We all love those first few months of a new relationship, but after a while, the honeymoon phase has to end. Here’s what to do when it does.
Think back to the very beginning of your relationship. How you couldn’t help but smile when you saw them. How you always laughed and joked together with ease. How you had nothing but joy for them. All those mushy, gushy feelings are what we like to call the honeymoon phase.
It’s the best time of a new relationship. You’re always happy and nothing ever gets you down. You enjoy every moment with them and you never even fight. It seems perfect. But relationships can’t stay like that. The honeymoon phase has to come to an end at some point and when it does, you’ll need some help.
Why do we even have a honeymoon phase?
Now that we know what this fun phase is, why the hell does it even exist? Sure, we know that we’re always giddy because it’s new and exciting, but that isn’t enough to warrant an entire phase of a relationship, is it?
The truth is, it has to do with chemicals in your brain and also the way you carry yourself. On one hand, you have all those feel-good hormones rushing through your brain making you happy but on the other hand, you’re also on your best behavior. You don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing or messing up a relationship before it has even begun.
How long does the honeymoon phase last?
And the next thing we need to address is how long does this great phase last? When do all the fun times come to a screeching halt? Truth be told, it’s a little more complicated than just a single number. And it’s not exactly something that stops all that suddenly.
Relationships aren’t all the same. Depending on the way you and your significant other interact together, it could change how long you’re in such a happy state. These questions can help you determine how long your honeymoon phase will last.
#1 How long were you talking before you became committed? This may not seem like a huge deal, but it does play a role in how long your honeymoon phase will last.
#2 How comfortable are you with them? Do you still get really nervous whenever you go see them or have you settled into a kind of comfort with them? This makes a big difference in how long the honeymoon phase will last because normally, when you become more comfortable around them, you act more like yourself and less like a giddy child with a crush. Shortly after becoming more comfortable is when the phase will end.
#3 How integrated into their life are you? Do you go to all of their family functions and events with their friends? If so, the honeymoon phase will end soon. When you begin to be included in all aspects of their life, you’ll get to see all of the good, the bad, and the ugly. This halts the honeymoon phase.
#4 How often do you see them? Are you with them every day or do you go a few days to a week in between visits? If you don’t see them as often, the honeymoon phase will last much longer than if you see them daily. When you separate your time with them, you don’t get to further your relationship as quickly and that will make your honeymoon phase be more drawn out. [Read: 13 relationship mistakes new couples make all the time]
#5 Where is your physical relationship at? This is really important. Depending on how physical the two of you are, it can change the length of your honeymoon phase. When you’re really quick to get physical, it’ll be much shorter because you’ll exhaust all of those new feelings. But if you take longer, that excitement lasts a long time.
What to do when it ends
If you’re not prepared for the honeymoon phase to end, it can be extra difficult to deal with. These are the most important things for you to remember when that fresh excitements starts to fizzle out.
#1 Reassess how you feel. The honeymoon phase being over does NOT mean that your relationship is getting worse and worse. But at this point, you have to reassess how you feel about the person. Do you still see a future with them and enjoy their company or has most of your affection faded? Be honest with yourself. [Read: 15 telltale signs you’re truly in love]
#2 Figure out what brings about arguments. I’m sure you’ve noticed that you’re arguing more and more as your honeymoon phase fizzles out. Your job is to determine what the arguments are about. Are they things you just are getting used to about the person or are they really important and can change your opinion of them?
#3 Remember that it’s normal. Don’t forget that the honeymoon phase is not supposed to last the entire relationship. It’s completely normal for it to end and for you to be faced with a different kind of relationship that’s more comfortable and caring.
#4 And it’s not the end of your relationship. The honeymoon phase ending does not mean your partner is caring less for you. It’s not the end of your relationship. Just remember that every couple settles into a comfortable norm instead of being excited and giddy all the time. [Read: 12 easy ways to keep intimacy alive in a relationship]
#5 Think of the things that made you two happiest. When you’re arguing after the honeymoon phase has ended, it can be easy to forget about why you were happy with them in the first place. Think back to those things and try to make them happen again.
#6 Use the conflict as a means to get to know them. Instead of seeing these conflicts as a bad thing, take them as a learning opportunity. You can find out a lot about a person by what makes them upset and how they solve issues. You’ll be able to tell if they’re really a person you want to be with for life. [Read: 20 questions to get to know someone deeply]
#7 Reestablish why you’re with them. Think about why you’re with them in the first place. Did they win you over and now they stopped doing anything kind or are they still the same person but your feelings have changed? Reestablish why you’re with them and what you like most.
#8 Set your expectations right away. Have a discussion. Talk about the state of your relationship and how it’s beginning to be serious and then set your expectations. Don’t let them get away with stopping every nice thing they used to do in the honeymoon phase.
#9 Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. The biggest mistake people make in their relationships is hiding how they feel about it. Open up and talk about how you realize the honeymoon phase has ended and you want to make sure they know you’re still happy. Make sure to talk about your feelings and the problems you’re feeling. [Read: How to effectively communicate in a relationship]
#10 Spice things up. This can be in the bedroom or just in general. After the first few months, you may start to fall into a routine with them. And while this is normal, it can make you feel like things are becoming stale and that your partner is losing interest. Making things new again can bring back that initial spark.