Relationships are never easy. Anything involving two people is a challenge. When you’re in a relationship, you never really know what the other person thinks. However, through actions, you see when someone isn’t feeling the relationship and thinking, should we break up?
[Read: How to rekindle love – 25 ways to spark romance and fall in love again]
Who said breaking up was easy? But there are signs. So, if you’re asking yourself, should we break up? you need to ask yourself why that question keeps popping up.
There is no communication between you. Your partner is going to a party tonight? You didn’t even know. Yeah, well, it’s not because they forgot to tell you. Maybe they don’t feel the need to tell you. It’s not like they want you to go with them. [Read: 18 emotions you just shouldn’t feel in a happy relationship]
If there’s no more sex, you’ve transitioned into the brother and sister phase of the relationship, or as most people call it – roommates. You’re now roommates that occasionally look at each other while eating dinner. That’s it.
Don’t get us wrong, couples experience phases; however, at some point, you must ask yourself—is this a phase or a permanent transition? [Read: Relationship feels like friendship? 27 reasons why and the art of dirtying it up]
If you find more happiness feeding the pigeons on your balcony, it’s time to sit down and evaluate your relationship.
Relationships have their downs, but they’re supposed to make you feel joy and happiness. If you gain nothing positive from the relationship, take a close look at it.
Yeah, yelling at your partner because they left the ketchup bottle out is obviously hiding a deep issue. Examine what causes you two to bicker with each other. It’s not the small things, there’s something huge hiding behind it. [Read: The 80/20 rule in relationships and why it’s so important for happy love]
You used to talk about moving in together. Now that’s a topic that never comes up. What happened to the goals you made together? Without mutual goals, how will the relationship progress? This automatically answers your question, should we break up. If you see no future together, can you have a future together?
People go through a dry patch in the bedroom but still maintain affection. When your partner stops hugging you or holding your hand, something is wrong.
Affection is necessary for a relationship. We would say it’s even more important than sex. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
Most people acknowledge a good-looking person when they see one. However, they’re not slipping them their number or giving them mad eye contact if they’re in a relationship. You don’t need them. However, if you are, then you’re clearly looking for something new.
You’ve done couples counseling and everything your therapist tells you to do goes in one ear and out the other.
Relationships are hard work, so if you’re not willing to put the work in, maybe they’re not worth it enough for you.
If you’ve cheated on your partner, you need to ask yourself why. The phrase, once a cheater, always a cheater, is something some people don’t agree with. There are numerous reasons why people cheat. It may be they aren’t the right one for you. [Read: Tempted to cheat? 15 reasons why being faithful is so hard]
When you fight, neither of you takes ownership of your side of the fight. This shows immaturity in your lack of taking responsibility. Now, your partner is also guilty of this. If you blame each other constantly, this is not a mature relationship.
Though you may live together, it certainly doesn’t look like it. You’re lucky if you see your partner once a week. So, between yoga classes and going out with friends, how are you going to fit them into your schedule? If that’s how it is, then you should reconsider the two of you.
You used to sit at the dinner table and discuss anything and everything. Now, you’re lucky if your partner asks you about your day. What happened to the verbal communication between you two? [Read: 20 honest reasons and sgns why you’re bored with your relationship]
If you look for jobs across the country just to move away from your partner, that’s not a good sign. You should never want to find a way out of a relationship unless you don’t think you should be in it.
Laughing is a huge part of the relationship. It shows the emotional connection you have together. If there’s no more laughing, it looks like the connection between you and your partner is dwindling. Now, you can fix this–if you want. [Read: How to fix a broken relationship and 19 tips to make it last]
If you openly talk about breaking up with your partner to your friends, you’re already past the point of no return. Thinking about it when you argue is one thing, but to constantly think about it to the point of advertising it, is another.
If you find yourself feeling like you’re caught in a maze and can’t breathe, well, that’s not the feeling of love. That’s being lost and suffocated with negative emotion.
Relationships shouldn’t make you feel like you’re being choked with a pillow. They’re supposed to make you feel like you’re flying. [Read: All the signs you’re trapped in a troubled relationship]
Listen, if you’re already questioning what you should do, then you already have a feeling something isn’t right. It’s time to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself if this relationship is worth salvaging.
When you’re in love, you should miss your partner when you aren’t with them. But if you find that you don’t even think about them when they are gone, then you should probably not be with that person.
And if you are almost relieved when they are not around, then you have your answer to that question, “should we break up” – it’s yes. [Read: How to recognize the signs that he doesn’t miss you or even care anymore]
If you’re looking at every little bad habit they have with disgust, then that’s not a good sign. It could be anything from they left their socks on the floor to how they chew their food. If every little thing they do is grating on your nerves, you aren’t in love with this person anymore.
For some reason, people think this is okay. Breaking up, getting back together… breaking up again, getting back together.
If it wasn’t working for you so much that the two of you broke up, then why would you think it would work when you get back together? Unless you both make significant changes, then you will never make it work. [Read: On and off relationship and all the signs why you should never stay in one]
If you’re the only one initiating dates, sex, or simply just seeing each other and spending quality time together, then you might as well be in a relationship by yourself.
Both people need to put in equal amounts of effort into a partnership or else it won’t work. So, if you have a relationship that is a one-way street, then the relationship will not survive. [Read: 19 Signs of a taker in a relationship – Are you a giver or a taker?]
Whether they did something big to make you not trust them *like cheating* or something smaller, if you feel like you can’t trust your partner anymore, then that is a relationship-ending thing.
Relationships should be built on the foundation of trust. So, if the trust is gone, then you have nothing to rebuild on. [Read: 18 foundations of a relationship that separate the good and the bad]
Maybe when you first started dating you had a lot in common. Perhaps you were both students at the same school and had mutual friends.
But as the years passed, you find more and more that you can’t really relate to one another anymore. You’ve grown apart, and not together. It’s time to break up.
This is one of the biggest signs that you should break up. Therapists say that they can help almost any couple reconnect except for the ones who have stopped caring.
Apathy is the kiss of death when it comes to a relationship. So, whether it’s you, your partner, or both of you who stopped caring, then you are doomed. [Read: Emotionally detached? 15 signs they don’t care about your feelings]
Maybe you have a conservative view on politics, and they have a very liberal one. Or you are a Christian, and they are Jewish. Maybe it didn’t bother you at the beginning of the relationship, but as time went on, it’s becoming more and more of a problem. You need to have similar values and world views for a relationship to survive.
Abuse is a definite deal-breaker in any relationship and is a reason to immediately break up. You should never, ever tolerate any emotional, mental, or physical abuse in a relationship.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. So if there’s any kind of disrespect from either one of you, it’s time to end the relationship ASAP.
Every couple fights from time to time. But if you find that the only time you are “communicating” with one another is because you are fighting, then that is extremely toxic.
Relationships should be a safe place to fall, not where you are afraid to talk because it might lead to a knock-down, drag-out fight. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re fighting too often]
If any of your needs are going unmet, then that is a bad sign and you might need to break up. It could be any need such as sex or simply having a good conversation. If you feel like you are empty and are completely unfulfilled in your relationship, then that is no way to live.
If you have decided that it’s best to end your relationship, then here are some steps you can take. [Read: How to break up with someone you love – 18 steps and the words you need to use]
Obviously, you need to talk to your partner. Start the conversation by saying positive things about them and your relationship.
You don’t want to start off attacking them, especially if this is going to be a surprise to them or if it will hurt.
If they are blindsided by the fact that you want to break up, take the time to listen to their side of the story. Maybe they have things to say that will change your mind.
Either way, they deserve your time and respect since you are the one doing the breaking up.
Don’t beat around the bush just to soften the blow because they might not get the hint that this is an actual breakup. So, don’t say things like “I need some space” or “I need time alone” or “Let’s take a break.”
These are all wishy-washy and your partner can misinterpret them. So, be honest and direct and say you want to break up. [Read: How to break up when he doesn’t want to – the step-by-step guide]
If you’re living together, then you will need an exit strategy. Who is moving out? What about the lease or the mortgage payment?
If you have kids, what are you going to tell them? Even if you don’t live together, you should set ground rules for things like communicating with each other in the future. [Read: The top 20 reasons for divorce most couples completely overlook]
Maybe you have decided that you want to try to fix the relationship instead of breaking up. If so, that’s fine. It’s totally up to you and your partner.
Here is what you should do if you want to rebuild your relationship.
It might just be you who isn’t happy, or maybe it’s both of you. But you need to lay everything out on the table.
What are your problems? How did the relationship get to this point? What can you do differently to be happier? These are questions you need to ask each other. [Read: How to fix a relationship that is falling apart and rebuild it again]
After you have talked about all of the negative things that have been bothering both of you, then you need to work on forgiveness.
Rekindle your love by remembering all the things you used to like about your partner and your relationship.
If you find that the two of you can’t fix the relationship by yourselves, then it’s always a good idea to try to find a professional that can help you. Sometimes, an outside person can see things you don’t and they will help you rebuild your relationship.
[Read: 20 best questions to ask someone you’re breaking up with to get complete closure]
Everyone knows that breaking up is hard, and contemplating the “should we break up” question is harder. But the faster you start taking control and stop living in denial, the easier it’ll be. But we have confidence that you can do it.
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