I’ve been there. I’m going to guess you’ve been there and may very well be right now. You’re in a relationship and there is nothing exactly wrong, but it also isn’t exactly right. And the signs a relationship is over are cropping up.
But if neither one of you says anything, how do you know if the relationship is over.
Breakups are hard
No matter your relationship length or depth, breakups suck. There is no arguing that. That’s why it is often difficult to see the signs a relationship is over.
We all live in this area of denial. You are in a relationship, but it isn’t what it used to be. Maybe you make excuses about work or stress, but deep down you know the relationship is over. All you have to do is admit it to yourself, then your partner.
I do not blame you for sitting in that space where actually taking the relationship from over to the ultimate end is paused, but from experience, I can tell you it is worth it to rip the Bandaid off now rather than later.
The longer you wait to end a relationship, especially once you’ve seen the signs that a relationship is over, the worse it will be. So if you notice some or even all of these things in your relationship take them as signs and just end it. [Read: 15 signs that say it’s time to say goodbye]
Signs a relationship is over
There are excuses to be made for almost all of these signs. You can convince yourself you don’t see your partner due to work. You can convince yourself you are too tired for sex. And you might say, “we don’t fight,” as a sign your relationship isn’t that bad.
But like Camila Cabello sang, “No reason to stay, is a good reason to go.”
#1 You’re more like roommates than lovers. This can happen in a lot of longterm relationships, especially if you live together. You may discuss bills, dinner, and what to watch on Netflix, but it doesn’t go beyond that.
A romantic relationship should add more to your life than this. [Read: How to know if your sex life is well-balanced]
#2 You’d rather spend time with anyone else or alone. When you are in a happy relationship, you want to spend time with your partner. You’re excited for date nights. But if things are nearing the end, you may be looking forward to seeing friends more than your partner. And on top of that, you may find yourself preferring time alone.
We all have moments like this, but if this is happening more often than not, it could be a sign a relationship is over. [Read: How to stop holding onto a relationship that is over]
#3 You don’t bother arguing. This is something I have seen in just about every relationship that has ended. Instead of fighting, you both give in and just let things go. This may sound healthy, but discussing your opinions and opening up is vital for a healthy relationship.
If you have gotten to a point where you both just don’t bother to argue, you may both be checked out.
#4 You constantly argue. Constantly arguing can be a sign of a stressful situation. Maybe one of you lost your job or is going through something. But if your arguments are full of bickering about the laundry rather than important issues you want to work on, it is a sign you’re both on your last leg.
#5 The relationship feels more like work than pleasure. A relationship is work. No one ever said it wasn’t. But the good and happy stuff should be worth the effort. If it isn’t, it is a sign the relationship is over. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship you should look for]
#6 Your friends have noticed a change. Right before my closest friend broke up with her ex, I noticed how much she had changed. She seemed tired and stuck. She never had anything positive to say about her boyfriend.
If your friends are mentioning anything like this to you, take note. They often know you better than you know yourself.
#7 You develop crushes on other people. It is normal to think someone at work is cute, but if you start developing actual feelings for someone that isn’t your partner, the relationship is over in your mind.
#8 You’re checked out. If you are already checked out of the relationship, it needs to end. If you don’t reach out to your partner with news, barely respond to their texts, and just have no interest in putting in even the slightest bit of effort, they deserve the truth.
This is one of those major signs a relationship is over. Now, you just need to end it once and for all. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]
#9 You don’t make time for each other. When you are happy in your relationship, you make time. You change your schedule if need be. But if your relationship takes the back seat to everything else in your life, there is something off.
Not making time for each other, even eating breakfast together, is a red flag.
#10 You get annoyed easier than before. We all have our flaws. Some people chew with their mouth open, others snore. And when you are in a relationship, you may even find those things endearing.
But once their lacking dishwashing skills starts to get to you and your constant channel flipping gets to your partner, you are both losing it. The good is no longer good enough to make these things fall into the background.[Read: 18 bad habits that’ll make your partner want to leave you]
#11 You try to get them to end it. The coward’s move. You know it is time to ends things. You are already done, but instead of spitting out the words, you start fights, bring up the past, maybe even cheat, so that your partner has to do the breaking up.
Trust me, it is a lot easier to just do it yourself.
#12 You can’t remember the last time you had sex. Sex is not the only thing that matter in a relationship, but if it was a regular thing and it has been taking a back seat, that is not a good sign.
Above that, if you rarely kiss, cuddle, or hug the intimacy is lacking. That is a major part of a healthy relationship. Without it, you are simply friends, which means the relationship is over.
#13 You don’t talk. Communication is key to any relationship. With your parents, with your friends, even at work, without communication things just do not work out.
You may have a busy week where you just didn’t have the time. If you let that become the norm, the relationship will be over before you know it, if it isn’t already. [Read: Are you experiencing these relationship red flags?]
#14 You’re bored. We all love a good night of Netflix binging and cuddles. If you find you are bored with this rut in your relationship and have brought up ideas for a fun date, but they never seem to happen, your relationship may be over.
If your interests are no longer compatible and the newness of the relationship has worn off to expose a staleness, it is time to move on. [Read: 15 reasons why couples get bored with their relationship]
#15 You convince yourself it isn’t that bad. This is a big one. I notice it a lot in women trying to make excuses. They say, “He is so nice though.” Just because your partner is nice doesn’t mean they are right for you.
There is a fear of regret in this situation. What if you end it, but can’t find another nice person? This is when you have to realize it is better to be alone than with the wrong person, no matter how nice they are.
#16 The good doesn’t outweigh the bad. Pro and con lists may sound a bit cheesy and not very romantic. But if you are wondering if your relationship is over, this is a good way to double check.
Compare the good and bad parts of your relationship. And if there is more bad than good, it is time to end things.
#17 You’re always complaining. This is how I know when a friend is about to go through a breakup. When instead of raving about their partner, they constantly complain. Their partner always wants to know where they are and who they’re with. Their partner is rude to servers, tips badly, and cancels plans last minute.
When you are doing a lot more complaining than gushing, things are not going well. It is one of the signs a relationship is over.
#18 You can’t shake the feeling that something is off. This is a hard one to pinpoint. You can’t actually describe what is wrong. Things are pretty much the same, you do the same stuff, you get along, but there is something you cannot quite put your finger on.
That is your gut trying to tell you to make a move.
#19 You don’t miss your partner when they’re away. When you are in a healthy relationship and your partner has to go away on a work trip, you miss them. You make video chat dates and plan out phone calls. And you are beyond excited for them to return.
But when a relationship is showing signs it is over, you may actually look forward to time apart. The idea of them returning home may feel more similar to the Sunday scaries than excitement. [Read: Why falling out of love happens]
#20 You make future plans alone. If you buy concert tickets for two months away and don’t tell your partner, you may already be anticipating the breakup. If you plan a week-long vacation or even take a new job far away, you are planning out your future without them.
At this point, it is best to officially end things before it gets messy.
[Read: Letting of of someone you love without the bitterness]
Even though these are all signs a relationship is over, there is always hope if you both want to make it work. If not, it is time to properly end it and go your separate ways.
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