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How to Know if You are Not in Love Anymore and Are Drifting Apart

How to Know if You are Not in Love Anymore

Love, as true as it may be, can at times start to fade away. Do you feel like you’re not in love anymore? Keep an eye on these signs to know for sure.

Do you feel like love is slipping out of your relationship slowly and you can’t do a thing to stop it? Do you ever feel like you’re not in love anymore, and are slowly drifting away from your partner? Love that is neglected can take on a shade of hate and anger, and eventually take a turn for the worse.

It can be stopped though, but when you reach a stage where you question your own love for someone, you do need a lot of work and effort to bring the romance back in the air.

When both of you are not in love anymore, a relationship that can easily succeed starts to become a burden of frustrations and pain.

Ever find yourself questioning your own relationship and whether you’re doing the right thing by staying a relationship that gives you no joy?

Find out how to know if you are not in love anymore, and make up your mind on the next step towards happiness.

[Read: Falling out of love and how people go through it]

How to know if you are not in love anymore

While the emotion of falling in love is intense and blissful, the emotions of falling out of love can be just as intense. But more often than not, love fades away so slowly that you may not even realize it. BUT along every step of the way, you will find intense emotions that you may not even associate with the signs of falling out of love.

And as time passes, you’d start to see a few of these signs crop up now and then, for no reason at all. So how to know if you are not in love or slowly slipping apart from each other? Well, remember these signs.

#1 Your partner annoys you and you’re not sure why. Your partner may be watching something on Netflix, preparing dinner, or just having a conversation on the phone. It doesn’t matter what they do, but every now and then, you’d just have a sudden urge to scrunch up your face in annoyance or grumble to yourself. You may have no idea why, but the very sight of your partner may start to irritate you. [Read: Annoying boyfriend signs and annoying girlfriend signs]

#2 You’re not excited anymore. At the beginning of a relationship, your eyes light up with happiness when you see your partner or have a fun conversation with them.And now you prefer doing anything but staying around them.

Do you feel restless or bored when you spend time with your partner, or do you look for ways to stay back at work or stay out more often with your own friends? You’d know you’re not in love anymore if your partner just doesn’t excite you anymore. [Read: 15 common reasons why you’re getting bored with your relationship]

#3 You’re only interested in yourself. One of the signs of a happy relationship is the unconditional love that both lovers have for each other.

But as the relationship starts to lose its romance, both partners start to become selfish, be it about sharing food, dressing up well or helping each other grow. When you start to fall out of love, you wouldn’t mind letting your partner suffer as long as it can be advantageous to you. [Read: The clearest signs you’re being really selfish in your relationship]

#4 You’re constantly looking out. You may have a nice time with your partner, and everything may seem perfectly fine on the outside. But in your own mind, are you constantly appreciating beauty and hoping for a chance encounter to cheat on your partner?

You may not be trolling websites or swiping on apps for extramarital affairs, but you’re extra friendly with people you’re attracted to, all the time with the hope of cheating on your partner.

When you consciously try to microcheat on your partner all the time, you’re not in love. You just like the stability of a backup relationship. [Read: Microcheating – What it is and signs you’re unintentionally doing it]

#5 You know you deserve better. If you’re wondering how to know if you are not in love anymore, this is one of the subtle signs that can spell doom in the months to come. You may like your partner and have a great time with them, but deep within, do you truly believe you deserve better?

You may think you’re cleverer, better looking or just too good to be true, but if you’re in a relationship knowing full well that you’d leave your partner the minute someone better walks into your life, really, is that even love? [Read: The love lessons you can learn only from experience]

#6 No together time. One of the main foundations that hold a relationship together is communication and togetherness. Sometimes, as love starts to fade away, both of you may start to spend less time with each other. And eventually, before you know it, weekends and holidays may pass without either of you taking an initiative to spend time with each other.

You may love hanging out with your own friends and having a nice time. But if either of you can’t spend a few hours with each other and don’t really care about communication and togetherness, there’s no hope for the relationship to survive unless both of you take the initiative to come closer. [Read: The signs of indifference in a relationship that predict a real drift]

#7 You’re jealous of your partner. Are you secretly jealous of your partner? A teensy bit of envy is certainly acceptable. After all, if you are going out with an attractive and charming person, you are going to be awed by them now and then. But when the awe and envy turns to green eyed jealousy, the relationship starts to get shaky.

But if you do take that a step further and try to secretly jeopardize their success, it’s better to end the relationship rather than face the bitter consequences.

Do you spend more of your partner’s money when you’re angry with them? Do you purposely keep your partner occupied with other distractions just so they can screw up their presentation the next day? Well, these little acts could seem like a childish way to get back at a partner, but it’s actually a deeper psychological agenda to put down a partner, which in turn can bring both of you down. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and overcome it]

#8 You have no respect for your partner. When you lose respect for your partner, you wouldn’t think twice about yelling at them or even scorning them for a small mistake, even when there are others around to bear eyewitness.

When you think your partner’s a loser, a worthless slob or a despicable human, you definitely can’t be in love with them. You’re probably putting up with them only because you don’t want a drastic change in your lifestyle.

You can’t really be in love with someone you don’t respect. It’s as simple as that. [Read: 15 signs of a lack of respect in a relationship that proves you don’t love each other]

Other subtle signs to keep an eye on – Are you out of love?

Here are a few signs that may confuse you into wondering if you are not in love anymore. If you’re experiencing any of these signs in your relationship, it definitely doesn’t mean you aren’t in love. But it does mean you and your partner need to work on your relationship.

#9 You argue a lot. Frequent arguments are a sign of misunderstandings and not loss of love. In fact, as long as the arguments are constructive, it can also help better the relationship. But there are always better ways to understand each other. For starters, it’s called communication.

#10 Don’t have sex anymore. You could jump and bounce off beds like two horny bunnies at the start of the relationship. But as the relationship matures, there is a possibility of losing the sexual enthusiasm. Bring back the desire in bed by recharging those energizer bunnies with sex appeal and whatever else that can turn either of you on. [Read: Don’t want to have sex anymore?]

#11 Not indulging in PDA. When you’re young in love, both of you may be holding hands all the time and pecking each other’s cheeks like birds and bird seeds.

If you had a hard time getting to a room in time at the beginning of your relationship and find that both of you have now lost the urge to get cuddly all the time, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. It just means that your love has matured beyond infatuation into something calmer. [Read: 20 ingenious ways to keep a relationship fresh and exciting]

#12 Spending more time with others when you go out. When you both go out, does your partner spend less time talking with you and spends more time with other people, or on their phone?

While this may seem like a sign of falling out of love, your partner may just be excited to socialize with others, or may assume they have nothing interesting to say.

But if this does bother you, make the effort to take the first initiative. Sometimes, both partners end up slacking because neither one sees the other partner making the effort!

[Read: The sign it’s time to break up even if it’s the hardest thing to do]

So where do you see yourself and your partner? Now that you know how to tell if you’re not in love anymore, ask yourself what you intend to do about it. Do you want to work on it? Or would you rather walk away?

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Vin Serai
Vin Serai
A proponent of chivalry and romance, Vin Serai sees himself as a gregarious gentleman with an active imagination, who still manages to spend more time living in...

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80 thoughts on “How to Know if You are Not in Love Anymore and Are Drifting Apart”

  1. Mike says:

    I never really stare at women. I only discreetly glance if I happen to notice an attractive woman in the room/cafe/etc. So now I feel creepy for even doing that. Charlie Sheen had it right the whole time.

  2. Nikki says:

    Hi my name is Nikki I am 29 years old been with my partner for 12 years and I am no longer in love with him and don’t no how to ask him to leave as he has been violent in the passed I have 2 kids with him my son loves his dad very much I’m scared of losing my son if I do ask him to leave

  3. GeneP says:

    Nikki, you need to get some help…NOW. Call a shelter, a minister, someone to help you get out of this situation. I don’t know the age of your son, but if he is old enough to understand that abuse isn’t healthy and you all need to leave, then I would suggest explaining that to him as easily as possible without making his dad out to be a monster. He is still his dad and you don’t want to come off as the ‘parent who hates so you have to hate, too’. If he’s too young to understand this, then it is your responsibility to protect yourself and your children and you son will learn the truth as he grows up. Again, a shelter, minister, therapist, or other professional can help you deal with your son’s emotions about this, too.
    The bottom line, you need to be responsible for yourself and for your children! Keep all of you safe, at any cost. Get help NOW!! (call a hotline if you think you have no other place to turn. they can point you to someone in your area that will give you the help you need).
    I wish you the very best! I’ll check back here to see how things are going, if you’d like to share.

  4. oli says:

    me and my partner we been together for 3years nw… its was good from the get go..until 2011 , she became ignorant of our relationship telling nasty words like “i dont love you anymore” “u forcing me into the relationship’ “u stupid” and i begged her each and everytime. we share a 1year old daughter. i got fed up in january this year and told her hoe i was feeling inside.. how she treated me… i took a break for a month. i thought ill be okay! i realised that the love is gone… we tried fixing things up… i just dont want to be with her… i like her but the spark and romance i have for her its gone… i love my daughter so much… m will to sacrifice the terror just to be with her!

  5. Bobo says:

    I really need help on this topic. I’m 24 years old and I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now.
    Our relationship hasn’t been the best for the last 2 years. As he was talking to other girls via Internet. And told me he kissed another girl also a year after that. I must say that I got him to that point as I didn’t show any interest in him. And I really did love him.
    But lately I’ve notice that he irritates me very easly. And when he tells me he loves me. I never say it back. I don’t believe that he does love me. as he wouldn’t of hurt me the way he has in the past. I can not get over all of the things he has done to me in the past. When we should be moving forward. Dont get me wrong he has been the best bf ever since that stuff happened. but i just feel so trapped in this relationship he is my first love. And I resent him for everything he has done.
    I don’t no weather or not I do love him or if I’m just comfortable with him…?

    Please help

  6. Martin L says:


    @Nikki: You have a son with this man, whom you survived 12 years with. Rather than asking him to leave, why don’t you help him change? Men often need the communication and direction of their female counterpart to fix their hidden ills. What sort of a partner/woman/love are you that you run away when you notice the partner does not behave according to your imagination? My advice would be to ignore all people, who advise you to break up. Just read GeneP’s response; it is as if he/she wants you to suffer the same failure which she has endured. Beauty lies in consistency. Think about your child. You will ruin the child’s mental stability and bereave him from his beloved Dad. You need to COMMUNICATE with your man. If you don’t communicate with him about your worries, then you’re an evil woman in my estimate. Men get comfortable after some time, but they always entertain good intentions to keep their families together. If you fall out love and don’t tell him (and thereby take the chance for him to change) then your son’s sorry future of emanating from a broken family will rest on your shoulders.

  7. NaiNai says:

    I have been with my bf for 3 years and we moved in together a little over a year ago. We were so happy and in love before we lived together and were ready for the move so we did it. The past couple of months have been really hard though. We argue a lot and I just do feel like I’m happy with him anymore. Everything he does is starting to irritate me which starts an argument and the situation usually results in me being lead to believe that I am overreacting. He hardly ever takes the blame for anything wrong that he does where I always own up to my faults. I am a kind hearted person and I really want to work things out but it seems as though we have lost our communication — he never takes me seriously and our arguments are never constructive, nothing ever changes. Most of the time we argue about how I feel unappreciated in the relationship and it doesn’t feel like he notices/cares about me anymore. He’s not willing to change his ways to better our relationship he says “that’s just the way he is.” I also wanted to mention that I am the only serious girlfriend that he’s ever had but he is not my first love. I know what it takes to make a relationship work and when I try to voice that with him, he throws it back at me saying I think I know everything. He has a hold on me that’s hard for me to walk away from and it’s been eating me up inside. I have been contemplating moving out for the past few months but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I regularly threaten to move so now he doesn’t take me seriously and I know that’s my own fault but I don’t want to make a mistake walking away. I’m holding on hope because I really think things can be fixed but I’m to the point where I’m tired of fitting and I’m starting not to care anymore. After reading this article, I think I may be falling out of love.

    We are both 22, I will be 23 in a couple of months (I’m a few months older than him) so we are young but I am way more mature and experienced than he is relationship wise. I want more out of a relationship than what I had in high school and I’m sure his maturity level has a lot to do with this. I’m not pushing marriage or anything like that but just a more mature relationship, I mean we live together, I thought we were growing but now we are at a holt and he seems comfortable knowing that I’m always going to be here so everything else is out the window.


  8. Jess says:

    Hi, @ nainai
    this situation honestly sounds similar to mine. I am going through the same thing. It honestly feels like your stuck in limbo. I have desided to leave my patner of 4 years. Cause I used to do the exact same thing. I would say I’m moving and now he knows that I’m not going to. And never takes that seriously. I found myself even wanting to meet other guys which is wrong I no. But it has taken me to this point where I am considering other men in my life.
    I think maybe you and your patner should have some time apart. it will clear your thorts more. i found this very useful and i have made up my mind. i do believe you are showing sgins of falling out of love.
    And I no deep down in your heart you no what has to be done if you are feeling this way.
    All I can say is it doesn’t get any better and this is from my own personal experience. I’m not saying its going to be the same for you. But you are feeling the same as how u felt and I have learnt the hard way.

  9. Lola says:

    I need help please I have been with my partner for 12-1/2 years and we have a son together but I don’t know if I still live him or not but after reading this article it is very clear we fight all the time we don’t have sex not for a long time and if we do I don’t enjoy it at all he us 20 years older than me and our likes and interest are VERY different , before I didn’t care to sacrifice my likes for him and try to do the best that I could to please him my 8 years old son loves his dad and I don’t blame him he a great Dad when he can and I say can because I think he doesn’t have his priorities strait he owns his own business and it’s all he care abouts ,I understand that’s how we pay for our things but we need family time too , he says he understand that but never does anything to try to make it happen I really don’t know what to do I don’t want my Don to loose his Dad and all that comes from a family but at the same time my life is just flying by and I have not accomplish any of my dreams because I am always too busy working in his at least that’s how I feel his business is now going through the toughs time ever but my life just keeps getting worst please help me would I be a horrible mom and person if I tell him I don’t love him anymore and that I want to leave
    P.S I have tried talking to him about this but he just gets mad and starts yelling and says I don’t see any problem or things I am doing wrong I am just trying to support my family
    Please advise me ASAP

  10. Emkay says:

    DO NOT listen to Martin. He is wring and sounds like an abuser himself.
    Domestic violence is ILLEGAL and it is not your fault.
    Your son deserves to grow up in a household free from abuse, and he deserves a strong mother who loves him as a role model, not a man who hurts others.
    Please please please call a refuge, or even police when you decide to leave. Be SAFE! Many women do get killed when they leave their abusers, PLEASE take care if yourself and your kids. You deserve to be happy.

  11. Ally says:

    I need help too. After reading this article Im sure that the romance has gone between me and my boyfriend, He irritates me all the time and we have fights. The relationships started out great, We’ve been together for 1.5 years and decided to move in together at the beginning of this year, we found a place and we are going to move next month, BUT I JUST DONT FEEL LIKE IT ANYMORE, Im not excited being with him and to be honest I am thinking about meeting new guys. I know this is not right I have given him hint that I might have been falling out of love but he was so crazy about me and he wouldn’t let go. And since we are going to move together I dont know if its a good time for me to break up with him (he will take care of the rent all by himself or might end up having no place to go). Part of me just wanted to break up and the other part of me thinks that I should stick with him because he loves me so much and I should take responsibilities for him as well. I am scared of moving in with hime now and Im sure I will end up move out from that place after couple of months. I think Im pretending to be excited about the moving in thing is just to comfort him. I really dont know what to do, I tried to fix the relationship and he still thinks I love him but deep in my heart I know I just wanted to get away.

  12. Hayley says:

    I’m 24 years old and about 1 year ago my boyfriend bought a motorcycle, we have been dating for 3 1/2 years now and all he cares about are his hobbies and I feel like I sit on the sidings and watch. We go to dinner and he worrys about getting home too late cause he will be tired. He can’t even sit down and enjoy dinner with me. Everything we have ever done together in this past year has been in advantage for him. He used to buy me flowers and actually care that he had a gf but now I feel like I’m just loose change in his pocket. Worthless and in the dark. What do I do?

  13. Louie says:

    So im louie, ive beein with my wife for 6/7 years since highschool, im 21 now and we have 2 kids ..i notice their isnt much love left ,and constantly want to be single and im just fed up with how my relationship is going. Were always arguing and fighting with words, its like id rather be at work than home with her.. But .the thing i hate the most is beeing away from my kids, weve broken up several times but i come back, idk why!? I just dont know what to do anymore,i feel hopeless..i love my kids and always responsible, plz some one give me advice..thanks

  14. sharon says:

    my boyfriend is every womans dream.I can clearly see that all my friends admire me.problem is he is crazily in love but amnot.every one thinks am crazy not to be in love witj him.should I keep tryin to love him or walk out?

  15. lee says:

    I am in a married live I do not want to be in he is so unfaitfull to me will he ever be faitfull again

  16. Rianna says:

    Martain are you really serious? Seriously?.. No man should ever touch a women with violence! Or vs verse. There is no working things out right now! There’s no talking! And there is no! Keeping parents together under these circumstance whatsoever! She needs to leave! Her son does not need to be around that! It is not health for child development in anyway! If this man goes through some type of anger management, and counseling for a couple years, maybe he can try a new relationship in the future. As for her, she needs to leave until he is willing to get help. Your in my prayers hun.

  17. Rianna says:

    My advice to all of you.. Take these signs that are listed above, you and your partner go over them together. Allowing you both to voice your opinion on how each of you feel about these? It’s better to agree and find out now that you to are no longer compatible, then you both living in an unhealthy relationship

  18. Reanna says:

    My goodness… this is all what I feel right now.

  19. TheTruth says:

    first of all these days there aren’t that many nice women out there to meet as it is, since so many of them are playing games today and think they are all that.

  20. michelle says:

    I crusly need help nd advice, I have been with my bf fo 2yrs nw and we hv an 8mths old baby. Bfo I fall pregnant I caught him in bed with my frnd bt I fogave dem. Den wen I was in my first trimester of my pregnancy he cheated on me with his ex from another city. He would go der constantly nd lie 2 me saying his visting sum frnds. He evn blocked me on facebook so dat I dnt find out abou his affair. Bt I dd find out, de chic called nd sweared @ me as if I’m da bitch. Dey broke up, bt still he ddnt hv time fo me. He would always go out with friend, he would disappear for da whole wknd. I’d cry evry nyt and day. Afta gving birth I realized dat I’m jst waisting my time with him. Nw his telling me da he has changed nd we shld 4get abou the past. I jst cnt 4get dat easily, I still resent him fo wat he has put me through. I cnt evn kiSs him or hv sex with him. He dsnt wana leave me alone.
    Please help me,what must I do?

  21. sonny says:

    Jesus Michelle. I’m sorry but your writing is just terrible! Blah!

  22. javi says:

    After reading this it is evident that I am no longer in love with my girlfriend, however we have a 4 month old baby boy whom I love with all my heart and that keeps me from leaving. But man I cant picture a life of romantic misery as they say “for the kids”….breaking up with her does not mean I would be a deadbeat dad. This is complicated

  23. Z says:


    The most apparent message I get from your comment is that you’re simply not mature enough for a relationship. I’m sorry if this hits you the wrong way, but it needs to be said and I really hope you listen. And just so you know, I am not some over-privileged person who has never faced adversity– I am a Black woman born and raised in some of the countries worst Public Housing and my advice comes from the heart.

    From what I could understand from your story, your BF sounds like a typical man-boy who messes around with questionable girls. Your best option is to simply not be one of those girls. Step out of the cycle of immaturity and better yourself as a woman and a mother. The most important person in your life right now is your baby and the best way to honor him/her is to put ALL of your energy into your motherhood, education and career. Along with self improvement, you must do better for yourself relationship-wise because if you continue fooling around with little boys you will do a great deal of harm to your child. He/she will either learn to emulate the infidelity and man-child behavior or accept them as normal qualities in a man. Also: AIDS. It is still rampant and if you are a female who dates young Black or Hispanic men then you are the most at risk. This is not racism; it’s simply statistics. At this point, sex with your promiscuous BF is Russian roulette.

    It is possible that personal growth and time to mature can make him a better man, but you can’t count on that because you can only control your own choices and mentality. Right now you need to put everything you’ve got into bettering yourself, only then can you demand (and deserve) a thoughtful, intelligent, strong and morally sound man in your life. That goes for friends as well– if your circle of friends is your circle of drama then it’s time to step out of that loop and build yourself a better social life from the ground up, leaving anyone who is envious, immature or vindictive behind. Don’t let anyone pull you down.

    The last advice I want to give to you is this: BF is your child’s father and he has every right to be there for his child so please give him the opportunity to be in his child’s life and take extra care to keep the romantic relationship and the parental relationship between the two of you completely separate.

    Be a strong, beautiful woman with integrity and maturity and you can have the amazing life that you deserve. I truly wish you love and happiness and I hope this helps you in some way <3

  24. Z says:

    @Martin L

    That was the worst advise that I have read in a long time. You honestly come off as someone who either condones spousal abuse or is an abuse apologist. Shame on you.

    Be strong Nikki, hope you got from him. No one should ever tolerate physical abuse.

  25. Paola says:

    Hello i need help and advice, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year & he’s been my first love . We live together and he just started working but before he wasn’t working
    We would spend so much time together he would ne the sweetest guy ever to me but now that he works he doesn’t really have sex with me or treat me like hoq he use to I’m slowly getting tired of it & if it’s just me or he doesn’t wanna be with me . He tells me he does but i really don’t know if i should believe it or not ?

  26. Eye reen says:

    After reading this article, I finally realized that my boyfriend might be falling out of love to me. He gets so irritated easily like last night when I called him. I thought he’ll be happy but he isn’t and seems I was a disturbance to what he’s doing. And suddenly I realized all the things he have said to me before that no man who loves his girl would say or do. He told me prior to what happen last night that he doesn’t care about me and that he gets bored talking to me sometimes. We’re in a long distance relationship. Now all I know is to distant myself from him and try to think about things.

  27. Arlene says:

    I’m 39 he’s 57 we constantly argue i try my best to make it work and he always ends up doing or saying something that ticks me off also when I ask him to throw the garbage or carry the laundry bag after I do the laundry and he looks upset or obligated to do it I’ve always been a very independent woman and it really bothers me i can’t count on him for nothing not even manly things for example i needed brakes for my car and he knows how to do it but I had to pay a mechanic im super fedup i recently bought him a plane ticket but I bought it one way he thinks he’s returning but I don’t think I’m taking him back am I wrong for that I can’t even stand looking at him it erks me what advice do you give me ps desperate need advice

  28. Arlene says:

    Isn’t it sad too how I’m not happy intimately either but my ex and I were very sexually active passionate happy even if we didn’t do sex and we cuddled kissed slept in each others arms literally and with this man i feel nothing and I don’t desire him that’s y me and my ex are still sexually active we bumped into each other and felt the passion just by seeing each other and we started seeing each other again the only bad thing is when we lost communication for 2 years he met someone me as well

  29. kate says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for six years. We were high school sweethearts and each others first loves but I”m just not sure if I love him anymore or if I am just comfortable. It pains me to think of not being with him, but I don’t know if its in the way that it is supposed to be.. I care for him, I know that, but he irritates me every day, I find myself being short with him but he doesn’t treat me like he used to.. I’m not stupid, I understand relationships wind down but its like I’m not even in the room with him half of the time. And, he is so negative and gets worked up over everything, he never used to be this way, and I try to calmly talk to him but he just ends up ruining the whole day with his pessimistic attitude. I can’t tell if i am convincing myself there is still love there or if i am not giving the relationship the nurturing it needs.. I really feel like I’m trying.. I dont know what to do

  30. crystal says:

    I been with my husbin for 10 years and I dont want to do anything with him or havesex with him but I havethree kids and he said if I leave he will kill him self and I dont know how to tell him without him do anything to harm himself or others what should I do

  31. heather says:

    ive been w my husband for 15 yrs.. and i fell out love with him many many years ago. and ive stayed because he is sick. but i can no longer stay with him only because he is sick. ive met someone ive fallin in love with for the first time. i never really loved my husband i got married cuz i had to not becuz i wanted too. i knw he loves me and is staying ignorant to the affair i am having i need to knw how to make him understand i want more out life then hospitals and doctors. but i dont want to destroy him when i leave. so how can i tell him i no longer love him w out hurting him.

  32. Cynthia says:

    I been married for 17 yrs. I know we both don’t love each other the way we just to, I found many emotional and signs of physical affairs on his behalf and it has broken my heart deeply. He says he loves me but I just don’t feel the same for him. We have 2 beautiful boys together and it hurts me to break their hearts if I leave. I cannot take the pain they would go thru as they adore their father.
    I don’t know what to do anymore, we have taken counseling in the past but things really didn’t changed cause he went back to cheating on me again.
    He suggested counseling again but at this point I just don’t believe him anymore. Help!!

  33. Rosario Villalobos says:

    Hello i have 5 years with my boyfriend we have 3 wonderfull girls. He has two jobs he Works a Night shift and an evening shift so he sleeps all morning we dont see each other as we used to. When i call him he always tell me im busy and when he is with me his always on the phone he tells me that he loves me but is not like before and i dont feel the same way about him anymore i dont feel like having sex anymore he Jst want to jump the romance straight to sex does that mean that he dont love me?

  34. Maria says:

    I’ve just read this colum and found it very intriguing.
    I have been in a relationship for 3 years now. Initially things felt strong and right, and we both thought strongly and seriously of one another ( I mean he took me to meet his parents within the first month together).
    Currently I’m feeling empty and confused with my feelings.
    I loved that we spoke fondly about our future a year ago and started to make plans. He took me ring shopping, we spoke about the type of wedding, family life style etc.
    But from a few months ago I feel like all that is lost, promises and plans have gone out the window.. And I’m feeling myself cheated and deflated.
    I am a very driven and independent person, and when I make decisions I like to also get his opinion, but lately it feels like his jealous, or that his suffocating me in negativity, when things don’t need to be.
    I’m at the point, if and when he does decide to pop the question, I might say no?
    Very confused, as to if I should chuck in the towel, or work on us.. But I don’t want to be alone on working on us as a couple.

  35. Stacy says:

    Maria, I feel the same as you… I have been with my bf for 5 and a half years and for the last 3 years I have been waiting (and hinting) for him to propose and everyone knows it, he also has taken me to look at rings before. However now the waiting has turned into almost resentment… all my friends have gotten engaged and married and I wonder why not me? Now I think if he proposed I would say no too, although it’s what I always thought I wanted?
    He invited me to dinner tonight to ‘talk about things’ and I think I am going to suggest we go on a break… It’s so hard to get through the confusion

  36. Sylvia says:

    I’m not sure what to think any more , my husband cheated on me two years ago and last week he was inboxing her on fb when he knew it would be trouble to our marriage ! Please I need advice should I stay or go ?

  37. liliana says:

    Wow!!! After reading this I guess I’m not in love.. But the more that I Google things like this deep inside my hart I know the truth.. I don’t have to Google things like this cuz I have the answer to my questions.. I’ve been married 9 years I’m 26 years old have 2 kids. And I know for a fact I’m not in love..
    My best advice for e everyone is you should know when your not in love.. You should know when to walk away.. You should know CU’s I do and I still Google things like this lol..

  38. Bridget Padilla says:

    I’ve been talking to this guy for almost two years now, but we have only been together for 3 months. And lately I just feel like we click, I don’t try to see him not even talk lately. It’s like he irritates me for no reason. I want to be with him but sometimes I just wanna be on my own and not have to check in constantly with a guy!

  39. Ash89 says:

    I have a question/advice I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 38 we been together going on 2 years. We had a miscarriage last year I believe it was in gods plans because every since then our relationship has went down hill. He has an 11 year old daughter who lives with us. When I ask he to clean her room he comes in and tells me to clean our room. When it comes time for the things I need I get in trouble and a lecture about spending money but when his daughter needs something it’s fine. I don’t understand why he treats me this way. I’m still sad over the miscarriage and he gets upset at me over it. I’m not happy any more and when I talk to him about having a baby he tells me to go get with a guy who doesn’t have a job so I can’t get sooner care because we can’t afford insurance what do I do? I told him I was leaving and he told me to go he isn’t a chaser that shows right there he doesn’t love me but I can’t bring myself to leaving I can pack my stuff no problem but walking out the door is my issue I need guidance knowing it will all be ok

  40. Jade says:

    HELP.. I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and have 2 children with him and feel completely confused we always argue rarely have sex and when we do I can’t wait for it to be over I work and make excuses to avoid going home I live him but don’t know if I’m in love with him … We had a bit of Argument and I left for a few dats to sort my head out is wrong today that after 4 days awY from him I don’t miss or think about him he wants to restart but I’m unsure what to do please help need advice don’t just want to oh back for the kids sake

  41. sweet says:

    My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. I am working out of town and I only come home once a week. There is just one thing I have noticed, when my husband goes out, he never says anything. While we were asleep, he wakes up in the middle and then go out without any notice. When I am calling him he automatically says he is going to do something and I would drop the call. I am wondering as he still cares for me I can feel that, we have a kid and he loves him so much. I am worried that if I leave him my son will be sad.

  42. pretty purple says:

    we are in relation since 2011.
    I feel like things were better b4
    now I get irritated by him, he don’t talk much! n I don’t like going in a public restaurants coz he is always staring here n there or busy wid his cell 🙁
    but when we go in somewhere full of privacy he gets mad for sex! 🙁 everytime he wanna go in a extreme point I somehow stop him n say no, plz, don’t ! n he go angry!

    sometimes it jst feel like its all abt SEX!

    he has cheated on me b4 n I tried my best to make him love! now I jst feel he doesn’t worth it 🙁

    I don’t wanna be with him anymore! just the thing is I can’t forget him 🙁

  43. Boi says:

    At pretty purple

    It’s not that your relationship is about sex. sometimes women don’t wanna understand that
    all men want is to spend time with you being happy and playful and at the same time don’t restrict him when it comes to sex. THEN you will see how everything will fall in place. some women think restricting your men when it comes to sex it make him want you more but it actually frustrates him even more that he starts to wonder with his eye.

  44. kat says:

    hi, i read this searching for a reason why my boyfriend of 2 years are simply not working anymore. i am always irritated with him granted sometimes we have our good moments but lately whenever he speaks i get mad. our relationship always consisted of fighting mainly because he doesn’t understand what i am saying even after i try to explain it calmly he always makes these promises that he will change but we always find ourselves in the same fights until i’m fed up and tired of all of it. we are both in college and he isn’t use to studying so i literally have to act like a mother to him and make sure he does everything that he promised to do but in the end he doesn’t do them until i get fed up and tired and threaten to break it off due to me not being able to trust his word. so now every fight we have i find it hard to trust what he says to me. which is a problem because he doesn’t understand why i don’t trust him and over and over again i would try to explain that giving me empty promises and constantly being disappointed at him is the reason why. i’m just so tired of all of it i feel so drained it feels like chore or obligation to be with him i literally feel empty, dead sometimes and hopeless that he will ever change. so we took a break a week later he tells me that he has changed and will never give me empty promises again and be responsible and help make decisions in our relationship but i just can’t bring myself to take him back i feel like i would be back-tracking and it will never change also i’m tired of all it even though i know i will miss him so much; i just couldn’t. i mean who can actually change the way they are in a week?? that is the kind of promises he gives me all the time. god knows I’ve given him enough chances and always talked about what was eating at me. it’s just hard to move on even when i know i still care about him. help!! should i take him back or move on???????
    p.s all of this has kinda driven me in the hands of another i never cheated on my boyfriend but now i have these every confusing feelings for another person. which gets me to think that even though i care about my boyfriend i am no longer in love with him. i just feel so sad and confused. Help please!!!!!!!

  45. Kel says:

    Hi I was with my ex girlfriend 3 years and before that friends with benefits for two, she ended it in January saying silly reasons but I know I was giving her hard time for her less and less time for us… She says she’s got so many hastles with her family and her daughter and work that she’s exhausted and just wants to go home and get in her pyjamas and to see me was a extra burden as she also says of her family but that she can’t just get rid of them.. We work together so iv never been able to just avoid her so we do talk and my initial hurt had lessened, if I asked to get together she’d say she has no time for a relation just now and when she is able she will be with me as she’s not interested to no man and I’m her best and only friend, and she feels comfortable with me… I try not to text her as I don’t want to become to friendly but she’d always reply and seeing as we work together we had to talk..she’s tired and I see she’s exhausted and sometimes irritable cos of it but she lets me massage her at my office and when I say massage I mean everywhere (but I avoid chest and her lady bit of course but that’s almost brushed on… I’m confused what she thinks cos that is unbecoming of an ex and even just a friend.. She did say before she has no urge for sex since she’s exhausted and she can’t give me what I want in a relation at the minite and isn’t prepared and if I decide to move on when she asks me .. She says it will be her Loss but she don’t want to be selfish and expect me to wait… I don’t act needy or anything … Just masaage her and nice to her … Any input ?

  46. Maddi says:

    So I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, we started dating when I was 16 (I’m 18 now). Lately I have been thinking a lot about other guys and what it would be like to be single, I am starting to resent the fact that I am so secluded and sheltered. I feel as though I’m not going to be able to do all the things that young people get to do. The difficult thing tho is that I am extremely lonely, I have no friends and i am scared that if I break it off with him I will be indefinitely lonely and will have absolutely no one. I feel guilty for even thinking these things because my boyfriend is so lovely and had never done a thing wrong – never cheated, never abused. He has also told me in the past that the only reason we would ever break up is if I left him. It’s just more recently I don’t feel that spark I used to. We never have sex, it’s mediocer and I always have to insinuate it. At the start of our relationship I had low self esteem issues and fully relied on him most of the time, but I have gotten better now and am independent and sometimes feel like he is holding me back of my full potential. For him he’s happy to spend the rest of his life with me but for me there’s ALWAYS that thought in my mind that says “you haven’t even seen the world, how do you know that the first fish in the ocean is your fish? “. Please help I feel so guilty because he doesn’t deserve this but I also need to find myself and live my life.

  47. Elizabeth says:

    I feel like Im distancing myself from my Boyfriend. We have been together for 6 years i realize all i do is either be with him all day or at work. I dont have time for me anymore and the things that i. want to do every single friend that i ever have he never approves. My relationship is Boring! He tells me he loves me but I feel like I annoy him all the time and it feels like it is forced. Half of me wants to see how it is being single just me i dont want to sleep around or anything.., but i feel along the way i forgot how to be an individual and side tracked my dreams to be with him.

  48. shell says:

    Hi I really need some good advice on my current situation, I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 4, we have 2 children age 11 and 9. I dont think I want to ne with him anymore, its is very hard as he is a great guy who helps round the house,great Dad,hard worker and loves me to pieces. He isnt the same man I fell in love with tho, he has let himself go and I dont find him attractive anymore, cant stand to look at him, dont want to talk to him, dont laugh at his jokes, basically I dont enjoy his company and im embarrassed to be with him, he has put on lots of weight, dresses scruffy, has bad breath which is an off put and if I mention anything he goes off on one. I think he might be depressed! He has had a lot of family trouble in the last few years and said all he has is me and kids, and in covos he has also said im his life and he couldn’t live without me, how can I tell him I dont want him no more, please help x

  49. kk says:

    I need advice, I have been with my partner for 6 years, we dated at the end of my senior year in hs which I got pregnant right after he is my first everything we now have 3 kids togegher, I don’t feel happy he says hurtful things to me, he told me a week ago he didn’t know if he loved me and he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me, then next day tells me something completely different… like I said I don’t feel happy with him and right now we are talking about if we wanna try to work it out or not , but I don’t want the same thing to happen in 6 months from now, I just feel stuck and need advice.

  50. scared mama says:

    I have been in this relationship with my bf for nearly 2 years now. I knew from the beginning it wasn’t going to work but he lived in the city that I wanted to move to so we were just going to hang out and have casual sex. We started dating before I moved down and I screwed a lot of guys before I moved down, because he would take off for DAYS to do drugs and I thought he was cheating on me I didn’t really know what he was doing all I knew was hes a drug dealer so I figured what ever no hard feelings I’ll just go off and fuck and party myself since I was 19 and had just gotten out of a serious long relationship. (Yes I was going through a crazy faze didn’t know where to go made some bad decisions) ANYWAY, I really started to like this guy so I became faithful to him and moved to the city with him. Things just got worse, we fought all the time and it was NOT the big adventure I thought it would be because we moved down broke and with no car. I became very depressed, and he always held his past relationships drama against me, as if it were my fault. I was just about to leave and say fuck it when I found out I was pregnant! Having our relationship the way it was I became even more depressed but stayed because of the baby, after a few months we went back to our home town where he started to deal again and thus would take off for days and constantly lie and be on and off of drugs so he would always be an ass hole I got so depressed during my pregnancy I gained 100 pounds!! After having the baby things got a LITTLE better in regards to him coming back when he said he would but he would still take off. We finally went back to the city and we have been fighting lots, he has started taking off again (its how he “deals” with his problems and when we fight) he also has 2 other baby mama’s one of which lives here and is a complete PSYCHO always stirring shit up, things have been getting really bad, we had a break then I came back cuz Im too weak of a person to leave and the I finally had enough and broke up with him and immediately found out I was pregnant… so here I am in this shitty relationship, so depressed I’m 200 lbs I have a 8 month old and I’m 4 weeks pregnant I can never bring myself to have an abortion but I’m just so SOO mad at this guy my feelings are leaving for him I don’t even want to kiss him right now or say I love you I just don’t know what to do.. maybe I won’t leave cuz I do t want to move back in with my parents back to the small town and raise 2 of his kids and not even have him be there for them cuz he is not there for his 3 other kids . . I don’t want to start all over again.. idk wtf to do.. well I know what I should do but I can’t!!!!!!! UGHH

  51. Older No Wiser says:

    Sounds like lots of people know when they aren’t in love and even when they have not been in love for a long time. One of the earliest tell tale signs is when you start having ugly little conversations in your head with your partner where you “tell them off.” You are having that conversation in your head because you know that if you have it out loud you will hurt your partner or damage the relationship and you don’t want to do that…..yet. That means either you still care about and respect them or that you fear them. Fear and dread are love killers. Period. If you fear your partner you can’t love them. If care and respect are keeping you quiet you still have a shot but you have to find a way to have that conversation in a way that doesn’t aim to wound. But If you are having those ugly conversations for real, not only are you not in love but you are actively killing your love and you should get help or leave. Probably both. If you are a woman or man don’t assume verbal abuse is less damaging or painful than physical abuse. You can heal from a broken rib but a white hot word poker said with venom and contempt can ache and throb forever. I am not saying that insults or verbal provocation justify physical violence. Of course they don’t. But you better know that words can cut like a knife. In the same way most men can physically intimidate most women, most women are stronger than men in word battles and when they engage they can carve up their partner, tie him in knots, even convince him to admit he was in the wrong when she knows and he knows it isn’t true. Nothing about that is loving and the first fight like that is a sign your relationship is in serious trouble even if you mostly deleriously happy.

  52. Star says:

    I’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years off and on and I don’t know if I still love him. It hurts when were broken up but doesn’t it all the time? I don’t like to text him I use to be happy to text him back and I never wanna hang with him. I feel like I could have a better relationship with another guy because he screams at me and doesn’t let me do anything I don’t know if I just need to talk to him about space or leave for another guy I don’t know. Help please.

  53. Young and not-so in love says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months, he is my dream guy physically and he treats me like gold; I know that he loves me more than anything. Over the past 2 months I’ve been getting more and more irritated with him. Every little thing he does annoys me. We don’t have sex.. He really wants to but I just don’t want to be intimate with him anymore. I just feel trapped. I find myself thinking about having relationships with other guys, though I wouldn’t ever cheat on my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t feel very happy anymore. When he talks about being together forever or kids, I cringe, but I fear seeing him with someone else and I’m scared of dragging it out and becoming miserable just to break his heart worse. We’re both 18, but I’m afraid of what will come of him if we break up; I’m basically his whole world and he would be completely crushed. What do I do? 🙁

  54. pinkrose says:

    hello I really need some advice, My hubby smoing pot and it really made me feel bad don’t know what to do. my head its like exploding if i remember he smoked the pot.

  55. Myra says:

    Hi, I’ve been in a 4 and a half years long distance relationship, things were great in the beginning distance was never an issue for both of us, chemistry was there, physical attraction, same goals in life, etc! everything seemed great but sincerely after almost 5yrs u would expect some commitment from your partner, sadly he isn’t ready yet and I can’t longer wait for him, no one would! I wanna be married (38 yo) I’m not getting any younger and wanted to spend my life with this guy, I was sure he was the one for me but lately I do not even wanna talk to him,when he says he loves me I rarely say it back, he does not call as much as he used to which I’m fine with it cause we always argue about stuff and irritates me easily, love is gone that I’m sure I just need to find the right moment to get out of this “relationship” that is hurting me….thanks for reading!

  56. Emma says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, everything was great when we first started dating, he was the perfect boyfriend in my eyes, he would take care of me show me that he loved me. We moved in together 10mo being together, now we are 13 yrs apart. We get along well the only thing is that he is not financially responsible, and as an older man, I would think he would be mature and be able to be responsible. I’ve tried to work things out with him, but he gets mad all the time. I believe that’s what is ruining our relationship. I work as well I help with bills, but it seems Ike he is always broke. I don’t know where his money is being spent on. Help!

  57. Roselle says:

    I’m in high school and until 11th year, I’d never known what it is like to be around someone special. I was a happy girl, the topper of the class, I was unbeatable. But in year 11,i.e, 2013, I got into a new school and since I sing, I got acquainted with a guitarist guy out there. At first, we were friends. Just friends. But then, within 3-4 months, he fell for me while I still considered him a friend. And I don’t know how, he talked me into loving him. Since then, we’ve had a very short relationship. We had to get separated because my family didn’t accept him since he was from a different community. In India your family is a major deciding factor and you have NO privacy if you’re a girl especially. Yes, it’s true. We still talk, but I feel I deserve much better. When I was in the relationship, I’d done terribly bad in my academics. Now I’m trying to rise. The final exams are just a few months away. I love the memories, but he irritates me. I’m sorta jealous of him since he scores better. Should we walk away?

  58. Jussi says:

    Hey I’m 17 year old boy I’m in love with my girlfriend who is also 17 years old we are now in Long distance relationship but now Things are crazy. Last week she was so in love with me again and dunno why she missed me so much and she was so sorry that before that week she wasn’t into me she just had so much things to do so she could not focus on me and she apologize deeply and she said she dont ever want to lose me and I didn’t want her to be sad so I chatted with her and told her all sweet things and how much I miss him like every single day and that last week has passed and things changed again now she just see me as guy who she just have to chat all day long and said I was trying too much… I was upset dont know what should I do we been in love for 8

  59. Jordan says:

    I have been with my partner for just over an year and I believe that I love him very much although he has struggled to really show me he feels the same, after 3 months of being together he was sent to prison for 9 months throughout that time I was faithful I went to every visit and wrote letters every day. He couldn’t stress enough his love for me and for a week after he came home everything was perfect, and then we moved in together and he became more and more distant with me and I had grown an even stronger love for him. We argue all the time, we sit in silence for hours. I feel invisible, has he fallen out of love and am I just hoping for a miracle to come my way. Or should I just bite my tongue and move on..

  60. scarlett says:

    Lately i’ve been feeling confuse, empty, and most of the time i dont care anymore. Me and my boyfriend we’ve been together for 5 years and we have a child together. I am at stay home mom. He says alot of means things to me. As if i was walking on a eggshells if im with him. He gave me stuffs but at the end he still says means things to me bec i dont have a job. I dont know, im really confuse. I never questioned our love like this before. I wanted to ask him for some space. You know to think it over, stuff like that but i know he will refuse. Haaayyy. Im tried.

  61. mandy says:

    I been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He really nice guy and give his all to me. Before couple wt him, I was with the man I really love but he broke my heart. Now, past experience makes me afraid to fall in love again. I believe my new boyfriend love me so much but I have this crazy little things inside my head saying, what if this rship dont work out? What if he cheat on me? What if any terrible things happen in the future? I want to be positive but everytime I try to fall in love wt him, something hold me. Now I dnt know if I really love him or not. Or maybe I just need a man who love me and not really care how I feel towards him back. He financially ok have own hse own business. Im 29 and I ever think taking next level with him.. but im confused and im not happy.

  62. Jane Doe says:

    I’ve been married over 10 yrs and fell out of love with my spouse many, many years ago. Here is what happened. He was always extremely close to his family, too close. His mother is a tough woman to get along with. She seemed to like me until after we had our first child right away. Then she was plain mean to me from then on. I never do anything right, and it’s been that way since then. She says something mean to me every single time she sees me. Since our son was born he has been obsessed with a fraternity he belongs to, and with starting his own business. He’s had a dozen business ventures he wastes tons of time on, then loses interest and never follows through on any of them. Our oldest child had special needs and he seemed totally disinterested in him, did not spend time with him, did not parent him whatsoever. From about 2 it was obvious our child had multiple delays and I kept wanting to get him evaluated. He denied there was anything differnet about the child and insisted his sister care for him during the day and I work fulltime. He said he was better off with other kids than me, and when our son was difficult said he had me wrapped around his finger and his sister was better than me with him, etc, etc. I devoted every spare minute outside of working to raise my son, make sure he ate healthy, tried so hard to work with him. My husband was so cruel, refusing to eat any food I made, controlling everything, making all the decisions, manipulating things to get his way. I was always scared of offending him and his family. I knew then I would leave him when the kids grew up one day. I was pregnant with my second child and he went golfing all day long, leaving me alone with our son to clean the house, the yard, everything, on little sleep with a big pregnant belly. My work got so stressful during pregnancy I was having severe anxiety and depression. When I called him one day crying and pleaded to quit my job he screamed at me saying he should have the right to quit his. Our son got abused physically in his sister’s care, and after that got so violent I couldn’t leave him anywhere. So I worked from home, while simultaneously caring for both children with no babysitter. I worked about four to five part time jobs and did whatever I could to bring in money, but it was never enough for him. He insulted every paycheck I got from any of my jobs, my hourly wage, etc. I worked round the clock that year taking care of family, working and after the kids went to sleep I spent hours looking for more work. He refused to trim our budget, even bought himself a new car the year before, refused to get side work or a second job. I later found out he was heavily looking at porn while I was at work or at night while we were sleeping, pretending to be working on his business stuff. His answer, when I confronted him, was that I was ugly, I let myself go, he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. Talk about crushing my spirit completely. At that moment I told myself that I had to do whatever I could to survive, even if it meant finding a penpal or somebody else to show me love and acceptance. Later, when my son went to kindergarten and got a proper diagnosis, things got a bit easier. I got a part time job, but the second child starting showing warnings signs, aggressive behavior, odd behaviors. Later I found out they both had brain disease. I felt crushed because these kids were my life, and I had tried so had to make sure the younger one did not get autism like the oldest. I ate healthier when I was pregnant, I avoided plastic bottles and chemicals with him. I gave him more love and attention and interaction in hopes it would help. For over a year, I battled my husband to get them proper medical treatment. I literally called him on the way to the doctors appt. to have him tell me we suddenly couldn’t afford the copay, etc. The doctor;s office almost denied my kids medical care because I had to cancel so many appts. But I finally got them in, and we found an amazing doctor and both got so much better. Then there were the medical bills. Our insurance sucked, so it did not cover specialists till we hit our deductible. I got yelled and screamed at so many times by my husband over all the bills, it was ridiculous. Still, to this day, he refuses to pay many of them and there is at least one blood work lab that will not service us. Everytime we fight, everything is my fault, from anything the kids do wrong, to the costs of meds and supplements, to any medical bill that is mine or the kids. I got colitis earlier this year and drove myself to the hospital, after two days of suffering horribly. I could barely walk. Now I’m in trouble for the bill we got. Really? I found out I have immune deficiency other chronic infections and autoimmunity. From all the years of terrible stress, the loneliness, his mind games. I’ve had to keep online friends to talk to just to have a friendly, listening ear, to keep myself going through all of this. He’s been gone for years at least half the week or more after work. Either busy with his fraternity, or with some event or teaching sports classes. And likely, cheating. I;ve had to pick up the slack a lot because of that. I still work fulltime to make sure we can pay for our children’s medical care. I have always worked. I hate my life, but I have hope I am strong enough to make it on my own one day if I leave him. I refuse to not be able to pay for the care my children need, so I won’t leave until they are grown and hopefully their conditions are stabilized. They shouldn’t suffer any further because their father is a jerk. I hang in there because I am scared to leave, and because I want them to have a normal life.

  63. Ny says:

    I am not sure weather I love my boyfriend anymore! I have been with him for 3 years now but we have been knowing each other for 4 years. At the beginning It was okay, I was very young, we had some problems like any other couple and I was with him for 2 years and later on we broke uo because he was bering very unfari and going out with a girl I didn’t like because she was sort of a bitch and I kept telling him she wants more with you not just friendship and soon enough after we broke up he got in a relationship with her. I was devastated by his actions! He was with her for a year and so and during this time he used to call and we even met sometimes. But last December when I went back home I met him and we kind of went together again but the thing I didn’t know was that he was still with the other girl and when I learned that I was really disappointed and I asked him to break up with her or otherwise we would break up and he was like I need to pass my exams and after that I will break up with her and he broke up with her but now everything is different. I don’t know what going on between us anymore. He is very jealous and he doesn’t trust me and that eats me from inside..when we argue he tends to be really disrespectful and offensive! Can anyone give me an honest advice please, I really need it! I am going through a lot of stress and the last thing I want is this!

  64. FAL says:

    So I’m so confused right now. Iv been with my bf for just a year and a half. He’s funny, handsome and charming and could have just about any girl he wanted and I fell for him HARD at first…. Now he’s been a abusive mentally and physically but for the past few months he’s been working on walking away when he gets upset, he found a good job, my son loves him he CAN be very mature but he can also act like a 13 yr old seriously. But when he was 23 he was hit by a car and pronounced dead and was on life support for a couple weeks before coming out of it so now he has brain damage on the emotional part of his brain so he’s so up and down and acts like a girl starving for attention and praise plus he’s a CANCER and I’m a LEO horrible match. Their too freakin needy. But I feel bad cuz he’s been through so much and he does have brain damage and he’s been changing his anger issues but he so full of himself and talks about himself constantly and if he’s not talking about himself then were not talking about anything its crazy he drives me nuts I’m not even attracted to him anymore when he says I love you it annoys me 🙁 I’m a tuff woman I’d leave in a heartbeat but….I. Pregnant 🙁 and his name is on my car and insurance cuz I don’t have a license right now 🙁 and if I kicked him out he’d have nowhere to go and I’d be a single mom starting all over GAIN with 2!!! Kids this time. What do I do ????

  65. Deena says:

    I have been really upset and constantly crying about how negative and less affectionate me and my boyfriend have become. He puts no effort as in like he used too, hangs out with his friends more than me, doesn’t spoil me anymore, not much pda, haven’t gone on a date since last months and only wants to hang out with me when he’s horny… I try to talk to him and have him understand how i feel but all he tends to tell me is that i overthink to much. Idk what to do anymore.

  66. Gen says:

    I’ve been on and off with the father of my kids for 10 years. There is no question in my mind that I am over it. I would say he had potential when we first met, and I would have put money on it that we would of married, but meeting him.so young and being naive I now realize he is not the one for me. Everything he does is so irritating, and we have almost nothing in common. What he wants for his future is not matching up to what I want, and being intimate makes me so uncomfortable I usually cry after. I just feel so stuck sometimes it makes me angry when I wake up and hear him breathing. I feel guilty for my thoughts and I am sacrificing my happiness so my children can be happy and have their dad around, but I can only do that for so long. Think of how life would be once the kids have grown and you two are the only ones still together. Could you do it? My answer is no in my situation. It’s not fair for anyone in.the situation and I pray I stop being so angry and pull myself out. So glad i am not alone.

  67. tina says:

    So I have been married for three years and we have three kids together. In the beginning of our relationship it was great. I thought he was a good dad and we were inseparable, then after we get married I find out he’s an addict! He started stealing money from me and lying a lot. He soon went and stayed at a treatment facility for three months. When he got out it seemed like he cleaned up his act. I have forgiven him but told if he ever put me and this kids through this again then I would have no choice but to leave and he said that he would never do it again. A year later we moved to a new city and I thought this was our new beginning. then all the warning signs of him using was starting to show.I had asked him over and over if he was using and he told me no…all the signs were there, he would be angry one day then the nicest guy the next but I couldn’t prove anything so I couldn’t accuse him of it. First money went missing and then he was just acting like a monster to me. One day we got into bad fight and I begged him to come clean with me and he did. He told me that he began using again one month after treatment. I was very angry with him because we have gone through so much because of his addiction. Now as I write this he is going a outpatient treatment center everyday to get methadone so he doesn’t suffer with withdrawing too much.I just don’t know if I love him anymore.I feel myself not wanting him to touch me, I don’t laugh anymore, and I feel really distant from him. He is very apologetic but I’m reluctant to jump right in with open arms again and welcome him back. I feel more annoyed by him day by day. I’m nice to him and he just smothers me with love but I just cant get over the betrayal I think. I am so confused. Do I still love him?

  68. Lou says:

    So my story is slightly different. Been with my partner for almost 6 years now, and I just feel unhappy. We argue constantly and it’s safe to say it is because of me. It’s just his very presence irritates me, and I don’t fancy him no more. He tries very hard to get my attention, he used to call me names and take the mick out of me, but he stopped doing that after I threatened to go. He always tells me he loves me, and any girl in the world would be lucky to have him, he would rather be with me than his friends, he loves to cuddle and constantly kiss, and he always wants me in the bedroom. But me? I am
    Moany, bitchy, nothing he says is right, nothing he does is good enough, I don’t want to touch him intimately. I really do try and tell myself why I love him but do I? I know
    Deep down of course I love him but it’s not the right kind of love anymore… BUT this happens a lot since we have been together we break up for a month, I meet another guy it’s all fun and games for me for a little while and then I ditch the new guy and persuade
    My ex to have me back? .. Is it me? Am I just a horrible person or what? But I do everything for him, his dinners, his laundry, housework I even make his lunch for work? Does he appreciate
    Me? No way.. I’m scared to make mistakes and regret things. I know
    If I leave now it will be over for good, he won’t get back with me and il have to be alone? I’m so confused. I’m 21, I was 15 when we fell in love, are we growing apart or am I just selfish ?

  69. Ann says:

    My husband and I have 3 kids together we constantly argue with each other and a lot of things he does no really annoys me like his snoring which it never did before I am not in love with him anymore and I am just staying with him because of the stability I am afraid of being in my own after 17 years, he always tells me to leave go to my mothers house every time we argue I really dislike him and his ways. I am so tired of complaining to my parents my relation I want to leave but I don’t want to live with my parents. I didn’t realize I am so dependent on him and he knows this he treats me like I am one of his kids, he doesn’t treat me like a wife or anything for that matter I need help I don’t know what to do

  70. kamkam says:

    my husband i have a child and have known each other for 4years. After i got married to my husband i found out everything he had told me about himself and family was all lies. He womanizes ,lies, hit me, makes sure he spend all my salary without me saving any. he constantly get angry with me anytime i try to correct him or i try to know more about. i hate my husband and i do not love him any longer. he is my first love. i have told him all that i don’t like about him in detail and quite way, but he have refused to work on himself. i don’t want my daughter to have separated parent and i feel so much for her cos she loves the father so much. kindly assist

  71. Laika says:


    Sounds like you dodged a bullet…
    My friend had a miscarriage once with an ex… Was so sad and lost. Then years later met the love of her life and has a beautiful baby 🙂

  72. LoveToLove says:

    I can only imagine how difficult it is to be in this situation. From the outside looking in it sounds like although you love him and you don’t want to lose him, you just need to have fun and live life. Just keep in mind that there are a lot of assholes out there so it will be hard to find a guy as genuine as yours when you are ready to settle down again. And when you’re ready to settle down the guy you’re with now might find a woman who appreciates him. You either learn to appreciate him or let him go because it is selfish of you to stay and lead him on all in while you are not giving yourself what you need which is freedom. Don’t be afraid to live for yourself because you’ll have a lot of regrets in the long run and it’s better to end it now than to prolong the situation. Hour all is well and I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors

    -From your 20 yr old peer

  73. Eve says:

    Hi gen I am in the same situation 18 years with the father of my 2 children not intimate for last 5 years too much bad past history to carry on broke up for 2 years and found myself and was happy he has said he will move back to home town of we are mug in relationship so tired to give another try but feel suffocated remembering how great it feels to be free now just waiting right tone do say we gave in future and gave to deal with whatever happens all that matters is my happiness kids should not lose out due his selfishness all this makes me dislike him even more as he didn’t see wat I really want or need

  74. PhillyBrownSkin G. says:

    Jane u should have left long ago. There are all kinds of programs that will assist you. I left my bf of 11yrs and i had $900, no job, and a 2 yr old son. That was 4 yrs ago. I was on welfare for a bit, then got a job. I still dont own a home but im surviving. I know that you can get SSI for your kids and that will surely help! Dont be afraid, ur stronger than u think and u can make it happen.

  75. lol says:

    literally in the same situation!! I know 100% it wont change – but there’s a part of me that hopes he does.

    He’s not an asshole, he’s trying to be the best boyfriend he can be… but all those broken promises and 0 effort has taken it’s toll. I have to repeat myself several times a day, and we have the same argument 4/5 times a week. He doesn’t listen, and he has a terrible memory. It’s not his fault, and I feel like a puppy kicker! He asked me this morning if I even loved him anymore and the sadness in his voice made me want to cry.

    I do still love him somehow, but I am not happy. Everyday I spend with him I sacrifice my happiness and make him feel worse…. I know it’s best to end it, but all that pain isn’t going to be fun.

  76. anna says:

    I must say I am very lucky with my bf.We have been together for almost 3 years and he was the best bf ever. He tries to meet my expectations. I knew from the beggining of our relationship that he is not my type that I don’t understand how and why I fell in love with him. I dont know but I was really deeply in love with him even though there’s nothing I like about him. I just love him. But now, I am starting to realize that maybe I was just carried away by his loving. because hes romantic. the thing is,I have so many problems now. I am going through a lot now and he is never a help. I mean, he serves as the person I can vent out to but he is too weak that he doesnt know how to make me feel better. I hate it! Ofcourse every woman does. Your bf is not as strong as you are? that sucks! ist it.. I dont know if Im just using this issue for me to have reason to be irritated to him or I just dont really love him anymore. I have been thinking for months now to break up with him because I am OK without him. I dont miss him. I dont get excited when he calls. He doesnt help me get through my problems. And Im ok. I dont think I need him. And a part of me is telling me that there could be someone out there that I deserve. I just hate to think that I will leave him. I still cry. He is a nice person. But he is weak. and I am strong. He needs me. I am his confidant. I help him dealing with major decisions in his life. He wants to marry me. He is 29 and he wants to settle down before he turns 30. That is why I am kind of pressured right now because if ever he propose to me I know I will want to say NO but I know I have to say YES bcause I don want to hurt him….. Please tell, is breaking up with him a good decision?

  77. nicdani says:

    Hi Anna, Serena here. I am going through a very similar situation so I really feel you. Did you end up figuring out what you want to do? My situation is a little different, as I’m 25 and he’s 23, and marriage is not only the table, but I similarly feel like he may be holding me back or that I should be with someone who brings out more of the best in me. He is kind, loving, a sweetheart, but I also feel more mature than him and when I have problems, like you, I feel like he can’t find anything to say to help make me feel better. At the same time, I also feel like I’m putting too much pressure on him. Maybe I should turn to my girlfriends instead? It’s just hard because who you’re dating becomes such a central part of your life.. and soon you start to turn to them for everything. Another related problem in our relationship– I don’t feel turned on enough by him anymore.. and our sex life is stale, and he sees that. I feel so bad for not wanting him more and pouncing on him like he does for me, but its just not there. I think maybe I’ve realized that I love him more as a friend rather than a lover. But because I am his best friend, I am afraid of breaking his heart… he has done so many things for me (small things, but they add up) and has genuinely put all his effort into the relationship (I think). But he doesn’t have really any money, and I pay for all our dinners and outings basically.. my friends think this is problematic, but ive been okay with it because I just want him to have all the good things in life, and I grew up wealthy and he grew up poor. It’s also hard because I think I make his life better– since we have dated he has been more motivated in school and even received A’s last semester. Another difference b/w us is that I’m in law school and hes still figuring out what he wants to do at community college. I originally looked beyond all these differences because I felt like my love for him conquered all, but lately I don’t know if love is conquering all. Help! Haha. Oh, to be dating in your 20’s… My friend’s mom in her 50’s is having the same problems with her boyfriend too though!

  78. nicdani says:

    I am so sorry. My brother has struggled with drugs and its so hard when you need and want to rely on that person, but you just can’t. If your husband hasn’t seen a psychologist, I suggest trying that. We thought my brother’s problems were only drug-dependency related, but turns out he had a mental disorder underneath it all that was making it worse. Once we realized his mental illness was the root of the problem, he could get better help. Of course this may not be the case with your husband, but doesnt hurt to check.

  79. Yasmine Cuellar says:

    Well if someone is this nasty to you when they “fall out of love” then they never loved you and they never were in love with you in the first place. I am falling out of love with my boyfriend but even though I am not in love with him anymore doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I still love him but I am not in love anymore.

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