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How to Fix a Relationship That’s Falling Apart & Rebuild It Again

how to fix a relationship

Learning how to fix a relationship is all about small changes and fixes that can bring you two closer. Want to feel closer in no time? Just try this!

A relationship, just like everything else in life, needs care and attention. Many couples overlook this detail and end up unhappy in a perfect relationship. Find out how to fix a relationship where you’re both drifting apart and turn things around.

Figuring out how to fix a relationship is a lot like stacking a deck of cards. There are so many different cards involved and it’s really difficult to know where exactly the balance went awry.

Just like a stack of cards, in almost all cases, it’s never a single reason that leads to a failure in love. It’s a series of disappointments and resentments that lead to an unhappy relationship. Unhappy relationships don’t start out, out of the blue on one gloomy morning. It’s takes lots and lots of little things, miscommunications, and the buildup of resentments, that lead to it.

[Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to know]

You’re upset about something that you’ve discussed with your partner already, and you think it’s pointless to bring it up again. So you give up and instead place a brick of resentment between the two of you. And over the months and years, these bricks of resentments build up into a wall between you two that almost feels impossible to break down.

You don’t have to feel helpless, lost or embarrassed about it. It happens to all of us. But the difference between happy relationships and relationships that are falling apart is the willingness to pick at each of these bricks. And the mutual determination to tear the wall down, one brick at a time, so love can flow freely.

You need to remember this, a relationship falling apart really doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Even the unhappiest of relationships can be fixed with understanding and love, from both partners.

[Read: Why you feel lonely in your relationship and how you can fix it again]

How to fix a relationship that seems unfixable

If you still love your partner and are willing to work on your relationship, follow these easy steps on how to fix a relationship. They’re so easy it almost seems silly to try. But really, what have you got to lose?

It’s easy and can bring back the happiness that’s lost in all the confusion and pain. [Read: Are you being pushed away in a relationship? Is it time to give up?]

#1 Start communicating again.

How did you deal with the situation the last time you disagreed with your partner, or had a little fight? Most couples prefer to just end an argument with slammed doors and sulking evenings rather than face the situation, sort it out and clear the air. Blame it on egos!

You could give each other some space for a couple of days and wait for the issue to get sorted out by itself. But by avoiding a confrontation, you would end a fight but you really can’t understand each other or help each other. Problems that are brushed under the carpet have a way of raising a stink every now and then. [Read: Lack of communication in a relationship and how it signals the end of it]

The next time you’re feeling frustrated and lonely, talk about it with your partner and try to get over the issue. And remember, when you talk to your partner, don’t get into the conversation so they can hear about YOUR problems and YOUR complaints. LISTEN, so you can hear them out and try to UNDERSTAND what they’re going through, even if it makes no sense to you.

#2 Forgive each other.

We’re all human, and all of us make mistakes, even the most perfect of people. If you want to know how to fix a relationship and have a successful one, both of you must learn to forgive each other. And most importantly, you must remember to never judge your partner for their past errors.

It takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they believe may be bad or hurtful. Being vulnerable is hard, even when you love someone deeply and feel comfortable talking to them. Can you imagine how difficult it must be for your partner to be vulnerable with you when they feel judged at the same time? [Read: How to cope when someone you love has an emotional shutdown]

When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship.

The day either of you stop sharing your feelings and thoughts with each other is the day your relationship starts to drift apart, even if only by a small bit every day. [Read: 15 small ways to fix your love again and make it last]

If you believe something is wrong in the relationship, or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and understand their point of view. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.

#3 Compatibility where it matters.

Compatibility is crucial if you want to know how to fix a relationship. In several cases, opposites attract and you may find yourself dating or married to someone who has nothing in common with you.

But if you think about it, perhaps, it’s those differences that brought both of you closer. Sometimes, compatibility doesn’t lie in sharing similar likes and dislikes, it lies in wanting to understand and experience the ways of your partner. If you’re having issues with compatibility and want to fix your relationship, you’d know what this means. [Read: What does being compatible in a relationship mean to you?]

If your partner’s too carefree or lighthearted, you may be in love with your partner because you admire that quality, however much it may annoy you at times. Compatibility isn’t about how similar both of you are, but how well you mesh together as a couple.

Don’t look at your differences as burdens, instead look at it as something that either of you can learn from each other. Make a conscious effort to understand your partner and understand their behavior. By understanding each other’s minds, both of you can change and become better individuals and a better couple.

#4 Compromise when it doesn’t hurt you.

Learn to give in. It’s as simple as that. It’s surprising to see that so many individuals fail as a couple because of this one issue alone. Seriously, how difficult is it for couples to learn to give in selflessly once in a while? Over recent years, men and women have become too bullheaded and stubborn.

Couples don’t like to give in, and it’s always my way or the highway. But think about it, if you truly love your partner, seeing them smile or have a good time would make you happy too, wouldn’t it? [Read: How to compromise in a relationship without feeling like you lost out]

If your partner’s happiness matters so much, why not go out of your way to compromise on something they like just to see your partner happy? If you can’t give in now and then, you’re cohabiting with your partner, and you’re not really in love with them.

Of course, it’s never good if one person always gives and the other person just takes. It has to be mutual. For starters, you could even keep count if nothing helps. Every time your partner compromises for you, you need to compromise for your partner. Over time, these things will begin to come naturally. [Read: 13 foundations of a relationship that separate the good from the bad]

#5 Growing together through life.

Relationships need to grow constantly, just like how individuals need to grow. When a relationship stagnates, you start to lose interest in it and soon, you stop caring about it. And one fine day, you may not even want to do anything for, or with your partner.

Both of you start taking each other for granted and before you know it, the relationship comes to a grinding halt. If you want to know how to fix a relationship, you need to heal it from the inside. You can mend a bird’s wing, but you can’t really heal the bird until you help the bird move and fly.

Learn to improve a relationship and better it, learn from each other and give enough space to each other to grow as individuals. Only by becoming better individuals can both of you become better lovers. [Read: How to give space in a relationship]

These five fixes on how to fix a relationship may seem trivial and easy. And that’s the whole point. Sometimes, the most complicated of knots need a small tug where it matters. And just like that, in love too, we all need a small step forward to start creating a happy relationship. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]

A few other things that can help you

If you want an even quicker fix that’ll help you fix your relationship faster, here are a few more things that can guide you and your partner towards a healthier and happier relationship.

#1 Empathy. Learn to walk a mile in your partner’s shoes before you judge them. Think from your partner’s perspective. Are they hooked to video games or shopping? Why? Is it their way to find a release from life’s stress? Instead of getting annoyed, understand why they behave the way they do.

#2 Be a giver. But be careful of takers. Giving gives more happiness than taking. For a long time, you may be asking yourself, “what am I getting from this relationship?” But now as yourself, “what am I giving to my partner so they can be happy in the relationship?” [Read: Are you a giver or a taker in your relationship?]

#3 Make the effort. Make the effort because you want to, not because you want your partner to do the same for you.

#4 You have a part to play too. Don’t blame your partner for everything. Even if everything IS their fault, you need to remember that you played a part in it too. Every time your partner did something you disliked, you put up with it. And now you expect your partner to change everything for you all of a sudden. Is that fair to ask? Help them see things from your perspective, but don’t hate them for who they are.

#5 Would you do the same for them? Every time you ask your partner to change something for you, ask yourself if you’d do the same for them. [Read: What is real love? 15 ways true love sets itself apart]

#6 Focus on the changes together. Help your partner see how any changes could help both of you. Discuss about how BOTH OF YOU can change things, not how they can change something to make life easier for you.

#7 Support each other. Be there for each other, and support each other with each other’s goals and aspirations. Nothing brings two people closer than the belief that they can rely on the other person for help.

#8 Connect emotionally. Discuss the small things. Over time, both of you may have stopped communicating with each other. Rebuild that. Ask your partner how their day was, and actually listen without staring at your phone. Start small. And see the difference in a week’s time. [Read: How to get a guy to open up and share more with you]

#9 Speak, but don’t get emotional. You’re brimming with hate, and seething with anger when you want to make a point. But do you really expect your partner to understand you and communicate without seeing red when you’re yelling at them? Express yourself, but don’t hurt your partner to give yourself that satisfaction of winning an argument.

#10 Don’t focus on the problem. Focus on the solutions. Look, all of us think we have the answers to everyone else’s problems but ours. Don’t point your finger at your partner, and tell them how to fix their problem. Sit down, and discuss the problem, and talk about solutions together instead.

#11 Make love. Well, this does make sense, doesn’t it? Can you really say you’re in love if you’re not making love with them? You two aren’t just best friends, you’re lovers. So go on and jump the bed again, you frisky bunnies! [Read: 30 naughty questions you can ask each other to reignite the sexy spark]

#12 Remember the good times. Reminisce, talk about the good old times when love was overflowing in the relationship. But don’t compare it to the present.

#12 Create new memories together. Yes, it’s awkward to rebuild a relationship when so many things have gone wrong so far. But what have you got to lose? And do you see how much you stand to gain?

#12 Lead the way. Don’t wait for your partner to change. You be the change you want to see in your relationship.

All these steps may seem awkward and really uncomfortable to begin with. It’s like staring into your partner’s eyes deeply and lovingly while having sex. It was fun in the honeymoon stage of love, and now it’s painfully embarrassing. But when you try it and get past the weirdness of it all, you’ll see just how pleasurable and enjoyable it can be.

[Read: The 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

Take a baby step into learning how to fix a relationship today, and you’ll see how much better your relationship can get in under a week, just as long as you follow these steps.

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Vin Serai
Vin Serai
A proponent of chivalry and romance, Vin Serai sees himself as a gregarious gentleman with an active imagination, who still manages to spend more time living in...

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33 thoughts on “How to Fix a Relationship That’s Falling Apart & Rebuild It Again”

  1. Amy says:

    My boyfriend and I are having a tough time.
    we get into bad moods, and I get irritated for small reasons, and I don’t know why. I don’t know what to do. Things are better when we are actually together. We can’t talk on the phone anymore, because now these bad moods happen daily. I want to help alleviate a lot of this pressure and frustration we are going through right now, but I don’t know what to do. I know I should work on improving my moods, and my emotional regulation. But I don’t know where to start. Help!

  2. stacey says:

    I live with my boyfriend he is not talking.to me and.wants to move out i have lied to him alot about flirting with other guys he thinks i cheated when i didnt. i have been telling.the truth and.told.him everythung.i did but he still yhings.im lieing. Help me i dont want.to lose him.

  3. Cory Rodriguez says:

    Hey my name is cory and i am 21 years old going on a heartbrake at these momments. What can i do after my 5 years relationship has fallen apart ? Is there anyway to get it back it or let it go ? What can you do when its been a relationship that has been on and off all the times? Please help :

  4. ANNIE says:

    My boyfriend is negative, accuses me of things, tells me things like “can’t make a hoe a housewife”. He never admits he’s wrong. He can’t accept the fact that I don’t talk to people I used to like. The ones I do talk to are not a threat. Only recently has there been one – and this is after him accusing and accusing me of things from lying to always hiding shit from him. And for these reasons.. I no longer want him in my life. I am done with it.

  5. Sarah says:

    I am having a really hard time with my fiancee. I’m from europe and he is not here with me right now, we have been away from each other for almost two months now. I love him and I want to keep this relationship going, I have tried everything but it doesn’t seem to be working. We fight a lot and it’s really hard and stressful, I would like some advice please!

  6. Andrew says:

    I was in a relationship for ten years ever since high school. Yes in the beginning I cheated several times and this wonderful woman forgave me. In February, I don’t know what was wrong with me but freaked out because she wanted to get married and I felt I didn’t. So we split up and I started seeing this girl from work. Now this girl is pregnant. Her and I did not last long because I realized I was in love with my ex of ten years. But she doesn’t want a baby that isn’t hers. What do I do? I can’t stop missing her and I truly believe she’s the love of my life. She is truly something special. Is there a way love can fix us?

  7. Emily says:

    My boyfriend and I are having a tough time.
    we get into bad moods, and I get irritated for small reasons, and I don

  8. Cat says:

    I am engaged to a man that I love with all of my heart. He went through a very difficult phase in his life, that changed him totally. He flirted with my best friend and my sister, but denies it. I caught him watching pornography, and he did try to deny it, but eventually confessed. Then we moved to another city and started a business together, and I thought he will show me the love and affection that he used to, but he doesnt and because of this we always end up fighting. I am not blind for his faults, but I love him so much. I have been fighting for this relationship for over a year. When is it time to give up and just move on???

  9. carol bryan says:

    my boyfriend and i moved in together only 5 months after we met ive been there 3 months and im moving out we love each other very much but this did not workout we want to work on this and go back to dating and are willing to give each other 100% can this relationship work

  10. Ben says:

    Hey guys,

    Thank you very much for the pointers on how to mend a relationship. I believe that I was able to take a lot away from this article.

    My current relationship is long distance, and I am only able to see her every couple of months. The way we keep our relationship intact, is through texting and regular phone calls.

    Starting last week, she began to stop texting me and she would not respond to any of my offers to speak over the phone. My first response to this was to let it go for a couple of days. Then, I wrote her a kind letter (not discussing our issues) and mailed it to her (trying something new to keep the relationship interesting). When she received the letter in the mail, she responded, saying she would send me a note back.

    When she texted me, I quickly apologized for not showing how much I care for her. That being the reason why I chose to write to her, hoping to show that I am still in the game. I also mentioned that the long distance “thing” eats me away sometimes. This being another cause for writing to her. After texting her this, she did not respond (as of two days ago).

    If anybody has any suggestions, I would really appreciate it.


  11. Kelsey M. says:

    my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 yrs. we had our ups and downs but one day things fell extremely out of place. I was at home when I received a call from his closest friend. I learned that my boyfriend was seen with another woman. I asked his friend to see what happens and a few minutes later I received a picture. I was completely shocked and broken. I knew that females were constantly on his social media I wondered if 4 years of being with me had been relevant to my boyfriend. I was hurt and asked his friend to keep an eye on him. The outings became frequent. I was fuming on the inside but I did not show it, nor did I ask him. I decided to confront my boyfriend about these events. I asked him if he felt like he should have told me. Out of my anger I told him he could go with the other woman. It took me a while to hear what he had wanted to say. My boyfriend worked part time as a waiter and so did the girl. I showed him the pictures and waited for an answer. He explained to me that they had gone out only to eat. I believed him but I didn’t quite understand why the outings were so frequent. He expressed his feeling of not telling me sooner and making me jump to conclusions. They had gone out to grab lunch and he explained the girl knew he was in a relationship. After a few weeks, the girl had left the job to work in a different restaurant. I felt angry at myself for yelling and misunderstanding him. He had apologized for not telling me sooner and creating a big problem. We have now established rules for our relationship. We had to communicate with each other and if an even had occurred whatever it may be, we will always talk about it. Communication and forgiveness is key. Know your partner. Me and my boyfriend have since grown closer. He and his friend do not talk as much, that loss has made me and him realize that a relationship is truly meant for 2 and their can never be a third person. To everyone who is in or was in a situation like ours I hope our experience has helped you grow near. Communicate always and be happy!

  12. Rachel Susman says:

    As a couples therapist, I can strongly state that at days end, if your spouse/partner returns to you then you need not worry. I have met many couples who have stayed together for well over 20 years. Me and my husband Neil have made 35 years together. My husband has his own set of friends and I, my own. I do not know all of his and he doesn not know all of mine, We each have our separate moments apart. The moral is to not question nor accuse. Their are certain issues spouses do not share with each other. Certain that they do. I have noticed social networking sites becoming reasons for younger couples to grow distant. Know that your spouse or partner is with you, use communication. Trust and believe that it is not a matter of worry if a certain thing was kept away. It is a matter of believing in your spouse/partner and balancing each other. You both can establish certain limits or rules for each other. It is about growing and learning together.

  13. Harshita T says:

    Dear Mrs. Susman,

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 15 months and we are facing a problem.
    One day I went to a boys house. He had come from Florida and it was a meet up. Lasting for 25 minutes, no longer. We were sitting on separate couches and he was playing a video game. Out of no where he kissed me and I pushed him off and left his house. His friend was outside and I just walked out and left. I volunteer at a nursing home and over the summer their was another volunteer working their as well. We went to IHOP together but as co workers. We even payed for our own food. When we were done eating he went his way because his aunt was going to pick him up and I went my way. We watched Planes 2, his cousins wanted to see the movie and I paid for my own ticket while he bought for him and his cousins. We waited and I told him to call, his cousins said no so what were we supposed to do with 5 tickets? We watched the movie. I sat in the last row because I like to sit in the back and he sat in the middle. When it finished he went his way and I went mine. I normally leave the nursing home at 5-6. I had to leave early one day and we sat in the park and talked as usual about the nursing home. Things like how long we worked their or what old people we were close to. My boyfriends friend saw us but nothing was happening. He walked his way because again, his aunt was picking him up and I took my bus home. After those times I haven’t seen or talked to either of them. My boyfriend has screenshots and I told him I was loyal and nothing had happened. I only took long to tell him. How do I prove something that I did not do? Please help us,
    Thank you.

  14. Rachel Susman says:

    Dear Harshita T,
    I have gone over what you have written. This is not an uncommon case or issue for me. Many couples come to me with problems similar to yours. Now as I have said before if you read what I wrote previously on this website, if you return to your boyfriend at the end of the day, then he need not worry. My husband and I each have certain thing that we take time to tell each other. A relationship consists of two individuals, not more. In today’s time people may try to change your words and create problems for your relationship. Your boyfriend must come to terms with acknowledging that nothing occurred between you and those certain males. After a year, a certain trust develops. You or him may not be able to see it, but it is their. As you have stated, you have been together for 15 months. He must understand if you wished to be with other males you would not have remained with him for that period of time. Establish certain rules, not hard restrictions. Communication plays the largest part in every relationship. I have seen many problems and situations not only as a couples therapist but in my own marriage of 35 years. I do not know all of my husbands co worker or friends and it is the same for him. You may think that I am merely telling you these things easily but through 35 years I have been in your position multiple times. We maintain a balance among us. We come back to each other at days end. You must be strong as a couple. Rise above these situations and above all, communicate. You both have a long way to go. Do not break up of issues as such. Build a protective wall around your mind and bodies. Do not allow anyone else to enter your relationship. Communicate and heal together. Spend quality time with each other and grow. Pay no heed to these problems. I always remind all my couples that if they are to fight together, nothing will be able to stand between them.
    All my hope and well wishes to your relationship.

    Mrs. Rachel Susman

  15. Harshita T says:

    Dear Mrs. Susman,
    I made a rules list
    1. No talking to people you don’t want me talk to.
    2. If I don’t like something you did or said I will tell you.
    3. You can check my phone anytime you want.
    4. If someone does/says something to me I will tell you.
    5. If me or you want to go somewhere we will go together.
    6. We can volunteer at Jamaica Hospital together.
    7. Spring break, winter break, summer break, any break or day we have off we’ll spend together.
    9. I will call you more or oovoo.
    10. When we fight we will fix it ourselves. No one needs to know about our relationship.
    11. I’ll spend my birthday/ your birthday, any holiday with you unless you’re going with your family or if I’m going with mine.
    12. I will stay and work with you in lab.
    13. I’ll come with you to your basketball games so we can leave together.
    14. After school, we’ll leave together.
    15. We will COMMUNICATE MORE.
    16. We will grow together, learn together, achieve our dreams together.
    17. No one else is allowed in our relationship. If we argue or what we talk about stays between us and only us.
    18. If anyone tries to come between us, we push them out. We know each other better then anyone else.

    I am willing to follow all, even the ones that my boyfriend adds. I really do love him Mrs.Susman. I learned from my mistake. I want to be with him and I can’t loose him.

  16. Rachel Susman says:

    Dear Harshita T,
    I am delighted that you have heeded my advice. I have read the list you have constructed and I am pleased to tell you that I agree with it. Communication helps a relationship grow stronger. Along with that, it is very important to spend time with each other. I highly appreciate your gesture of talking to me about the list. With it, you and your boyfriend will be able to go a very long way. As for the matter of a relationship consisting of two people I greatly admire the last line you have written. It is vital to keep certain issues and matters amongst yourselves. My best wishes to you both.
    Please cherish and enjoy each other.
    Mrs. Rachel Susman

  17. Rachel Susman says:

    A lotus blooms amongst the mud. Your relationship is the lotus and people who may try to break and demolish it are the mud. You have to emerge as a beautiful lotus flower despite the surrounding mud.

  18. Kevin B. says:

    Dear Mrs. Susman,

    My girlfriend and I have been together for 15 months and we are facing a major problem. I just want to start off with saying that she’s the one that recommended me to ask you for advice because right now, I am pretty much confused to do at this point. My girlfriend has told you about what she did when she went over to that guys house and about another guy who is a co-volunteer that volunteers at the nursing home as she does. I have gotten numerous screenshots about she herself committing to what she have done, which is cheating. I also have her best friends claiming those that she did do those things. When i confronted her for the first time she only told me one third of it. Again i find there’s more to the story from her friends. Again i try confronting her and now she told me 2/3. You know where I’m going with this. Anyway now that everything has been cleared out, i asked her why. She told me “i just said all those things because out of anger”. But then i asked her why would she say that. She was angry at me at the time when this occurred so i would understand that she could be saying this out of anger but why not clear this out with her friends? Plus this been hidden for 6 months so why this long? Also one of my friends saw her but they said nothing was happening, just her and this guy in the park talking. I let that go. Then another friend who is currently dating one of her ex-best friends told me that she told him about her cheating. I asked him why would she say that and he said that she was claiming to hurt me by the way is not because she kept it hidden. I asked her about that too and she claims the something, it was out of anger she said all those things to hurt me. This situation happened throughout last summer. I admit that i did not reply to her text for 2 days and keep making her feel bad but i always made sure to make up for that. Now we are trying to work things out but I’m still something sort of confused what to do, so that’s why i writing to you for some advise.
    Please help me, us.
    Thank you.

  19. Rachel Susman says:

    Dear Kevin B,
    I am not sure if you read the previous post I put up. If not, please read all of it and try to understand.

    No woman would trade 5 minutes of laughter for an entire lifetime of joy.
    Now you say she told you she had said certain things out of anger. Let us take a psychological view. When angry, individuals say things that they do not mean. It is our tendency to lash out during our worst moments. Your situation is not very different then of the last couple I have seen. Ms. Kelsey M, one of the ladies who posted on this page saw pictures of her boyfriend with another woman. She too out of anger said a few words to him. What we see is not always the truth. If someone else is capable of making her happier then why should she stay with you? The reason behind this question is what many couples fail to realize. Your partner loves you regardless the situation. If she wanted to leave you she would not have pushed the boy off when he kissed her. You must deeply understand this. I refer to the list your girlfriend made to show you that no woman would willingly follow it unless she truly wants you. An action like hers is validity to you that she is with you through everything and she has no idea of leaving you.

    The ones who are close to us can easily stab us in the back. Her friends or ex friends were not in her position. I would advise you to open your mind and let the “friends” exit out. A relationship does not include more then 2 people. You mentioned she did not clear it out with her friends. We don’t often see the need to make the close individuals understand as we perceive that they must already be seeing our point of view. Small situations can easily be turned into gigantic ones.

    It was hidden for 6 months. Kevin, I have seen married couples keeps issues hidden for many many years. It is not about the time. As of now you know about the situations and it is not something to distress about. I need you to put in into your mind that your girlfriend has not cheated on you. Do not let issues as such break into your relationship. I have read your part and I have read hers. I have also see the list and I agree to it. Both of you will grow stronger and closer by using it. Love and cherish each other. You stated that it has been cleared out. I am very ecstatic to hear this. I ask you both, do not let anyone into your relationship. Do not assume anything. Always tell each other if something has happened. Make you bonds stronger and your walls higher. Your relationship has a very long way to go.
    If you have any more questions or you ever need any advice, I am here.

    Mrs. Rachel Susman

  20. Hanna says:

    Hi. I have never posted anything online about relationship problems but I am confused and would really love some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for over 8 years. Those 8 years have been amazing. We have always loved spending time together and could never get enough of one another. We have never lived together but we would see each other at least 3 times a week and would always call and text each other when we were apart. But two weeks ago, I noticed that he was upset all of a sudden. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he didn’t know. So he took some time to think about it and he told me that he thinks he doesn’t feel the spark between us anymore. He said that he felt as if when we were hanging out that he was just hanging out with a best friend. So naturally I was very upset because this was a major surprise to me. I thought we were fine and doing great. After he told me, he said that he did not want to break up and that he would do anything to fix this. Before I left his house, we hastily decided to stop seeing each other as much and would go out on dates once a week. He also told me that he would always call at least once a day. The week that followed was one of the worst in my life. I felt rejected and couldn’t understand why he would feel that way. During that week even though he did call everyday, I still felt there was this major distance between us. I ended up canceling our date that week in order to reflect on our relationship. When I thought about it, I realized that we haven’t done anything romantic for one another in a long time and I believe that we took each other for granted. He seemed like he was fine when I cancelled the date, but later on he admitted that he was actually really upset but he didn’t want to show that to me. He has been better this week about communicating with me more. He has texted and called more. He even brought me dinner one day and we ate together. He has also still shown major interest in me sexually, but we both agree to wait on that until we figure some things out. Even though this week has been a little better, I still feel as if there is a major distance between us. When he sees me, he doesn’t want to kiss me because he said that he would feel like he is betraying me and he has stopped all together saying that he loves me. So I don’t know what is the best action to take in order to help mend this relationship. I was thinking of possibly seeing each other another day a week in order to reconnect and communicate about our relationship and so our dates can be for having fun. Or I don’t know if it would be beneficial to see a couples counselor. So any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

  21. Stephanie says:

    My boyfriend and I have been arguing because I say things that he doesn’t like and I am in love with him and want to marry him he is the ONE, and I know and feel it, he feels the same and loves me as well and does see a future with my kids and I, I need to completely stop all the things that I say because I know that I am going to lose him and I don’t want to I’m scared to death that I am going to lose him, and have never been this scared to lose someone in my life, he’s such a good guy and he’s good to me and my kids, I have been completely depressed for a few days and I have been crying on a daily basis but he said that he feels he can’t talk to me anymore because I get mad at everything he says, how can I help him believe what I say and have him talk to me about things?? How can I turn things around for the better with us?? My biggest fear is losing him. I would do anything to turn things around for the better. He is still affectionate with me and tells me that he loves me everyday he is just being distant from me right now because of the things that I have said and if I could go back and change things I would in a heartbeat and from all of this going on I will never say anything like what I have again and I told him that but he doesn’t believe me and I told him that I want things to be as they were. I apologize for this being all over the place I have like I said been so depressed that I can’t even think straight, I haven’t eaten in 3 days as well. He has been so forgiving and patient with me and he is an amazing man I just don’t know what to do or say to him to help him believe that what I’m saying is real. I totally trust him I know that in my heart he would NEVER cheat on me it’s against his morals and he is a very honest and loyal man as well, I can’t and don’t want to screw this up with him, he is my world and couldn’t ask for more. He is my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life, we are still together but I feel that he can’t be with me anymore because of the stuff that I have said. I’m torn into shreds right now and I want to prove to him that I can back up my word but I don’t know how to do that.

  22. Stephanie says:

    How do I become a more fun, jokingly person and not be so serious all the time?? My boyfriend says that I am too serious all the time.

  23. Manisha says:

    I love one guy spent almost a year everyday from morning to evening with him always then suddenly i came back to my home town after wrapping my old life… But with lots of love of that guy, he is different he never thought what a women wants actaully so that women can be of one guy only still i love him more then my life and he loves me too although things are not working out still we are attached n live each day for each other
    I always want to explain him n i tried women need much more apart from loyalty he never understands still we are going its been3 years just because i luv him more then myslf
    In return as per me i dont get even a lil care or respect still i m with him bcz of love
    I keep avoiding things n he keep tracking my mistakes from my teenager life too
    This is all in brief
    But Moral :
    Never love anyone more then your life
    (experience love once in a life but dont give love ur life)

  24. Manisha says:

    Hi Stephanie,
    You should know that u r unique and no body can play your role on this universe apart from you ,
    If ur bf finds u serious is his mistake, you dont need to change yourself for any one
    Believe me i changed my self as in from north to south types i cry everyday because after doing so much for other u will be same his perceptions will never change
    I was funn luving person now i cry every day why i changed myslf for a guy who says that he loves me alot but i feel he dont even give a shit about me ….
    So be special without changing yourslf for some one and live happy

  25. Loveth says:

    my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 years ,almost evrytime i visit him, hes always playing games with his phone and when i tell him that its wrong and i dont like it ,he will stop and the following day he does the same thing playing games again in my presence. i recently told him again and he said we need space because i was angry and shouting at him .its been two weeks now ,we not talking to each other .so i just want to know what should i do in this regard?

  26. Lizzy says:

    dear Mrs. Susman,
    my boyfriend of two yeRs and i are currently having some problems in our relationship. the first six months of this relationship we didnt see eachother and everybody around him doubted us. i started seeing him about once a week after that six month period. we were so happy back then. he had some self esteem issues at the time and i helped him get through all of that. in my childhood i never showed any emotion for anything really. i always bottled it up. so when i finally trusted my boyfriend i began to express i guess what was built up anger and hurt from my childood or something. basically i havent been the best girlfriemd even though he definitely deserved the best of me since he cared so much about me and always tried to comfort me. throughout this two year i guess you could say i found him at his worst and he progressively seen mine. we would fight over stupid things but when we were together everything was perfect. sometimes i would stonewall him because i didnt really know how else to deal with my emotions. recently he was talkig to some girl about our problems and i couldnt stand that. then and sunday he said hes been acting he doesnt want to hurt me and that he doesnt know if he really loves me anymore. he has stonwalled me for a while as well. as of sunday he wanted a no contact break and i literally barely made it through the first day. and i gave in and called him we only talked for ten minutes today is the second day and i still dont know what to do. i think our problems can fiixed but this no contact thing ends on friday or saturday and i honestly think he wants to leave me. i dont know what i will do if he leaves. i need some real relationship advice and dont rwally have anybody to go to. i would like to hear your opinion and also would like to know if you could suggest a person i could ask to be like a third party opinion for me i dont want to go to counsellig as i dont have the money for it. but is there like a relative or something i should go to that isnt going to be biased?

  27. Jay F. says:

    My girlfriend and I are relatively young, we are both 18 and have been together for 7 months now, but I am afraid the relationship may come to an end.
    I have not been with many girls before her and to be honest this was my longest relationship, and I am her first real boyfriend. I think at times I got too concerned with things she said or not trusting her and getting upset for no reason simply because I wanted to “win” or try to have her give in and admit I was right in an argument, and this selfish feeling got so bad that I almost broke up with her twice.. I never truly intended to leave her, I just wanted her to admit I was right.. and that was such a terrible and stupid thing to do I know out of anger and arrogance. But through all those words I never stopped loving her, my love never wavered. but lately after the second time we almost broke up she has been drifting away from me, we barely talk at home and in public she seems more happy with friends or makes no effort to go out with me. when I tried to speak to her about it we both apologized for everything but she still said her love has been growing weaker ever since i almost broke up with her and that her heart is closing. One day i tried to speak to hear and she started breaking up with me over a phone message while crying saying she doesn’t know if there is anything left. she kept saying she doesn’t want to leave me but she is tired of relationships at the same time and both of those feelings are equal for her. I apologized once more and begged her to give it another try for at least a month and told her i would change my attitude to let her do as she pleases and accept and love all her flaws like the first month we were together and she accepted, a bit unwillingly i must admit, saying part of her doesn’t want to leave me. but those words of hers are so strong and i am afraid she will not regain her former love for me after the month or a while and she will end up leaving me for good. i am confused and unsure what i should do now.
    please give any advice and
    thank you

  28. akshita says:

    since 8 mnths i am in a relationship nd i am very serious..once only due to lack of communication his trust almost broke off from me but he gave us another chance but again i only joked of a guy on whom i had a crush and i had told him about it but he says that this time again i have broken his trust..its the trust that matters a lot between us and i cant just let him go he is my life he said that everythings fine but actually he his unwilling plzz do give some advice i cant lose him and just cant live without him..how do i make him realize that this time i havnt broken his trust ?? plzz reply

  29. Jarvel says:

    I’m in a casual relationship with the grounds of monogamous, enjoy yourself, no lies or withholding information and if feelings change tell the other with my ex. When I mentioned that I feel like it seems like it’s just for sex and I’ll be left in the dust in future, he always reassures me that it’s not just for sex. His view on this type of relationship was “i’m not saying I just want a fwb/booty call. The way I see it a casual relationship is the middle ground between the two (fwb and serious).” And that there was potential of getting back together but no guarantee. Do you think that this is slowly on track to us getting back together or am I just setting myself up for hurt in the long run? He broke up with me and I also found out later on he started ‘kinda’ dating my ‘friend’ who I always confided about the relationship and knew everything. Prior to breakup it felt as they had an emotional affair. They’re broken up and they both tell me they haven’t talked since, this interaction with my ex is kept down low and secretive as we just want to chill back for awhile after all that has happened. I understand that we’re not ready to jump back into how things were but I like the feeling of commitment and security (?) one has with the label of girlfriend and boyfriend. Do you have any advice to offer me? I asked him if he trusted me he said there isn’t anything not to trust me with and he knows that I’m still building trust with him but I’m taking the chance of slowly trying.

  30. steve says:

    My girlfriend recently told me she loves me but is not in love with me. We have been together around 8 years and purchased our first house together last October. Due to my job i currently live in another city on Monday – Friday and am home on weekends, I also have study commitments in the evenings which are due to finish in June.
    My girlfriend has accused me of neglecting her over recent months, I admit i have taken my eye off the ball because of the stress of studying and probably not payed her the attention she deserves. Also she has questioned why we are not married and do not have children, there is no reason, i would like to marry her but I guess i’ve taken for granted we could do this anytime.

    I want to make things better and am trying my hardest to make her happy but she has become so distant that I don’t know what to do.
    Do you have any suggestions, i have never lied or cheated, have never been possessive and am pretty much lost.

  31. Tytreese says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Months after we got together I moved in with him and ever since things a very slowly been going down hill. Our sex life is horrible we barely even do it and here lately I’ve been thinking about calling it quits. He has many issues that he never deals with and when it comes to our problems he never wants to talk about anything. I have been trying so hard to make things work and I just don’t have it in me anymore I’m putting 100% into this relationship and it feels like hes only giving 50.

  32. corn2990 says:

    To get a reply, it would help if you made an attempt to spell words and use punctuation properly. Seesh.

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