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Painful Anal Sex: 31 Happy Bum Tips to Make Backdoor Sex Hurt Less

Have you always wondered why some women actually enjoy anal? It’s because they’ve learned how to make anal sex less painful. You can learn too!

how to make anal sex less painful

If you’re thinking about having anal sex for the first time or if you’ve had it before but want a more pleasurable experience, you need to understand how to make anal sex less painful. There’s no other way around it.

Sure, use trial and error, but no one will have fun during the process.

So, that’s why we’re here. We want happy bums worldwide. It’s time you came prepared with the knowledge and tools for a mind-blowing anal sex adventure. In other words, lube. But there are also some other helpful tips to know.

[Read: The dirty truth – Is it possible to have an anal orgasm?]

Why is there such a fascination with anal?

Let’s be honest, whether you want it or not, you’re a bit curious, right? Everyone seems to have such a fascination with anal. But why?

Basically, it’s because anal sex is a little bit taboo. It’s because a penis isn’t really supposed to go in an anus, that’s not what nature really intended. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it!

In fact, throughout history, many humans and animals have safely had anal on a regular basis and actually enjoyed it. 

Of course, anal isn’t for everyone. If you just can’t get your head around the idea of trying it, or it’s just not something you ever want to do, that’s fine. Don’t do it.

There are plenty of other fun sex-related things you can do that will certainly bring you enjoyment. There’s no rule that you have to try anal, but if you want to, learning how to make anal sex less painful is a must-do. 

Guys are, perhaps, a little bit more open than women about anal, but some women do also have a pretty strong desire to have that particular sexual experience. [Read: How to have anal sex and 51 must-know secrets to prepare for your first time]

Is painful anal sex an inevitability?

Many people wonder whether painful anal sex is just an inevitable part of the process. So, is anal always painful? No. It’s uncomfortable at first quite often, but it doesn’t have to hurt. There are ways to make it less painful and by going slowly and communicating with your partner, you’ll notice that it’s not really pain you’re feeling, it’s just an odd sensation. 

Odd but uncomfortable? A little. But, for many who try anal, that odd but uncomfortable feeling gives way to something rather remarkable. Some women even profess to have orgasmed from anal alone. 

Really makes you think, doesn’t it? [Read: Do women like anal sex? Mostly no, sometimes yes, and what to know]

How to make anal sex less painful

When it comes to sex, it’s supposed to make you feel good. You’re supposed to feel relaxed and connected to your partner while having your mind blown away.

When it comes to anal sex, people automatically become uncomfortable with the idea of having a penis in their bum. Understandable. Now, the question is, why? It’s because of the association we’ve made in our heads about anal sex.

In reality, anal sex is a lot of fun and can certainly hit the spot, which is what you want.

But we get it, many people have been traumatized by not being prepared for anal sex, and it’s a real shame. Because anal sex is a lot of fun when done correctly. So, how to make anal sex less painful? Let’s explore. [Read: 17 surprising benefits of anal sex your bum would be happy to hear]

1. Be prepared

We can’t stress this enough. If you’re on the receiving end of anal sex, you need to prepare your body. Sure, you can go from never having anal sex to having a large penis in your anus, but that’s going to be traumatizing.

You need to work your way up. Start off with trying a finger, then a sex toy, slowly working your way up. Don’t expect to just get straight into it.

2. Learn about the anus

Hey, it’s your bum. You need to know how everything works down there. Go on Google, get an anatomy book, and learn what the anus is about.

There are a lot of nerve endings centered around the anus, which is why anal sex can be such a strong experience for people. When you learn why it may feel good, you can overcome the possible stigma in your mind. [Read: The embarrassing sex questions most of us are too shy to ask]

3. Talk to your partner

If you’re new to anal sex, this is something you should share with your partner. You’re going to be nervous and your partner should know.

That way, they take more time and are more aware of how you’re feeling and reacting during the experience. Plus, who knows how they’re feeling about it as well.

4. Spend some one-on-one time with your tushy

If you decide you’re going to go for the whole anal sex thing, as the recipient, then it might be an idea to get a little more acquainted with that part of your body—if you haven’t already, that is.

Once you’ve experienced the delights of anal, in the gentle manner that only you, yourself, can provide, you might surprise yourself with how pleasurable it can be. [Read: How do you masturbate? 13 different ways to be a hands-on pro]

5. Get the hose out

A delicate point, but it has to be pointed out that sex isn’t the usual purpose of that particular part of the body. Hence, a little bit of cleaning needs to be done beforehand via enema or douching.

Failing to do so is not guaranteed to cause any pain, but it’s all about being relaxed. It’s about peace of mind and feeling less awkward, and that will help you to be more chilled out.

If, mid-act, you suddenly become conscious of maybe being a little less clean than you’re comfortable with, that might cause you to tense up considerably. And tension is not something you want during anal!

6. Mow the back lawn

The same principle as the last point – the anal area might need a bit of a shave to make sure it is as pleasurable to look at as possible, and save you a sudden doubt that could end up leading to discomfort and pain. [Read: Trim, shave or natural? The real score on what’s perfect down there]

7. Diet planning

In the preceding 12 hours before engaging in anal sex for the first few times, make sure your diet is sparse and healthy. A sudden glut of intestinal gases during anal is not only sensually unpleasant—it can also cause a lot of pain in the intestines.

8. Eau de toilette is a no-no

t’s very tempting to apply some scent or deodorant to the anal region before sex, especially if you’re sensitive to the possibility of producing an unexpected and undesired scent.

However, the alcohol content in these can burn what is a very sensitive place. Just use a bar of regular soap, instead.

9. Dutch courage?

Alcohol is not normally advised as an important part of lovemaking, but in anal sex, it plays a great role in relaxing you mentally, and in relaxing the muscles that are most at risk of distress.

But, that doesn’t mean you should get drunk! If a glass of wine helps you chill out, that’s fine, but stick to one or two at most. [Read: What does anal sex feel like – both mentally and physically?]

10. Chill out

If you’re tense, so is your anus. We know having a penis inside of your anus may sound like a big thing, but it’s not.

Of course, you’re going to be a bit nervous on your first try, but if you follow these tips, you shouldn’t have any problems.

The more relaxed you are, the better experience you’ll have. Plus, your anus will physically relax which is exactly what you need. Painful anal sex happens mostly because of tension.

11. Focus on foreplay

Before having anal sex, you need to be foreplay-focused. Foreplay is essential for preparing the body and mind for sex.

You’ll need at least 20 to 30 minutes of foreplay before engaging in anal sex. Foreplay will allow the body and mind to relax which will physically relax the anus.

Think of it like warming up a car in winter. Except the car is your bum. [Read: How to prepare for anal sex – A beginners’ guidebook]

12. Warm up the ass

Foreplay warms up the mind and body, but it’s time to focus on the ass. You need to externally stimulate the anus.

Get your partner to use their fingers to rub and press against the anus, making it ready for something larger. Make sure they start with the smallest finger, working their way up.

13. Always use lube

We cannot express this any more clearly. You MUST use lube if you want to learn how to make anal sex less painful. It’s like squeezing a wiener into a dry hot dog bun–ouch.

Not using lube will be the biggest mistake in your life and since you’re reading this, you’re not someone who’s into pain for pleasure. Always use lube. Always, always, always. And no, spit isn’t going to be enough. [Read: How to use lubricant to liven up your sex life]

14. Choose the right lube

You know lube is important but choosing the right lube is especially essential. Try to buy lube that focuses on anal sex – they’ll be silicone-based products.

A silicone-based lube will make things extra slippery and won’t break the condom. Oh, and you’re going to be needing a lot of lube for anal sex, so pick a decent brand. Slippy equals better when it comes to anal.

15. Don’t forget the condom

Your partner needs to wear a condom. When it comes to anal, remember, it involves the bum. We all know what comes out of bums. You need to protect yourself and your partner from bacteria and STDs.

If you’re going to be having vaginal sex after anal, they MUST change the condom. No anal bacteria should enter the vagina. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]

16. Position is everything

If you choose the wrong position for anal sex, it can be extremely painful for you or your partner. Anal sex isn’t like vaginal sex. You can’t be as creative.

Choose positions that feel comfortable for you. If you’re not sure, always go for doggy style. You can’t go wrong with doggy style. [Read: 12 anal sex positions that make backdoor sex so darn good]

17. If you’re using toys, be careful

If you’re going to be using a toy, you can, but you need to be careful. Picking the wrong toy could lead to you with a sex toy stuck up your ass. That’s definitely a doctor’s trip you don’t want to go on.

Make sure the toys are either wide at the base or have a cable/ring attached to the bottom of them. Also, remember the lube.

18. Never use numbing creams

When it comes to knowing how to make anal sex less painful, you may wrongly assume that numbing creams are the way to go. No! You shouldn’t be using numbing creams when having anal sex.

We know it sounds like a definite way to avoid pain, but you shouldn’t be avoiding pain.

If you can’t feel that something is hurting you, then you can do some real damage to your anus. Pain is your friend and your guide through anal sex.

19. Don’t rush

Anal sex is exciting, but it’s not something to rush through. You need time to get things going. Make sure you spend enough time during foreplay and that your partner slowly works their way up to using their penis or sex toy. Just go slow.

It’s normal to rush something when you’re nervous, but doing so will just make for painful anal sex. Go slowly and your experience is more likely to be enjoyable. [Read: Why do guys like anal sex and should you give the backdoor a try?]

20. Keep communicating throughout

Keep talking to your partner about how it feels and make sure they keep talking to you. Communication throughout anal is key. That doesn’t mean you need to have a running dialogue!

But checking in with each other shows care, and it means that you’re not going to have a bad experience. It also helps to build the trust, which is vital in anal. 

21. Remember to breathe!

Holding your breath really makes the body tense up, which will cause considerable pain in the case of anal sex.

The recipient should practice some breathing techniques they can use to maintain the necessary state of muscular relaxation. Plus, deep breathing helps you relax in general too, so you’re more likely to actually enjoy the process overall.

22. Involving the neighbors

Not the actual neighbors—that would be a feature on swinging. By neighbors, we mean the neighboring erogenous zones which, if not neglected, can turn a perfunctory act into a truly mind-blowing experience. Hands should be kept busy at all times! [Read: The top 10 erogenous zones that every man should focus on during anal sex]

23. Switch positions if necessary

The shape of the inner passage is different for everyone, so different positions also work differently. If you want to know how to make anal sex less painful, pay attention to what works and what doesn’t and choose the position that gives both of you the most collective pleasure.

We mentioned the doggy position earlier, and for many, that’s a good starting point because it allows you to control the depth of the strokes. But, if it doesn’t work for you, don’t worry, there are many other positions to try and just go for what works.

Some people like to have anal in a spooning position, others like to go on top. Experiment!

24. The strokes

Deep strokes don’t often work in anal sex—although there’s an exception to every rule—as they can be quite painful.

The best tip is to find a depth that works for the recipient and make the strokes shallow, barely moving an inch either side of the pleasure mark. [Read: She likes anal sex? 15 ways to impress a girl who loves the backdoor]

25. Never go from anus to vagina

Anus to vagina is NEVER a good idea. It can cause serious infections, which can cause pain not only during the event, but for weeks *if not months* afterward.

If you’re both keen to experience both delights, then stop and change condoms. The same goes for fingers – never go back and forth.

26. You must trust your partner

Sure you can have anal sex on a random one-night stand, we’re not saying not to do it. Just make sure this person knows what they’re doing. But, it’s far better to explore anal with someone you trust.

If you trust them, then you’ll have a great experience and you’ll be able to make anal sex way less painful too. If you’re not sure that they know what they’re doing, do your research so at least you know what you need to do and not do.

Anal is such an intimate thing to explore. Of course, any type of sex is intimate, but there’s something so much deeper about anal that a large amount of trust is required. [Read: 10 misconceptions about anal sex you must know before giving it a try]

27. Double the pleasure with your clit

If you’re female and receiving, you can use your clitoris to give yourself more pleasure. Insert a sex toy into your vagina as well.

You experience a stronger orgasm if you rub your clitoris or finger yourself. You have a vagina, might as well use it. By doing this, you might also find that you relax more easily too.

28. Once you feel confident, try sex toys

Now, you don’t have to use sex toys for your first time, but after a couple rounds of anal sex, if you want to amp up the sensation, use a sex toy.

Make sure you pick the right sex toys as picking the wrong one could make it an unpleasant experience. With that being said, try using a vibrating penis ring or anal beads.

29. Remember that you don’t have to love anal

Some women really love anal while others don’t. If you want to learn how to make anal sex less painful and give it a try, that’s great. And if you realize it’s not for you, that’s cool too. Just because you tried anal doesn’t mean you have to be an anal queen.

Whether you feel pain or you don’t, it’s your choice to either continue having anal sex or not. [Read: How to eat ass – The rimming checklist to eating booty like a boss]

30. Yes, feeling like you’re going to poop is normal

If you feel like you’re going to poop, well, that’s completely normal. It’s going to feel a little uncomfortable – feeling like you’re going to poop but not actually pooping is a weird feeling. But, this just takes some time for you to get used to.

Though, you should know that feeling like you’re going to poop and feeling pain are two different things.

Poop feeling=normal. Don’t worry, you’re highly unlikely to actually do it. And normally, once you’re over the initial insertion and you’ve been going at it for a short while, you probably won’t feel any discomfort at all. [Read: What is pegging? All the backdoor facts to penetrate your man]

31. Remember to enjoy!

You should be having a fun and safe time! Don’t get in your head while having anal.

Take the experience for what it is and have some hot and wet anal sex. Make sure you’re having anal for the right reasons and embrace the fact that you’re exploring something special with your partner.

[Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

Poor anal sex, always getting a bad rap. It’s time to debunk the anal sex myths by following these helpful tips when it comes to knowing how to make anal sex less painful, and more enjoyable!

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...