Practicing safe sex means more than having a condom on standby. Here’s everything you need to know to keep you and your partner healthy during and after sex.
Most of us have had “the talk” before. Whether it was with our parents or someone older and wiser, we are all aware that unprotected sex is bad. If you’re one of those who ignored the awkward lecture to save yourself the embarrassment, we’re here to refresh you on how to have safe sex.
Sex can be a tricky beast. While the act itself can send shivers through your entire body with a mind-blowing orgasm… It can also riddle you with disease, sickness, and crippling emotional confusion.
Did our mention of diseases scare you? Good. That’s exactly why you need to know the right way to have safe sex to prevent the dangers that come with unprotected sex. [Read: 35 truths to become sexually active in a safe, fun way with no regrets]
Who needs safe sex?
Learning how to have safe sex is applicable to more than just high school students. It’s something that has to continuously happen every time you get into bed with someone.
Even if you’re using a form of birth control and are keeping up with regular STD tests, you may be at risk! Sexual health is very fluid and can surprise you when you least expect it.
In fact, even those who aren’t sexually active with a partner may still need to practice safe sex in order to protect themselves. [Read: Sex for the first time – 37 must-knows and secrets about losing your virginity]
How to have safe sex
So, how can you stand on guard against the dangers of scandalous sexy time and get back to orgasmic bliss? We’re looking at all the ways to have safe sex in pretty much every way possible!
1. Know your status
If you are sexually active, the first thing you should do before having sex with a new partner is to get up-to-date with your sexual health. Regular STI tests are vital. Your symptoms may not show up for weeks, months, or even years, while you’ve unknowingly shared it in the meantime.
Checking your STI status before engaging in sex with different partners *or a partner who has had different partners!* is the only way to be certain.
2. Communicate before anything
Whether you’re having sex for the first time or you’re just getting down to business with a new partner, it’s important to always communicate with them before you even get to the fun stuff.
Be honest about your sexual past and experiences, your preferences for contraception, and be firm about your decision to have safe sex. You will need an open and honest line of communication, so be sure you hear feedback from them, too.
For example, is he willing to wear a condom? Is she on the pill? Are you on the same page about what would happen if a pregnancy occurs? Do they have a history of STDs? What about HPV?
Always know what you’re getting into, and know your options whenever you are in a sexual relationship. [Check out: Don’t let your partner’s sexual history drive a wedge between you]
3. Going on birth control
Birth control is a woman’s badge of honor these days. After all, what’s sexier than an independent woman who knows how to take care of herself and cares about her sexual health? The most well-known birth control type is the pill, but the market is expanding.
Birth control options for women include: daily pills, weekly patches, monthly injections, an intrauterine device *IUD*, cervical caps, vaginal rings, and female condoms. [Read: Birth control options and what they can do for you]
Whatever option you choose, make sure that you see a healthcare professional to get informed advice. They will discuss your lifestyle to navigate you toward the birth control method that works best for you.
Although everyone sings their praises about birth control, they do come with side effects as well as little to no STD protection. So you best be using those condoms right alongside your preferred birth control!
4. Always, always, always use a condom
The most efficient way to protect yourself from STDs and a pregnancy post-orgasm is to wear a condom! Yes, even if the girl is already on the birth control pill.
Since we’ve all seen the awkward “condom on banana” demonstration, we’ll save you the explanation of how to put it on. But, we should point out a couple of things that most people overlook when it comes to the efficiency of wearing a condom:
1. Be sure to leave enough room at the end of the condom/tip of the penis for the sperm to pool into.
2. Be careful when pulling out during intercourse, post-orgasm. Wrap your fingers around the base of the condom to ensure it slides out of her easily and doesn’t bunch up and spill sperm everywhere inside her!
3. Look for the expiration date! That’s right, on the box/package of every condom is an expiration date. [Read: How to buy condoms – 32 secrets to be a condom know-it-all before using one]
4. Condoms that are exposed to direct sunlight will wear down and may break, so be sure to store them in a cool, dry area. They also wear down with friction, so take them out of your wallet and put them on your nightstand!
Alright, so condoms aren’t the be-all, end-all of sexual safety. Why? According to a 2011 study, 2 out of 100 women will become pregnant, even with the proper use of a condom. All the more reason to double up and use a condom while you’re on the pill! [Read: 17 condom types, their secrets, and ways to spice up your sex life with them]
5. Use lubricant
Not only does lubricant make fun times even more fun, but it also can help protect you from skin tearing during sex. An open cut during sex is an invitation for STIs.
When using lube with a condom, make sure you’ve read the directions on your condom box to ensure you’re using the right kind of lube. Some lubrication types, such as oil-based lube, have a higher chance of wearing down and breaking condoms.
6. Use barrier methods during oral sex
While you may not be able to get pregnant from having oral sex, you can still get a nasty STI. To put it simply, you still need to follow the same cautions as having penetrative sex when you have oral sex.
You should wear condoms during oral sex, too. Yes, it may not feel the same, but your priority should be about protecting your sexual health. Some condom companies even make flavored condoms for the occasion.
Dental dams are great options for vaginal oral sex. This method of protective oral sex allows you to feel the magic of a tongue and the heat of breath all while keeping both of you blissfully protected.
7. Remember precum
Think you’re safe from the pregnancy bug just because you’ve done some naked grinding without penetration? Sorry to say, but sperm cells are resilient little suckers.
While the likelihood of you getting pregnant from the pull-out method, or during naked grinding is slim, that isn’t to say it doesn’t happen. If your man came anywhere on or near your vagina, even without penetration, they may still find a way to put a bun in your oven.
8. Practice anal sex safety
There are many health concerns when it comes to having anal sex, including tears, infections resulting in HIV, cancer, hemorrhoids, the feces factor, and all that bacteria.
One of the dangers of anal sex is that the skin inside the anus is incredibly thin. So, be gentle and use copious amounts of lube. Any tears in the skin can result in awful infections that you’ll want to avoid.
And as always, wear a condom during anal sex. Not only does it make for easier cleanup, but it also protects both the penis and the anus from bacterial infections. [Read: Risks and dangers of anal sex – what to watch out for]
9. Keep your sex toys clean
Whether you and your partner use toys together or you’re going solo, taking care of your sex toys is a part of being safe during sex.
While it’s no surprise that your sex toys can’t get you pregnant, they can spread infections if you aren’t careful.
Be sure to read the directions that came with your toy to make sure that you wash it properly since different materials require different care. And always clean them after each use. Failure to do so can result in some nasty bacterial infections that you definitely don’t want.
10. Be careful of feminine hygiene products
Unless recommended by a healthcare provider, you should really avoid vaginal cleaning rituals. Products marketed toward “deep cleaning” of the vagina do more harm than good. In fact, they can have dangerous consequences.
Fragranced products such as soaps, sprays, deodorants, and wipes are just infections and chemical irritations waiting to happen. Rituals such as douching are notoriously dangerous and harmful to your reproductive health.
The vagina is a self-cleaning organ. When you use cleaning products in it, they remove normal, healthy, and natural bacteria needed in your vagina to fight off a number of diseases and infections. Douching in particular has been linked to cancer and fertility problems, among countless other infections.
Unprotected sex risks
If unprotected sex is so dangerous, why do so many people do it? The answer isn’t just one thing, it can be a few different things such as missing a birth control deadline or the breakage of a condom. Regardless of the excuse, unprotected sex is dangerous, period.
If you ignore the dangers of unprotected sex from your teachers, parents, or even your doctor, now’s the time to pay attention. These are the biggest reasons you need to wrap it up the next time you want to get frisky with someone.
1. Unplanned pregnancy
The most well-known risk of having unprotected sex is unplanned pregnancy. Having sex without contraceptives puts you at risk of getting pregnant—especially if the girl isn’t on another form of birth control. And no, pulling out isn’t much safer. [Read: Pregnancy scare – 17 calm steps for women & men to handle it together]
2. Sexually transmitted infection *STI*
Sexually transmitted infections are infections that pass on through sex from one partner to another. STIs can range in severity and can make lasting health conditions, such as infertility, if left untreated.
The types of sexually transmitted diseases are extensive, but a few commonly known ones are gonorrhea, chlamydia, genital warts, pubic lice, and syphilis.
Some may go years without showing symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease, which is why it is all the more important to have regular health checkups and follow safe sex practices.
3. Urinary tract infection *UTI*
A urinary tract infection is when bacteria enters the urinary system and finds a place to grow. This can occur during sex for women *and less often for men* when bacteria from the rectal area is pushed toward the urethra.
Although this is a common infection associated with sex, there are measures you can take to lower the risk of it.
For example, practicing safe sex, such as thoroughly cleaning sex toys after each use and using a safe type of lubricant, are great ways to prevent this painful infection.
UTIs are not STIs, meaning they can not be passed from one person to another during sex. However, this doesn’t make them any less dangerous. An untreated UTI causes irritation and kidney and bladder infections.
4. Human immunodeficiency virus infection *HIV*
HIV is a virus that attacks the body’s immune system and capability to fight off disease and infection. There is currently no cure for HIV, but it can be treated and controlled under the right medical care. If left untreated, HIV can lead to acquired immunodeficiency syndrome *AIDS*.
To prevent getting HIV, it’s vital to practice safe sex by communicating with your partner about their sexual history. And regular sexual health testing is an absolute must. Symptoms of HIV can disguise themselves as common cold or flu symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to get tested.
5. Infertility
As mentioned, STDs and STIs are serious things to consider when you’re about to have unprotected sex. When cases go untreated, they can cause women to become infertile. [Read: STDs 101 – the most common types and their symptoms]
What to do after you’ve had unprotected sex
If you’ve found yourself having unprotected sex, there are some steps you can take. It’s not quite time to panic just yet!
1. Urinate after sex
Urinating after sex is an important practice, whether you’ve had protected or unprotected sex. This is because, during sex, bacteria can enter your urethra and put you at risk of developing an infection. When you use the bathroom after the fact, your urine flushes harmful bacteria out of your system.
2. Consider emergency contraceptives
If you’ve had unprotected sex, using an emergency contraceptive should be taken into consideration. Especially if there is any doubt that he did not pull out during sex *we don’t endorse this method, but we know it exists*.
Emergency contraceptives such as Plan B *levonorgestrel* and Ella *ulipristal acetate* are recommended to use within five days of unprotected sex, the sooner the better the prevention of unwanted pregnancy.
Be sure that you explore your options and closely monitor the expiration date as well as look into the side effects. If you have access to your healthcare provider, you will need to consult them about your best contraceptive option, although Plan B is available without a prescription if needed.
3. Take a pregnancy test
Now, we know how scary a pregnancy scare can be. You may want to rush right away to take a pregnancy test, but this will only give you false results.
Pregnancy tests are effective roughly three weeks after you’ve had unprotected sex or after a missed period. This wait gives your body enough time to develop the hormones needed to have a result on a pregnancy test.
These tests are relatively inexpensive and can be bought in stores, or you can reach out to your healthcare provider and discuss your options. [Read: How to tell if you’re pregnant – early signs to keep an eye on]
4. Get tested for STIs
As we have stressed throughout this feature, it is vital that you get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases before and after you’ve had unprotected sex.
If you believe that you have been exposed to an STI, find a service near you where you can get tested. Your doctor will discuss the testing types with you and inform you about whether your tests will show accurate results based on the timeline of your sexual activity.
5. Prepare for next time
While many of us intend to practice safe sex, we know it may be the last thing on your mind in the heat of the moment.
Now that you have a list of safe sex habits, make a conscious effort to take advantage of them next time. [Read: 23 signs & why he’s trying to get you pregnant without telling you]
Signs that something is “off”
We’ve discussed that symptoms of illnesses from unprotected sex may disguise themselves and go unnoticed, there are symptoms that may be very apparent.
It’s important that you monitor your body and make note of anything that feels “off” and reach out to your healthcare provider as soon as possible.
A few of the signs may include, but are not limited to:
1. Any burning/itching/bleeding when urinating
This is one of the most telling signs that something is wrong. If you recently had unprotected sex and notice this happening, you’ll need to consult your healthcare provider and get it checked out as soon as possible. This could be a sign of an STI, STD, UTI, or another health concern.
2. A missed period
We all know one of the first signs of pregnancy is missing a period. Since this is usually the first sign we notice when pregnant, if you missed a period after having unprotected sex, take an at-home pregnancy test. [Read: Baby-free reasons why you missed your period]
3. Genital rashes
If you get a rash in your genital region after engaging in unprotected sex, go ahead and get it checked out. While it can be a reaction to different things, getting checked for an STD/STI is necessary.
4. Pressure/cramping/pain in the lower region
If there is any change in your genitals when it comes to pain, make an appointment with your doctor. When something hurts that shouldn’t be hurting, it’s time to look at what might be wrong before it’s too late.
5. Your partner confesses they have something contagious
If you hear—even after a while—the partner you engaged in unprotected sex with discovers they have an STD or STI, get tested right away.
Even if you don’t show symptoms, you should go. Some STDs and STIs don’t always show symptoms in some people. [Read: Surviving an STD scare in a relationship]
When is it okay to have unprotected sex?
We’ve stressed that unprotected sex is unsafe sex, but you don’t have to protect yourself during sex forever. These are times when it’s perfectly safe for you to forgo using a condom.
1. You’re monogamous
If the two of you only see each other and don’t have sex with anyone else, then your risks are lowered when having unprotected sex. Just remember pregnancy is still a possibility when you’re not using a form of birth control. [Read: Awkward conversations you need to have with your partner]
2. You’ve both been tested for STDs
If you’ve both been tested and come back clean, AND you established you’re monogamous, then it’s safe to have unprotected sex without the fear of contracting something.
3. You’re trying to conceive
Obviously, if you’re actually trying to get pregnant, you need to have unprotected sex. You can’t really get pregnant easily if you still use a condom when you’re trying to get pregnant.
4. You accept the risks and live with the consequences
If you accept all the risks and you tell yourself you can live with the consequences, then go right ahead and have unprotected sex! Just remember some of the risks are life-altering. You should be able to deal with that if you truly want to forgo protection.
[Read: How is sex important in a relationship? The truth revealed]
Learning how to have safe sex means more than just strapping on a condom and going to town. Let these facts be a lesson to you to practice safe and satisfying sex with your partner in every way.
