Breaking up sucks. But what sucks more? Learning how to break up when he doesn’t want to, because, seriously, what are you going to do?
Let’s just get one thing straight. Regardless of what side you’re on, breaking up sucks. If you’re planning on breaking up with your partner, it takes a lot of deep thought, time, and courage to take this hard step. Of course, you know it’s for the best, but it’s hard when you care for that person. And even harder when you have to figure out how to break up when he doesn’t want to.
I remember my first break up. I told him that I saw him as more of a brother than anything romantic. Okay, cut me some slack, I was sixteen. If it makes you feel any better, he’s now married with a baby. See? He survived. [Read: 15 of the worst things you can say during a breakup]
How to break up when he doesn’t want to break up with you
Now, here’s what’s even worse. After breaking up with him, he just didn’t get it. In his head, he thinks you just need a couple days of space to chill and everything will be cool by the weekend. In other words, he’s not taking your feelings seriously.
Maybe you’re not telling him straight up, but rather beating around the bush and laying down small hints. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to break up with you. This doesn’t mean you need to stay with him because he feels that way, it just means that you need to try a different tactic. And you thought breaking up was going to be easy.
#1 Think about the relationship. You need to be prepared. Before you sit down to officially break up with him, think about what you’re going to tell him. Why do you want to break up with him? What’s the reason? He’s going to ask you and that’s when you’re going to have to be ready with a response that doesn’t sound like you read it out of a self-help book. [Read: How to know if you’re truly not in love anymore]
#2 Think ahead. You know him pretty well, I hope, so you know how he’s going to respond when you tell him you want to break up. Of course, he’s not going to like it, but he’s going to approach the situation in a specific way.
Will he cry, yell, or start listing off reasons why you’ll never find anyone better than him? You’re the only one who knows. So, prepare for how he’s going to react and stay firm in your decision.
#3 You have to be honest. Listen, I know you read some articles and they probably told you to use the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Come on, you know that isn’t going to work. This is someone you care about, so you’re going to have to be honest with them, they deserve that, no? He may see that it’s over but he wants justification, he wants to know why. This is your chance to tell him why. [Read: How to break up with a guy without a messy struggle]
#4 Be firm about breaking up. He’s going to try every trick in the book if he doesn’t want this to end. And there will be a moment when you’re going to reconsider your decision, especially when he tells you that he’ll change. I should start by saying that he won’t change. He’s just not going to change.
#5 Be calm. There’s no reason for you to be angry, you’re the one ending the relationship. You may be sad, but you’re talking with them not to start a fight but to peacefully end this relationship saga. There’s no need to yell or cry. What you need to focus on is saying what’s on your mind and making sure he gets it.
#6 Keep the conversation short. When it comes to figuring out how to break up when he doesn’t want to, this doesn’t have to be some dramatic saga that appears on daytime television. You need to keep the conversation short. Firstly, because this is going to be exhausting so save yourself some energy. Secondly, your ex is going to be anxious and upset, so he’s not going to be hearing half of the things you say to him. Keep the conversation short and the sentences short as well. [Read: 12 of the worst ways to break up with someone who loves you]
#7 Make sure you said it all. You don’t want to be the one that reaches out to him because you didn’t have your closure. This is your moment to tell him everything you ever wanted to say about the relationship. Of course, don’t be cruel, you’re not trying to kick him down.
This is your moment to be completely honest and tell him what was wrong in the relationship. He can use this information in the next relationship he goes into.
#8 Stand up. When you’re done talking and he’s done talking, stand up. If you continue sitting you’re allowing the conversation to continue. Really, there’s nothing more to talk about. By standing up you’re showing that the conversation is coming to an end and you’re serious about your decision. [Read: 18 breakup lines you can use for a mess-free breakup]
#9 Don’t communicate with him after. I know you’re going to creep his social media to see if he found someone new, which is fine, I’ve done it. But don’t contact him or start liking his photos suddenly just to get his attention. Let the poor guy move on, you’re the one who’s playing the games now. After you break up with him, cut the contact. He needs time to process this and you need time as well, even though you don’t realize it. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]
#10 Don’t leave him hopeful. I did this once because I was too scared to end the relationship. Instead, I told him that maybe in a couple of months we could try it out again which was a horrible idea. Because you know what happens? They wait. They will wait and wait and wait because you gave them the impression that this is an emotional phase that’ll pass. It won’t pass, it’s over.
#11 Don’t bad mouth him. I know there were things he did that pissed you off, but once you’ve spoken to him and ended the relationship don’t bad mouth him. You want the relationship to end on nice terms, be the bigger person. Just because you’re single now, doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful.