The penis is such a mysterious, magnificent thing. While it can have a boner, it doesn’t really have any bone in it. And while people can say some guys think with their dicks, their dicks often seem to really have a mind of their own. There are many different types of penises out there, and no two are ever the same. Perhaps that adds to the mystique!
This elongated lump of skin, muscle, veins, and blood has, throughout time, given pleasure to many. Depending on how it fits in the underpants, the penis can boast a lot of shapes and sizes. For sure, it might not be the most pleasant thing to look at, but it certainly serves a purpose!
If you’re a lady who has seen your share of schlong, you’ll know that there’s more to a penis type than just left, right, and center. Each has a different look, feel, and—yes—behavior. They have different ways of pleasing you, too. Some can take you by surprise, while some can leave you taken aback *and not in a good way*. [Read: 18 fascinating and unknown facts about the penis]
The truth is that you’ll never come across two types of dicks that are the same. So, when you love your man, you should love his penis, too, whether it’s cute or not. Let’s be honest; vaginas aren’t the most beautiful things in the world, either.
As a woman, you’d be pretty upset if someone laughed at the shape, size, appearance, or smell of your lady bits, right? So, never laugh at a guy’s appendage. Simply see it as part of him because that’s exactly what it is!
So, while penises can never be labeled pretty, simply focus on what they can do for you rather than how it looks. [Read: What do women really think about your penis?]
The next time you are out with a guy and crawl into bed with him, come armed with the knowledge of these types of penises. Then, you’ll always be prepared. You don’t want to be caught off-guard with his pants down, right? *Well, unless it’s really THAT gorgeous…*
We all know this as one of the two most-prominent classifications of the penis. This is the more discreet type because you never know just how long and big it can go unless you go all the way with the guy. At first, it might seem small, but rub it just a little, and it grows 2 to 3 times its flaccid size.
Magic! This is one of the types of penises that will really make your eyes widen! [Read: The big penis: Advice for the haves and have-nots]
“What? That’s it?” There are those dicks that seem mighty impressive and imposing even while in pants. You may have stolen below-the-belt glances at that seemingly well-endowed officemate, but come Christmas party, you both get raunchy back at his place, and you find out that’s all there is to it.
The shower types are really showy, but when they get hard, the initial size and length aren’t any different. [Read: Why so many women get penis envy!]
Well, the name is a giveaway. This kind of monkey pole is shaped and bent just like a banana. They may be dangling straight out when flaccid, but when they get hard, they bend down.
This may make it appear small, but try it out for size; you might be surprised by how perfectly it rubs against your clitoris and even your G-spot with every thrust. Be careful doing the doggy, though. You may end up walking weirdly afterward. This is one of the types of dicks that will certainly surprise you in a good way.
This penis isn’t all big and ripped like the comic book hero. We called this penis-type Thor because it’s shaped like a hammer. The head is big, and the shaft is small, like a mushroom *we’ll go with the name “hammer” because it sounds sexier, and there’s a mushroom penis we’ll tackle later*.
Out of all the types of dicks, this one is perfect for touching the entirety of your vaginal walls—and, with shallow thrusts, your G-spot. [Read: How to hit the G-spot and make her squirm with pleasure]
The mushroom manhood looks much like the Thor, but with more, shall we say exaggerated features. It is typically smaller in size, and the head is more rounded, like an umbrella or a mushroom cap. To get the most out of this old chap, you’d better opt for doggy to allow for deeper thrusting while making the base gratifyingly rub against your clitoris.
Simply put, this cock is shaped like a “C.” This is a penis that bends to the right when erect. The slight distortion is due to a disease called Peyronie’s Disease, which is caused by a plaque forming along the length of the penis. This C-bend can also be caused by accidents or trauma to the penis.
While sex for the C penis can be painful, spooning and saddling can be highly satisfying. Fortunately, the vagina can keep the dick straight once inside, so out of all the types of dicks, this is one you can do something about once it’s inside. [Read: Health-related reasons why sex can be really painful for men]
Weirder and less common than the “C,” is the “S” penis. This is a seemingly slithering purple monster because it bends to one side and then the other in an “S” shape.
Despite its unusual shape, don’t write off this schlong because it may just be attached to a freak in bed. Depending on him and how he can make the most of his package, you can achieve “O” due to the tingling effect this shape brings.
Wider than it is long, it is the Danny DeVito of penises. But don’t be turned off by this stump just yet. Though it can be very wide and typically stands at 4 to 5 inches, it can be very pleasurable, as it will satisfactorily fill every nook and cranny of your vagina.
With deep thrusts, you can achieve maximum climax with this little fellow. Just be sure to have enough lubrication. Out of all the types of dicks we’ve talked about so far, this is one that could help you hit the pleasure high notes. [Read: Best sex positions for men with smaller penises]
This love rod is, indeed, as straight as a rod. It appears straight and slim, like a pencil. Its head is also almost the same width as the shaft, making it look very sleek and elongated. While this can be long, wide ladies won’t get much of that delish friction they need to get off.
It can also poke your cervix, making sex painful. Women on top and spooning are good positions with these types of penises, but be careful when doing anal—you might just end up with a stick up your ass. [Read: 15 Big dick problems guys with a smaller penis have no idea about]
The carrot is perhaps the most desirable penis for women. It is slim in the end and gradually becomes thick at the base. The head is smaller, and the shaft is bigger, forming a soft triangular shape that gives gradual pleasure to any woman in any position. Penetration is easy and sleek, but as the stiffy goes in deeper, the “ooh la la” sensations increase. [Read: The 30-day sex challenge – 30 fun sex positions for 30 nights of fun]
This penis type is also beneficial to those who like anal, as the narrow-at-the-top-and-thicker-at-the-base shape, which somewhat resembles the shape of a butt plug, makes anal penetration a lot easier.
This old chap looks… really old. This is because it seems to be buried in a droopy robe of the foreskin, making you wonder if it’s erect or flaccid, big or small.
As enigmatic as this withering rod may seem, it can be difficult to find pleasure, even when the ‘old one’ is inside you. Out of all the types of penises, perhaps this is the one you’ll need to work harder with. [Read: Big vs small: Why bigger isn’t always better]
If you remember Mr. Snuffleupagus on Sesame Street, then you know what we’re talking about. This type of penis should actually be an ancient relic of penises past, with hygiene and grooming standards significantly more prominent today than in the days of the caveman. This shaggy shag stick can be quite puzzling—and pungent—as you don’t know where the penis ends and the balls begin.
This type of penis curves. This might not sound like a good thing, but there’s nothing wrong with it. If you have this kind of penis, then you should experiment with different angles so you can find what works for you and your partner.
You can try positions where you can point the curve at the front wall of the vagina to give you the same advantage as the banana penis. [Read: The curved penis – how, why, and tips and sex positions to flaunt a bent boner]
A circumcised penis has had the foreskin removed from it. This means that you can see the head at all times, even when flaccid. There isn’t any need to push back the skin to get to it. Having or not having the foreskin makes no difference in the man or woman’s pleasure.
Unlike the circumcised penis, the uncircumcised one still has its foreskin. Only part of the head is visible when it’s erect. And even then, it depends on how much skin the man has on it. There is no advantage or disadvantage to having an uncircumcised penis.
It can act like a pleasure-inducing sleeve on the penis, and you can alternate between sliding it back and forth over the head. Or, you can pull it back and expose the head for more pleasure. [Read: Circumcised vs. uncircumcised penis – who makes the sexy cut?]
This kind of penis has hair around the base of it and the balls too. There might even be some hairs on the shaft as well. This doesn’t present a problem for anyone, but it might be best to keep it trimmed and hairless for hygienic reasons. It’s always nice to have a clean and fresh penis.
This is one of the common types of penises. Some penises have a lot of veins that are visible in them, especially when they are erect. You can thank genetics and muscle for a veiny penis, but it’s nothing to be concerned about if you can see them in the penis. Penetration won’t feel any different than with a penis that isn’t very veiny.
Of course, we know what freckles are on the face and other parts of the body. But freckles can appear on penises too. It just comes down to the pigmentation, and it can be more pronounced in some parts of the penis than others. It’s just a visual thing and nothing to be concerned about. [Read: Sex positions that could leave you with a broken penis]
Penises are wonderful. They’re fun to play with, they please us, tease us, and they get the deed done.
However, despite the variety, there’s more to sexual satisfaction than a well-endowed pecker. Guys—and girls—should know well how to make the most of what they’ve got to get the most pleasure out of a penis. And now that you know how many different ones there are, you can maximize your sexual experiences.
[Read: Weird penis: Freaky behaviors that are totally normal]
So there you have it. We’ve given you the low-down on the down-below of our beloved men and the different types of penises they have. We’ve found out that not all wangs are created equal. But one thing is for sure: weiner beauty is in the eye of the beholder—and the owner.
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