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34 True Secrets to Find Love & Why You Haven’t Found the Right Person Yet

If you want to know how to meet the right person and find love, don’t worry! Use these dating tips that can help you find lasting love and attract people in no time.

how to find love

You’d like to know how to find love, but you feel lost. If you can’t find love around you, it doesn’t mean you’ll never find love.

You can look in the mirror every day, ask yourself if you’ll find love, and hope the answer will be affirmative one day. But staring into a mirror won’t change your life.

We all want to have more love in our lives. Finding true love is an amazing experience that many people search for for many years. 

For most, our first loves aren’t the ones we end up with. We have to go through the experience of loving, losing, and then loving again before we find our forever person.

While it might take us a few attempts to get it right, it’s not to say that we should invalidate our past loves. We have to learn from our past experiences of love to understand what we want and need in a lasting relationship with someone.

They helped us learn lessons and become wiser, which ultimately helps us find the true love we search for.

Whether you’re single or not, feeling lost in your love life is no way to live. Feeling like your love life is out of your control is never a good feeling. 

If you are searching for your person or struggling in a relationship, you can learn how to take control of your love life.

You are in control of the life you live. No, you can’t force someone to date you. You can’t will yourself a happily ever after, nor can you fix the person you’re with. But you do have the power to take control of your love life. [Read: How to find love and learn to be open to all that life has to offer]

Why you can’t find love

There are a lot of couples in the world, and an equally high number of single men and women. Why is it that you can’t find love when everyone else seems to be jumping between partners all the time?

You may feel like the world is conspiring against you and pushing every eligible partner away from you.

It may be because of your hectic work hours, your lack of drop-dead gorgeous looks, or a missing funny bone. You can have a lot of reasons, but the real truth is far simpler. [Read: Why am I single? Things you might be doing that sabotage your love life]

You can’t find love because you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find love.

It’s really that simple. The only person stopping you from finding love is yourself.

What is out of control in your love life?

Before you can take the power back in your relationships, work out what needs your control. What is it in your love life that you’re unhappy with? What do you feel is out of your control? [Read: Am I ready for a long-term relationship? The questions you should be asking yourself]

Are you feeling hopeless about meeting the right person? Is your relationship feeling more tense than it is relaxing? Are you fighting to make it work with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself?

What is it that made you seek out this article? What do you want control of?

Learning how to take control of your love life isn’t as simple as following instructions on how to make a cake. It takes strength, practice, and hard work. [Read: 20 practical things to consider before giving up on love]

You won’t find love simply because you change your mindset overnight. You have to work on the way you think about dating. 

You have to be open to things possibly not working out, and you have to take control of the present in order to get the future you want.

Once you’ve nailed down why you feel like you don’t have control, work on that. [Read: Am I in love? 30 signs to read the fuzzy flutters after infatuation]

Looking in the mirror

Why do you think you can’t find love? Look in the mirror and list your many different reasons. Are you short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? All of the above?

Then again, haven’t people with all those shortcomings been able to get loving partners and lead happy lives? Why is it not working for you?

The truth? You can’t find love because you’re letting those shortcomings get in the way. It’s weighing your confidence down like a big bag of bricks on your back. [Read: How to find love]

It’s easy to lose motivation and confidence and give up, but a person can never really find love if they’ve already given up.

On the other hand, there are people who are extremely confident about their appearance and everything else, but they’re still single and looking for someone. Why are they single?

Looking for love

If you’re serious about finding love, you need to be looking for it. Many people say that it’s better to not go looking for love. They say love will come to you when the time is right, but that’s not true. [Read: How to get a boyfriend – the no-nonsense guide to find a great guy]

Why is looking for love any different from looking for a job? You can’t sit back and wait for the perfect job to land in your lap. You have to look for it. Sometimes people get lucky, of course, but that’s not always the case.

The secret to finding love is to never stop looking for it, but don’t run around frantically waving your hands while yelling, “I want to find love!” Love, like everything else, has to be sought out.

Dating and relationship tips for finding true love

For many, the quest of finding true love seems daunting. To open yourself up to love, you must be prepared to be open, vulnerable, and to potentially get hurt. [Read: Signs to help you recognize true love when it comes into your life]

For people who have had bad experiences in the past, the idea of opening themselves up to another person feels daunting. However, it is worth it in the end!

How do you get out there and start searching for true love? What do you need to do? How do you prepare yourself mentally? Where do you need to go? How should you engage with people? Read on to discover the answers on how to find true love!

1. Know when to let it go

If you are truly dedicated to finding true love, it’s a good idea to actually understand what it isn’t. [Read: 15 special ways true love sets itself apart]

If you cling to every person with potential, stay in relationships that you know aren’t working, or keep brushing problems under the rug and refuse to acknowledge how you really feel, you only end up unhappy.

Ending things further down the line only wastes everyone’s precious time. That’s not to say that loving relationships aren’t hard work, but knowing when to let go is important.

2. Be sociable

The more sociable you are, the more people you’ll meet. If you sit at home on your sofa waiting for some princess or prince charming to knock at your door, you could be waiting for a long time.

Get out there and start meeting new people. [Read: How to be more social – 22 ways to genuinely connect with others]

3. Don’t dismiss people straightaway

Love can be found in mysterious places. If you are too closed off to people, you might actually miss someone that’s perfect for you. 

Give people second chances and the benefit of the doubt sometimes. You might end up falling for someone you thought you didn’t even like!

Be open-minded. Keeping an open mind will open you up to the possibility of finding true love. Try new things, have interesting experiences, and don’t judge people. The more open-minded you are the better. [Read: The 15 signs you’ve graduated from puppy love to true love]

Give people a chance. As we said above, attraction takes time to develop. On the first date, maybe there was a little physical attraction, but it wasn’t enough in your mind. 

Just wait! Be a little patient. Go on a second date and get to know this person better. If there was absolutely nothing, that’s different.

4. Don’t have a type

Going for dark-haired, tall, rich guys is superficial, and you are cutting out so many people without giving yourself a chance to see if you have a love connection. Try to steer clear of types, open your eyes to the possibility of anyone being your one true love, and you’ll be able to finally find someone for sure. [Read: Types of men you shouldn’t date if you’re looking for true love]

5. Look at friends in a new way

Sometimes true love is right on your doorstep and you don’t even realize it. Look at your friend group a bit more closely. Is there anyone there who could be something more to you?

6. Try online dating

There used to be a huge stigma around online dating, but that’s where you’re likely to find most single people these days. Online dating makes it so easy to see the dating profiles of those who are available in your area, so it’s worth doing if you are brave enough. You can also select your best match based on their online profiles. [Read: Reasons you should give online dating a try]

7. Learn from past mistakes

If you want to learn how to take control of your love life and have a healthy relationship in the future, remember that your past teaches you a lot of lessons, but letting it control you means you aren’t controlling yourself. You can better see red flags, know what you want and don’t want, and even be more cautious.

Learning from your past mistakes can really help you find love in the future. Each and every relationship is unique, and each should help you learn and grow. 

Try to remember what went right and what you wish you had done differently. Then, use these lessons to help make your future relationships and searches for love more successful! [Read: First date red flags that speak a lot more than your date]

8. Believe that someone is out there for you

Sometimes it can feel as though you have been waiting forever to find love. Keep believing there is someone out there for you. If you give up, you might never meet them!

9. Stay positive

Keep positive about finding love and the whole dating game. The more obsessive and miserable you get, the more you are likely to close yourself off from people.

Finding love may take time, but it will happen. You need to change your outlook. Understand that the more you practice self-care and focus on understanding your own needs, the more likely you are to find someone who matches you. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

10. Get new hobbies

New hobbies open new doors. They lead you to exciting places and help you meet new people, too. Try taking up some new hobbies to expand your social circle. You’ll get to know people who share the same hobbies, which is a great basis for the start of a new relationship.

11. Enjoy the single life

Remember, when it comes to knowing how to find true love, it often comes to you when you least expect it. Don’t make finding true love the be-all and end-all. Your relationship status does not define your self-worth. Take some time to be alone, and you might find that it comes to you more easily than you expect! [Read: Enjoy the single ride and find the one along the way]

12. Know what’s important to you and what you can compromise on

If you’re ready to look for a long-term relationship, have clear values and expectations of what you want from your partner. You can find someone who is compatible and recognize someone who is not.

13. Stop giving into old patterns

When you’ve been dating for a while, it is easy to get comfortable. Even if you meet new people, you can fall into a pattern. 

You might go to the same place on the first date and share the same stories. If you want to know how to take control of your love life because you aren’t happy with how things are going, take a look at your dating history and branch out. [Read: Unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

Try new activities on dates. Give in to the conversation instead of pulling at your typical anecdotes. 

If you’re in a relationship and fight a lot, you don’t have to keep reacting the same way. You can take control of your behavior and have open and honest communication.

14. Don’t waste time

There is no point in wasting your time in a relationship that you know isn’t working. [Read: Stop wasting time – 15 signs she’s not interested in a second date]

If your life goals or desires are completely different no matter how much you like each other, be honest with yourself. Know that it will likely only end further down the line and be far more painful when it does!

Meanwhile, if you go on a first date with someone and don’t find a connection with that person, don’t waste both of your time by going on a second or third date.

15. Don’t chase people that are already with someone

If you think you like someone who is already taken, really step back and think about why.

You could end up spending far too much time pining after someone who isn’t right for you or is happy with their current partner and never going to leave them. [Read: How to stop liking someone you know you can never have]

Sure, the chase is exciting. Everyone loves the chase. Going after someone who’s clearly unavailable is only wasting your time and energy. 

You’re not going to get this person. Even if you do, it won’t be in the capacity you want. Stop chasing after someone who isn’t for you. [Read: Frustration attraction – why their denial just makes you love them more]

16. Be friendly

A big smile goes a long way. The friendlier you are, the more likely you are to come across as approachable. Then you won’t miss your true love because they’ll feel free to come up and talk to you!

17. Say yes more

The more experiences you have in life, the more things you do. The more willing you are to try new things, the better. True love works in mysterious ways and can be found in the most unexpected places, so say yes to everything. Your life will be all the better for it.

18. Be realistic

Being realistic about what true love is is also important. If you have unrealistic expectations of what love should be, *like how people in the movies fall in love at first sight* then you might end up disappointed and never find anyone who lives up to your ideas. [Read: 15 tips you need to transform your love life]

19. Listen to your gut

When it comes to finding love, your instincts are usually right. Listen to your gut and follow those feelings to see what happens.

When you lose trust in yourself, you put it in others. That prevents you from making your own choices and doing what you want. You want things to feel right to you.

If a partner or date tells you that you’re crazy, overthinking, or even paranoid when you feel valid in your feelings, don’t give in to that. Trust yourself because you know yourself better than anyone else. [Read: How to follow your gut instinct – tried and true methods]

You might be very cautious about the people you meet online, but that’s okay if it makes you feel safe.

Trust your instincts.

Meet in public if you’re dating someone new for the first time. They should be respectful of your wishes. Trusting yourself is the best thing you can do.

20. Make an effort

The more of an effort you make to stay in shape, look nice, and be socially active, the more likely you are to find true love. Make sure you dress to impress, stay healthy, and get out there as much as you can! [Read: What does it feel like to be in love? Like seeing in color]

21. Practice self-care

Before anything else, you need to take care of yourself. If you want to find a partner who’s content and happy with life, you need to reflect that. 

Practice self-care. Get up in the morning and tell yourself what you’re grateful for. Do activities that make you feel truly happy with yourself. Focus on your personal growth and live your life to the fullest by being the best version of yourself. You’d be surprised at how you’ll attract the right kind of people without trying. [Read: Here’s how to find happiness within yourself and manifest a better tomorrow]

22. Understand your own needs

What are you looking for in a partner? What do you want to do with your life? You should ask yourself these questions and answer them truthfully. This is the first step in figuring out what you want out of your life and the type of person you want by your side.

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll waste your time on people who don’t share the same goals and beliefs as you. [Read: Banish these hugely false dating ideas from your mind!]

23. Look for a partner, not a romantic fling

If you’re just hooking up with people, no wonder you’re not finding love. If you want to find real love, stop going for hook-ups and short-term flings. Instead, focus on finding someone that can be your partner.

24. Look up from your phone

You’ll be surprised how many single people are walking by you every day if only you look up from your phone! Men and women are literally everywhere around you. 

Sure, you can use dating sites and apps, but there are plenty of chances for you to meet people around you. Look up.

25. Do things you like

Don’t go swimming to meet people if you hate the beach or can’t stand public pools. Go to places where like-minded people are. [Read: 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd and meet new people]

If you enjoy reading, go to bookstores or libraries. If you like dancing, take a salsa class. Meet someone special with similar interests.

26. Take a break from dating if you want

Focus on what you like. Don’t go out on dates only because you feel like you’re wasting time if you don’t. If you prefer to hang out at home while baking with your friends, then do that.

Unless you’re not enjoying every moment you can, your single time is not wasted. Do activities you’re interested in. [Read: Reasons taking a break from dating can help you find the one]

That’s not to say that you should stop dating and wait for the right person to show up at your door. If you make finding the right person your main goal, you neglect the rest of your life. It’s better to be single than to be with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. No relationship will run smoothly like that. Only go back into the dating scene when you’re truly ready to know another person.

27. If you meet someone, don’t rush it

You might be really excited when you meet someone new, but you should take things slow. When you rush into things, you might end up heartbroken. 

Take the time to get to really get to know the person you’re interested in. See if you are compatible rather than rushing to be with them immediately only to find that the person values different things than you do. This is about your life. [Read: Rushed relationship – 25 signs and fixes to slow down and save your love]

28. Sexual attraction is great, but it doesn’t last

Of course, physical attraction is important. You want to be attracted to your partner, but instant sexual attraction isn’t something to focus on. 

Attraction takes time to develop with another person. You want to be attracted to the right things about someone. More than physically, you want to be attracted to who they are. You’ll never find good love if you’re attracted to the wrong things about a person.

[Read: From crush to a companion – understanding the stages of true intimacy]

29. Invest in getting to know someone

Having a fling with someone is fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re looking for love, flings aren’t the best way to do it. If you want a committed relationship, focus on dating someone.

Dating doesn’t mean sleeping with them. It means getting to know this person. Invest your time in getting to know potential partners, especially before sharing your life together. [Read: How to be emotionally available so you can find love]

30. Realize your worth

Even if you feel confident, underlying self-esteem issues could be holding you back. Dating people that aren’t right for you isn’t just about bad luck. When you fall for someone that isn’t right for you, it is because you believe it’s what you deserve.

So many people ask why someone keeps reaching out after ghosting, and it doesn’t take a relationship expert to know that the answer is that you let them. You interact with them and give them a chance even though they have shown their true colors. 

Is it because you’re lonely? Is it because you hope that this time will be different? [Read: Low self-worth – Steps to see yourself in a better light]

Once you realize you deserve better than being someone’s second thought or last resort, you will let go of the people that aren’t treating you right and seek out the good ones.

31. Accept all outcomes

The hardest part might be taking control of your love life if you want to find true love. You might have built up so much anxiety on dates because you expect it to work out.

You might be overthinking, which might make you cancel dates that you don’t feel will go somewhere. [Read: What does dating really mean and what you need to know about it]

Instead, don’t go into dates thinking a relationship is the only acceptable outcome. Have hope but release those expectations. 

You will feel so much calmer going on dates. You don’t need to be head over heels for who you are meeting. Just be open to all outcomes.

Once you accept that a date could lead to either a relationship, a second date, or nothing, you will be able to go into dating with a lot more positivity. [Read: How to remain hopeful while dating and not let heartaches stop you]

32. Stop predicting the future

In the same way that the past shouldn’t control you, neither should the future. Of course, you have plans and ideas about your future, but if you let that take over living in the present, it will pass you by before you even realize it.

Learning how to take control of your love life is about appreciating the moments. Experience each date. Stop planning to be married by a certain age. 

Stop putting your expectations on others. This can make you feel in control, but you miss what is happening now. [Read: Dating for a month? Realistic expectations you need to keep in mind]

33. Stop waiting

Don’t wait around to find love or something that may never come. Whether your partner makes promises that never come true or that guy you met once isn’t texting back, waiting takes control away from you.

If you want a certain love life, waiting will not make it happen. Waiting for someone to call, ask, or text only leaves you feeling out of control and hurt. If you stop waiting for others to make a move, you can make your own. [Read: People who ghost and come back – how to handle the zombies of dating]

34. Stop responding before thinking

If you’re in a relationship filled with anger or tension, it is easy to blame your partner. We victimize ourselves because they picked a fight, criticized, or receded from the partnership. 

You shouldn’t take the blame yourself, either. Instead of reacting to their behavior as if you have no other choice, think about your behavior.

If they ignore you, are you ignoring them back? If they criticize you, do you snap and yell? [Read: Why you keep having the same fight – how to break the unhealthy cycle]

Is your behavior what you would see as acceptable from someone else? Blaming others for your responses leaves you feeling out of control when you have power over your actions.

Instead of falling into a pattern of arguments, try a different approach that will actually resolve the problem at hand.

Dealing with rejection

This one is obvious. When you’re looking for love, you are going to have to deal with rejection. You can’t expect everyone that you fall in love with to fall right back into love with you. [Read: How to handle rejection the right way even if it hurts]

Learn to deal with rejection gracefully. It’s just like a job application. You can’t really get any job you want every time you send in an application, right? If someone’s not interested in going out with you, move on and try to find someone who likes you back.

Final thoughts

No matter what happens in your pursuit of love, stay positive. You never know who’s looking at you from far away, slowly falling in love with you every day. 

As long as you make new friends, meet new people, and stay positive, love will come knocking on your door sooner than you think.

[Read: Should you meet your Tinder match? When, where, and how to stay safe!]

If you search for advice on how to find true love, these tips will help. They’ll set you out on your search with the right attitude, knowing what you want, and knowing when to move on! 

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Vinod Srinivas Serai
Vin Serai
Vin Serai is the founder of LovePanky.com, and has delved deep into the working of love and relationships for almost two decades. Having dipped his feet in almo...