If you are researching this, you’re likely either a woman who is considering having anal sex or a man who may be trying to convince his girlfriend to give it a try. The truth is something that you may not want to hear: anal sex is painful. There is no way around it.
There are, however, many things that can make anal sex more pleasurable for a woman. If you can get past the mentality and uneasy feeling of it, then it may offer some women a heightened sense of orgasm that they can’t get from other types of sexual positions or activities. With all the right conditions and precautions, some women do find it pleasurable.
Anal sex is much like smoking. Mentally, a woman knows that it isn’t something that you are supposed to be doing physically, so your first experience may be a huge turnoff. Not what you are expecting, it can be more painful than you anticipate. There are two ways that a woman “feels” anal sex: mentally and physically.
How anal sex feels physically
When a woman has anal sex, the sensation is intense. Similar to the feeling of passing a bowel movement after being constipated, it is not a pleasurable feeling at first. The first time is always the most overwhelming.
As the penis is penetrating the anal wall, it can take your breath away, and if you don’t relax and breathe your way through it, it can be too much. Once the penis is fully inside the anal cavity, the pressure seems to ease up and so does the overwhelming nature of it. If you can get past the anal opening, everything seems to become reasonable.
Anal sex is perplexing to a woman’s body. At the same time that she is feeling pain, there can be an odd excitement and pleasure that is unmistakable. Pressing up against the clitoris from the inside out, if done with patience and care, an intense orgasm can be something that gets a woman hooked.
If you can get to the point of orgasm, then it’s a feeling that you can’t ever get from any other sexual position. [Read: Does anal sex have to be painful? The ass lover’s guide]
How anal sex feels mentally
Perhaps more disturbing for a woman than the physical feeling of anal sex is the perplexing mental nature of it. Not understanding why a man can’t be satisfied and pleased with the way that a woman thinks sex should be, anal sex feels more violating. It can be confusing to a woman why a man might want to have anal sex over vaginal sex.
Feeling so much more raw, unemotional, and hurtful, anal sex can produce some negative mentalities for women. Making it more difficult for a woman to come to terms with are the images that most people see of anal sex. If you see anal sex in porn, it seems so degrading. Women appear to be doing things that are purely for the pleasure of the man they are with. Often going from one hole to another, which is a no-no for health reasons, and then sometimes even into the mouth, there appears to be nothing loving or caring about it.
When a man wants to have anal sex with a woman, it feels as if he not only wants to violate her, but that he is also okay with hurting her. Fraught with anxiety and fear, anal sex is rarely something that a woman dreams of doing.
If a man stops to think about it rationally, how willing would he be to take another man’s penis and put it into his own anus? Likely, the reverse act would not turn them on very much. That makes it that much more defiling—they are okay with shoving things in a woman’s anus, just not their own. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]
Ways to overcome the negative feelings of anal sex and make it a positive thing for your relationship
If you really want to try anal sex with your partner, it’s not something that you are going to want to try without preparation. The key is going to be being prepared both physically and mentally. That means fully discussing why you want to do it, how to communicate through it, and what needs to be done to make it more pleasurable for your mate.
Because anal sex can be dangerous, it’s not just a matter of being careful for emotional reasons, but for physical ones, too. A bad anal experience is not only one that can result in damage to your body, but it can do severe damage to any relationship. If you want anal sex to go smoothly *literally*, it’s best to adhere to the following rules.
#1 Use lots of lube. The anus was not created for sex, so it will not self-lubricate like the vagina. If you are going to have anal sex, it is going to require a lot of lube. If you don’t use enough lube, then it’s common to experience tears in the anal tissue or even an anal fissure, which can be very painful. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
#2 Go slowly and gently. The first time you try anal sex, it may be very intense and probably overwhelming. It’s important to go slowly. When I say slow, I mean slow, inch by inch. Allowing your partner to adjust with every new move will ensure that she won’t get hurt and that it will be more comfortable and less painful.
#3 Communicate. It’s very important that you can communicate. If it hurts, a woman needs to know that even though she said yes, she is always able to put a stop to it at any point. If it turns out not to be what she expected or what she can handle, then you need to communicate that it’s all right for either partner to say when enough is enough, even if it’s from the start. Both parties need to feel comfortable and on board throughout the entire experience. [Read: A guide on effective communication in a relationship]
#4 Start with other toys. There are a ton of sexual toys on the market that can help to desensitize the anal area so that she will be more prepared for when you have anal sex. Invest in some anal sex toys, specifically ones designed for first anal experimentation. If you warm up the area before going full force, she will know if she wants to continue. [Read: 13 must-have couple’s sex toys for naughty first-timers]
#5 Don’t think the first time is going to go smoothly. Just like any new experience, it’s best to assume that your first experience is not going to go perfectly. It takes many tries to get anal sex right. The first time may be so exciting for the guy that he won’t get past your saying okay, or it may be too uncomfortable to get past the penetration. Just be open to giving it time and being patient. If it isn’t for you, that’s okay, too. [Read: Risks and dangers in anal sex: What to watch out for]
No matter what you see in porn, anal sex is not something that you just jump into. It’s one of the most intimate experiences you can have with your significant other. Arguably, it is the most vulnerable you can be with someone, so it’s important to be open and honest about the subject.
Too often, a woman feels pressured into it and is then very resentful when it isn’t what she expected. If there is not a lot of talk about it beforehand, it can ruin even the strongest relationship. [Read: The bottom of it: 10 misconceptions about anal sex]
Anal sex isn’t for everyone, although some couples swear by it. You may just find that it’s something that will tie your hearts together forever, will heighten your sex life, or that it simply isn’t for you. No matter what, just be sure the two of you are in it together.
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