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34 True Secrets to Find Love & Why You Haven’t Found the Right Person Yet

If you want to know how to find love, don’t worry. Just use these tips, and you will find your soul mate and be happier than you ever thought.

why you can't find love

You want to know how to find love, but you feel lost. But just because you can’t find love around you doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.

You can look into the mirror every day and ask yourself the same question, “will I find love?” hoping the answer will be affirmative one day. But staring into a mirror won’t really change your life.

We all want to have more love in our lives. Finding true love is an amazing experience and one many people search for many years. 

For most, our first loves aren’t the ones we end up with *though for a lucky few they are*, so we have to go through the experience of loving, losing, and then loving again before we find that forever person.

While it might take us a few attempts to get it right, to learn from our past experience of love to understand what we want and need in a relationship, it’s not to say that we should invalidate our past loves. 

They helped us learn lessons and become wiser. Doing so, however painful, ultimately helps us find the true love we search for.

Whether you’re single or not, feeling lost in your love life is no way to live. Feeling like your love life is out of your control is never a good feeling. 

Whether you are searching for your person or struggling in a relationship, you can learn how to take control of your love life.

You are in control of the life you live. No, you can’t force someone to date you. You can’t will yourself a happily ever after nor can you fix the person you’re with. But, you do have the power to take control of your love life. [Read: How to find love and learn to be open to all that life has to offer]

Why you can’t find love

There are a lot of couples in the world, and an equally high number of single men and women. So why is it that you can’t find love when everyone else seems to be jumping between partners all the time?

You may feel like the world is conspiring against you and pushing every eligible partner away from you.

Or it may be because of your hectic work hours or your lack of drop-dead gorgeous looks or missing a funny bone. You can have a lot of reasons. But the real truth is far simpler and more truthful. [Read: Why am I single? 10 things you might be doing that sabotage your love life]

You can’t find love because you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find love.

It’s really that simple. The only person stopping you from finding love is yourself.

What is out of control in your love life?

Before you can take the power back in your relationships with others or yourself, work out what needs your control. What is it in your love life that you’re unhappy with? What do you feel is out of your control? [Read: Am I ready for a relationship? The questions you should be asking yourself]

Are you feeling hopeless about meeting the right person? Is your relationship feeling tenser than relaxing? Are you fighting to make it work with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?

What is it that made you seek out this article? What do you want control of?

Learning how to take control of your love life isn’t as simple as following instructions on how to make a cake. It takes strength, practice, and handwork. [Read: 20 practical things to consider before giving up on love]

You won’t find love because you change your mindset overnight. It takes working on the way you think about dating. 

You have to be open to things not working out. And you have to take control of your present in order to get the future you want.

Once you’ve nailed down why you feel like you don’t have control, work on that. [Read: Am I in love? 30 signs to read the fuzzy flutters after infatuation]

Looking in the mirror

Why do you think you can’t find love? Look into that mirror and list out the reasons. You’re short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? Or all of the above?

But then again, haven’t people with all the shortcomings been getting loving partners and leading happy lives? So why is it not working for you?

The truth? You can’t find love because you’re letting those shortcomings get in the way. It’s weighing your confidence down like a big bag of bricks on your back. [Read: How to find love]

It’s easy to lose motivation and confidence, and finally, give up. But giving up really has never helped anyone.

On the other hand, we have people who are extremely confident about their appearances and everything else, but they’re still single and looking for someone. Why are they single?

Looking for love

If you really want to find love, you need to be looking for love. Many people say that it’s better not to go looking for love. They say love will come to you when the time is right. But that’s not true. [Read: How to get a boyfriend – the no-nonsense guide to find a great guy]

Why is looking for love any different from looking for a job? You can’t sit back and wait for the perfect job to land on your lap. You have to look for it. Sometimes, people get lucky, of course. But it’s not always the case.

Never stop looking for love. But then again, don’t run around frantically waving your hands and yelling “I want to find love!” Love, just like everything else has to be sought out.

How to find true love

For many, the quest of knowing how to find true love seems daunting. To open yourself up to love, you must be prepared to be open, vulnerable, and potentially get hurt. [Read: 13 Signs to help you recognize true love when it comes into your life]

For people who have had bad experiences in the past, the idea of opening themselves up to another person in that way again feels daunting. However, it is worth it in the end!

So, how do you get out there and start searching for true love? What do you need to do? How do you prepare yourself mentally? Where do you need to go? How should you engage with people? Read on to discover the answers on how to find true love!

1. Know when to let it go

If you are truly dedicated to finding true love, it’s a good idea to actually understand what it isn’t. [Read: 15 special ways true love sets itself apart]

If you cling to every person with potential, if you stay in relationships that deep down you know aren’t working, if you keep brushing problems under the carpet and refuse to acknowledge how you really feel, you only end up unhappy.

Or ending things further down the line, which wastes everyone’s precious time. That’s not to say that love and relationships aren’t hard work sometimes but knowing when to let go is important.

2. Be sociable

The more sociable you are, the more people you’ll meet. If you sit at home on your sofa waiting for some princess or prince charming to knock at your door you could be waiting for a long time.

So, get out there and start meeting new people. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to genuinely connect with others]

3. Don’t dismiss people straight away

Love can be found in mysterious places. If you are too closed off to people, you might actually miss someone that’s perfect for you. 

Give people second chances and the benefit of the doubt sometimes, you might end up falling for someone you thought you didn’t even like!

Be open-minded. Keeping an open mind will open you up to the possibility of finding true love. Try new things, have interesting experiences, and don’t judge people. The more open-minded you are the better. [Read: The 15 signs you’ve graduated from puppy to true love]

Give people a chance. As we said above, attraction takes time to develop, and it’s something you must give time to develop. So, maybe on the first date, there was a little physical attraction, but it wasn’t enough in your mind. 

Just wait! Be a little patient. Go on a second date and get to know this person better. If there was absolutely nothing then, that’s different.

4. Don’t have a type

If you only go for dark-haired, tall, rich guys, you are cutting out so many people without even giving them a chance. Try to steer clear of types and open your eyes to the possibility of anyone being your one true love. [Read: 13 Types of men you shouldn’t date if you’re looking for true love]

5. Look at friends in a new way

Sometimes true love is right on your doorstep and you don’t even realize it. Look at your friendship group a bit more closely. Is there anyone there who actually could be something more to you?

6. Try online dating

There used to be a huge stigma around online dating, but nowadays that’s where you’re likely to find most single people. Online dating makes it so easy to see who is out there, so it’s worth doing if you are brave enough. [Read: 8 reasons you should give online dating a try]

7. Learn from past mistakes

If you want to learn how to take control of your love life, remember that your past teaches you a lot of lessons, but letting it control you means you aren’t controlling yourself. You can better see red flags, know what you want and don’t want, and even be more cautious.

Learning from your past mistakes can really help you find love in the future. Each and every relationship you have should help you learn and grow. 

Try to remember what went right and what you wish you had done differently. Then, use these lessons to help make your future relationships and searches for love more successful! [Read: 14 first date red flags that speak a lot more than your date says]

8. Believe that someone is out there for you

Sometimes it can feel as though you have been waiting forever to find love. However, keep believing there is someone out there for you. If you give up you might never meet them!

9. Stay positive

Keep positive about finding love and the whole dating game. The more obsessive and miserable you get the more you are likely to close yourself off from people.

Finding love may take time, but it will happen. You need to change your outlook and understand that the more you practice self-care and focus on understanding your own needs, you’ll find someone who matches you. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

10. Get new hobbies

New hobbies open new doors, they lead you to exciting places and mean that you meet new people too. Try taking up some new hobbies to expand your social circle. You’ll meet people who enjoy doing the same things as you which is a great basis for the start of a relationship.

11. Enjoy the single life

Remember, when it comes to knowing how to find true love, it often comes to you when you least expect it. Don’t make finding true love the be-all and end-all, and you might find it comes to you more easily than you expected! [Read: Enjoy the single ride and find the one along the way]

12. Know what’s important to you and what you can compromise on

Have clear values and expectations of what you want from your partner. You can find someone who is compatible far easier, and recognize someone who is not.

13. Stop giving into old patterns

When you’ve been dating a while, it is easy to get comfortable. Even if you meet new people, you can fall into a pattern. 

You might go to the same place on the first date and share the same stories. If you want to know how to take control of your love life and aren’t happy with how things are going, branch out. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

Try new activities on dates. Give into the conversation instead of pulling at your anecdotes. 

If you’re in a relationship and fight a lot, you don’t have to keep reacting the same way. You can take control of your behavior and have open and honest communication.

14. Don’t waste time

There is no point in wasting your time in a relationship you know isn’t working. [Read: Stop wasting time – 15 signs she’s not interested in a second date]

Or if your life goals or desires are completely different, no matter how much you like each other now, be honest with yourself and know that it will only end further down the line and probably be far more painful when it does!

15. Don’t chase people who are already with someone

If you think you like someone who is already taken, really step back and think about why.

You could end up spending far too much time pining after someone who isn’t right for you or who is happy with their current partner and is never going to leave them. [Read: How to stop liking someone you know you can never have]

Sure, the chase is exciting; everyone loves the chase. But, going after someone who’s clearly unavailable is only wasting your time and energy. 

You’re not going to get this person, and even if you do, it won’t be in the capacity you want. Stop chasing after someone who isn’t for you. [Read: Frustration attraction – why their denial just makes you love them more]

16. Be friendly

A big smile goes a long way. The friendlier you are the more likely you are to come across as approachable. Then you won’t miss your true love because they feel free to come up and talk to you!

17. Say yes more

The more experiences you have in life, the more things you do, and the more willing you are to try new things, the better. True love works in mysterious ways and can be found in the most unexpected places so say yes to everything – your life will be all the better for it.

18. Be realistic

Being realistic about what true love is is also important. If you have unrealistic expectations of what love should be, you might end up always disappointed and never finding anyone who lives up to your ideal. [Read: 15 tips you need to transform your love life]

19. Listen to your gut

When it comes to finding true love, your instincts are usually right. Listen to your gut and follow those feelings to see what happens.

When you lose trust in yourself, you put it in others. That prevents you from making your own choices and doing what you want. You want things to feel right to you.

If a partner or date tells you you’re crazy or overthinking or even paranoid when you feel valid in your feelings, don’t give in to that. Trust yourself because you know yourself better than anyone else. [Read: How to follow your gut instinct – tried and true methods to follow]

You might be very cautious about meeting strangers online. But that’s okay because it makes you feel safe.

Trust your instincts.

Meet in public at first because you never know. They should be respectful of your wishes. Trusting yourself is the best thing can do.

20. Make an effort

The more effort you make to stay in shape, look nice, and be socially active, the more likely you are to find true love. So make sure you dress to impress, stay healthy and get out there as much as you can! [Read: What does it feel like to be in love? Like seeing in color]

21. Practice self-care

Before anything, you need to take care of yourself. If you want to find a partner who’s self-content and happy with life, you need to reflect on that. 

Practice self-care. Get up in the morning, and tell yourself what you’re grateful for. Do activities that make you feel truly happy with yourself. [Read: How to find happiness within yourself and manifest a better tomorrow]

22. Understand your own needs

What are you looking for in a partner? What do you want to do with your life? You should ask yourself these questions and answer them truthfully. This is the first step in figuring out what you want out of your life and the type of person you want by your side.

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll waste your time on people who don’t share the same goals and beliefs as you. [Read: Banish these hugely false dating ideas from your mind!]

23. Look for a partner, not a romantic fling

If you’re just hooking up with people, well, no wonder you’re not finding love. If you want to find love, stop going for hook-ups and short-term flings. Instead, focus on finding someone who can be your partner.

24. Look up from your phone

You’ll be surprised how many single people are walking by you every day; if only you look up from your phone! Men and women are literally everywhere around you. 

Sure, you can use dating apps, but there are plenty of chances for you to meet people around you. Look up.

25. Do things you like

Don’t go swimming to meet people if you hate the beach or can’t stand public pools. Go to places where like-minded people are. [Read: 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd and meet new people]

If you enjoy reading, go to bookstores or libraries. If you like dancing, take a salsa class. Meet people with similar interests as you.

26. Take a break from dating if you want

Focus on what you like. Don’t go out on dates because you feel like you’re wasting time if you don’t. If you prefer to hang out at home with your friends baking, do that.

Your single time is only wasted if you aren’t enjoying yourself every moment you can. Do activities you’re interested in. [Read: 10 Reasons taking a break from dating can help you find the one]

That’s not to say that you should stop dating and wait for the right person to show up at your door but making finding the right person your main goal neglects the rest of your life.

27. If you meet someone, don’t rush it

You might be really excited when you meet someone new, but you should take things slow. When you rush into things, you might end up heartbroken. 

So, take the time to get to know the person you’re interested in and see if you are compatible. This is about your life. [Read: Rushed relationship – 25 signs and fixes to slow down and save your love]

28. Sexual attraction is great, but it doesn’t last

Of course, physical attraction is important. You want to be attracted to your partner, but instant sexual attraction isn’t something to focus on. 

The attraction takes time to develop with another person. You want to be attracted to more than the physical; you want to be attracted to who they are. [Read: From crush to a companion – understanding the 12 stages of true intimacy]

29. Invest in getting to know someone

Having a fling with someone is fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re looking for love, flings aren’t the best way to do it. If you want a committed relationship, then focus on dating someone.

Dating doesn’t mean sleeping with them; it means getting to know this person. Invest your time in getting to know potential partners. [Read: How to be emotionally available so you can find love]

30. Realize your worth

Even if you feel confident, underlying self-esteem issues could be what is holding you back. Dating people that aren’t right for you isn’t just about bad luck. When you fall for someone that isn’t right for you, it is because you believe that is what you deserve.

So many people ask why someone keeps reaching out after ghosting, and the answer is always because you let them. You interact with them and give them a chance even though they have shown their true colors. 

Is it because you’re lonely? Is it because you hope this time will be different? [Read: Low self worth – 5 steps to see yourself in a better light]

Once you realize you deserve better than being someone’s second thought or last resort, you will let go of the people that aren’t treating you right and seek out the good ones.

31. Accept all outcomes

The hardest part might be taking control of your love life if you want to find true love. You might have built up so much anxiety on dates because you expect it to work out.

And you might be overthinking which might make you cancel dates that you don’t feel will go somewhere. [Read: What does dating really mean and what you need to know about it]

So instead, don’t go into dates thinking a relationship is the only acceptable outcome. Have hope but release those expectations. 

You will feel so much calmer going on dates. You don’t need to be head over heels for who you are meeting, just be open to all outcomes.

Once you accept that a date could lead to a relationship, a second date, or nothing, you will be able to go into dating with a lot more positivity. [Read: How to remain hopeful while dating and not let heartaches stop you]

32. Stop predicting the future

In the same way the past shouldn’t control you, your future shouldn’t either. Of course, you have plans and ideas about your future, but if you let that take over for living in the present, it will pass you by before you even realize it.

Learning how to take control of your love life is about appreciating the moments. Experience each date. Stop planning to be married by a certain age. 

Stop putting your expectations onto others. This can make you feel in control but you miss what is happening now. [Read: Dating for a month? Realistic expectations you need to keep in mind]

33. Stop waiting

Don’t wait around to find love or for something that may never come. Whether your partner makes promises that never come true or that guy you met once isn’t texting back, waiting takes control away from you.

If you want a certain love life, waiting will not make it happen. Waiting for someone to call, ask, or text only leaves you feeling out of control and hurt. If you stop waiting for others to make a move, you can make your own. [Read: People who ghost and come back – How to handle the zombies of dating]

34. Stop responding before thinking

If you’re in a relationship filled with anger or tension, it is easy to blame our partner. We victimize ourselves because they picked a fight, criticize, or recede from the partnership. 

And you shouldn’t take the blame yourself, but instead of reacting to their behavior as if you have no other choice, think about your behavior.

If they ignore you, are you ignoring them back? If they criticize you, do you snap and yell? [Read: Why you keep having the same fight: How to break the unhealthy cycle]

Is your behavior what you would qualify as acceptable from someone else? Blaming others for your responses leaves you feeling out of control when in fact you have power over your actions.

Instead of falling into a pattern of arguments, try a different approach that will actually resolve the problem at hand.

Dealing with rejection

Now this one is obvious. When you’re looking for love, you are going to have to deal with rejections. You can’t expect everyone you fall in love with to fall right back into love with you. [Read: How to handle rejection the right way even if it hurts]

So, learn to deal with rejections gracefully. It’s just like a job application. You can’t really get any job you want, every time you send in an application, right? If someone’s not interested in going out with you, move on and try to find someone who likes you back too.

Final thoughts

No matter what happens in your pursuit of love, stay positive. You never know who’s looking at you from far away, slowly falling in love with you every day. 

As long as you make new friends, meet new people and stay positive, love will come knocking on your door sooner than you think.

[Read: Should you meet your Tinder match? When, where, and how to stay safe!]

If you search for advice on how to find true love, these tips will help. They’ll set you out on your search with the right attitude, knowing what you want, and knowing when to move on! 

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...