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23 Reasons Why Good Relationships End Even If There Were No Red Flags

When you’re newly in love, you feel like it will last forever. But then it doesn’t. So, here is why good relationships end, and why you should let go.

Why Good Relationships End

Not every partnership is built to last, and a lot of relationships end. That’s just a fact of life. Sure, we hold out all sorts of hope when we enter into a new relationship that it’s going to be the one—that we’ve finally found that special person that’s going to make all our fantasies come to life.

But then a few months roll by and you’re rethinking everything because it’s just not working out and you can’t figure out why. They seemed so incredibly perfect at first! What went wrong?

The turning point in a relationship

After reading that line, your brain probably jumped to a moment in your relationship when you just felt like your relationship wasn’t going to work. Or maybe it was the turning point that ultimately led to the demise of the entire relationship you’d built.

Most people have been in quite a few failed relationships, due largely to the problems identified in this list. And most relationships end for one of the reasons listed below—or an unfortunate combination of multiple reasons. [Read: 20 signs your perfect relationship is oh-so-over already]

Why good relationships end even when there’s nothing very wrong with it

There are a lot of similar things that lead to the end of a relationship. These factors play a large role in the downfall of your relationship and, to a certain degree, maybe the entire cause of its demise. Decide if these traits describe your relationship and do your best to correct them—before it’s too late!

1. Bad communication

This tops the list of reasons why good relationships end because you just can’t have a happy relationship when you don’t communicate well. Your partner needs to know your likes, your dislikes, what makes you mad, what works in bed, and so much more.

When you can’t communicate, things build up and become too much to bear and you need out… leading to a failed relationship.

2. Trust issues

Whatever put the trust issues in place—whether it’s something they did, your past relationships, cheating, lying, etc—will lead to the end of a relationship.

You cannot have a healthy, happy relationship without trusting your significant other 100%. If you want to make it last, work on your issues! [Read: The step-by-step guide to getting over trust issues in your romance]

3. Unlinked futures

This is a big one for a lot of early 20-somethings. You really like each other, have great chemistry, and seem perfect for each other, but you have completely opposite futures planned out.

Maybe they want to travel the globe for ten years before settling down and you’re looking to be a housewife right away. Either way, you have to have some sort of a similar future for the relationship to really work.

4. Unrealistic expectations

Here’s a bitter truth that might shock the socks off of you: life is NOT a romantic comedy. Someone is not going to show up out of the blue and make all your dreams come true. You can’t put that kind of pressure on your partner.

When you have unrealistic expectations, you fall victim to asking too much of someone and remain unhappy because you think things should be different.

Stop having such high expectations from someone you date, and face reality if you want your relationship to last. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love that we want to believe but shouldn’t!]

5. Different expectations

Not only are unrealistic expectations a reason why good relationships end, having different expectations is problematic, too. One person might think that you two are headed to the altar and the other might just be dating you to figure out what they want.

Having different expectations of one another in the relationship will almost definitely lead to a split if you can’t come to terms with it.

6. Not compatible

This is a big reason that many good relationships end. You might both have the same hobbies, interests, and even a sense of humor. However, if you can’t both decide on the proper way to fold clothes, things might not work out.

Now, that’s a very small detail, but if your compatibility is off in a significant way, it could lead to a breakup. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]

7. Abuse of any kind

Whether it’s physical or emotional, any kind of abuse is going to head the relationship downhill faster than anything else.

No one should ever put up with any form of abuse and that is evident in the number of relationships that have failed due to it. If you’ve been abused, it is time to get the hell out of dodge. If you are the abuser, you need to get help and change your ways—fast.

8. Judgmental partner

This one is very real for a lot of people, because for some reason, no matter what they do, their partners always judge them.

If you decide to start practicing yoga, they might immediately mock your choice. If want to take up painting, they quickly tell you that you are wasting your time.

When you can’t be yourself around someone because you fear their opinion is going to be negative, your relationship will fail.

9. Boredom

Another big reason why good relationships end for a lot of people! Many people bored easily. This means they need someone to keep them on their toes and keep things interesting. 

When you get bored in a relationship, it usually means that there’s a mismatch in the chemistry and compatibility department, and it’s only a matter of time before one of you goes looking for something to curb that feeling. [Read: 20 honest reasons and signs you’re bored with your relationship]

10. Lack of intimacy

No matter what anyone says, sex is important in a relationship and is one of the biggest reasons why good relationships end.

Sex provides intimacy and a way for you to connect in a way nothing else does. When that slows down considerably or just stops altogether, it’s not looking good for the couple.

11. Money issues

If you’re further along in the relationship—say, dating long term or married—money can become a huge problem.

When money is tight or you can’t decide how each person should be spending their money, it leads to arguments and stress… also known as a recipe for a quick break up.

12. Isolation from a social life

Ding! Ding! Another one that hits home for a lot of people. For example, a girl might have a boyfriend who decides he doesn’t like her friends because they are a “bad influence”—AKA: he doesn’t like that they go out and have fun without him there.

She might become so isolated that he is the only person she ever really talks to or sees and she can go stir crazy! [Read: 15 signs of codependency to know if you’re being taken for granted]

13. Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem on either part can lead to enormous relationship issues and can be a real cause for why healthy relationships end. You feel bad about yourself despite their efforts to make you feel good, you worry they’ll leave you for someone better—and more.

This causes you or your partner to be unhappy and one *or both* of you will probably want to end things. [Read: How your self-respect affects you and the relationships you’re in]

14. Jealousy

This is one of the most common reasons that couples head to splitsville. Although it does relate to having trust and insecurity issues, it is in a category by itself because it exceeds the limits of both.

When you or your partner is always jealous and causes you to change to fit what they think is appropriate *friends, clothes, hair, shoes—ANYTHING* then resentment builds up, and finally, someone ends things because they just can’t take it anymore. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it together]

15. Selfishness

All humans are selfish to some degree. It’s just a survival instinct to be that way.

However, some people take it to the extreme. If one or both partners are selfish and only want to get their way – and never compromise – then that is bad for any relationship.

Both partners need to put their partner’s needs at least equal to – if not before – their own. If they don’t do that, then resentment will build up until even the best of relationships end. [Read: Selfishness in relationships – 15 tips to do the right thing]

16. Lack of effort

After people are together for a while, they tend to get lazy, which is another major reasons relationships end. They stop putting in the effort, doing little things *or big things* to make their partners happy. The thing they don’t realize is that relationships need constant love and attention.

Think of a relationship like a plant. If you don’t water it on a regular basis, it will wither away and die. The same is true for relationships. [Read: How to make your relationship way stronger and last longer]

17. Addictions

Anyone can get addicted to anything – it doesn’t have to just be drugs or alcohol. They can be addicted to video games, shopping, gambling, or just about anything else under the sun. 

When someone is addicted, that means that most of their time and attention goes toward their addiction and not their relationship.

They might not even think they have a problem because it’s “just a video game” or it’s “just shopping.” But if it’s interfering with your relationship, then it’s a problem. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

18. Too much fighting

There is no couple in the world that doesn’t have some differences that will result in conflict. Conflict in and of itself is not inherently bad. But if you don’t have the right skills for how to work through your problems effectively, it can damage the romance and end even a perfect relationship.

Avoiding problems or competing to “win” arguments are very detrimental to the health of a relationship. If the two people don’t work as a team, then the fighting will eventually break them up. [Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship + 16 steps to really talk]

19. Different love languages

There are five different love languages according to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book about the topic. They are: (1) words of affirmation (2) touch (3) quality time (4) giving of gifts and (5) acts of service. 

So, if one of you wants to hear “I love you” from their partner to feel loved, but their partner gives them gifts instead, it will make them feel unloved.

When people have different love languages, they don’t understand each other’s attempts and giving and receiving love. [Read: Feeling unloved – 21 ways we feel less loved and how to feel love again]

20. Religious or political differences

They tell people to never talk about religion or politics on a first date. Well, that’s not very good advice. The reason for this is that the values that stem from these two topics are very core to who a person is.

If someone is Catholic and they are with someone who is Jewish, there might be a lot of clashes of viewpoints. The same is true for someone who is very liberal with a conservative partner. While you can try to not have it affect your relationship, it typically does, and it is a big reason relationships end.

21. Lack of personal responsibility

In order for couples to work through their problems, they both have to take personal responsibility for their actions. They can’t constantly blame their partner without looking at themselves and figuring out how their actions led to the condition of the relationship.

Unfortunately, too many people don’t like taking personal responsibility. It’s just too easy to point the finger at their partner, but usually, it takes two people to ruin a relationship. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in a relationship and learn]

22. Age differences

It might seem romantic to have a large age difference. And at first, it might not seem like a big deal at all. However, if there is a huge age gap – like more than 10 years – then, the two people practically grew up in different eras. This can affect the quality of the relationship.

Think about how it will be as time goes on. They will always be in different stages of their lives.

Maybe one has grown children, and the other still wants to start a family. Or when the older one is elderly, the younger one would have to take care of them. [Read: When does age difference in a relationship matter?]

23. Narcissism

Narcissism is an extreme form of selfishness. While most of us are selfish from time to time, narcissists are always selfish and never think about other people’s feelings, wants, needs, or desires. They lack any type of empathy whatsoever.

On the surface, the relationship may be good and seemingly healthy, but it really isn’t. This leads to emotional and mental games or abuse, which leads to the demise of a relationship. [Read: 20 signs of a narcissistic relationship that’ll destroy you slowly]

The confusing thing about narcissists is that they don’t always show themselves in the beginning. They appear to be just as charming and kind as a normal person. But over time, their real character reveals itself.

Not all relationships are good even if they appear to be

It’s not easy to understand why good relationships end, especially if you don’t learn to see the little details that can tear two people apart. To you, a relationship may appear perfect on paper. But when you look closely, you’ll see that there were always tiny cracks that were just waiting to get bigger and break the foundation of a relationship.

So if you’re wondering why a good relationship ends without warning, always remember to focus on these subtle signs and discuss them as soon as you can.

[Read: 34 big red flags in a relationship most people completely ignore early in a relationship]

Relationships have a ridiculously high failure rate and these common reasons happen to be the culprit behind their demise. If you want to avoid the reasons why good relationships end, avoid these at all costs!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...