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20 Valid Reasons to Break Up with Someone

Love is the best feeling in the world, but sometimes it’s not enough. Do you know what are the reasons to break up with someone and when to call it quits?

Many things contribute to the demise of a relationship. Reasons can range from outright hatred towards a partner to less drastic reasons such as personal differences. But what are the valid reasons to break up with someone?

Though it’s common to think that being dumped is difficult, naming reasons for leaving someone can often be just as difficult. It’s never easy to break up with someone and call it quits, but sometimes it’s a necessary decision. You break up with someone with the bad outweighs the good, and you no longer see yourself growing with them.

It’s true that you can just pack up and leave without a word of goodbye, but that’s not exactly the best way to end things with someone with whom you shared some great moments with. They deserve a better way to be broken up with, no matter the reason.

[Read: How to break up with someone you love: When it’s hard but right]

Are you a bad person for breaking up with them?

Relationships end and even if that’s not what we had in mind, it happens. Sometimes, the other person breaks up with us and other times, we do the breaking up. But as bad as we feel for breaking up with someone, we don’t often have a choice.

If the relationship is toxic, draining, and one-sided *among many other valid reasons*, then you need to break up with them. You’re settling for less than you deserve the more you stay in the wrong relationship. If you already feel in your gut that it’s a valid choice to break up with them, then you should do it.

If you stay out of obligation or guilt, these aren’t valid reasons to stay with someone, not even close. No matter how much you want to blame yourself for breaking up with someone, it’s the only choice you have if you want to protect your sanity and wellbeing. Also, you’ll never find the love you’re looking for the longer you stay with them.

[Read: How to move on and deal with a break up with a smile]

Reasons to end a relationship

Everyone has different reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with someone. But if you’re looking for valid, straightforward and common reasons for leaving your partner, here are the most reasonable grounds for breaking up with someone.

1. Infidelity

Whether it’s you or your partner who has been unfaithful, the mere fact that there’s a third party involved can be enough to instigate a breakup. If your partner has cheated on you, and you can’t find it in your heart to forgive them or to let go of a grudge, then this can be reason enough to end things.

We know how easy it is to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when they cheated or betrayed you, but the fact is, if they did it once, they’d do it again. Infidelity is one of the highly valid reasons to break up with someone. Even if you did try to mend the relationship, trust isn’t that easy to repair in relationships.

On the other hand, if you were the unfaithful one, you can say that you no longer believe that your relationship will work because of what you did. [Read: 8 things you need to do before forgiving a cheater]

2. Abuse

Whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental abuse, you should never tolerate this in a relationship. The moment you experience this, don’t just walk away – run far from the relationship. No one should be subjected to abuse of any kind, especially if it’s brought about by a person whom you thought you could trust.

If you’ve undergone emotional, physical, or sexual abuse because of your partner, that’s a very good reason to leave the relationship and look for someone who actually cares about your wellbeing. You’ll lose yourself in the process the longer you stay in an abusive relationship. [Read: 21 signs of emotional abuse you may not notice]

3. Your mind wanders to someone else

This isn’t exactly infidelity, but it can be the first step towards unfaithfulness. Is your mind occupied by someone else? Are you romantically interested in someone else other than your partner? Do you fantasize about being with this other person?

Falling out of love happens to even the best of us, no matter how hard we try to choose our current partner. So if this is what you’ve been feeling for a significant period now, then it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone. It’s much better to part ways than to tolerate one another when you no longer feel the love. It’s not just unfair for you, but especially for your partner.

4. You think of how much better things can be without your partner

There will be times in your relationship when you’ll wish you were single. This is fine, especially if you’re going through a rough patch. However, if you constantly think that your life would have been much better without your current partner, this would only breed contempt and a series of regrets.

Your relationship should be bringing happiness and joy in your life, rather than resentment and thoughts of what-ifs. So if you keep thinking that life would be so much better without your partner, whether on a good or bad day, then it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

5. You fight too often

Couples can fight over the littlest things and make up at the drop of a hat. But if your fights always escalate to the point that it takes up a huge bulk of your relationship, then you must be less in love and more at war. They say fighting is normal in a relationship, but only to an extent.

If you make a habit of fighting with one another, there might be a lack of love. This means there’s a bigger issue at play that you’re both trying to avoid. If fighting is all you ever do, it might be time to break up with them and end things for good. [Read: Fighting in a relationship – How to do it right]

6. You haven’t been genuinely happy in a while

Relationships go through ruts from time to time, and it takes courage and persistence to work through it until things get better. However, there’s a massive difference between being in a rough patch and living in it. As we said, your partner should make you happy and adding joy to your life.

Even as relationships grow stale as the years progress, there’s still that lingering joy it should provide for your life. So if you haven’t felt happy in a long time, don’t you think it’s time to end the relationship and find a relationship that’ll give you the happiness you seek?

Your partner may think you’re just in the relationship when things are fine and dandy, but if you know within yourself that you can’t be happy in the relationship, just say so and walk away. [Read: 10 ways to tell your partner you’re unhappy]

7. You’re only in the relationship to avoid being single

This is a common reason for people who are stuck in a rebound relationship. Honestly, is being single really so bad? You were single for a handful of years before you started dating, and you were fine then, right? Look, relationships can never fill the void in your heart and life.

So if you’re single just because you don’t want to end up alone or you’re trying to avoid an issue in your life, then end the relationship and face your problems first. Being in a relationship doesn’t have to be an addictive drug. [Read: 19 clear signs you are ready for a serious relationship]

It’s supposed to bring out the best in two people so that they can work on building a future together. But if you’re just in the relationship to have someone to sleep with or someone to take care of you, then your relationship may just be doomed to fail.

8. You don’t see a future with your partner

Even if you imagined a future with your partner before, you need to realize that people change and grow. Unfortunately, we can’t control it if we end up growing in separate directions from our partners. So if you don’t see a future with your partner, it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

You don’t have to feel like the bad person in your story because why would you settle for someone you don’t see a future with? Common interest shouldn’t be the sole reason your relationship is still working. You have to plan and envision what your life will be like in a few years.

Frequently, attraction and infatuation blind people and keep them from seeing that their relationship is doomed to fail. It’s a painful reason to break up with someone, we know, but it’s necessary. You can’t drag your partner and get their hopes up forever, you know? [Read: 7 signs you’re trapped in a troubled relationship]

9. You’re taking up the slack

Are you tired of always being the one who’s putting in the effort to make your relationship work? You do know that it takes two to tango, right? You shouldn’t ever settle for a one-sided relationship as it never works out. If you honestly think they’ll change and put more effort into the relationship, how long have you been saying that to yourself?

Effort isn’t the basis of a relationship, but things fall apart when one stops putting in the effort. When you put in so much work in your relationship and your partner doesn’t bother to lift a finger to reciprocate, then this can be a good enough reason to leave.

10. You feel like you’re just bringing each other down

Strangely enough, this is common in many toxic relationships. For example, when one partner is an alcoholic and the other also becomes an alcoholic, this unhealthy lifestyle can spiral into a vicious cycle. And it doesn’t always have to be as drastic as alcoholism.

When one person is damaged, it’s easy to drag the other down with them. So if you bring out the worst version of yourselves in the relationship, it’s a much better decision just to end things.

Evaluate your relationship and your lifestyle choices. If your lifestyle is suffering because of a toxic person in your life, it’s time to sever the cord and move to greener pastures. [Read: 15 signs of a bad relationship you should never, ever tolerate]

11. You don’t want to fix things anymore

When the stress of keeping your relationship afloat takes its toll on you, it’s easy just to give it all up. This can already be a valid reason to break up with someone because if you’re no longer willing to put in any energy to make it work, no miracle will do it for you.

If you’re just plain exhausted and no longer have the energy to make the relationship work, that’s when it’s practically over. Better to end things to put a halt to the relationship, once and for all. [Read: When to walk away from a relationship – Baby boomers vs. us]

12. “No reason to stay is a good reason to go.”

Ask yourself why you’re still in a relationship with your partner. Do your answers sound like you’re just settling for the sake of being with someone? Change is never easy, but familiarity and comfort are never valid reasons to stay either.

You should stay because you love them or can’t imagine a future without them, not because they feel familiar to you. Of course they feel familiar; you’ve been intimate and vulnerable to them. But that doesn’t mean you should stay if your gut is convincing you otherwise. [Read: How to break up with someone you still love]

13. You’re losing yourself

The worst feeling in the world is when you’re in a relationship and you end up losing yourself entirely, for whatever reason. Maybe you’re going through something personal, maybe you compromised your values entirely for them, maybe the relationship just drained you that you ended up losing yourself.

As cliche as the line ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ is, it’s a valid excuse to break up with them. If you don’t know who you are, how are you supposed to love them properly? [Read: How to focus on yourself in a relationship & avoid losing yourself]

14. You can’t rely on them

If you can’t rely on your partner, then what’s the point of anything? Trust is the entire foundation of a relationship, so if you can’t rely on your partner, there’s no point in forcing a relationship that’s eventually going to fall apart. Without trust, there’s no respect, and without respect, there’s no love.

A relationship is all about partnership, so if you can’t rely on them, it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone. It’s much better to cut the cord rather than trying to fix something that’s already been broken in the first place. [Read: How to stop being codependent and have a healthy relationship]

15. You have baggage

Breaking up with someone and ending things doesn’t always have to be their fault. Sometimes, it can be because of our own issues and baggage. It’s easy to project our baggage to the person we’re dating, thinking they can fix them if they just love us hard enough.

But that never works out. If we have any kind of baggage, even if it might seem minor, you still end up projecting them to your partner. This is why we need to be fully healed first before we enter any kind of intimate relationship.

Having baggage is one of the valid reasons to break up with someone. It hurts because nobody cheated or betrayed anybody, but it’s just a matter of fixing yourself. [Read: How to deal with guilt & drop the baggage weighing you down]

16. There’s no chemistry or compatibility

When you first meet someone, one of the first things you assess is compatibility or chemistry. Both these factors are things you can’t control, no matter what. You can’t adjust and force yourselves to have compatibility and chemistry if you just don’t have it anymore.

Maybe life got in the way, or maybe you were just never compatible to begin with *but you were too blinded to see it.* A lack of chemistry or compatibility is definitely a valid reason to call it quits with someone, and it’s neither your fault nor theirs. 

17. You’re sexually incompatible

Unless you’re in a conservative relationship or other factors, sex will primarily be on the table. We all have different desires and needs when it comes to sex. But what happens if your partner’s is different from yours? You won’t admit it at first because you’ll try to make the relationship work.

But in the long run, that sexual incompatibility will become so evident that you can no longer ignore it. Or, it can also be possible that you learn something about yourself that makes your sexuality different altogether. [Read: Sexual compatibility: 13 sizzling ways to know if you have it]

18. Your standards for a relationship changed

We all grow over time, so what we want in a partner right now could be different in a few years. So if your standards have changed, it’s one of the valid reasons to break up with someone.

Maybe you used to want a partner who’s adventurous and spontaneous but now, you want someone who can settle down with you and build a secure life with you – and that’s okay! It doesn’t automatically mean it’s your fault or something’s wrong with you.

People change and grow, and you should definitely let your partner in on those standards when you’re ready. [Read: Relationship rules: 30 must-know tips to live your best love life!]

19. Your values are clashing

Contrary to popular belief, opposites don’t always attract. If you think you can change their values and beliefs on something they feel strongly about, realize that one of you will end up compromising. For instance, if one of you is particularly religious and the other is liberated, there will always be conflict in the relationship.

So one of you will have to constantly adjust, causing repressed emotions of resentment and anger. If your values are constantly clashing, it’s one of the valid reasons just to walk away and accept things won’t work out.

Our values make up who we are, so if you lose that part of you, if you end up compromising yours for theirs, you’d lose the essence of who you are. 

20. You keep breaking up and getting back together

Look, this isn’t the movies. It’s not romantic to keep breaking up and getting back together with them. If this keeps happening in your relationship, start thinking about why this is the case. Maybe there’s just something in your relationship that can no longer be fixed, and it’s best to break up *for good this time.*

[Read: On-off relationship: All the reasons why you should never be in one]

So, what are the valid reasons to break up with someone?

Not all relationships should be centered on passion, romance, and cheesiness. But when those things are gone, there should still be reasons for you to want to stay.

Beneath all the trappings of what a relationship looks like, there should be genuine love, respect, and trust. If these things are gone or you’re not sure if they’re still there, you’ve got your reason to leave.

These 20 reasons above are valid reasons to break up with someone. You’re not a bad person just because you grew apart or fell out of love with them. So it’s okay to cut the cord. 

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