Divorce isn’t a bubble that’s ready to burst. Most people assume that a divorce is a shocker, something that comes right out of the blue when it is least expected. And some people don’t even know the reasons for divorce!
Perhaps, to family and friends, that may be the case. But to the couple involved, it’s something they would have seen all along.
Most of us make the grave error of taking the things that matter most for granted. And a marriage that’s taken for granted has a good chance of ending in divorce.
[Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]
Divorce almost never happens all of a sudden.
Problems constantly build up over time, and at some point, the inevitable happens. Or one more accusation or error pushes the ball downhill and then, everything else comes crashing through the foundation of the marriage.
Listen, marriage has a great chance of a happy ending. But it’s all in the hands of the couple that are married together.
For a long time, many people have been startled by the divorce crisis in the United States. Many people have now given up on ever marrying because the statistics in our country seem to make the whole marriage thing sound so scary and worthless.
But things don’t have to go the scary way. Yes, it’s not easy. But nothing ever is easy, is it? It’s your passion and interest in something that makes it easy.
[Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]
At times, divorce may be inevitable. But work towards a better marriage, see the signs when things get bad and put in the effort to bring the relationship back into a happy place. It’ll make all the difference.
There are two different sets of reasons for divorce in a marriage, and they can be split into reasons for divorce in a new marriage, and in a seasoned marriage. So let’s take a look at them, one at a time, and see where most couples go wrong in their love lives.
Are you in a marriage that’s less than three years old? Well, then you’re probably going to experience any of these little signs that may not seem like such a big deal, to begin with.
You may still be infatuated by each other or maybe too deep in mad love to see any signs of a bad marriage. But if you care to take a peep and find one of these signs, take a good look and work on it before it’s too late.
Have you ever felt like you’re too good for your partner? Or do you think you deserve someone better than your spouse? It may seem like a petty and funny thought now, but dissatisfaction over time will trick you into making mistakes you may end up regretting.
Your spouse may have a lot of great qualities too, only if you can get your head out of the clouds and take a good look at them. [Read: How your self-respect affects you and your love life]
Ever felt like the marriage is holding you back from achieving your true potential, be it a career option or racking up notches on the bedpost?
If you feel like you’re too good to be tied down, big chances are, you’ll look for every opportunity to break out of the cage when no one’s looking.
Communication isn’t just about talking to each other – it’s one of the biggest reasons for divorce. Communication is about understanding each other clearly and learning more about each other.
Most couples talk but don’t communicate. A relationship without good communication is a bomb waiting to explode. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a much better love life]
For many, marriage is the next step in a great way of life. But that’s not the case for everyone. When two lovers get married, they have expectations from each other and the relationship.
And at times, the expectations aren’t mutual and end up distancing two people who haven’t communicated each other’s wants and expectations at the time of marriage.
In the beginning, the stark differences in families and friends, and different religious beliefs may seem cute and worth a petty fight. But all it takes is a few months of suppressed ideas and opposing thoughts to wreak havoc in a marriage.
This is far more common than most people assume, and this can easily turn into one of the big reasons for divorce. As we evolve as individuals, we have our own needs and wants in life. Have you ever felt like your partner doesn’t understand your passion or interests in life?
Marriage isn’t just a ring around the finger. It’s a whole new life and a new lifestyle. If you haven’t moved in with each other, you may never understand the real issues of living together.
If you love your space and privacy and hate having someone breathing down your neck all the time, perhaps moving in together first would be a better way to test the waters. [Read: Make living together before marriage work for you]
Do you really trust your spouse? Do you find their behavior suspicious, especially when they’re talking to a friend over the phone? Trust is an important pillar in marriage. If you can’t trust your spouse, you definitely can’t survive the marriage. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]
Insecurity is a little worm that crawls into your heart and grows over time. It may be your spouse’s fault, or they may have nothing to do with it. Jealousy can be cute at first, but not if it leads to big fights or confusion. [Read: Easy tips to make a jealous partner not-so-jealous]
At times, both of you may be two perfect individuals who are just completely imperfect for each other. Both of you may share nothing in common and over time, you may find that both of you are better off getting divorced and dating or marrying other people.
Many people assume that long marriages are indestructible. After all, they’ve weathered the winds of change and have survived the storm. But in most cases, they’ve just learned to live with the differences.
The idea of infidelity almost always crops up in marriage at some point or the other.
You could find someone else extremely interesting or you may find yourself constantly trying to cheat, either for the excitement or in the hope of satisfying your urges. What matters here is figuring out whether the juice is worth the squeeze. [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]
Money always has a way of making life better or making life worse and is another one of the biggest reasons for divorce. There are only two extremes and no middle ground with money.
Are you dissatisfied with your spouse’s earnings or monetary investment towards the marriage in any manner?
This may start off as a nagging thought, to begin with, but unless you discuss this with your spouse, you could be heading down the road of divorce over time. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
If you’ve ever felt like your partner is trying to control you or abuse you in some manner, it’s best to have a conversation about it.
At times, your spouse may not even realize that they’re trying to manipulate you or control you. [Read: 15 secret subtle signs of a controlling partner]
A marriage is a lifetime of togetherness. And as individuals, our priorities in life too change all the time. If you want to have a successful marriage and avoid any reason for divorce, learn to understand each other’s priorities.
Don’t expect your partner to stay the same forever. Talk to each other and help each other become better individuals, and you’ll learn to fall more in love with each other. [Read: Perfect things to talk about in a perfect relationship]
Emotional affairs are the easiest to fall into. And at most times, you may not even realize it. Do you feel really comfortable with a coworker at your workplace, perhaps of the opposite sex?
And do you feel like this person really understands you and gives you the perfect advice for all your doubts? Or do you feel really happy and refreshed every time you have a long conversation with this friend of the opposite sex?
If you ever feel like you emotionally connect better with someone other than your spouse, chances are, you’re already in an emotional affair.
Just how bad or troublesome it is, that’s something you need to think about. But don’t worry, emotional affairs are far more common than you think and are one of the biggest reasons for divorce. [Read: 24 subtle emotional affair signs most couples don’t even realize]
As relationships grow, the sexual excitement and the arousal too start to change. You see the same naked person every night. Is it really possible to get wet or hard in an instant, every time you see your naked spouse lying in bed?
One of you may enjoy sex while the other just doesn’t enjoy sex anymore. Or perhaps, things have just started to get really boring.
Sex plays a pretty important part in a successful marriage. Work on it and get better at it. [Read: Sex and marriage truths – How often do married couples have sex?]
This can happen to spouses who are not fascinated or awed by their partners. It isn’t just about sexual interest. You may like your spouse as a friend, but there’s no passion or happiness when you’re with each other.
Both of you just live together, lead two separate lives, and have your good friends. And after some time, you may wonder why you’re even together anymore.
You’re scared your life will be too meaningless with your spouse. You’ve been together for several years, and yet have no memories or special thoughts that excite you. I
f you feel like you need to go out there and see the world in all its hues, then perhaps a trial separation or a break may be the best way forward. [Read: Relationship break – 41 rules to taking a break and how to plan for it]
Some friends are just the worst thing that can happen to a marriage and can be one of the biggest reasons for divorce as well! They probably lead sad, lonely lives themselves or just can’t get along with your spouse. And they do everything possible to convince you that you can get a better catch, if only you tried.
Addictions are little things that come between two partners in a big way. Do you have any addictions that bother your spouse, be it sexual or something alcoholic? Addictions may not affect relationships directly.
But your dependence on the addiction and the way it affects your life may affect your marriage. Overcome addictions, or try to get your partner to support you and understand you better while you try to overcome them.
Another one of the big reasons for divorce is selfishness. When someone is a “taker” and someone is a “giver,” it might seem like a good combination, but it’s not. While the giver does enjoy giving, they will get resentful eventually because the “taker” is too selfish.
So, for a marriage to be healthy, both people have to be concerned with their spouses’ needs and desires. There is no room for selfishness because that edges out the love they had for one another. [Read: Selfishness in relationships – 15 tips to do the right thing]
Sometimes people’s work can be very demanding. If someone has a high-power, high-pressure job, then they might have to work long hours. This will take them away from their spouse and their family.
The other spouse might feel rejected. And they might even think their spouse is working that much on purpose so they can escape from the marriage. They might even have suspicions of an affair since they are hardly ever home.
You can choose your spouse, but you can’t choose your family. The mother and father in-laws have a big influence on your marriage and can be a big reason for divorce as well if it ever goes down that road.
You have to spend time with them for holidays, birthdays, and maybe even vacations.
Some families are quite happy to poke their nose into marriage too. So, maybe the couple fighting if there is a lot of tension between members of their extended families. [Read: Toxic family members – 15 signs and reasons to cut them off for good]
Let’s face it – children can be cute and cuddly, but they are not easy to raise. As babies, they cry, don’t sleep through the night, and are quite high-maintenance. And toddlers and older children have their own challenges.
So, when a couple is raising children, they don’t have as much time to spend with each other. They rarely have date night anymore, and so they can drift apart quite easily. [Read: 19 things you MUST do as a couple before having a baby]
Maybe when the two of the people met, they were in college and were partying a lot. But now that life has progressed, maybe they find that they have very different personalities.
For example, maybe one is an extrovert and the other is an introvert. The extrovert is not happy because the introvert never wants to go out and socialize. But the introvert is upset that the extrovert goes out with friends and leaves them alone – so they feel rejected.
Let’s say that one person has big dreams for their career. They have passions and want to spend a lot of their time either climbing the corporate ladder or maybe starting their own business. [Read: What should I do with my life? 16 steps to design your ideal life]
If their spouse has zero ambitions in life and prefers not to work, this could be a huge problem. The ambitious one might think the other one is lazy. And the one who doesn’t work might think their spouse is a workaholic.
Sometimes two people in a marriage just have different interests and hobbies. For example, maybe one is a marathon runner and the other one can’t stand to run a block. Or, maybe one is very religious and the other can’t stand going to church.
You see, when two people have very different interests and ways of being in the world, it can be a huge problem. You need a certain sense of compatibility in order for a marriage to be happy and successful. [Read: 23 reasons why good relationships end even when there are no red flags]
When a couple has children, they might find out that they have very different ways of parenting their children. Maybe one of them is very strict with the rules and the other is very permissive.
Both people think that their way of parenting is the right way. So, there can be a lot of friction and disagreements about how they both raise their children.
If one or both of you are lazy couch potatoes, then that is not good for marriage either. Maybe one of you plays video games 24/7 or just watches TV at all hours of the night. [Read: Lazy people – 50 wily ways they manipulate others to work for them]
Laziness also implies a lack of effort that is put into the marriage. Relationships are like plants – they need to be tended to and nurtured. So, if one or both of you are too lazy to put in the effort, then the marriage will probably end.
When a couple doesn’t spend much time together and have a real conversation, then they will drift apart. They will become emotionally distant from one another, and then they will start feeling like roommates.
Emotional intimacy is related to sexual intimacy too. If the couple isn’t having sex, then it’s very easy to become emotionally distant. Without intimacy, marriage is doomed to fail.
[Read: Emotional connection – 38 signs, secrets and ways to build an emotional bond]
A divorce is a painful scar and can be avoided with a bit of foresight. Keep an eye on these top reasons for divorce and if you ever see a little weed of doubt sprouting in your marriage, do something about it.
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