You’re out on a first date with someone whose sexual energy cannot be denied. You may find yourself extremely attracted to his sexy eyes or her sensual lips. On top of that, dinner was fantastic and the conversation was even better than you had hoped. Your date knowingly smiles, leans forward, and with the subtlest of whispers says…
“Your place or mine?”
You freeze. You panic. You’ve heard all about the horror stories of sex on the first date! What do you do? Decline and your date might think you’re some sort of stuck-up prude from decades past. Agree and it might spell the ruin of your potentially bright future together. Oh, the dilemma!
Frantically, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to read this very article on whether or not you should sleep with someone on the first date. We won’t give you the definitive answer, as that’s entirely up to you. What we can do, however, is give you arguments from both sides:
Why you shouldn’t…
Are you looking for just a little more convincing that sex on the first date is a bad idea? Here are our reasons for why you should avoid sleeping with your date so soon.
#1 It’s been drilled into our psyche. We’re pretty much hard-wired not to have sex on the first date. For women, it’s because of the whole wife-whore dichotomy wherein we believe that putting out too soon would deem us as non-wife material, and therefore just another lay. For men, on the other hand, your date might think that sex is all you’re really after.
If you don’t want to risk even a smidge of what most of society would deem as behavior suited to the most promiscuous of people, then having sex with someone you’ve just had your first date with is not for you.
#2 Your date doesn’t know your body yet. It takes time to get to know someone’s body, from their little quirks to their ultra-erogenous zones. It’s highly unlikely that your date will go all Sherlock Holmes on you and deduce where best to touch you.
First dates can be awkward enough as it is. Just imagine how much more awkward it would be to start fumbling in the dark while not knowing how to even please your partner! [Read: Hit all the right spots when you’re getting naughty with her]
#3 It makes you seem “easy.” All relationships have milestones, from the first date to the first kiss to the first time you see each other naked. Having sex at the first instance eliminates that particular milestone since it’ll be all over in the first 12 or so hours.
Also, some people treat sex like a conquest, a challenge to overcome. If you yield to your sexual desire too easily, then your date may either think that you’re an easy lay that doesn’t even need the promise of a next date or that you’re just looking for a no strings attached relationship. [Read: The 10 worst people you could ever have a one night stand date with]
#4 Waiting is a great form of foreplay. You know how it is when you watch a romantic TV show and you want the two characters to just get it on? If they do that within the first few episodes, there’s not much else to look forward to.
It’s the same with first night sex. Sexual tension can build up and cause a lot of excitement. You wait for signs as you get to know each other better. You flirt and make eyes at each other as you subtly touch. When all that tension has built up, you explode into a frenzy of passion. But if there’s not a lot of anticipation for sex, the potential to have an explosion of passion just fizzles out. [Read: 10 flirty ways to build up sexual tension]
#5 Your date might be nuts. Whether you hit your pad, your date’s pad or a hotel, you’re definitely going to be all alone with just each other. How much do you really know about this person? Is your date as nice as you had anticipated? Can a couple of glasses of wine turn your date from a nice person to an utter nutcase?
Whenever you’re alone in a place with someone, it’s important to keep your safety in mind. Never compromise your safety for the promise of a good time. If you have doubts about your date and what he or she may be capable of, it may be a good idea to wait until you learn more about them. [Read: Keep your eyes open for these first date warning signs!]
#6 You may confuse lust with love. Starting off with some conversation and moving on to sex can lead you to confuse your sexual attraction with genuine attraction. There’s a difference! Getting all hot and bothered can bring out a surge of hormones that make you feel elated and ecstatic. This can make you think that you’re happy when you’re around your date, when in fact your body is just reacting to the promise of great sex.
By removing sex from the equation at the start, your feelings are based only on your mental and emotional connection. Since your hormones can wreak havoc on your mind when you have sex, your physical attraction may start to override your emotional connection, thus making you think you’re in love when you’re actually in-lust. [Read: Is it lust or love? Know the difference!]
Why you should…
When you really think about it, is sex with someone you’re on the first date with such a bad idea? You might end up missing out on a fantastic romp! For other reasons to just go for it, here are five very good arguments to consider.
#1 Sexual compatibility matters. Let’s face it, sex can be a deal breaker. You can be dating someone for months and everything’s fine and dandy. But once you finally get it on, you might learn that you’re completely incompatible in the bedroom. Sometimes, this can put a strong enough strain on your relationship that you eventually break up on the grounds that you’re no longer attracted to your partner as a whole.
The first date is basically a compatibility test. If you both pass each other’s conversational and life story criteria, then the next logical test would be the sexual criteria. Why not just go for it in one fell swoop to save you both the time? [Read: 10 hot and heavy ways to amp up your sexual chemistry]
#2 Sexual tension can be distracting. You know how when you can’t keep yourself from imagining what it would be like to be all wrapped up in the horizontal tango with your date? Instead of listening to your date talk about things that you’d normally find interesting, you’re too distracted with naughty thoughts, and you find yourself unable to contribute anything to the conversation.
Why not just get it over with and address your sexual curiosity? Once that’s out of the way, the distraction is gone, you can move on to more pressing matters like deep and meaningful conversation. Who knows, having sex with your date might actually make both of you more open and honest.
#3 If your date really likes you, WHEN you have sex won’t really matter. One of the primary reasons people avoid sex on the first night is that it opens them up to judgment. However, if your date is really into you and respects your decisions, then that could already serve as a great foundation for a relationship. Whether or not you have sex immediately shouldn’t affect the way they view you, and it may even instill a sort of admiration towards you for choosing to break the stigma.
On the other hand, if your date doesn’t even fancy you all that much, having sex now or on the 100th date won’t make much of a difference. They can just choose to never call you again, whether or not you sleep with them or they can just drag you along for a few dates until they ditch you because they were never really that into you.
#4 Sex is great, why deprive yourself because society says you should? However radical your views may be to others when it comes to sex, there will always be that teeny tiny voice that will tell you that society will judge you.
But if you immediately want to have sex with the person you’re on a date with, then who should stop you? You are, after all, capable of free will. You’re a consenting adult who’s aware of consequences. Don’t let the judgment of inconsequential people bother you because your sex life is not their business!
#5 If you’re both just interested in sex, why bother putting up a faà§ade? Oftentimes, you can instantly tell that your date is after one thing and one thing only. Sometimes, you might even be in complete agreement. So if you both know that this is the case, why should you dilly-dally any further? Besides, your first intimate session can blossom into a casual no-strings-attached friendship, which can also be quite fun. [Read: The ultimate guide to being friends with benefits]
Have you decided what you want to do now, or has our list made things even more complicated? Everyone has different views and priorities. But by giving you this list, we’re hoping we can strike a vein to help you decide.
[Read: 16 clear signs to know for sure if your date will be a one night stand date!]
Your decision to have sex on the first date is yours and yours alone to make. But if you do decide to go for it, just remember to stay safe, use protection, and let a trusted friend know where you’re headed to ensure your safety. Good luck!
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