Whether you’re getting it on with a partner or on a hand-held solo mission, the vast majority of women have trouble reaching orgasm. In fact, Planned Parenthood reports that 1 in 3 women have difficulties climaxing during intercourse, and a whopping 80% have trouble reaching the big O from vaginal intercourse alone.
This makes what should be an amazing sexual experience a frustrating, orgasm-goaled letdown for the women who fall under these statistics.
The most effective tips to help you climax
But don’t fret! Just because you haven’t had an orgasm or you have trouble achieving one, doesn’t mean you can’t – and it doesn’t mean you won’t! We’re looking at 10 tips to stay aware of when you’re gunning for an orgasm.
#1 Get to know yourself – solo! Having trouble getting off? Lend yourself a hand – literally! Whether you’re having intercourse or chilling under the covers by yourself, using your own hand on yourself is a surefire way to make yourself come.
Masturbation, or self-lovin’, is all about exploring yourself sexually – so why stop with your fingers? Masturbation can involve grinding against pillows, using sex toys, and experimenting with lubes and jellies to help figure out what makes you tick, and what you’re going to need to get your rocks off. This will also help you better communicate to a future partner what they should be doing to help you achieve orgasm. [Read: Magic fingers – The art of self pleasure with your fingers]
#2 Relax, and live in the moment. Thoughts – they are one of the biggest problems with women when it comes to, well, coming! Even when you think you are completely in the moment with your partner, your mind eventually starts to wander to your hair appointment, a news headline, or that hilarious Pinterest fail you saw earlier. Stop thinking – you’re having sex! Easier said than done though, right?
So how do you combat an overactive imagination? Set a pattern! Have your partner set the mood beforehand by burning candles, putting on your “shag-worthy” playlist, and throwing the covers off the bed every single time you’re going to get your freak on. Why? This will adjust your thinking.
Eventually, when you hear those songs and see the matches and that Tahitian Vanilla candle come out to play, your mind is going to know it’s time for lovemaking, and you’ll be more likely to stay in the moment. [Read: 16 signs you’re a sex kitten and loving it!]
#3 Don’t make coming your main goal. As ridiculous as it sounds, focusing solely on an orgasm cannot, I repeat, CANNOT consume your sex session. If it does, it’ll never happen. You’ve been warned! The more you worry about having an orgasm, the more likely the desire for this fantastic feeling is going to turn your whole experience sour.
#4 Clocks, be gone! Consider this scenario: Right now, your partner is giving you the best oral of your life. Sounds good, right? Now you look at the clock. Perfect. You’re going to come in no time. Another song lapses through your sex playlist. You check the clock again. Has it really been 5 minutes, and you feel no closer to coming? Another 5 minutes have gone by. Surely their poor tongue is getting weaker by the second. Are they bored? Are they still into this? Are they getting frustrated that you haven’t climaxed yet? [Read: How to make your partner want to go down on you without a push]
Slow down, tigress! All your partner wants to know is that they’re doing an awesome job and that you’re going to come eventually. If your partner is willing to stick it out as long as it takes, awesome! You’ve got a keeper! But don’t leave him or her hanging for an hour if you know it just isn’t going to happen. Tongues have feelings, too!
If you’re a clock watcher when it comes to coming, then one of the best ways to clear your mind of orgasm-themed-thinking is by covering up all timepieces. It’s distracting. The longer you think it’s taking you to come, the more pressure you’re going to feel!
#5 Get a little wet. Before getting down and dirty, go get clean with your partner with a sensual shower. Some women can end up soaking wet down south just by sitting in a bath full of warm water for a little while. It’s relaxing and feels great against the vagina *and everywhere else, really!*
While you’re at it, have a little fun with the detachable shower head just to get things warmed up! Choose a setting on your shower head that runs like a jet stream. Take the shower head into an already filled tub, and spray it against your clit. Doing this in a filled tub will make sure you’re not going to hurt or bruise yourself by using such a strong stream of water against such a sensitive area. [Read: 9 wild ways to have the hottest shower sex]
#6 Dry hump. Foreplay is absolutely essential to a woman achieving orgasm, so stop ignoring it! Dry humping is a great way to get things started with your partner. In fact, many women are more likely to orgasm during a clothes-on grinding session than during intercourse.
There’s more friction against the clit during grinding than there is during sex… and simply put, it’s amazing. Just be sure not to hurt your partner’s sensitive bits while you’re riding crazy on top there, missy! [Read: The first timer’s guide to dry humping]
#7 Multi-tasking sex. If you think getting pumped by your man isn’t be the best time to be multi-tasking, you’d probably be right. Something about: “Yeah baby, right there… and by the way do we need any groceries?” doesn’t quite cut it when it comes to lovemaking.
Okay, so obviously we don’t mean literal multi-tasking. But don’t be afraid to take matters into your own hands, even while you’re having sex! Sometimes, the guy is doing everything right, and things are feeling pretty spot on, but you know you’re not going to come until Queen Clit gets a little lovin’ – so love her! Practice a little self-love during the act to take you right over the edge. [Read: The magnificent journey to achieving multiple orgasms]
#8 Find the position that’s going to rock your world. Positions can make all the difference when it comes to the Big O. If you’re among the majority of women who just aren’t going to orgasm from penetration alone, you’re going to need some specialized positions that rub your clit just right to really get you there.
Try using the CAT or coital alignment technique to really get things going. This position involves your man aligning his pelvis with your clit during missionary, so it grinds right up against your sweet spots. A must-try for all women! [Read: 30 day sex challenge – 30 positions for sexy sizzling days]
#9 Fantasize! Fantasizing isn’t just for men. You’d be surprised how much easier it is to achieve orgasm when you have a fantasy in mind. Picture you and your partner in a role-play scenario, or embrace dirty-talking to really set the stage of your fantasy. This should help you to hone-in on your own pleasure. [Read: The guide to dirty talking and examples to try!]
#10 Communicate with your partner. The best sex happens when two partners communicate and let the other one know exactly what they want and need. Too many women are staying tight-lipped with their men about what it really takes to make them come.
Being open and honest with your partner about what you like and what your partner needs to do can only result in a future full of real, mind-blowing orgasms. So don’t deny yourself or your partner that joy! [Read: 10 ways to handle sexual frustration with your partner]
Having trouble orgasming can be extremely frustrating – but it doesn’t have to stay that way! Find out what you like, keep a clear mind, and have a healthy dialogue with your partner regarding your needs, and you’ll be on your way to the Big O in no time!
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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