Most of us don’t take the time to think about the little things. You know, the things to know about sex, like the awkward moments that are pretty normal.
In sex ed when I was in school, we learned the basics. But when it comes to actual things to know about sex, you realize how little you actually know. This isn’t your fault! Since you’re reading this, you’re curious about sex—which is even better!
How else will you become better at it if you’re not curious to learn more about it? So, it’s time to put your textbook down because that’s not where you’re going to learn the real things to know about sex. You know, the things you’re too scared to ask someone, so you Google them. Those things. [Read: Too shy? These are the sex questions we are too embarrassed to ask]
Important things to know about sex
The problem with Hollywood is that they make sex look like everyone’s floating on cloud nine. They move so elegantly, everything is perfectly in place, and of course, no one has any hair. But let’s get back into the real world.
When we’re having sex, it ain’t necessarily pretty. In fact, most of the time, it’s messy. Really messy. Though that’s the fun part, many of us are extremely insecure about what happens during sex. Sure, you know where the penis and vagina are, but what about all the little things *the sounds, smells, touches, and tastes* which actually make up sex? There’s more things to know about sex than you might think.
#1 Consent is actually necessary. You probably read this before and heard about it on TV. This isn’t some passing trend. Ask for consent. Both you and your sexual partner need to agree that you both want to have sex.
If your partner isn’t sure they want to have sex or isn’t saying a straight up “yes” then you don’t have their consent which means you should not have sex with them. It’s as simple as that. [Read: Is the first kiss showing a major red flag?]
#2 Men aren’t horny 24/7. It’s a common belief that men are always horny at every second of the day. Untrue. Not only does this place pressure on the man, but it also has women insecure about their libido, thinking they’re not sexual enough. The thing is, men have sexual highs and lows just like women. Some days they’ll be horny, other days not so much. [Read: How to beat the dry spell and get horny]
#3 Unprotected sex doesn’t mean automatic pregnancy. But if it helps you to wear protection then just keep this in mind. However, you should know, just because you have unprotected sex, it doesn’t mean you’re pregnant.
Does it increase the risk? Yes. Does it increase the risk of STIs? Yes. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get an STI or become pregnant.
#4 Sex is like a lock and key. It’s assumed that when we have sex with someone, it’s going to just work. But that’s not the case. Some people are better partnered for you than others. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, that includes genitals, so don’t expect every penis or vagina to fit with your genitals. [Read: Penis and vagina sizes and the perfect combinations]
#5 No, don’t wear two condoms. You may think wearing two condoms will bring an extra layer of protection and safety from pregnancy. However, wearing two condoms is only going to increase the risk. The condoms will rub together and have a higher chance of ripping, so, in other words, wear one condom at a time. You’ll thank me later.
#6 You’re not going to always orgasm. An orgasm is highly linked to your mental state. For example, if you’ve been stressed out, there’s a higher chance that you won’t be able to orgasm. See, you need to be completely in the zone when it comes to having an orgasm. If your mind drifts off, you probably won’t orgasm, and that’s okay. You’re not meant to orgasm every single time you have sex. [Read: 15 secrets to master the art of making a woman orgasm every time]
#7 Condoms smell bad. Unless you get yourself a fruit-flavored condom, most likely the regular condom you use is going to smell bad. What can I say? I didn’t make them. But this smell doesn’t mean anything. The condom is supposed to smell like a tire factory and latex. If you’re not into that smell *honestly, who is?* get yourself flavored condoms.[Read: The history of condoms – how to be a condom know-it-all in 5 minutes]
#8 Vagina farts are real. Sex isn’t supposed to be quiet. I mean, it’s two bodies pressing up against each other, mix that with sweat and intensity, you’re bound to make noises. When air gets pushed out of the vagina, you’ll hear a vagina fart, also known as a queef. It’s going to happen to the best of us. No, it’s not an actual fart so don’t pay attention to it. Have a giggle and just keep doing your thing. [Read: Is queefing normal? All the untold secrets you need to know]
#9 For better sex, talk. Yeah, I know, you probably think better sex comes when you have more sex, but that’s not the case. Better sex happens when you talk about it. How else will you be able to improve your sex if you and your partner don’t talk about the things that need improvement? It’s not as awkward of a conversation as you think it is. Just start it. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]
#10 Just use lube. Most people think that lube isn’t necessary, that it’s designed only for people who are dryer than others. However, that’s not the case. Remember this: the wetter, the better. I’m saying this because the wetter you are, the likelier it is for you to orgasm. So, don’t think of lube as something insulting. You need to bring lube into the bedroom.
#11 The secret is in foreplay. Listen, increase the foreplay in the bedroom. The foreplay is what makes the vagina wet. It warms it up for the main show. If you rush through foreplay, you don’t become wet enough, then the sex is painful. In addition, you increase sexual chemistry and intensity, so it makes the sex better. In other words, just have more foreplay. [Read: 17 sexy foreplay moves everyone has to try in bed]
#12 Everyone fakes orgasms. A majority of women have never had an orgasm. If you’re a guy, you’ve been lied to. Faking an orgasm is normal, and it happens to the best of us but this isn’t because people enjoy faking orgasms.
Most of us dream about having them but many people lack the connection to their genitals and don’t communicate with their partners. If you want to stop faking, it’s time to start talking.