like the past.

6. Understand there are different types of attention

You might be wondering ‘why do I crave male attention’ but know that not all male attention is actually good. Do you really want someone staring at you all the time? Why does that make you feel good? What about being constantly messaged by someone you don’t actually like that much?

For sure, attention from a crush is a nice thing but there are different types of attention and if you’re craving ANY attention, you need to start to recognize the differences. [Read: 14 signs of attention seeking behavior that makes their insecurity]

7. Start a gratitude journal

When you feel grateful for what you have in life, your confidence automatically increases. So, start a gratitude journal.

Every evening before you sleep, write down one or two things from the day that you are grateful for. It doesn’t have to be something huge; it can be as big or small as you like.

For instance, grabbing coffee with your friend, or going for a walk with your dog. These are small things to be very grateful for.

Keep adding to your journal and then after a few weeks or a month, sit down and look at it. You’ll see that your life is full and wonderful and you don’t need attention for that. [Read: How to be grateful – 20 authentic ways to appreciate and express it]

8. Do more of the things you love

If you love to paint or draw, you need to do more of it! Love to dance? Go for it! Whatever you enjoy doing, focus your attention on that. It’s not possible to feel bad when you’re doing something you adore!

You could also build your confidence by learning something new. So, if you’ve always wanted to learn Japanese, why not go to an evening class? You’ll learn something, you’ll meet new people, and your confidence will grow.

Start to focus on yourself

What life is it when you are waiting for someone to show you a little attention in order to feel good about yourself? So, I started doing things for myself.

I started going to the gym and saying ‘yes’ to those invitations to go out with friends when I always made excuses in the past. And I started dreaming of far-flung destinations and travel. I basically started to do me. [Read: 16 life hacks to build your confidence and make you realize you’re worth it]

And you know what? It worked.

I no longer care about the attention someone gives me. I mean, if they want to give it to me, I’m not going to complain. But I’m equally not as bothered when they don’t. I’m too busy enjoying my life.

Do I still enjoy a little male flirtation? Of course! It’s part of being human! And it’s normal to crave it sometimes, but not to want it. Can you see the difference?

The ironic thing is that when you start to fall in love with yourself and cast aside those desperate needs for attention, you actually attract love into your life. It’s a funny old world, isn’t it?

[Read: 6 reasons why should fall in love with yourself first before falling for someone else]

Ask yourself, why do I crave male attention? You might come up with some interesting *perhaps worrying* answers. To crave is normal, to want or need is not.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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