A relationship, just like everything else in life, needs care and attention. Many couples overlook this detail and end up unhappy in a perfect relationship. Find out how to fix a relationship where you’re both drifting apart and turn things around.
Figuring out how to fix a relationship is a lot like stacking a deck of cards. There are so many different cards involved and it’s really difficult to know where exactly the balance went awry.
Just like a stack of cards, in almost all cases, it’s never a single reason that leads to a failure in love. It’s a series of disappointments and resentments that lead to an unhappy relationship. Unhappy relationships don’t start out, out of the blue on one gloomy morning. It’s takes lots and lots of little things, miscommunications, and the buildup of resentments, that lead to it.
[Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad? The truth you need to know]
You’re upset about something that you’ve discussed with your partner already, and you think it’s pointless to bring it up again. So you give up and instead place a brick of resentment between the two of you. And over the months and years, these bricks of resentments build up into a wall between you two that almost feels impossible to break down.
You don’t have to feel helpless, lost or embarrassed about it. It happens to all of us. But the difference between happy relationships and relationships that are falling apart is the willingness to pick at each of these bricks. And the mutual determination to tear the wall down, one brick at a time, so love can flow freely.
You need to remember this, a relationship falling apart really doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Even the unhappiest of relationships can be fixed with understanding and love, from both partners.
[Read: Why you feel lonely in your relationship and how you can fix it again]
How to fix a relationship that seems unfixable
If you still love your partner and are willing to work on your relationship, follow these easy steps on how to fix a relationship. They’re so easy it almost seems silly to try. But really, what have you got to lose?
It’s easy and can bring back the happiness that’s lost in all the confusion and pain. [Read: Are you being pushed away in a relationship? Is it time to give up?]
#1 Start communicating again.
How did you deal with the situation the last time you disagreed with your partner, or had a little fight? Most couples prefer to just end an argument with slammed doors and sulking evenings rather than face the situation, sort it out and clear the air. Blame it on egos!
You could give each other some space for a couple of days and wait for the issue to get sorted out by itself. But by avoiding a confrontation, you would end a fight but you really can’t understand each other or help each other. Problems that are brushed under the carpet have a way of raising a stink every now and then. [Read: Lack of communication in a relationship and how it signals the end of it]
The next time you’re feeling frustrated and lonely, talk about it with your partner and try to get over the issue. And remember, when you talk to your partner, don’t get into the conversation so they can hear about YOUR problems and YOUR complaints. LISTEN, so you can hear them out and try to UNDERSTAND what they’re going through, even if it makes no sense to you.
#2 Forgive each other.
We’re all human, and all of us make mistakes, even the most perfect of people. If you want to know how to fix a relationship and have a successful one, both of you must learn to forgive each other. And most importantly, you must remember to never judge your partner for their past errors.
It takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they believe may be bad or hurtful. Being vulnerable is hard, even when you love someone deeply and feel comfortable talking to them. Can you imagine how difficult it must be for your partner to be vulnerable with you when they feel judged at the same time? [Read: How to cope when someone you love has an emotional shutdown]
When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship.
The day either of you stop sharing your feelings and thoughts with each other is the day your relationship starts to drift apart, even if only by a small bit every day. [Read: 15 small ways to fix your love again and make it last]
If you believe something is wrong in the relationship, or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and understand their point of view. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.
#3 Compatibility where it matters.
Compatibility is crucial if you want to know how to fix a relationship. In several cases, opposites attract and you may find yourself dating or married to someone who has nothing in common with you.
But if you think about it, perhaps, it’s those differences that brought both of you closer. Sometimes, compatibility doesn’t lie in sharing similar likes and dislikes, it lies in wanting to understand and experience the ways of your partner. If you’re having issues with compatibility and want to fix your relationship, you’d know what this means. [Read: What does being compatible in a relationship mean to you?]
If your partner’s too carefree or lighthearted, you may be in love with your partner because you admire that quality, however much it may annoy you at times. Compatibility isn’t about how similar both of you are, but how well you mesh together as a couple.
Don’t look at your differences as burdens, instead look at it as something that either of you can learn from each other. Make a conscious effort to understand your partner and understand their behavior. By understanding each other’s minds, both of you can change and become better individuals and a better couple.
#4 Compromise when it doesn’t hurt you.
Learn to give in. It’s as simple as that. It’s surprising to see that so many individuals fail as a couple because of this one issue alone. Seriously, how difficult is it for couples to learn to give in selflessly once in a while? Over recent years, men and women have become too bullheaded and stubborn.
Couples don’t like to give in, and it’s always my way or the highway. But think about it, if you truly love your partner, seeing them smile or have a good time would make you happy too, wouldn’t it? [Read: How to compromise in a relationship without feeling like you lost out]
If your partner’s happiness matters so much, why not go out of your way to compromise on something they like just to see your partner happy? If you can’t give in now and then, you’re cohabiting with your partner, and you’re not really in love with them.
Of course, it’s never good if one person always gives and the other person just takes. It has to be mutual. For starters, you could even keep count if nothing helps. Every time your partner compromises for you, you need to compromise for your partner. Over time, these things will begin to come naturally. [Read: 13 foundations of a relationship that separate the good from the bad]
#5 Growing together through life.
Relationships need to grow constantly, just like how individuals need to grow. When a relationship stagnates, you start to lose interest in it and soon, you stop caring about it. And one fine day, you may not even want to do anything for, or with your partner.
Both of you start taking each other for granted and before you know it, the relationship comes to a grinding halt. If you want to know how to fix a relationship, you need to heal it from the inside. You can mend a bird’s wing, but you can’t really heal the bird until you help the bird move and fly.
Learn to improve a relationship and better it, learn from each other and give enough space to each other to grow as individuals. Only by becoming better individuals can both of you become better lovers. [Read: How to give space in a relationship]
These five fixes on how to fix a relationship may seem trivial and easy. And that’s the whole point. Sometimes, the most complicated of knots need a small tug where it matters. And just like that, in love too, we all need a small step forward to start creating a happy relationship. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]
A few other things that can help you
If you want an even quicker fix that’ll help you fix your relationship faster, here are a few more things that can guide you and your partner towards a healthier and happier relationship.
#1 Empathy. Learn to walk a mile in your partner’s shoes before you judge them. Think from your partner’s perspective. Are they hooked to video games or shopping? Why? Is it their way to find a release from life’s stress? Instead of getting annoyed, understand why they behave the way they do.
#2 Be a giver. But be careful of takers. Giving gives more happiness than taking. For a long time, you may be asking yourself, “what am I getting from this relationship?” But now as yourself, “what am I giving to my partner so they can be happy in the relationship?” [Read: Are you a giver or a taker in your relationship?]
#3 Make the effort. Make the effort because you want to, not because you want your partner to do the same for you.
#4 You have a part to play too. Don’t blame your partner for everything. Even if everything IS their fault, you need to remember that you played a part in it too. Every time your partner did something you disliked, you put up with it. And now you expect your partner to change everything for you all of a sudden. Is that fair to ask? Help them see things from your perspective, but don’t hate them for who they are.
#5 Would you do the same for them? Every time you ask your partner to change something for you, ask yourself if you’d do the same for them. [Read: What is real love? 15 ways true love sets itself apart]
#6 Focus on the changes together. Help your partner see how any changes could help both of you. Discuss about how BOTH OF YOU can change things, not how they can change something to make life easier for you.
#7 Support each other. Be there for each other, and support each other with each other’s goals and aspirations. Nothing brings two people closer than the belief that they can rely on the other person for help.
#8 Connect emotionally. Discuss the small things. Over time, both of you may have stopped communicating with each other. Rebuild that. Ask your partner how their day was, and actually listen without staring at your phone. Start small. And see the difference in a week’s time. [Read: How to get a guy to open up and share more with you]
#9 Speak, but don’t get emotional. You’re brimming with hate, and seething with anger when you want to make a point. But do you really expect your partner to understand you and communicate without seeing red when you’re yelling at them? Express yourself, but don’t hurt your partner to give yourself that satisfaction of winning an argument.
#10 Don’t focus on the problem. Focus on the solutions. Look, all of us think we have the answers to everyone else’s problems but ours. Don’t point your finger at your partner, and tell them how to fix their problem. Sit down, and discuss the problem, and talk about solutions together instead.
#11 Make love. Well, this does make sense, doesn’t it? Can you really say you’re in love if you’re not making love with them? You two aren’t just best friends, you’re lovers. So go on and jump the bed again, you frisky bunnies! [Read: 30 naughty questions you can ask each other to reignite the sexy spark]
#12 Remember the good times. Reminisce, talk about the good old times when love was overflowing in the relationship. But don’t compare it to the present.
#12 Create new memories together. Yes, it’s awkward to rebuild a relationship when so many things have gone wrong so far. But what have you got to lose? And do you see how much you stand to gain?
#12 Lead the way. Don’t wait for your partner to change. You be the change you want to see in your relationship.
All these steps may seem awkward and really uncomfortable to begin with. It’s like staring into your partner’s eyes deeply and lovingly while having sex. It was fun in the honeymoon stage of love, and now it’s painfully embarrassing. But when you try it and get past the weirdness of it all, you’ll see just how pleasurable and enjoyable it can be.
[Read: The 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]
Take a baby step into learning how to fix a relationship today, and you’ll see how much better your relationship can get in under a week, just as long as you follow these steps.
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