Learning how to be good at sex is one of our longest-running secret obsessions. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think that getting an A+ for bedroom bonking isn’t something to strive for. We feel good if we perceive ourselves as someone who’s great at sex, and boy do we feel like a million bucks if we find a partner who’s equally adept as we are.
A comedian once said that there is no such thing as bad sex. Bad sex is still sex. But if you look at all the new kinks, toys, and fetishes that flood our culture nowadays, you can imagine that the regular shag doesn’t amuse us anymore as it might have in the past.
Modern sexuality is constantly throwing newer and weirder innovations at us to help us get off. However, all the world’s worth of sexual enhancers isn’t the solution to finding out how to be good at sex. Sometimes, all it takes is a little lifestyle change to do the trick.
[Read: The vajankle and other really weird sex toys people use these days]
What makes sex good or bad?
How can you be good at sex? Is it a partner with a hot body? A precision-engineered sex toy? A 30-minute foreplay? There are a lot of things that we think make sex good, but all of those are just the mere icing on the cake. It takes having a basic understanding of what makes sex good or bad to understand how simple lifestyle changes could greatly improve your sex life.
#1 Sex is a physical activity. Think of sex as a regular physical activity or a sport. To be better at a sport, you need practice, a fit physique, energy, and stamina. If you’re lacking in any of those areas, it will affect your capacity for performing well in the bedroom, just like it would for other physically demanding activities. [Read: 25 inspirational tips to get motivated and work out]
#2 Sexual pleasure is physiologically driven. Sex feels good due to an aggregate of nerves, hormones, and body parts. Being good at sex is about identifying how to use those bodily functions for great effect, as well as knowing which ones hamper your sexual energy.
#3 Sex is also psychological. This is the aspect that explains why and how we like sex. The mind plays a major role in making sex an amazing experience for you and your partner, so keeping your imagination and fantasies alive is important. [Read: 12 arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]
#4 Sex is about making a connection. Want to hear a big secret on how to be good at sex? Well, make a real connection. Sexual connection is not only the literal act of putting the penis inside the vagina. Emotional connections such as trust and intimacy also play a big part in keeping sex enjoyable. [Read: 10 relationship games for couples to feel more connected]
How to be good at sex through lifestyle changes
#1 Adopt a healthier diet. Eating the right kind of food will make you fit and healthy and will also help you increase your stamina, allowing you to enjoy sex longer and do it more often. A healthier diet improves a man’s erection and can also help the semen to taste better. Diet also affects body odor—eating less fat and meat can make you smell better.
#2 Do regular exercise. Exercise not only makes you shapely for your partner’s eyes but also aids in the circulation of hormones and endorphins throughout your body. Adopting a cardio routine will make noticeable changes to your libido, improve your body image, and generally make you feel energized and ready to go.
#3 Get enough sleep. Needless to say, getting little sleep will sap your stamina and diminish your brain function, making you feel tired and uninterested for sex. Getting the right amount of rest will give you that extra energy to last longer in bed. [Read: Middle of the night sex: Are you having it?]
#4 Quit smoking and drinking. How to be good at sex? Seriously, quit smoking and cut down on your alcohol and you’ll notice a significant difference in a couple of months. Aside from the tested evils of kissing with a tobacco mouth and having clumsy, drunken sex, alcohol and tobacco affect the circulation of blood to the penis and generally depresses your body, decreasing your stamina.
#5 Consume less caffeine and drugs. Just like tobacco, caffeine has an adverse effect on your body’s circulation, which can result in a limp penis. Other drugs can even mess up the natural flow of your hormones and could screw up your libido and arousal cycle.
#6 Adopt proper hygiene habits. Hygiene is about keeping yourself clean and presentable. Proper hygiene is oftentimes the deciding factor of a good sexual encounter. Even if you look great, one whiff off not-so-clean body odor could be an instant deal-breaker. [Read: 13 physical attraction tips to look way hotter!]
#7 Have the right mindset and explore your sexuality on a deeper level. Sex is part physical action and part imagination. The psychological aspect of sex is what gives it an added layer. Without fantasies to act out and new kinks to explore, sex would definitely get boring.
#8 Be sex positive. Being sex positive is about recognizing sex as a natural part of human life. We need it, we are better with it, and doing it is definitely enjoyable. People who brand sexual activity as something negative will most likely enjoy it much less and might even develop stereotypes that could be debilitating to a relationship.
On the other hand, people who are sex positive enjoy sex more and are generally more open to exploring new ways to make sex more interesting.
#9 Keep exploring your fantasies. Every person has their own sexual fantasies traipsing around in their imagination. Some might be slow to put them on the table for fear of being judged. But as the saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” You can try your sexual fantasies by starting with something within your comfort zone. From there, keep pushing the line until you find where you draw the limits for you and your partner. Work with what you’ve discovered and enjoy! [Read: The sexual role play guide for beginners]
#10 Avoid mental and emotional stress. Mental and emotional stressors reduce your sexual capacity by a) preoccupying you from enjoying sex, and b) diminishing your libido and putting you out of the mood. Staying positive and doing activities such as yoga and meditation can help you clear your mind and stay sexually motivated.
#11 Keep a positive bond with your partner. Sex, after all, is a dance between two partners. Pleasure and gratification must be equally distributed to make sex more enjoyable. Working to maintain a positive bond with your partner teaches you to be sensitive about another person’s feelings and desires, and also helps you to develop intimacy.
#12 Communicate more. Communication is a very important aspect of good sex. It allows both partners to be in tune with one another. Open communication can be something as simple as letting your partner know that what they’re doing feels good, or telling them if you’re uncomfortable with something. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
#13 Be honest… with your feelings, with your fantasies, and your desires. Tell your partner what you think could make your sex better. And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Avoiding communication because you think you will be judged can put a damper on your sex life and your self-confidence. [Read: 10 reasons you should have great sex every single day]
Finding out how to be good at sex doesn’t have to be rocket science. Just keep in mind that sex can be a beautiful, harmonious bond between two partners’ emotions and psyches.
The secret to becoming good at sex is mastering these factors, and the simplest way to start is by changing some aspects of your lifestyle first.
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